


Consumption

by posieslovey



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Adult&Minor Relationship for a short time, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Flashbacks, Not All Character Personalities are Canon, OC is a big girl, POV Changes, Panic Attacks, Sexual Harassment, Slow Burn, Smoking, Struggles with weight, Suggestive Harrasing Dialogue, smoke play
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:27:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 17
Words: 103,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29112291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/posieslovey/pseuds/posieslovey
Summary: Tenshi Ito (Angel) dropped out of the Karasuno girls volleyball team in the middle of her first year, due to alarming circumstances, yet she still practiced and played with her local neighborhood association.She became an all around player for them, taking on relationships with Karasuno alumni Yūsuke Takinoue and Makoto Shimada, them eventually influencing Coach Ukai to watch her play.To which he hesitantly scouted her on his team.But she didn't know her growing relationships with the members of the club would put stress on all her problems, illuminating her past and why she dropped out of volleyball in the first place.(Story will include 18+ content so please be cautious)
Relationships: Sawamura Daichi/Original Female Character(s), Ukai Keishin/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	1. One

I watched Shimada fidget with the ball across the court, placing his fingertips on and off of the leather. I couldn't figure out what his problem was from so far away. It'd been about thirty minutes since the match started and he kept messing up receives and spikes and now it was his turn to serve.

He was scowling at my side of the net, finding his spot where he would settle his attack.

I wanted to call time, just so I could give him a breather, especially since the neighborhood team only gathered once a week to play a couple games.

Takinoue huffed beside me, placing his hands on his hips as he stared at his conflicted friend. "I wonder what his deal is." He murmured. He swiftly ducked under the net, not caring if the Referee had called time for us yet.

He stalked up to the server and wacked him right upside the head, making Shimada yelp and flail backwards. I smiled softly, only Takinoue knew how to deal with him and it was always amusing how he did.

They stood whispering to each other, bickering back and forth for about five minutes until Uchizawa cleared his throat shoving the two apart.

Uchizawa barely showed up for practice. He often only appeared when Coach Ukai did, with his younger kids he taught.

It was quite annoying only playing two on two's when he was gone, but the fact that he was here and we could play three on three's was a special occasion so I understood his want to start the game again.

My heart began racing thinking about playing, it always did. Practicing with the Karasuno alumni was very refreshing and it was a never ending challenge. They'd learned a lot more from each other than when they did when they were in actual highschool and I could tell that it really strengthened their friendships.

I played with them on and off after I dropped out of highschool volleyball because they already had six people and didn't want to make it an odd number.

But I officially joined the team after one of their members took some extended time off. They never really talked about him or mentioned his name so I assumed they still kept in touch.

It's been awhile since then and all five of them warmed up to me pretty easily. Mori, being the only one to constantly complain about having a girl on the team, but still walked me home when it got too dark.

When I first started with them, I didn't realize how inexperienced I was since I used to play for the girls volleyball team at Karasuno. They had way more attacks, and they all moved so diligently, watching the ball at all times, fighting to keep it in.

I felt pathetic so I began working with my brother and some of his friends that went to Wakutani after practices, because they were always a semi-finals team.

Nakashima, the captain of the boys team, taught me how to do different serves and how to predict where a spike was going. It only took a few weeks for me to lean off of them and start working on my own. Though, he still asked to practice sometimes.

I knew the neighborhood association weren't as good as them but I didn't go to Wakutani and delt with what I had.

I now felt equal to Mori and the others, I felt like apart of the team.

Takinoue and Shimada turned to me and I could feel their scrutinizing eyes, before they turned back to each other.

I wobbled on my feet, watching them through the net.

Did I do something wrong?  
Were they finally gonna kick me out?

After a few more minutes I worked up the nerve to go see what they had looked at me for. My chest was tight with nervousness and I squeezed my fist hoping to calm down.

"Hey guys," I said quietly. They looked down at me and I flinched. "Did I do something wrong?" I flustered, hiding behind a piece of hair that fell out of my ponytail. "Did you want to play two on two's with just the guys?"

Shimada stood up straight, alarmed. "What? No, of course not, Angel." He murmured softly.

I hated it when he did that. He acted like he was cautiously trying not to scare a small animal.

Well, I suppose I didn't give him much reason not too.

Takinoue rested a hand on my shoulder, nudging me toward the bench, with Shimada and Uchizawa in tow.

Was this about Shimada messing up all day?  
And what did it have to do with me?

I stumbled into the steel seat, and grunted. "Come on, guys, I have to go back to school soon what do you want?" I whined, plucking Takinoue's hand off of me.

All three of them stood over me, looking at one another, silently begging for someone to speak.

Shimada rolled his eyes, pushing the other two behind him. His gaze propped on me. "I want you to talk to Coach Ukai." He declared, his finger attacking my forehead with a poke. "I want you to ask to play for his team." He added, Takinoue nodding behind him.

I looked at Uchizawa for help but he only smiled and shrugged.

My eyebrows furrowed settling on top of my eyes. "But Ukai coaches middle schoolers."

I heard Mori laugh from where he stood on the court with another guy, "You could've let her down more easily, Shimada. You've gone and hurt her ego." He mused.

I'm so glad I couldn't see him past Uchizawa or else I probably would've charged at him.

I could only imagine what he looked like right now and it only made me mad.

I zeroed back in on Shimada, standing up. "What are you saying?" I snapped. "I'm not good enough for your rag tag team anymore?"

He reached up, scratching the back of his head with a smile. "You might be surprised but it's exactly the opposite." He retorted.

"And he's not talking about that Coach Ukai, he's talking about his grandson." Takinoue exclaimed, pushing Shimada out of the way. "Since this idiot was being vague. He coaches the Karasuno boys volleyball team and used to play with us before you joined."

My eyes widened, and my mouth went dry.

They want me to play with the boys at the highschool?

And there was another Ukai?

If this was a joke, it wasn't a good one. My chest couldn't handle the anxiety it felt. I heaved in a breath, my hand slipping under the collar of my shirt to press on my collarbone.

I chuckled, "Nice one, guys." I stammered out, slipping past them.

Ever since last year when I dropped out of the girls team, I always had such a bad way of interpreting things that were said to me and I told both Shimada and Takinoue that before I joined just so I didn't seem crazy.

I didn't get tested for whatever happened to me though because I've never really thought it was a big deal. But it was a really heavy burden to carry, having to overthink stuff constantly, having to listen to _every_ single word said to me and the tone it was presented in.

Takinoue took it more seriously than his friend did though since he suffered from something similar.

He held me back after my first practice and asked me questions about my life, and I assumed it was to understand me because he always said the right things to me when I was uncomfortable. So, it's easy to say I was closest to him than I was with the other guys.

Takinoue twisted me around, humming in dissatisfaction. "Tenshi, we aren't kidding, I promise." He whispered, pulling my hand from shirt to calm my nerves.

No matter how much he's helped, I know that my head will never let it rest and that in bed tonight it'll be the only thing I think about.

I peered at him through my lashes and sighed. "Well, can you just tell me why you want me to do this?" I muttered.

He grinned, pushing me inside the center that was there for bathrooms, and people waiting for rides and sat me down on a stiff armchair.

I hadn't realized how sweaty we both were until we both winced at the cool of the leather on the seats.

I couldn't help but laugh as he shoved his hands under his thighs to keep them warm.

He narrowed his eyes at me, a teasing frown on his face, but he quickly composed himself, growing serious.

"Do you know how good you are?" He inquired, reaching up to push his wet bleached hair off his forehead.  
"Like honestly."

I frowned up at him, thinking of all the times I've played with them.

I've never really thought about my skill like that. I only ever practiced because I wanted to be equal to them and I always fought to be better but that was a really hard question to answer.

I mean sure, I could score on them with ease, but it was because I knew how they played.

I clicked my tongue, shaking my head. "I'm good, I guess." I sighed, shrugging. "I worked hard to be as good as you guys but I wouldn't say that I'm skilled enough to be with the boys school team." I pondered what else to say, looking at my hands.

I remember seeing the team load up some bags into a cart to pull to the back of the school on the way here one time, and hearing something about them doing a training camp for a weekend. 

Seems like they undergo extreme training, if they do that, and I just could never amount to that, especially as a girl.

When Takinoue didn't say anything I lifted my head to find him glaring at me. "I assume you're joking, right?" He scowled, and I felt my heart contract.

He was about to rock my shit.

"Do you not comprehend how you play? You give us, guys who have played since we were kids, a hard time keeping up." He paused, a wheel turning in his head. "You have no problem playing any position, not to mention that you are phenomenal at all of them as well." His eyes washed over my face in desperation and I couldn't help but feel guilty for making him fret like this.

I flushed, adjusting in my chair to make myself look smaller but I knew with how tall I was it wasn't gonna work. "You don't have to say those things- "

He groaned, throwing his hands over his face. "Angel, I'm serious." He said, peaking at me through his fingers.

And as if he hadn't just been losing his mind over me, he sat up straight with a grin. "Let me walk you home." He insisted, reaching across the empty space between us to capture my arm in his hand.

I gasped as he tugged me toward the exit, ignoring my protest. "Put what about practice?" I shouted, stumbling over my feet.

He only hummed mockingly, pushing me in front of him. "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about." He boasted, marching down the street. "You must have gone mad!"

I rolled my eyes, chuckling up at him.

¤¤¤

Takinoue and I were almost to my street when he took a sudden turn down the street toward Karasuno.

I numbly remembered that I was supposed to be there in about thirty minutes for after school studying with a friend, but Takinoue had other plans.

After a moment of walking, he veered another turn.

The Sakanoshita market?

I glanced at him over my shoulder in confusion, but let him guide me into the shop nonetheless.

His hands on my shoulders were comforting and I leaned on them the whole time so when he let go I nearly toppled backward onto him.

He laughed, pushing me off making me fall forward onto the cool floor.

"You are so over-dramatic." His hand was on his stomach as he bent over cackling and I felt my cheeks warm up in embarrassment.

It didn't matter how much sensitivity he had to my problems, he made up for it by treating me like a sister, even though I already had an annoying brother I had to deal with sometimes.

I growled, shooting up to hit him on the chest. "You asshole-"

"What's going on here?" A voice snapped, aggressively slamming their hands on something.

Takinoue peered at them over my head, lightheartedly. "Sorry for the noise, Keishin, we just wanted to stop by before you had to leave." He apologized, turning me around by the shoulders.

My eyes rested on a bleached blonde, in a track suit. His eyes were squinted in irritation and a cigarette was propped between his lips. The undercut of his hair was brown and the top was pulled back with a headband, two silver earrings were placed on one of his ears which only added to my intimidation.

He looked like a younger version of Coach Ukai.

Dear god.  
This was Coach Ukai's grandson.

I bowed my head, my ponytail whipping down to hit me in the face. "I'm so sorry, Mr. Ukai!" I sputtered, teetering from one foot to the other.

It was one thing to learn of him just about an hour ago but to see him in the same day was really messing with my head.

My heart pounded as I heard him grimace at me. I probably looked pathetic, in volleyball shorts, a plain shirt, and a sweat plastered ponytail.

I can't believe I let Takinoue bring me here like this.

He shuffled from around the counter he had announced his presence with, until his shoes came into eye view from where I was bent over.

He cleared his throat,"Don't be stupid, stand up." He demanded, to which I immediately obliged.

Takinoue's hands came down on my shoulders again and he pulled me to his side. "Don't talk to her like that." He grunted, and Ukai's eyebrows shot to his hairline.

Takinoue's eyebrows rose as well, like he hadn't meant to say that out loud. He easily let go of me, and wiped his hands on his pants.

Why can't he just be nice and leave it at that?

Ukai brought his hands to his hips, "Alright, what do you want, I'm about to close up." He scowled, stalking over to a table.

We both followed him, carefully sitting as if afraid to set a bomb.

I couldn't help but stare at him as he took another drag from the little death stick before putting it out. He didn't look as old as Takinoue and Shimada, if anything he looked fresh out of highschool.

They murmured greetings to each other, their heads bent together excluding me. Their hair fluttered from the gust of air the fan above us provided, and as I watched them I couldn't help but wonder if they had bleached their hair together.

I smiled sheepishly at the thought and turned my head away, when they both looked up.

This Ukai was almost as scary as the older one too, so I couldn't maintain eye contact for to long before going red in the face.

"This is Tenshi Ito," Takinoue announced, but he sounded utterly ridiculous. "She's been playing with the neighborhood for about a year now."

Ukai narrowed his eyes at me,"A year? I only stopped playing three months ago." He griped, placing a hand on his chin.

I nodded, "I filled in when people weren't there." I mumbled, unsure as to why I didn't let Takinoue just talk.

He looked unconvinced as he sized me up with his eyes. "It's mighty inconvient that I've never seen you before." He commented suspiciously.

Takinoue leaned across the table, slapping Ukai on the forehead. "Shutup, man, just listen to me."

I half expected Ukai to toss the table and throw a fit but he only smiled at his friend.

"Why'd you stop playing for the school?" Ukai suddenly asked.

He knew didn't he?  
He just wanted to see what I would say.

Takinoue glanced at me, his eyes connecting with my tight ones. He placed a hand on my back, giving it a light pat. "Her knee gave out during a match and something else medically came up after that." He paused. "How did you know she dropped out?"

Ukai rolled his eyes,"She's in highschool playing with a bunch of 25 year old men, Takinoue. Use your brain once in awhile."

I felt my shoulders relax, and I let go of the breath I was holding.

_"It's a real shame your knee gave out, Angel."_

_"One of the best players **I've** seen shouldn't be on the bench."_

_"I won't be too long."_

Without waiting for a response from him, Ukai continued. "What does all of this have to do with me?"

Takinoue opened his mouth to answer but Ukai flourished a hand in front of his face to shut him up. "I want to hear it from Tenshi."

My fists clenched at my sides, and I shot a glare up at him. He knew I didn't want to talk and he was shoving it in my face.

His dark brown eyes held my own at his level as he watched me. I wanted to crumble into a pile of dust and blow away from how intense it was but I still held it just so I didn't look like a wimp.

You can do this, Tenshi.

"I want to play for the boy's volleyball team," I exclaimed, not too sure if I sounded confident.

I leaned back, squinting my eyes, "And I'd prefer if you called me Angel."

~~~~~~~~

Writing this was honestly so scary. I don't even know if it's good.


	2. Two

Ukai sputtered, nearly sending his chair flying as he stood up. He looked crazed as he stared down at me, chuckling to himself.

He was mocking me, and I knew it was only because I was a girl.

I knew this was a stupid idea

I felt myself flush and stood up as well, slapping away Takinoue's hand when he reached out for me.

Ukai covered his mouth, bending over to catch his breath.

How was this the Coach for Karasuno?

He wasn't even mature enough to turn me down nicely.

I moved around the table attempting to march up to him, "What's so funny, Coach-" but Takinoue caught me by the waist and pulled me back behind him. I slammed my fist into his fingers but he didn't budge and I sighed heaving heavily into his back.

I wanted to cry.

I still didn't understand what Shimada and the others saw in my ability. I found myself adequate enough to play but what did I have that they didn't? Other than the basic physical appearances.

Shimada mastered a jump float, being good enough at it to teach another kid.

Mori received everything given to him, and I've only seen him mess up on a jump float serve.

Uchizawa was an amazing middle blocker and kept the ball out of their court almost everytime.

And Takinoue was a very powerful spiker and I never have a doubt sending a ball his way.

Plus, they've never specifically complimented me before today. Could it be that they just wanted me off the team?

I probably brought them down a lot.  
I also noticed that Shimada was especially acting weird the past few games.   
He was probably finding an excuse to have me resign.

"If she's so ready to play for the school, why doesn't she just go back to the girls team?" Ukai asked, a smirk still on his face as he glanced between the both of us.

Takinoue smiled, not taking his mocking to heart. "We don't need to get into specifics right now, Keishin." He laughed, looking down at his friend.

Staring at the both of them side by side was quite odd. I could tell they had chemistry and were good friends but they looked so alike, although Takinoue was an inch or two taller.

"You just need to check her out on the court." He slapped him on the back and Ukai wasted no time retaliating with a blow to Takinoue's chest.

Ukai crossed his arms over his chest, stubbornly turning away. "I'll decide what I do and when I do it, got it?" He snapped, but after a moment he peaked over his shoulder at me, his eyes trailing me from head to toe.

I smiled discreetly, my hand coming over my mouth.

He was gonna cave in.

He's just like Shimada...he'd do anything for a friend.

He leaned over, groaning into an aisle of the empty shop, avoiding eye contact as he turned around. "You can come to the next practice in 15 minutes but don't be surprised if I don't want you back, alright?" He said, stalking away into the back room.

What a sucker.

Takinoue jumped up, throwing a fist in the air. "Oh yeah!" He shouted, he lightly landed on his feet, looking down at me. "I should become a lawyer, I'm literally so fucking awesome." He sang, and dug his knuckles into my hair.

He does one cool thing and thinks he can conquer the world.

I rolled my eyes, smacking his hand away. "Oh shutup, I'm not on the team yet."

¤¤¤¤

Takinoue stayed behind at the shop to close it up, Ukai convincing him that it was pay back for the favor he was doing for him. I wouldn't of had a problem with walking alone with him, but it was a little dark out and he'd already set a bad impression with me.

"If this is all big talk," he spoke up after a moment, glancing down at me. "I'm not gonna take it lightly and I don't expect those boys to either."

I felt my cheeks burn, that's so scary.

I didn't even _know_ if it was big talk or not.

He cleared his throat, indicating he wasn't done yet. "These kids have worked really hard to be where they are and if by some miracle I let you on this team," he turned, stopping me where I was. "Don't you dare go acting like a hotshot or I'll drop you without a thought." He grunted, shoving his hands into the pockets of his track jacket. He pulled off, walking again, but I couldn't seem to move.

I wanted to trust what Shimada and Takinoue said but I just couldn't shake the anxiety of walking in there and making a fool of myself.

I had confidently asked to be on the team because Takinoue had set it in my mind that I should have but it didn't compare to actually marching up to the school to practice.

I felt myself moving, searching for words to say but nothing came out.

Just say what you're feeling, you idiot.

Just talk.

"Coach?" I called out, wincing at the sound of my voice.

He turned around, his mean, dark eyes lowering down to me, pushing on me that he had just humbled me greatly.

I shuffled on my feet and my hand flew to my collarbone, pressing down harshly. "I don't know how good I am." I said quietly. "But I know that I just want to play volleyball that means something." I breathed out, my eyes propping up to his.

He considered me for a moment, then reached a hand out to pat my head. "Then I suggest you go in there and give it your best, Kid." He replied, twisting around to walk again.

Sweet lord, why am I so nervous?

He just encouraged me, but I still felt small and stupid as I towed after him like a lost puppy.

Playing lightheartedly with a group of middle aged men, games that didn't matter, was something I had grown so used to and even thinking about the prelims they were preparing for, where they only had one shot made hot sweat attack the back of my neck.

It was a due or die.

And I didn't _do_ due or die situations.

I liked being in control of knowing when I'd play again.

It wasn't long until we came into earshot of balls bouncing across the court of the gym, followed with lots of loud laughter and yelling. Coach shook his head, a small grin plastered on his face as he walked through the doors, flicking away the cigarette he had lit on the way here.

I stomped on it, scowling, before trailing up behind him.

Walking in my eyes immediately landed on Kiyoko, standing off on the sidelines with a smaller girl. She was in a sweatsuit, with her hair pulled back into a ponytail like mine.

I couldn't help but marvel at her, how was it that she was so beautiful in something I'd look so bad in?

Ukai grabbed me by the arm, shoving me in front of him. "I see you already know the team manager Kiyoko?" He mumbled, flicking me on the cheek when I slapped his hand off me.

I nodded, glaring up at him. "I've seen her in the second year hallways."

He only hummed, uninterested, moving across the court to a smaller guy with glasses.

Finally having the chance to look at the boys practicing. I washed over the court, unable to register a single one closely because they were all moving, except for Nishinoya who was in my class, playing libero as the others served to him.

His usual lifted hair was semi-flat from sweat and his blonde streak was completely pasted to his forehead. It was weird seeing him work so hard because all he did in class was goof off.

He squatted in the middle of the court, heaving for air. "Come on guys! This is nothing." He cackled, launching himself under a ball as it flew over the net. I barely saw his feet move before he shot it up back where it came from.

That's insane.

I could never dig something up like that.

I watched him in astonishment as he received a couple more.

I suppose that if he was too dumb to graduate, he would at least be able to make it as a volleyball player.

"Uh, who are you?"

It took me second to register that the person was talking to me. I looked down, straight at pair of hazel eyes, though I was more distracted by the fluff of ginger hair that completely took up my line of vision.

I frowned down at him. Was he a ball boy?

"I'm Tenshi," I said, holding out my hand to him which he happily took, shaking it aggressively. "I'm practicing with you guys today." I winced, tugging my fingers from his hand.

His eyes widened and he jumped up, "Oh my god! That's so cool, that's so cool." He grinned. "What position do you play? I play middle blocker but you might think that's a little weird because I am so," he crouched lower than he already was jumping from foot to foot. "Short, but I can guarantee that I can jump higher than any person over 6 foot." His hands landed on his hips as he cheesed with pride. "I'm just that good, you know?"

I could barely hear my own thoughts, no less his babbling.

My mouth dropped,"I- "

"Ginger! Leave her alone and gather the guys." Ukai yelled, pegging him with a volleyball and the small boy yelped. "Meeting time." He sighed, with a tiny smile.

It took about five minutes for all the boys and the two girls to surround me and Ukai.

I only recognized Noya, Tanaka, and the ginger from just a few moments ago.

The rest of them were completely foreign to me and it sort of freaked me out. We went to the same school but I couldn't even identify which years they were in.

My heart pounded as they watched me curiously.

I think I'm having a heart attack.  
What else could this feeling be, I literally couldn't get my breathing under control.

I stepped behind Ukai so I could at least calm myself before having to look at them again. This was all overwhelming. I woke up this morning thinking at I was gonna be at the Center all day but here I was in front of a group of boys that took this game much more serious than I did. Who was I to interrupt their practice like this? Why didn't I just suck it up and return to the girls team? I was making a big deal out of nothing.

Ukai shot an arm out over my shoulders as if he was fond of me and we had a friendship before this. "Alright boys, today's gonna be a little different." He announced, some of the guys already raising their hands but he ignored them. "We're gonna have, Miss Ito here practice with us today. She's been playing with my neighborhood team for awhile now, not to my knowledge." He grumbled, causing a couple to chuckle. "But I promised a friend I'd check her out and no better way to do that than with a whole bunch of volleyball freaks, right?"

They all collectively made faces at their coach, mumbling words under their breaths. Ukai only laughed at them ushering them to the court.

"What position do you play?" He said quietly as they all took their places on each side of the net. What a large team.

I shrugged, hugging my arms for comfort. "I play everywhere, I've never had a single spot."

He rolled his eyes, groaning. "What did you play before you dropped out?" The frustration in his voice caused me to bow my head guiltily.

"Yes, I'm sorry." And for some reason my mind went blank and I blurted out the only thing that rested on my tongue. "Defense."

Ukai visibly shuddered, his hands covering his face, "I'm gonna pretend," he breathed through his teeth. "So hard. Like I didn't hear that."

He turned away from me, shaking his head, and I felt my face burn. "Daichi! Come sit out, I'm letting her play left!" His eyes never wavered from the court. "That way you're able to do the full rotation."

¤¤¤¤

Nishinoya's eyes immediately locked on mine from the other side of the net, he looked like he was thinking hard about my presence. This was all very scary. Watching all these boys having fun with each other, knowing each other and I had to include myself by force to know what was going on.

I meekly peered off to the sidelines, hoping to catch Ukai's gaze but instead caught Daichi's.

Or at least I presumed it was Daichi.

His russet skin gleamed in the yellow lighting of the gym and his practice clothes stuck to him with sweat. I couldn't really see what his dark eyes were doing, but I just know they were on me. As were everyone's.

"Nice serve, Yamaguchi!" The orange hair shortie called out.

It only took a moment to hear the slap of the ball and the whisk of it over the net.

It wavered slightly and my eyes widened as I watched it go towards the tall guy, with the bun beside me. That must be the kid Shimada's coaching during his free time.

The brunette sputtered, deciding whether to go over hand or under. I launched myself behind him as it rammed into his arm and over his shoulder.

That serve was almost exactly like Shimada's.

I dove face first into the floor, my chest aching as I flattened against it. My eyes squinted, gaping at the ball as it hit the court just in front of my fingers.

I hit the floor with my fist, sighing into my arm as I stood up.

How useless.

I couldn't even back him up. I had the time. If had just used all the weight in my feet to jump a little farther.

I held my hand up excusing myself. "Sorry!" I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head. There's no way I'm getting on this team.

"Hey!" My eyes opened to a silver haired boy, he was smiling from ear to ear. "How did you even predict that?" He asked in astonishment.

Then Tanaka walked up behind him with a mischievous smirk. "Hey lady! Look at you! Trying to steal all the spotlight, huh?" He laughed, but the silver head hit him.

"I'm sure she has a name, you Idiot." He scowled.

"Yeah, it's Tenshi," Tanaka sneered. "At least I had the decency of knowing that, _Suga_."

So that was his name.

"Oh, you make me so angry some-"

Ukai stalked up to the tall guy beside me, and threw his hands in the air. "You've been practicing receiving those for weeks! Don't start messing up just because a lady's around, goddamnit."

Man bun shuddered back, bowing his head, but Ukai wasn't having it and marched away. "Daichi switch with Asahi!"

We got ready again, the ginger shouting out 'nice serve' once more.

It shot over the net again, straight into the gap between me and Ennoshita. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Daichi watching me, testing to see what I would do.

It lit a fire in me.

I get that playing with a girl was odd but I came here to practice _with_ them. The only person who was allowed to have it out for me was Ukai.

I tossed my feet out from under myself, landing on my stomach again. This time the ball hit off the base of my arm straight to Suga who set it for Tanaka.

My heart jumped as it screeched across the floor, Tanaka spiking it right between Noya and the Server.

I shot up pivoting on my heel to look at Daichi, sarcastically raising my eyebrows to see if I had pleased him.

He shot me an incredulous look, before twisting to talk to Suga.

"Your serve, Tenshi." Tanaka threw the ball at me, with a grin, throwing his thumb up as well.

I wish everyone just knew to call me Angel.

That name sat better with me.

As the ball engulfed my hand I thought about what Shimada always told me about jumping into the serve.

_"The ball won't do any kind of damage unless your palm is solid and your back is arched to attack."_

I inhaled through my nose, dribbling the ball for a second. My eyes landed on the corner right beside Kinoshita, another kid from my class.

I could always land those perfectly right there.

I tossed the ball up in the air, high, so it gave me enough time to run forward.

I heard a gasp from Tanaka, as I jumped up and slammed it.

That felt good, please stay in.

Kinoshita barely moved an inch before the ball bounced of the corner, and into the arms of Kiyoko who held no expression as she stared at me from across the court.

There was no reaction time for the rest of the boys as Ukai yelled out in surprise. "Who the hell do you think you are!" He shouted, flailing his arms as he ran up to me. "Most of these boys can't even do a jump serve, where the world did you learn that? Well, probably from those two numbheads, Takinoue and Shimada. But that doesn't matter, did you mean to get the right corner?" He pressed, his hands shoving away some the boys that tried to interrupt as they all surrounded me.

I nodded, peaking through my lashes up at him, afraid to look at anyone else.

I knew I wanted to impress him for Takinoue and the others but I wasn't so sure as the excitement in his eyes shone so bright. Sometimes I had really off days and I just really didn't know what I would do if I had to face their judgement for that.

"L-let me practice a bit more before you decide anything. I've barely started." I said quietly.

¤¤¤¤

By the end of practice all the boys had introduced themselves to me. Daichi a bit more curt than the others since we didn't start out so good.

Suga just suggested that it was because he wasn't in a good mood but it looked like it was because of me.

The short ginger I learned was Hinata and the tall guy that was beside me is Asahi.

His long hair did suit the name.

I think I was more flustered introducing myself to Kiyoko and Yachi though. They were both so beautiful and both hugged me instead of bowing. I was so embarrassed especially since I knew I smelled, but they held smiles on their faces none the less.

Takinoue showed up red in the face at some point as well, talking it up with the advisor Takeda.

I was now walking home with him, both of us quiet due to the still of the night.

I truly didn't want to talk. My heart had been pounding since the minute I walked into that gym, and not for one second did it have mercy on me and slow down. So I did my best to keep from looking at him because if I did he would attempt to make me laugh in some way.

After that serve I did, I didn't make a single mistake afterwards, unless you say calling Kinoshita 'Ennoshita' a couple times a mistake. I went around the rotation a few times too but Ukai always moved me right when I was able to spike saying he wanted to save that for tomorrow.

Simple hearing the word 'tomorrow' come out of his mouth made me want to throw up right there and then. But luckily I hadn't eaten breakfast this morning or else he would've been spewed with old cereal.

Somewhere inside of me hoped he would've just said no to me, so I didn't have to face the feelings I felt today again. But I had no right to self pity, I walked straight into it without thinking.

But I did want to wallow in the never ending insults and aggressiveness Ukai so generously tossed my way after Takinoue stayed behind.

_"Don't you dare go in there acting like a hotshot or I'll drop you without a thought."_

It sounded so similar to him that it was all I could think about as Takinoue and I stepped up to my porch.

_"If anyone finds out I'll have you off the team."_

Takinoue slid a hand over my shoulder with a smile, but quickly retracted it with a grimace at my dirty shirt.

"Keishin told me you did well," he murmured. "You played just as good as the other boys. And I hope you know that's very good, Angel." He looked down at me, his eyes shining. "I want you to know that you do have a chance to get on this team."

I felt my eyes flutter guiltily, "Takinoue.." I said meekly. "I'm not sure I want to be on this team." I paused when his eyes widened. "The way Ukai talks to me.. It's too much like my old team a-and I'm not sure if I can take it."

Takinoue sighed, reaching up to run a hand through his hair. He was quiet for second, like he was picking through choices of what to say.

"I'm sure you're scared," his eyes fell to the floor. "But you need to be a highschooler and not decide your future by playing with us, we hold you back." He furrowed his eyebrows like he was in pain. "I mean, of course you can still play with us sometimes, but you need a team that'll back you up at all times. That will understand you." I could tell that Shimada asked him to say this to me. Takinoue would never let me go like this.

I shuddered under his eyes and nodded. I can't just make excuses for myself, he was right.

"Fine," I replied stubbornly. "But I want you coming to the practice tomorrow."

He smiled softly, obviously still in the mood of what he'd just said. "Of course, Dummy."

He opened the door for me, pushing me inside gently, nodding at me when I closed the door.

I didn't waste anytime changing and climbing into bed, sighing into my pillow in frustration.

There was no way I was gonna get on the team, but I _had_ to try for Takinoue and Shimada.


	3. Three

_Wild black hair._

_I stared at her through the net, my heart contracting as she sneered at me. Her tattooed arms rested at her sides, ready to reach out and connect with anything, but her eyes only stayed on mine._

_Ueno knew I was getting tired. She was going to use it against me._

_My surroundings were going in and out of focus, I could barely acknowledge the hair that was in my eyes. I could only feel the way my thighs wanted collapse down around my feet, the way they wanted to rest._

_It burns. It hurts so bad._

_"Angel! It's yours!"_

_What? I wasn't paying attention._

_I threw myself to the side, squatting into the floor, the base of my wrist taking the blow of the impact, grunting at the power._

_That couldn't have been anyone else but her._

_I was her equal._

_We were the ace's._

_I couldn't spike so I had to let the next wing spiker get the point. They hit onto the opponents finger tips, knocking it into their territory on a failed block. Set point._

_I nodded my head unable to cheer anymore. That was a lucky shot. She was aiming for me so I couldn't get the point but she did that without knowing the rest of my girls could handle themselves just fine._

_Her mistake._

_It was now my serve and almost everytime my serve had weeded out her weakness against it. She was nothing against my control._

_My turn to sneer._

_I blew hot air out onto the ball, my own good luck ritual._

_I glanced at my setter, her eyes stilled when we connected, her eyebrows raised in anticipation. She was the only third year._

_I had to get this last point for her. We couldn't lose on our first tournament._

_I tossed the ball up and watched as it spinned before running forward throwing my hand back aggressively. This will go straight to the upper right hand corner, directly out of her tattooed reach._

_I felt my feet leave the court as I flew up. Then my palm met the ball. Perfect._

_Almost perfect, I could've jumped higher but my legs wouldn't let me._

_I could see everything from my spot in the air, I could see the Karasuno banner and the cheer squad that stood behind it, their hands pressed to their mouthes waiting to see whether I failed or not. I could see the other teams that were waiting their turn to play. I could see my coach glaring at me with his cold green eyes and the sub card with my number on it, that he held in a clenched fist._

_The ball whisked over the net, falling short just beside her._

_Ueno will not put her dirty fingers on my serve, I won't let it happen. She shouted out, her feet coming out from under her, her hair wrapping around her neck with sweat. She was so beautiful as she fell, her fingers just barely touching the volleyball while it slipped past her to the floor. Her teammates stared at her, afraid of interfering, but maybe if they had... that last point wouldn't have been mine._

_Coming back to the floor felt almost orgasmic, I could feel my mouth opening to cheer but when my right foot landed on the court my body came down with it. It was all in slow motion and I could feel everything, the pop coursed through me causing a cry to leave me. I watched my leg slide the wrong way, my eyes squeezing shut with pain._

_Make it stop._

_My girls didn't have time to celebrate as I curled up into a ball, screaming. Emica was first at my side, her libero jersey hurting my eyes as I looked up crying for help._

****

I shot up, the fan on my low ceiling having no mercy on the sweat that engulfed me, making me shudder back into my damp bed. I peaked under the covers at my bare legs, eyeing my right one which had a large, angry pink scar on the side of the knee. I felt my eyes water as I remembered the excruciating pain I went through, the scar only looking at me mockingly.

A heavy shiver ran down my spine, my hands shoving the blankets of my body.

I looked at my clock, squinting at the red numbers. 4:17 am.

Ukai said I didn't have to come to morning practice, and I almost interrupted him saying I wasn't gonna come, but there was no burning under my eyelids asking for more sleep as I sat there on the verge of crying from a dream. I slivered off my bed and onto my cool wooden floor, sighing into the brisk air.

I should just go, I have nothing better to do, and I could already tell my head would be against me today. Maybe, coming to morning practice would excuse my appearance for afternoon practice. I lightened up at the thought, nearly slipping as I sprinted for the shower, but doubled back to my room for clothes.

All the boys yesterday were really kind, especially Tanaka, it was like he finally had excuse to talk to me though it was really the other way around. He often made me laugh when I saw him the in the second year hallways, and I've always thought he was too cool to talk to, but as I played with him yesterday I found out it was definitely the opposite. He was just a douche with a buzzcut, and the times he's made me laugh were flukes, but he none the less made me feel better.

The only one that had a problem with me was Daichi, and I think it might've been over me taking his spot and them testing him with my snarky looks after every play I made. But to my defense he was doing the same thing, but adding little mutters here and there under his breath, so essentially I was only retaliating.

Dang.

My excuse is that he started it first.

He did have the decency to shake my hand and bow, but he also blew it up by emphasizing that he was the Captain to scare me, which did kind of but at the time I only rolled my eyes.

I could also count Tsukishima apart of the not liking me squad, but he really just teased me the whole time for showing up looking like a flustered, homeless person. Often calling me ugly, which only made me more flustered, flourishing apologies for showing up as raggedy as I did, to which he would only roll his eyes, his sidekick Yamaguchi reassuring me that he was only joking several times.

Yamaguchi, I learned, was in fact, the kid Shimada was teaching, and Yamaguchi praised me the whole practice for it, claiming he wish he had the experience of working with older volleyball players. His wishes to be a better player set a flame in my heart and I nearly melted listening to him talk. He was so cute and there was just so many differences between him and his bestfriend which only showed that Tsukishima was a softie and he only put on a hard face.

I smiled at the thought as I stepped out of the shower, slipping on a pair of new practice clothes. I stared at myself in the mirror, it felt like lately I haven't been able to, so the heavy bags under my boring brown eyes caused me to jump, swearing softly.

My reflection didn't look like that a day ago, I looked heavier and I was already big. I pulled my shirt around myself from the back so it looked tight on my stomach and I almost immediately grimaced as it creased into places like I didn't know it was gonna do that. How was I this big?

I took a deep breath letting go of my shirt, turning away from the glass.

Well, that was a terrible way to start my day.

I stomped downstairs instinctively weaving through the living room to the kitchen, my mother humming softly while cooking something. Completely forgetting about the restroom, I smiled sliding onto a matt at the dining table.

My mother visibly brightened at the sight of me," Ah, Angel," My shoulders relaxed at the sound of my nickname. "I got to talking with Takinoue last night, he stayed right there on the porch until I got home, so sweet right?"

I started at that, choking on nothing. "He did what?"

She thought nothing of my alarm, " Oh yeah. He mentioned something about you playing with the boys team," She turned with a closed eyed smile. "That Coach Ukai character is such a sweetheart for allowing that, isn't he?" It wasn't a true question because she just continued talking, dallying the scoop she was using in the pan in the air. "Takinoue, of course, used those silly Japanese play names, though he did change it up and call me Chibi this time." She chuckled out, finally pulling her pan off the stove.

I rolled my eyes at the thought of that freak flirting with my mom, "He just thinks he can do that because you're American."

Her eyes fell to me, " I know that." She giggled, and she popped a hip out, pushing a chunk of egg into a bowl in front of me. "Just wait until your father comes home, he won't be waiting outside like that long after, now I ensure that."

I shoved the bowl away from me into her spot, muttering an apology. "I have to get going," I looked up at her frown and my stomach twisted in guilt. I grabbed my chopsticks, sticking them in my rice and egg, then shoving some in my mouth. I took off upstairs to my room, escaping her gaze.

I picked up my satchel and my volleyball kit before dashing out the house, shouting out to my mom that I would be home a little late.

I looked at the time on my phone. 4:46 am.

My heart jumped and I took a run for it. If Ukai found me late he'd chew me out until there was nothing left of me, or if Daichi found me late he'd probably just do the team a favor and kick me out.

¤¤¤¤

Running up to the gym doors was a serious hassle, since the genius who built the school, built it on a damn hill. So I had my bags going everywhere and I wouldn't blame myself if I had lost a paper or two on the way. The club room was open, so I made the effort of trudging up the stairs to set down my school bag.

My mind was totally fogged from heaving and before I checked the room for anyone I swung the door open, nearly falling over my feet as I stumbled inside.

My lungs felt like they were about to shrivel up and sink to the bottom of my stomach. Do I still want to do this? I could just hangout in the library until classes started.

"You find yourself always late, Brownie Scout?" I jumped and as if I had failed to trip earlier, I tripped now, the strap of my kit wrapping around my ankles.

I fell to the floor, landing hard on one of the boy's pairs of shoes, but not without glancing up at a very smug Ukai.

I grunted, looking down at my bare legs, they were covered in a layer of sweat, which unfortunately didn't help the scrap of the strap against my skin. "No," His large hand lowered to my kit, carefully unwrapping it. I didn't dismiss the feeling of his fingers just below my knee and I quickly pulled back, glaring up at him. "I'm not. I wasn't even gonna come." I mumbled.

His eyes didn't waver from my legs and I continued to pull away, until he was forced to look up. "That's an ugly scar." He said, and stood up. I could see his figure much better with outfit he wore today. It was a black wife beater with a red zip up jacket that hung around his shoulders loosely. I could see the start of his upper arms, which with the lighting, showed the corded muscle that he didn't hide too well. Before I could stare any longer, I popped up grabbing my drink before slipping past him and down the outside hallway.

"Hey!" He called out, chasing after me. "Why'd you come? Is Takinoue coming?"

I twisted around pulling down my practice shorts, somehow feeling violated, but with honesty on the cards, I _was_ just checking him out. "He's coming to afternoon practice if I go." I said, and as he got closer I realized my chin raised with him. I didn't know he was that tall.

He raised his eyebrows sarcastically, his dark eyes squinting at me. "If you go?" He inquired, his jacket slipping slightly as he adjusted his shoulders. "I believe I asked you to come to afternoon practice, Tenshi."

I felt my eyes flutter and look down, "I-" I stammered out, shoving my hands behind my back to grasp each other. If Takinoue were here he wouldn't of even let Ukai step this close to me.

His breath smelled like smoke.

This was hurting my stomach.

As if coming to his senses he stepped back, his face flushing. "Be there," He demanded. "I didn't ask you to be here right now so I'm not permitting you to practice but you may watch." He eyed my clothing. "But looks like you came to play." He paused. "The boys already ran, so take a lap around both the gym and the club rooms." He griped and slid past me to the stairs. "And Tenshi?" I froze and turned to look at him. "When you're done... tell me about that knee. I can't have a starter dropping out after one set."

He flitted down the steps, out of sight. What the heck does that mean?

As I ran, I couldn't help but turn those words over in my head a million times. That was so hope-inducing, now I'm forced to tell Shimada and Takinoue what he said. I suppose he was trying to strike something in me to keep practicing this afternoon but it certainly didn't work. It only scared me and caused me to forget just how many times I ran around the two buildings Ukai had asked me too.

I stopped in front of the gym doors and looked down at my legs, my shorts had ridden up my inner thighs and I sighed in disappointment. Maybe I should take another lap, it could only help. I jogged in place, preparing myself again. If I was gonna be apart of this team, I didn't want to look the way I did. I wanted to be small, so small that no one would notice me at an event. I didn't want to be noticed.

_Two more laps._

_Just two._

I ran them.

I looked down at my shorts. They rode up again.

_Just two more, its okay._

They rode up again.

I don't know how many times I ran around the gym and club rooms. I didn't even feel myself heaving for air. I only wanted my shorts to stop riding up my thighs.

I came to a stop in front of the gym doors again, looking down. "Stop it!" I shouted and shoved the laps of fabric down my legs. "Just stop it!"

I could feel my hands shaking as I held my thighs. I'm not going in there. I can't. I probably look like an idiot, I would only throw them off like I did with Asahi yesterday.

They don't want me on the team.

The doors slid open and a pair of shoes appeared in my bent over line of vision. "What the hell are you doing out here?" I barely recognized the voice. "We've been practicing receives waiting for you." They snapped, and I willed myself to look up at them but I physically couldn't.

I held myself, hoping that if I just stayed like that they would forget I was there.

Tears threatened to spill as I shuddered into the summer air. Why was it so cold?

My mouth started moving without thinking," I-I'm sorry, I'll be t-there in second." I hiccupped out, not even daring to peak to see who it was.

They froze and I could feel the heat of their hand as they contemplated whether or not to rest it on my back. "Uh, yeah, take your time." They stuttered. "I'll tell the Captain." They practically ran away from me, probably unsure of what to do with a freaking out girl.

It took all my mental restraint to focus on his words, but once he was gone all the blood in my face rushed to my ears and I threw my hands over them.

I knew I shouldn't have looked in the mirror this morning. I brought it upon myself. I haven't even started the day yet and I was already losing my mind.

"It's so loud," I whimpered but it sounded muffled from outside my hands. If I had heard it at all, it certainly wasn't a whimper then.

No one else came outside as I cried and held myself.

No one noticed me.

I nearly smiled at the thought.

Good.

It took about ten minutes for me to think a coherent thought after taking my hands off my ears and when I did I realized just how loud I was being.

The team were sure to have heard, which meant I would have to wait until the afternoon to practice. I couldn't just pop in there with a smile on my face after crying my lungs out just outside the door.

I did the only thing I could think of. I went to the club room, grabbed my stuff and retreated to the school library.

¤¤¤¤

I was now in my second class of day, and I had already had run-ins with some of the boys, more specifically the second years since there was about a thousand of them on the team.

Nishinoya nearly killed me trying to get answers out of me, offering his lunch to me for just an inch of information. Of course, I declined, because I knew full and well I didn't need two meals.

Tanaka joined in on the needling through my business but before he did, he threw a hand on my back with an awkward pat.

"Crying is totally normal, dude." He announced. "I like super cried this morning." He said proudly, his hands on his hips, and when Noya asked why, he admitted that he didn't actually cry but that he was trying to make me feel better. "Why do you gotta blow my cover all the time, you idiot." He snapped and hit his shorter friend upside his head.

By then, I had slipped away from their useless bickering and into the class I'm in now.

I didn't get far though, completely forgetting that they were both in my class anyway. They had gotten quiet and slipped into the seats in front of me, peering back at me when they thought I wasn't looking.

Noya turned to Tanaka," I sure do wonder what happened this morning." He sighed loudly, a hand on his chin, mimicking thinking hard.

Tanaka caught on quickly, shooting a glance at me. "Uh, yeah, Man. I'm like super worried." He obnoxiously said. "Like worried to the point that," He paused searching for words. "I have to...pee?"

I felt my face go red, and I hid behind my hair that I had let down in the library. Good lord, these guys are stupid.

Noya's face went blank as he stared at his friend, and he swung his arm back launching a slap across Tanaka's cheek. "The heck is your problem, man." He griped. "You ruined the whole mood." He rolled his eyes in annoyance and it caused me to blurt out a giggle.

At that, they flipped around in their chairs to look at me, but I had already composed myself. I stared at them, a smile threatening to break my face.

Noya smiled softly, tilting his head. His school uniform was just a little big on him, so he looked like he was engulfed in a sea of black, his skin and the streak in his hair the only signs of color. Even last year, I had never looked at him so closely before.

He had such milky brown eyes, and I couldn't help but blush at him, shrinking back into my desk.

Tanaka noticed me falling back in my chair and cleared his throat. "Uh, Tenshi?"

I almost immediately looked at him, "Please call me Angel." I insisted quietly.

His eyes widened at my voice, "Yeah, sure thing." He took a second. "Anyway, are you coming to afternoon practice?" He asked, and his hand coming up to grasp the back of his neck.

The thought of practicing at all sent a shiver through me, and I nodded meekly.

I wanted to practice, I suppose, but I just didn't want to face any of the boys knowing they had heard me cry. I've only officially known them for a day and Ukai was just so confident in me after practice yesterday, I don't know if I could take anymore criticism from him. And I especially didn't want to face whoever came to get me while I was losing it.

I looked between the both of them for a moment, "Do you know who came outside before you heard anything?" I asked quietly, I wasn't sure if they had heard because they didn't answer for awhile.

Tanaka shook his head but Noya adjusted in his seat like he was preparing for big news, it sent a strike of panic through my chest. My hand flew to my collarbone, bracing myself. "I mean, it was just Ennoshita but like he came in like, freaking out, or whatever."

I let go of the breath I didn't know I was holding, "Oh, well, that's not that bad-"

"He said your legs were like _red_ with marks." he cut me off, but he shrugged. "I don't know, I must've heard it wrong." He mumbled.

My mouth went dry and I laid my head on my desk. He saw where I had scratched my thighs pushing down my shorts after each time I ran. How embarrassing. What in world made him say that out loud to the _whole_ team.

"I don't know if I'll go today guys-"

I was cut off again by Tanaka shaking his head frantically, "No, no, no, you have to come, you already said you would." He declared, grabbing my clenched hands as I attempted to protest again. " _Puh-lease,_ I want to see your jump serve again." He whined. I shook of his hands, shuddering at how rough they were.

I squinted at him," But that's embarrassing-"

"Angel, please."

If he cuts me off one more time, I will legitimately leave the class.

I rested my head on my desk again and stayed like that for the remainder of the time, accepting my defeat against Tanaka.

¤¤¤¤

Both Noya and Tanaka dragged me up to the club room after school, making sure I changed into my clothes. On the way there, we did run into Kageyama and Hinata who only nodded at me, their eyebrows furrowed in concern. It made me go limp against the two second years, just so it was harder for them to get me to the room.

I'm so dumb.

I can't even have an attack quietly.

In the gym almost everyone, except Daichi stared at me like I had suddenly evolved to have a third eye. The ones making it painfully obvious that they were talking about me, being Suga, Asahi, and Hinata. Suga, though, seemed like he was the one that had been crying this morning, a hand pressed to his chest dramatically. Asahi, mumbling sorrowfully to Hinata, but Hinata was jumping left and right trying to get answers out everyone.

I was too busy dreading even coming to notice that Coach Ukai was stomping toward me, basically fuming out of his ears.

He was wearing the same thing he was earlier, but now little pieces of hair fell from his headband, flying back against his cheeks as he stalked past me taking me with him. He was grumbling under his breath, and I could smell the cigarette he probably smoked recently before he came.

The warmth of his hand on my arm made me gasp as he pulled outside the doors, his gruff voice calling back inside telling Daichi to start warmups.

He caught my weight by the shoulders, stopping me, barely giving me enough room to breath. I watched him groan softly, running his hands over his face, he looked like he had rehearsed something in his head but forgot it the minute we stepped outside.

Like this morning, he held me with his stare and I waited for whatever antagonizing line he would use on me. "I asked you to tell me about that knee of yours," He said. "But you took off after those laps which might I add, I asked you take _one_ lap." He threw his hands up, gesturing that he didn't want an answer. I truly didn't know what look he had on his face right now. "I- Tenshi, I don't know what to say. What the hell happened this morning? Was it about talking about your knee? Because I can wait if that's it-"

I shot my hand up," No," I snapped. "I just overworked myself." I lied right through my teeth, slightly turning away from him so he wouldn't look at me.

He sighed, "I really want you to practice right now." He muttered, his tan skin flushing like it ruined his pride saying that. My heart flipped in shame. He was scared to ask me to work for my keep, unlike the attitude he had yesterday. "But I can't let you without knowing what happened."

I rolled my eyes," You aren't my coach yet Ukai." I steamed. "I'll listen to you and I'll practice my hardest but you can't require anything until I am officially apart of your team." My skin burned as I stared off with him.

He looked exactly like his grandfather up close, the same exact scowl twisting his features. His body emitted heat like it was nothing and I found myself sweating. He looked so young, and he was only a few years older than me, but the authority in his look made me stumble back. Noticing my intimidation, he huffed in resentment, pulling away. "Takinoue better show up soon, I've gotta talk to him." He said lowly, before turning on his heel and walking back into the gym.

I followed suit, trudging in. Tanaka almost immediately called me over insisting on watching me serve a few before we changed drills. I didn't even think as I took the ball from his hand that he held out.

I was too frustrated, at myself, Ukai, and especially Ennoshita. That foolish second year made coming to practice even weirder, not that I truly cared for these boy's opinions at all. I had to work hard for this, I had to do this for my team. I can't lean on a bunch of 25 year old's experiences with the game. I need to build my strengths, but I've been too afraid too.

I hate myself.

My feelings are never consistent.

I can't tell if I'm gonna hurl with anxiety all the time, or beef up and fight someone.

The boys in my area backed away as I prepared myself to serve, dribbling the ball at my feet. Looking down, I noticed the, now smaller red lines that engulfed my inner thighs and sighed. I made myself vulnerable this morning due my insecurities and it cost the volleyball team a whole school day of unease. If that was the effect I had as a potential teammate, imagine if I was their actual teammate.

I could not feel sorry for myself, ever. I thought just because I had problems, that everyone else would understand. So I had no true right to be mad at Ennoshita, he only explained the situation the way he had saw it. I couldn't have requested him to do anything else.

I threw the ball up aggressively, grunting as I pulled my muscles doing so. If I couldn't be angry at anyone but myself this was the only way I could continue on.

Kageyama sputtered beside Tanaka, reaching out but the skinhead pulled him back. "Tenshi, that's too far out!" The first year called against the hands that held him back with excitement. Tanaka cheered me on, jumping up and down using the leverage on Kageyama's shoulders.

From yesterdays observation, Tobio Kageyama had the skill and experience of a third year and I'm sure he was right about my toss, but what I felt transferred into my jump as I took off. If I didn't know any better I would've thought I left dust in my wake. Just like my memory-type dream, I could see everything from way up high, more specifically I could see the spot on the court where I wanted to land it.

I can do this.

My arm swung back and I felt my back curve. I'll go for a cut curve but make it look like a straight serve right to Asahi. I've only done it a few times but the determination that enveloped me said I could do it.

I was being completely and utterly overdramatic and I knew that but I'd be fine once I hit this.

My muscles already ached from throwing the ball up the way I did, so when my arm came around the corners of my eyes went dark. Tsukishima and Asahi were receiving before I came in so they were already in their zone of playing, but that wouldn't be a problem.

Instead of my palm just hitting the ball, my fingers wrapped around it like I was throwing a baseball but shot off me like a basketball, my fingers in complete contact with it until the very end of my swing.

I stayed put right there in the air as the ball zoomed toward Asahi. He had a concentrated scowl on his face, calling it and then he squatted. Would he get it? No. My hand was perfect.

And then, as I had intended it, it curved straight into the floor.

If I had just pulled a simple curve, he might've gotten it but the way I hit it let the ball travel, the max momentum finding the ball right when it curved which was obviously why it was called a cut curve.

I fell back down, landing right on my butt, and grunted as I hit the court. I made eye contact with Asahi just below the net, his light brown hair surrounded his face and he was stunned. He had fell back on his butt like me but his looked like it was due to his shock. I flushed heavily, bowing my head into my white practice shirt.

I did feel better, but the frustration of a few moments ago didn't go away. I shrugged to myself. Guess I'll just have to play more. It's actually crazy that that serve was just a few seconds long because it felt like I had spent ten minutes in the air watching Asahi miss it.

I shot up and veered around to look at Tanaka," Hey, toss me another-".

Everyone that had been patiently waiting for after my serve to go, because Tanaka had threatened all of them were staring at me. Hinata basically fainting against Yamaguchi, the freckle-faced boy trembling to keep the ginger up. Tsukishima and the second years simply just staring at me, eyes wide.

Tanaka had a hand over his mouth, his russet skin almost as pale as Kageyama's whom he still held, but the young setter had stopped fighting.

My skin started to burn with embarrassment, and I threw my arms around my head as if I had to protect myself from their gazes. "I'm so sorry! That took so long!" I cried into my elbows. "Please, continue to practice!"

Then I heard quiet cackling and I released myself looking up. Suga was laughing hysterically, his smile washing out the rest of his face.

He sniffed, rubbing his eyes," What's wrong with you, Tenshi?" He asked, blinking slowly with amusement. "You think these idiots are bothered by you taking your time?" He gestured for me to look around and when I did the team had basically surrounded me without my knowing. "The only other person we've seen that's had that kind of power and precision is that monster Oikawa from Aoba Johsai." He laughed again, and walked up behind Tanaka, peeling his hands off of Kageyama.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, the only other guy volleyball players I knew from other schools were from Wakutani and I'm fairly positive I would've heard about someone like that.

"Angel!" Tanaka shouted suddenly out of his daze. "You- you just-how did- you didn't do that yesterday!" He fell to his knees dramatically. "You're so amazing!" Faux tears started to sprout from his eyes and I found myself rolling my own. I'm gonna love this guy if I go any further on this team but he might also annoy me the most as well.

"Tenshi, come here." A curt voice called, my heart jumped and I turned, peering behind a now standing Asahi at Daichi.

Something in my brain told me to scowl at him but I couldn't find myself doing so. "Yes, sir." I called out jogging up to him, his annoyed expression didn't vanish with my compliance but his shoulders eased a bit.

His eyes washed over me and stopped on my legs and I froze, I completely forgot about what Ennoshita had said to everyone. I quickly tugged my shorts down, clearing my throat.

He was already drenched in sweat and I couldn't help but stare at the shirt as it stuck to his chest. I felt like I had seen so many of the guys close up today and I started to feel weird, flustering away from Daichi's gaze.

His dark eyes rested on me defiantly. I _knew_ it, he just did not like me. "We're about to start spiking," He said. "After that Coach said he's deciding." He let that last part out quietly so the rest of the boys wouldn't hear.

I blurted out a nervous chuckle, covering my mouth. "You can't be serious." I choked.

Daichi squinted at me," If it were up to me, you'd undergo a lot harder training," He irked, and his jaw ticked. "You're lucky for whatever Coach sees in you." He eased onto one foot, walking away to Suga, who I found was the only person he seriously talked too.

I turned toward the entrance, eyeing Ukai just as Takinoue walked in, a skip in his step plaguing his stride as soon as he saw me.

"Angel!" He shouted just like Tanaka had and I shrunk at the loudness of his voice. Why did he have to be like that? "Finally here to see how you hold up with these _big bad boys_." He mocked me.

My hand shot out pulling down hard on the front of his hair with a scowl," I'll kill you." I mumbled, he seethed through his teeth apologizing.

He stood tall again, shoving my hand off his head," I will generously let that go but next time I'll launch you into the sun." He said heavily, his hands on his hips as he glared at me. I only hummed in response.

**********

I hate this chapter so much but here we are at 6000 words. I couldn't just start over ughhh anyway vota and stuff..I like it


	4. Four

I quite literally couldn't take the heat of Daichi's glare from across the court. I had lost my ability to be just as aggressive back to him this morning. I even was doing everything he said. What was _I_ doing that made him so irritated?

I kept my eyes on his for just as long as he stared at me but not once did he give up. It gave me time to watch him, more specifically watching how he moved in his sweat soaked shirt.

It was wrong...so wrong and I wouldn't have been staring if he wasn't having a 'glare down' with me.

His russet skin was dark compared to the white practice jersey he wore, and his legs could barely withstand his shorts. Each time he moved they restricted him, but he made it look graceful like he had trained himself to move so smoothly. What he was wearing was very plain, along with his haircut, but the way he held himself held too much authority to be ignored.

No matter how much shorter he was than Asahi, his energy was much bigger. I found myself wondering what he looked like in his volleyball uniform. I wondered if his legs looked that large and long in those shorts too.

He was actually much more significantly larger in pure muscle than the rest of the boys and I suppose that's what he deserved for being in the starting lineup his whole highschool career. He deserved to be Captain, though I would never utter that to his face.

Ukai had announced that we'd be spiking and receiving to each other and I suppose that it was only my luck that I was spiking to the only person on the team that didn't like me. I would've even preferred Tsukishima's constant overtop teasing over this powerload of negativity. But I couldn't just have it easy, especially since this was my last round to prove myself worthy of this group after screwing up things this morning.

No doubt I still didn't see myself fit or good enough for this but since all my heavy hearted fear left with my tears this morning I felt significantly better about it. I was also forced to feel better because of Takinoue's presence, it sent out waves of support from across the gym.

After he had arrived and threatened me with kicking me into the sun, Ukai had called him over and not a second later Takinoue had sent me an overly concerned look.

I could only assume that Ukai had told him about my bawling session, and what Ennoshita had said. It was a given that he knew, and I'm sort of glad that I didn't have to explain it myself, though I knew I'd get several rants and questions from him after the practice. It all depended on if I made it or not. If I made it he probably wouldn't hold back and yell at me but if I didn't, I know he'd leave me alone. So I secretly hoped for the second option.

"Ito," Kageyama dragged out, annoyed. His dark blue eyes were squinted at me by the net where he held a ball, his bangs splattered across his forehead with sweat. I hummed in surprise, bowing my head in apologies.

"If I don't warm up, I'm not gonna set to you." He sounded angry, like how I had seen him with only Hinata yesterday. He was a weirdo outside of this game but if anyone dared fool around while playing he'd have their heads for sure.

Tanaka who was in the group beside me, spiking to Nishinoya, and Sugawara as their setter huffed in amusement. "Chill it, my man." He said slowly, throwing his head back. "Show the lady some manners, we are _men_."

My face scrunched up at that, he makes no sense.

Kageyama just grunted and nodded at me, too much pride crowding his shoulders to properly excuse himself. I smiled at him, he respects his upperclassmen heavily but didn't want to show it. He frowned at my smile though, tossing his head away. "What are you looking at?" He snapped, but I didn't respond and he turned to Daichi on the other side of the net.

What a piece of work. Too bad he was harmless to any of us, except for maybe Hinata who brought out the worst and best of the blue eyed first year.

Assuming now wasn't a good time for me to spike with him I moved to the back of the line I shared with Kinoshita, Asahi, Narita, and Hinata. Narita glanced at me with a smirk, shaking his head. "Don't worry about it, he's always like that." He chuckled, his voice was surprisingly very warm and adult-like, I almost forgot he was a second year. Were all of them like this? Well, minus Nishinoya and Tanaka.

"Yeah, right." Hinata said, he didn't sound aggressive, just calm and knowing about his partner. "It didn't seem like that when she threw that serve earlier." He threw me a mischievous look. "He sounded scared you weren't gonna make it."

Narita nodded," Yeah, that's probably the most I've seen him _not_ angry." He mumbled, moving up in the line after Asahi went. "Even though that serve was insane and none of us could do it, he's the only one who spoke up which is very unlike him."

Kinoshita walked up behind me, having spiked already," He loves the game." He huffed out. "Now quit talking or Ukai's gonna have our whole line running around the school."

It was so odd talking with them casually, no less about their teammate. It seemed like they had questions about that setter as well.

It was now Hinata's turn and as if on que he started joking on Kageyama, blurting out insults about how his face looked. "If you keep frowning, you're gonna keep setting suck ass balls." The ginger teased, sticking his tongue out at him.

Kageyama growled, "Oh shutup, before I come over there." He fumed. I've only seen him become so steamed at Hinata before, I couldn't help but laugh. It was a wonder how Hinata wasn't scared of him. His flame-engulfed eyes flicked to me, "Tch."

With no warning Hinata jumped toward the net, I could barely comprehend how fast he moved. Kageyama didn't have a problem keeping up with his counterpart though and beamed the ball at the short boy's hand. I gasped, how could he jump so high? He was way shorter than me.

It wasn't even a second until it landed just beside Daichi.

That's impossible.

All of a sudden I heard Takinoue yell obnoxiously, he threw his hands up in shock. "What in the hell was that!" He cried, his face blowing red exasperatedly. Hinata landed on the floor, flushing at the backhanded compliment. Kageyama showed no emotion to my older friend only grunted at me to get ready, but Takinoue didn't let it go. "You didn't even have your eyes open, little man."

Hinata jerked up at that, his hands reaching up in front of his face in fists. "Who are you calling little man, Buttface?" He outraged, but not without Ennoshita from the other spiking line wacking him in his head. Hinata backed away as if he being held back but he just looked stupid.

It was true though, he didn't have his eyes open, that meant that was all Tobio's doing. He was the genius behind the plan.

I stepped up nervously, my skill was so beneath him, my power as an upperclassman didn't have any reign. He could step on me if that was what he truly wanted.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Ukai step up beside Takinoue, his arms crossed. This was it.

I blew air out of my nose, my eyes resting on Daichi to calm myself, which wasn't a good idea because he just rolled his eyes. If I get on this team, I'm gonna have to talk to him.

1,2,3.

I rushed forward, aiming all my weight into my legs, my right arm holding my balance, and my left arm thrown back for the hit.

_"The ball won't do any kind of damage unless your palm is solid and your back is arched to attack."_

Thank you, Shimada.

My eyes met with Daichi's over the net again and he seemed more prepared for this one than he was for the other ones, like if he didn't receive this he would absolutely die. Good lord, that made me so angry.

How was this guy, who smiled and laughed with everyone else here, so evil and rude to me?

I snarled into my momentum. I had to land this, because I just wouldn't be able to take it if I saw him so smug.

Kageyama threw the ball up, and I could tell it didn't have the power behind it like Hinata's did which only showed how dynamic they were but I didn't care. It was powerful enough to meet my hand perfectly, or so I thought.

I watched the ball in my face and I was so sure my palm would meet it the exact time it came around, but I was late. It hit my fingertips lightly, falling just a little bit over the net.

Daichi grunted, stunned, and flung himself forward.

I might've messed up but at least I was able to land it. Daichi missed it by a hair.

I looked to Ukai, but his expression was the same as when I had jumped. "Again." He demanded, and then moved to my side of the court, Takinoue following. "You tried too hard and you didn't pull your maximum jump." He grumbled. "Your frame is perfect, so don't mess this one up, got it?" He wasn't looking for an answer so I just muttered a "Yes, sir."

Nishinoya rushed to Daichi's spot, ruffling his short hair. "Haha, bet you feel stupid for missing that." He teased. "I, of course, would've gotten it. Looks like you were trying too hard to, Captain." He escaped Daichi's attempt to hit him and returned to his own line of spikers, giggling along the way.

Daichi groaned," Kageyama, get this next one."

Tobio nodded, and looked to me," S-" He paused. "Sorry, I estimated wrong." He mumbled out, hiding behind his bangs. I shrugged, smiling, even though it was my fault, he found himself trying to be better. What a good player.

I prepared myself again, staring at Kageyama's hands. I had to focus and trust only him right now. He's not gonna let me down now that he knows that I'm able to jump higher.

I will get this one. If not because of Daichi's dislike for me, than for Takinoue's hope.

Acid gurgled in the back of my throat. This was so nerve racking.

I just had to use my serve power on this, that was all. I just couldn't depend on the ball height. I had to depend on my slight of hand and how my arm will come around.

I shifted through plans in my head quickly, scared to take up too much time.

That's it.

I'll make it look like a straight but pull a cut shot. I would fake him out like I did to Asahi, it was my power move.

But right now I have to focus on my jump and worry about the attack when I finally get in the air.

I ran forward, sure to feel everything in my toes, willing every part of me to fall to my heels. Once I'm up, it'll all rush to my arms and I'll be done.

Up, up, up.

I saw Daichi again, but felt nothing this time. He was only a blurry figure, his pride will be nothing but collateral damage. I felt my shirt lift from around my waist, like I had pushed a massive amount of air out from under me.

_"That arm is something else don't you think?"_

_"I'm so glad I'm your coach."_

My palm touched the volleyball, and I remembered my plan.

I watched my hand slap it, Daichi moving to the right, but my shot was going to the left. The captain shouted, seeking to find his footing to go the other way, but he was already falling to the floor. My cut shot didn't go as far across the court as I had wanted it to but it did land in Noya's territory, the complete opposite of where Daichi fell.

Landing this time wasn't so graceful though, I came down on my right leg, an immediate sting travelling up to my core, but I had too much adrenaline to acknowledge anything.

I got him.

A laugh bubbled up in the bottom of my stomach and I wasting no time releasing it. I wasn't completely sure that was gonna work, especially since spiking felt entirely different than serving even though they were so similar.

"Yes!" I cheered, nearly slipping when I went to stand up. "That was so good, Kageyama! You're amazing!"

I barely had to move my hand for that kill, it was like he knew I was gonna go for a cut shot. That's just insane.

My chest was filled to the brim with excitement, even without me, this team was gonna go somewhere. It's inevitable.

Kageyama scowled at me, before bowing his head trying to hide the flush that consumed his face. "Thank you." He irked, flourishing his hands, gesturing me to go to the back of the line, but I didn't get too far when I attempted too.

Takinoue walked up to me despite me being in the middle of practice, frowning. Was he not impressed? I got the hit.

His lean body towered over me, as he considered me for a moment. Why did it look like his hair had gotten longer? I saw him yesterday. "Go to the bench for a second." He commanded nudging my shoulder. My eyebrows furrowed, reaching up to shove a layer of sweat off my face.

I didn't protest, just followed him, Ukai on my tail as well. Ukai had taken off his red jacket and was just in the wife beater now, I couldn't blame him though, no AC in the gym can really throw people off. I wanted to look at him longer, and find things that I hadn't been able to this morning but I knew if I did, Takinoue would knock me out.

I suddenly focused on myself for a second, feeling the place where my shirt creased from jumping so high, and how my shorts rested low on my hips from twisting so dramatically in the air. I probably looked ridiculous, not to mention that I had my hair in a singular french braid. How unfortunate. At least the team would see me at my worst before anything else.

Ukai took a deep breath, "I can only suspect that that cut shot was Wakutani's doing." He murmured lowly, wistfully watching his boys spike.

I looked at him thoughtfully. How did he know about that? "You did some digging." I hummed. " That's a little creepy, don't you think?" My joking tone didn't effect his stone expression in the slightest, but I did earn a snicker from Takinoue.

Coach was quiet for a moment, then sent Takinoue a look, like he was trying to talk to him. "Your brother goes to Wakutani, why is that?"

I don't know why this was so important. What did this have to do with my getting on the team? "My mother wanted us to pick our own future and we live on the edge of their region." I muttered. I did kind of hope my little brother would've come to the same school as me, for expense purposes, because my family wasn't the wealthiest. But my mother encouraged us terribly to choose what we wanted.

He stared at me, then hesitantly opened his mouth, " If it comes to it. Will going against them in the spring prelims," He turned red with frustration. "Affect how you play?" He inquired, falling down onto the silver bench.

Takinoue didn't even give me a chance to react before wrapping his arm around my head in a headlock, bouncing on his heels which nearly sent me flying since he was so much taller than me. "I told you, I told you, I told you!" He shrieked and I couldn't help but laugh.

If only Shimada were here. I'd have to go to his market after practice.

He suddenly let go, tossing me out of the way, so he was in range of Ukai. The two bleached heads fought back in forth, slapping each across the backs, giggling like school girls.

I thought this was _my_ accomplishment.

I turned away from the two, seeking out Tanaka in the bundle of boys on the court. I know at least he'd be happy about it. I wanted to ignore any emotion I was feeling right now, the bubbling in my chest didn't feel like happiness. More like regret and anxiety. I needed the reassurance.

I had just forced my way onto a team, hardly even earning the spot to be here. They worked hard with and for each other and they were suddenly gonna have to change their line-up and working routine to fit me inside. It was selfish, not going back to the girl's team. It was selfish making them accept me.

I didn't have to do that with my neighborhood team, I had waited until it was rightfully my turn to join.

They had been prepared for my playing style, but this was beyond that. I was just a bratty, nobody volleyball player, too afraid to suck up her own fears to move forward.

How pathetic. How helpless. How _entitled_.

"Why the long face, Ito." A deep taunting voice asked. Undoubtedly, it was Tsukishima, but I still jumped as if surprised.

I shrugged, wrapping my arms around myself," Just looking for Tanaka but it looks like he's not on the court." I sighed. "Do you know where he is-"

"I've been thinking about why you've been playing with us for awhile now." He cut me off, disregarding my attempt to excuse myself. His golden-like eyes rested on me in amusement, his glasses slopping down his nose from looking down. "But I suppose there's no reason other than that you were rejected from your own genders team." He observed, a soft joking smile playing his lips.

I flustered at that, my head ticking, telling me what he was saying was mocking and rude. Though, I knew it wasn't and that he was just messing with me to strike conversation.

I tossed my chin over my shoulder, my mind uncomfortable with the argument I was having with myself. "I'm sorry, Tsukishima. I can't talk right now. I just need t-to find Tanaka." I was beating my own conscious up over this, but I deserved it. I slipped past the tall first year, apologizing again.

If I don't find Tanaka soon, it was gonna be this morning all over again.

I couldn't control the insults directed at me from my own mind as I paced toward the storage room. I wasn't looking for my classmate to confide in him. I only wanted to tell him that I had made it, though he didn't even know I was trying out for the team in the first place so it was sure to be a surprise.

He knew how to keep a conversation without prying into personal matters, so if I didn't know him at all, I at least knew that. Plus, he knew how to pull unintentionally funny jokes.

I nearly knocked the door down as I charged inside the storage room, a quiet shriek leaving Tanaka while he stacked some penny jerseys. His short hair was ruffled like he had run his hands over it several times, and a towel was draped over his neck to keep him cool. He looked tired. I couldn't just expect him to talk to me.

Tanaka grinned, "Hey there, Milady." He tipped an invisible hat charmingly.

I smiled shyly at his automatic silliness. There it was. Relief.

I reached up, grabbing a few jerseys from his hands to help him. He gratefully complied, nodding at me. His tan hands worked expertly with the thin material shirts and it only showed how much practice he's put in with his teams over the years. My stomach panged with guilt. I was just interrupting his work.

I peered up him over the jersey I was folding myself. "I've gotta tell you something," I whispered, shamefully. His eyes sparked with interest, never stopping his chore. "Ukai- I mean- Coach is allowing me to play with you guys for the remainder of the season." I blurted it all out, afraid that if I had dragged it, I never would've said it.

The buzzcut only smiled at my words, shoving the materials he finished, on the shelve in front of him. "I know," He said. "Coach walked me home last night since I had cleaning duty," He moved past me to the dirty bin of practice clothes that needed to be washed, piling them all into a trash bag. "He told me about the 'trial' he was putting you through." He flipped around to me, cackling mockingly. "Just didn't want to tell ya, you always look on the edge of pooping yourself."

My mouth dropped at the comment, but more so at the news. I launched myself forward attempting to land a clear hit on his arm but he weaved away from me, snickering at my weakness.

I snorted, "You've known this whole day and didn't tell me?"

He busted out laughing again, pointing his finger at me.

So annoying.

"Oh come on, Angel," He took a deep breath, his hands on his knees. "You expected me to scare you like that after what happened this morning?" He shook his head, throwing his now full trash bag over his shoulder, heading for the door. "I'm a stupid guy but I'm not _that_ stupid." He quipped, but as if to only prove himself wrong, he missed the doorway entirely, toppling over into the empty clothes bin.

What. An. Idiot.

I moved to leave the room, ignoring his calls to help him out, giggling quietly at his agony.

"Oh, god, it smells like straight up balls in here!"

¤¤¤¤

After Tanaka finally got out of the storage room, Ennoshita informed us that we were practicing three-man attacks, which didn't really bother me since I was paired with two of the most gentle on the team.

Sugawara and Yamaguchi.

"The objective of this drill," Daichi started as we split into four teams, though one of them was uneven due to my joining. "Is not to practice our current combos, but to find strengths in the two other people you're with and make attacks with them." He sounded so lighthearted as he glanced at the first years he had grouped together, knowing they'd have trouble with the test. "You never know what kind of situation you'll be in on the court, so one of these trios could help you out in the end."

When no one responded, Daichi let out an exasperated sigh, "Get your asses on the court before I make you do dives." He snapped.

Yamaguchi was immediately by my side as I jogged to the doors of the gym. There wasn't enough space for all the groups to practice so Suga volunteered for us to be outside.

The nervous middle blocker snuck a look at me, burning red.

I forced myself to cheekily smile, a sensation in my heart automatically making me feel better as Yamaguchi's timid eyes avoided me. I watched him peer over his shoulder at Tsukishima who's group would remain inside, ears tinting pink.

He only truly talked to the blonde, aside from the conversations he would have with Hinata because the ginger had no filter. His presence could only remain solid if his taller friend was right beside him. It was heartfelt, the adoration and depensation his small frame held without the smart counterpart of Tsukishima.

I bumped him with my shoulder, pushing his thoughts aside. "I think we can make an attack using that floating technique of yours." I smiled softly.

His messy blown back hair shook gently with the shake of his head, his freckles showing darker on his face burning again. "Oh god no," He sputtered. "I can barely do it during a serve, what makes you think I can do it in a peer pressure attack?" His voice was a lot deeper than I had thought it was as I listened to him babble.

I pondered his words," First of all, I don't think you know the definition of 'peer pressure'. Second of all-"

A sharp hand landed on my shoulder as I tried to make a joke with Yamaguchi. "A _girl_ like you doesn't have the place of correcting anyone, especially someone who was here before you." The blunt voice behind me made me freeze, a hot shot of embarrassment trailing down my back. Ukai's raspy scold had me pulling away and flipping around, almost falling over as I attempted to bow.

His hold on my shoulder kept me up though, and he shooed Yamaguchi away, Sugawara desperately calling him over. I stared straight at- my now- Coach's tank top covered chest, wondering along the dips and curves of his bare shoulders, the one's I had longed to see that morning. His skin tone was similar to Daichi's and Tanaka's, but I could tell it was significantly earned from the sun despite the other boy's natural melanin. I never would've guessed that this older man would be so toned and lean, especially since he had quit the neighborhood team, and only sat around in his small store all day long.

My thoughts traveled all the way up to the way his hand gripped my shoulder, a voice in my head shoving its way to the front of my thoughts, telling me that he had just changed his mind about my spot on the team.

No, he didn't know about me yet. There was no reason for me to be kicked off.

Yeah, but I sure did selfishly intrude on his teams work.

I clicked my tongue, scowling. Can't I just be consistent?

" I only needed you for spiking today, and now I've got uneven groups so," His cigarette scented breath washed over my face and I sighed into it. Did he not know it smelled like that? "I suggest you stick around until the end but I want you to stop playing until I've actually introduced you as a team member which will be tomorrow."

What the hell? He literally looked like he was on the edge of exploding before practice telling me he wanted me to practice with them today. Why was he suddenly changing his mind about _that_?

I opened my mouth to speak but he rolled his eyes already predicting a sarcastic answer from me. "Now that I'm your _Coach_ ," He emphasized on that word, smirking down at me, humbling me to my remark before practice. "You're gonna sit on that bench and explain to both me and Takinoue about that knee and whatever is going on up _there_." He poked me in the forehead, ignoring the snarl that came from me, reaching up to slap his hand away.

I just know he's thinking that because I'm friends with Takinoue and Shimada, that he can treat me the way they treat me, but he absolutely had the wrong idea. They had the right and the knowledge of who I am to tease me and joke on me the way they do. Takinoue more than the rest, Ukai can't use that to his advantage on me.

Too bad I was too scared to stand up to someone like him.

I shrugged his hand off, storming past him back into the gym. I shouted at Tsukishima that a spot was open on Suga's team and he was quick to leave the band of first years that Daichi had cruelly paired him with.

Takinoue stood on the sidelines, quietly talking to Kiyoko who bowed to me before slyly retreating away from the alumni. I smirked at the rejective move she pulled, giving Takinoue a light pat on the shoulder to ease his pain.

He frowned down at me, "The worst part is that I wasn't even flirting with her." He mumbled.

I snorted, pulling my loose braid over my shoulder, tugging out the hair tie so that my hair could finally curtain my face. They had it wrong if I was even gonna remotely explain anything with my hair up.

My friend bent his head down, slipping his hand over my waist forcing me to sit down, a father-like sigh leaving his mouth. He placed his legs out in front of him, the bench too short for him sit normally.

He was wearing a jean jacket despite the summer weather, and a loose pair a jeans, those to, too short for him. I've seen him outside of volleyball but it wasn't often so seeing him in the casual wear was a sight for sore eyes, and I could appreciate how nice he looked.

His hand stayed on my side as Coach walked up scratching the back of his neck, landing beside the two of us on the bench.

I twitched nervously, it was very unnerving having to explain something so personal to me, something that took me months to tell my other team. Though it only made sense that he knew, he needed to know how to handle a situation if my knee ever gave out again or if I freaked out. But I would try and avoid talking about the second part, that was pushing it a little.

I let out a shaky breath, a pleading look washing over me. "Do I have to tell you today?" I teetered, my hand rushing up to my collarbone.

Ukai smiled, his shoulders easing. "You told me yourself, Ito." He recalled. " I couldn't require anything until I was your coach," He looked at Takinoue, a knowing nod passing between the two. "I'm just concerned is all. You're the first girl to ever join the boys team, I need to know if there's gonna be a problem with that." It looked like he thought this over plenty of times. "I had to fight with the Vice Principle for this and I believe even if you aren't in the starting line-up there will be a difference in how this team plays together. I've never heard Tanaka focus on a single subject more than once before."

His flattering was working, but it was also making me wrack in guilt.

"He wants to learn from you and I'm sure the others do too. You just have to trust in Takinoue's confidence in you and I hope you don't forget the way you asked to join the team." He chuckled, reaching up to tug on one of his earrings.

I felt my face go red thinking about the bratty way I had asked him to let me play.

I smiled shyly, "You still don't call me Angel."

Takinoue nudged me at that, poking my waist with his long fingers. I huffed leaning into him to amuse him. Staring up at my friend the way I did sent a chill through me. He had known that this was where our friendship as teammates would come to an end, but he was holding onto it while he could.

I ignored the wave of sadness that rushed under my skin as I thought about it. I would no longer be waking up to the sound of Takinoue honking at me outside my house because I was late, or Shimada flustering at the insults Old Coach Ukai would throw at him about his highschool years. Sitting in Shimada's market with Mori and Uchizawa because they were busy cleaning up and wouldn't let me go home alone, wouldn't be something that would bother me anymore. I was no longer apart of the team.

I pulled away from Takinoue tensely, but his hand still stayed on my waist. If he kept holding me like that, I was gonna start crying. I plucked his fingers off me, mumbling a sorry but he just nodded.

Ukai observed the transaction between us, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. He'd never understand how close we were or the fondness that we emitted.

The pounding of the volleyballs against the court closely resembled the pounding of my heart as I admitted defeat with myself. "I hurt my knee qualifying for the semi-finals in the spring prelims my first year." I confessed, reaching up, finishing the unlooping of my braid. "My girls appointed me ace because we started playing as a team before the authorized date so we had enough time to make a choice. " The unnecessary information left my mouth, subconsciously avoiding the point. " We were playing against Johzenji," My brown hair spilled over shoulders allowing me to bow forward in shame. "They singled me out and made me move as much as possible. It was my turn to serve and when I came down my leg went the wrong way." I muttered.

Takinoue knew the story but I hadn't spoken about in a long time, so his breathing had quieted with Ukai's.

I shrugged into the silence," I can barely remember." I lied, peeling my body up off the bench to stretch.

Ukai peered at my knee like he had that morning, the angry pink scar shining bright under the gym lights. "Does it ever hurt?" He whispered, he reached down to touch it but Takinoue was quick to slap his hand away. "Oh calm down, I just want to look at it." He griped, slapping his friend back.

I breathed out a laugh, ignoring the question. If I admitted that it hurt almost all the time, especially right now since I had landed on it after my spike. Takinoue would send me home without any regard to Ukai's instruction.

"The Johzenji girl's team is dirty." Ukai hummed. "How long did it take to heal?"

Takinoue huffed at that glaring up at me, "How would she know? She started playing with us with a cast still around her knee." He remarked, obviously still bothered that I had done that. I smiled at him endearingly, shoving my shoe into his shin to shut him up.

Ukai considered me for a second, a wheel turning in his head. He stood up, his chin falling down due to the difference in height. "Look at that!" He chirped. "That wasn't so hard to tell me now was it?" He was smiling with his hands on his hips and I felt my chest start to burn.

If that's how he thought of things, Old Coach Ukai taught him absolutely nothing.

Takinoue stood too, obviously ticked that he was suddenly the shortest, nodding when his head reached over Ukai's.

I turned away from Ukai, "I'm going to the market after practice. Do you want to come?" I asked, bending down to pull my knee pads over my knees again, afraid of Coach's eyes.

Takinoue nodded, "Yeah, man, Shimada hasn't been texting me back, it's pissing me off. I'm also walking you home, Stupid." He ruffled my displayed hair.

I shook my head, embarrassed. "Come on, I can go alone, you live right by the store." I whined, pulling on his fingers helplessly. "I never get to go by myself."

Takinoue shrugged, like it was out of his hands. He turned on his heel, b-lining toward Takeda. "Pretty girls are nothing on the street alone," He called. "Plus your mother owes me cookies." He winked and I audibly groaned at his preverted mind.

He's been trying my mom for months, not taking a hint when I mentioned my father being in states. I knew it was a joke to him, but it was rather annoying.

I slid back onto the metal bench, sighing. Now what? I wasn't allowed to practice until tomorrow.

Coach Ukai cleared his throat staring down at me, his happy smile had disappeared and I felt my heart drop. "There's something you're not telling me," He grumbled. "But I'm not gonna push it, it's obvious dirt for brains over there doesn't know about it either." His observation sent my heart into overdrive and I stared at him with wide eyes. He peered at me through his lashes. "What happened this morning was part of it, was it not?" He implied, crossing his arms.

I watched his muscles move with him, thinking hard about what to say next.

I wouldn't have to face this stupid question, if I had just stayed home that morning.

His eyes wondered to my thighs, it was the first time he had, like he had finally found the perfect moment to confirm what Ennoshita had said. I glanced with him, at the small scratches that enveloped my skin, a couple scabs here and there. I flustered under his gaze, my hands moving to cover me.

I want to understand him.

He had been so antagonizing yesterday and held a tough, rude attitude anytime he spoke with me, but since I had gotten tangled in my volleyball kit and he saw my scar he's been treating me like some broken toy.

It's not like I disliked it, the way he spoke to me yesterday deeply affected how I slept but this somehow felt worse being pitied.

I scrunched my nose, maybe if I checked on the boys I could avoid him for the rest of practice. Not answering his question, I excused myself jogging to the nearest group of boys.

I identified Nishinoya immediately, Ennoshita lecturing him about something, though it had to be something about Kiyoko because she was uncomfortably looking over Daichi's shoulder who held his hands out, protecting her. Her shoulder length black hair was perfectly placed over her collarbone, and her glass covered eyes were calm despite Daichi's disheveled look.

Ennoshita's dark eyes glared at his classmate," Just because she's close to you doesn't mean she wants to hold your hand, you idiot." He snapped, pushing Nishinoya forward to apologize.

Noya giggled, bowing," I am so sorry, sweet love!" He boasted, peaking up at Daichi who stepped forward, landing a slap to his head.

I smiled, stepping up beside Ennoshita, making him jump. He relaxed, shaking his head with a small smile. From what I saw yesterday, he was definitely in charge when Daichi wasn't around, even Asahi and Suga had listened to him. He was clear captain material.

"Hey," He murmured, leaning away from me when his sweat covered arm brushed mine. "I'm sorry about this morning." He ran a hand through his short hair. "I totally freaked out, and I felt bad because I yelled at you too." I flourished a hand, stopping him.

I curtained my hair across my cheek," It's nothing, man. You reacted like a human being." I chuckled, moving away to pick a ball up by my feet. "Make it up to me by tossing me some." I ordered, but not without the current captain stalking up to me taking the ball from my hands.

"It's a group of three incase you forgot." Daichi said crossly. I made no effort to say something sarcastic back, only shuffled away from the three volleyball players.

If practice doesn't end soon, I will ultimately lose my mind.

The talk that I had been prepared to have with him was far from my thoughts at the moment and I could only sigh in contentment to find something to do. This felt like the boring part of a movie that was only there to make it longer.

I trudged up to Takinoue, leaning my head into his shoulder which he chuckled at. His jean jacket was rough against my forehead but it comforted me to focus on something. I wanted to feel the sting of a serve on my hand and to watch it travel straight to the spot I intended it to go to. It's never felt so satisfying coming back down, the faces of shock out of the corners of my eyes just mere blobs of twinkling lights.

Takinoue ran his hand through the ends of my hair making me jump. "You're a tall girl, y'know." He spoke softly. "But you look so small compared to everyone else." I huffed in disbelief, my eyebrows spiking to my hairline.

Liar.

Ukai was still where I had left him and he glanced over, nodding with Takinoue's statement. He thought about his words," Yeah, like a small crow among bigger ones." Takeda exclaimed, proud of his metaphor.

Takinoue barely acknowledged him, wrapping an arm around my shoulder so that I could lean on him. "Guess we'll have to call you little crow." He teased, his chin coming down on the peak of my head, jabbing me. I winced throwing an elbow back into his ribcage. I should've saw that coming.

He laughed giddily, his calloused volleyball hands holding my head still, flicking me in the ear. I didn't even feel the sting it caused as I thought about the name he gave me.

Little Crow.

******

I know this is starting out slow but i'll start using timeskips to speed up the process and content. This chapter is poorly written but I needed a fill in chapter so that I could show she got on the team. also I know I'm the one writing Daichi this way but I'm ready to throw hands.


	5. Five

***Minor NSFW and slight panic. Please enjoy!***

"So, I'll basically be kicking your ass on an official game?" Nakashima sneered, pushing me ahead of him as we headed to the park.

Ever since Ukai had introduced me to the team as a member, it's all been a little different. No one has been talking to me like they had the first two days I met them. I can only assume that it's because they don't like the thought of a girl on their team, or that I might bring them down. Tanaka, of course talked to me when he could, but was often pulled away by the other second years if we talked too long. And it was Sunday, with no practice, so I decided to visit Wakutani to see my brother.

I tossed my head at the question, "If that's what you're worried about, Takeru, you won't get past the first round." I muttered, kicking a few leaves out from in front of me.

It was silent for a moment, the only sounds were Nakashima's chuckles and the crunch of the gravel pathway we were on. It was calming.

It's been awhile since I made the effort of reaching out to the Wakutani Captain. The last time I saw him was after he taught me how to do a cut shot and that was several months ago, after my brother officially advanced into highschool. It felt like too long, and I found myself yearning to be near him after the Karasuno team ditched out on me. Not that I wanted the attention, but that I couldn't return to my old team and this was the last taste of the time I spent rebuilding myself and my skills.

After the practice before the boys knew I was on the team, and Takinoue walked me home after seeing Shimada, he could barely keep himself together saying that this was for the best. It almost literally broke my heart seeing him worked up over losing me as a teammate.

_"Its gonna be hard." Takinoue whispered, pressing his hand into the small of my back as he helped me up the steps of my porch._

_I shook my head, annoyed. That's all I've been hearing. That because I'm on this team that its gonna be hard because I'm a girl. It was tiring._

_"I know that, Stupid Jerk." I steamed, attempting to pull away from his touch. But when I turned to face him, he was not smiling- but examining me with a frown. His short bleached hair was pasted to his head due to the humid air and it nearly sent me into shock seeing him look so unhappy._

_His jaw clenched, the hand on my back twisting into my school uniform. "Don't be so silly, Tenshi." He muttered and I jumped. "I mean for me- I mean- us. The team." It was so unusual to see Takinoue upset and it was really scaring me. "You- You're my bestfriend and I easily choose you over anyone else I know and it's really bothering me how I'm feeling." His stutters didn't sound like he was nervous, just that he was frustrated._

_He pulled me against him, gathering my hair within his hands, and I tensed. "I keep getting so pissed at the thought that you're playing with a different team." He breathed out._

_I was seeking to make the situation more light hearted and chuckled into his chest. "I thought this was all you're idea-"_

_"Tenshi, stop!" He snapped into my ear and I unintentionally pushed against him but he still held me. "I don't think you understand that this literally tears me apart having to give this up. I-" He paused, his heavy breathing targeting my shoulder with a wave of heat._

_Before he could continue, my eyes widened in realization. He was about to say something we hadn't exchanged before and he was holding me so I can't see his face when he says it._

_"No," I stammered into his jean jacket. "Please- we- I'm still your bestfriend. I'm still here." I lifted my head to look at him and it felt like it was the first time staring at him before. I barely even noticed how close we were, I only wanted to make sure that he was okay. He was flushed, like he had ran a mile, and beads of sweat were clinging to his cheek bones._

_He sighed, his eyebrows furrowing and I felt my heart tug. This was really affecting him. It was obvious that him and Shimada had thought ahead about me joining the school team, but he was just devastated that it actually happened. He dropped his chin on my shoulder, his arms wrapping arms me again but less aggressively. "I'm so proud of you," He murmured, sliding his hand over my scalp, twisting my hair between his fingertips. " This is what's best. I'm just gonna miss you is all."_

_I suddenly wanted to take a run for it to Sakanoshita market and tell Ukai to call the whole thing off before the boys could find out. So I could return to my actual team and everything could go back to normal, but no matter how hurt Takinoue was, he would never allow it._

_I could just tell him about my knee, but that just meant that I couldn't play for either team. I was completely defeated and there was no turning back. I had to deal with this one._

"Hey look, there's Shu!" Nakashima called, running past me to a large tree in the middle of a picnic area.

My brothers unruly curls shifted with the wind as he turned look at us. What a jerk. Shoving it in my face that he got the curly hair gene. His brown eyes brightened and he stood up, racing toward Nakashima.

They bumped chests, making me cringe, and then did a handshake, which made me cringe again.

The worst part was that they literally saw each other just few hours ago before Takeru picked me up and were acting like they had gone to different colleges on each side of the country.

"Angel!" Shu shouted, throwing his knuckles into my hair. "Look at that! Your hair's still not curly." He taunted, lulling his head back so the wind could catch his locks again.

I scowled, "Oh, be quiet," I fumed, raising my head to look at him. "And when the hell did you get so tall?"

He smirked, running his hands over his face. A sudden shadow engulfed his cheek bones as he gazed down at me smugly. "I was wondering when you'd ask, Dear sister." I shrunk at the cringey name. Who let this kid become so cocky? "I'm 185.88 cmm exactly." He prided, but Nakashima took my shot and wacked him in the head.

I watched the two of them start to bicker at each other and rolled my eyes. "Guys come on, mom wants us home by dinner."

Shu's eyebrows shot to his hairline and he eyed me for a second. "Takeru is coming?" The accusation in his voice was clear and my anger only bottled up more. I rarely saw him and he still managed to ruin my mood any chance he got.

Takeru and I talked at some point while I was practicing for the neighborhood association and we were often together outside of work. Shu would never let me live it down even though it was almost a year ago.

Nakashima peered between the two of us, "Dude, really? It wasn't even that serious." He irked at his friend. It was so odd that they were so close despite the age difference and the fact that my brother did track and not volleyball. Though, anytime Shu mentioned me and his relationship he acted like they had been rivals for years.

Shu threw his hands up defensively," Just a question."

****

I started realizing that the boys were distancing themselves from me on Saturday's all day practice while working on receives. No one wanted to pair with me so I would have to sit out frequently having to wait for someone to open up. It was difficult to deal with especially since Coach Ukai didn't notice anything wrong and he'd pair up with me.

I didn't understand what I had done wrong. I avoided them in school any chance I got and I stayed out of the way when they were working. I even obeyed Daichi anytime he told me to do anything. Though, I'm sure it was because I was on the team. It was as simple as that.

"Miyagi looks so weird over here." Takeru said, peering out his window while he drove. Shu was in the passenger seat giggling annoyingly, reaching over to poke Takeru to mess with him. It really was a wonder how I had ended up in the backseat. He clicked his tongue, flicking Shu on the nose. "So that store you're talking about, Ito. Is it this one?"

I was barely paying attention and forgot that I told him that I needed to get some stuff for mom's hotpot tonight.

I glanced up and immediately frowned. "No, I meant the Shimada Mart." I stared at Ukai's store hesitantly, dreading the thought of even being near it.

Shu shot me a glare, "You're so picky, come on," He was already out the door before I could protest. "Just because Shimada gives you free stuff all the time doesn't give you the right to waste Takeru's gas, Genius." He chirped with a smile.

So passive aggressive.

But he was right.

I bowed my head as I slipped out of the car. I could leave it up to Shu as my cold hearted little brother to put me in my place.

I paused just outside the door, wondering if I could just walk to Shimada's Mart, it would only be about a twenty minute walk from here. I snuck a glance at Takeru and Shu would had already entered the shop, messing with each other. This was my only chance if I was gonna do it.

I veered on my heel, allowing myself to jog around the corner, going into the small alley between the store and the building beside it. My heart was pounding, leaving my brother like that was sure to get me in trouble but I'm too ashamed to face my coach until tomorrow.

Nothing has felt better since I left the association, and it didn't help that Old Coach Ukai's grandson was my Coach now and there was no choice but to stick with it.

I wanted to play volleyball so bad, I could never give it up even if it meant that I wouldn't get any where in life. And this was my very last option for my highschool career since Takinoue won't let me come back. This was my very last turn and even if I felt bad about I had to pull through.

Playing with Takinoue was exhilarating and there was never a dull moment and more importantly I never felt like an outcast among the team. And words couldn't describe the guilt I felt when I started playing for Karasuno. It weighed on my shoulders that I could never play with them like I once had, and it was taking a toll on Takinoue. Everything wrong with this moment in time, and it's my fault. If I had just disagreed to try out, I could be with them right now at the Center. Today was the day Old Coach Ukai came with his middle schoolers to play with the alumni.

It was weird not being there and it was especially weird that I now have to call Coach Ukai old, which he has never seemed the least bit old despite his gray hair. He was a forever long instructor at heart, it was only right to assume so.

"Is there a reason why you're lurking behind my dumpster?" The scratchy voice was irritated and if I hadn't of known who's store it was I would've jumped.

I tossed my chin over my shoulder to look at him, he looked the same as ever, tired and angry, his bleached hair pulled back with a loose headband.

"Huh, Brownie Scout?" He pressed and I deadpanned. I ignored the nickname the first time he called me that but that fact he even remembered it made me scowl.

"Can't you just call me by the name I asked you to or is that too hard for you?" I pulled my thin material shirt around me, turning back the way I came from, accepting that I just had to stay with my brother. I had been caught.

Ukai followed me out," Avoiding the dumpster question, I see." He chided sarcastically. "Also Angel doesn't suit you, really." He easily surpassed me, the apron he was wearing fluttering behind him.

I squinted at him, hoping that the glare that I pressed into the back of his head caused it to explode. Shu had already pissed me off this afternoon and this wasn't helping. "Well, I don't think Brownie Scout is fair unless I can call you something just as ridiculous." I replied calmly, eyeing his side profile as he smirked.

"Just as ridiculous, huh?" He pearled my words over his tongue and my frown deepened. "How about you make one up and get back to me." His heavy cocky tone wasn't something I dismissed and I huffed.

Unbelievable.

I clicked my tongue, not bothering to hold the door open for him as I entered the market. Maybe, this was the reason I didn't want to come here.

I piled everything I needed into a small basket, trying to get out as soon as I could, but I couldn't manage to direct Takeru and Shu to finish what they were doing. So I stood in the far corner of the store waiting for them.

I didn't get any peace though as Ukai mockingly rested his arm on the wall behind me propping himself up. His sweatshirt sleeves were folded up to his forearms and I could feel his body heat. I grimaced, shuffling away.

"You know something?" A lazy smile played his lips. "This week hasn't been too good for you."

I jolted at that, pushing a hand to my collarbone, staring at him with wide eyes. So he noticed too. "Do you know why the boys are acting like that?"

He tilted his head, letting the pen behind his ear, which I hadn't observed before, fall into the palm of his hand. "Is there really an answer to that, Little Crow?" I nearly dropped my basket, stepping back in shock but I had no chance to comment on it. "I wouldn't be too happy about playing with a girl."

I immediately scowled at my Coach. How was it that those boys respected him so much? He was a jerk. "If you knew this would happen then why did you scout me?" Before I could forget I quickly added, "And don't call me that."

"I'm not calling you Angel," He chuckled out, suddenly critically interested in the pen he held. "You're on my team for a reason. It doesn't effect me that they are butthurt about it. It's always hard to handle someone being better than you, especially if that person is a girl."

"But it's effecting me! How I play and think!"

When he peered down at me through his lashes, a piece of hair fell with the blink of his eyes. "Patience is a virtue." He said. That was it. He had gone back to the way he was when I first met him at the beginning of the week.

He reached down, tugging at my shirt. "How is it that you jump so high with all this?" The words didn't register with me before one of his slim fingers poked me in the stomach.

I felt myself flame red, and I bowed my head.

_"It's a shame Emica wasn't the one hurt. She's the tiniest of the two of you."_

Of course he asked that. It was my fault I was this big anyway.

And before I could apologize, my shopping basket was pulled from my hand and I was shoved behind someone. "Do you always ask a girl about their weight, Old man?" It was Shu and he was holding me still from the back as I tried to protest.

Ukai looked unabashed with his intention behind his question.

Takeru followed up beside me watching my coach over Shu's shoulder. "I've heard it's bad form." The Wakutani Captain irked.

Ukai glanced at me and I started to feel my heart speed up. I wasn't entirely sure what had provoked him to say such a thing or if he was just in a mood but this I _knew_ was very unlike him. No friend of Shimada's and Takinoue's would utter a question so rudely.

"It was just a question, boys. I give strict practice drills for each of my players that hone to their abilities. " He smiled at them sweetly. "I just wanted to know."

Takeru gave me a bewildered stare before turning back to Ukai. "Be careful with what you say, Manuke."

"I think we're ready to go." Shu muttered lowly, rushing toward the front with my wrist in his hand. Was he really that upset?

The car ride back to my house was quiet except for the short questions Shu attempted to ask me but I swiftly ignored them, tucking myself into the car door.

I was correct to not want to be noticed. I was correct to want to be so small that no one would look at me. This just showed me.

I had a feeling that he had genuinely asked for the purposes of my improvement, but my mind couldn't handle the panic that he had just truly made fun of me. If that was the case, this was gonna be first year all over again and I didn't have room in my heart for that.

When I got inside the house, with the two boys towing me, I dropped the ingredients in the kitchen for my mother then retreated to my room.

Maybe, if I could just think this over I could feel better by dinner and I'll be able to properly hang out with my brother before he leaves again.

I took a seat on my bed, taking a deep breath. I glanced at the shirt I was wearing. Did I look bigger in this shirt? I had chosen it because I looked a bit smaller but the insufferable Ukai was sure make me never want to wear it again.

I sat there staring at my floor thinking about the alumni coach, my stomach twisting in mixed feelings. His change in attitudes was enough for me to question his truth to me being on his team, maybe now I could go back to disliking him like when I had first met him. It didn't seem like the worst idea.

But I also couldn't help but think about how his voice drew out the name "Little Crow" before he poked me. It was low and heavy under his breath like he didn't want anyone else to hear even though he could've easily said either of my actual names. His tired brown eyes trained on me while I freaked out about being an outcast to the team. I hadn't noticed it before that he was completely focused on me.

No.

Good lord no.

You certainly are something Ukai but I won't let that interfere with my volleyball.

****

"Do you guys want to go play?" Takinoue peered over his glass of water at me and Nakashima as we finished our dinner. He looked weary, a thin headband pushing his short hair out of his face, his tall figure held within a pair of joggers and a wind breaker. It was an odd outfit for him but he looked well.

I didn't even have to look at Nakashima to know his eyes were burning into me for my answer, already knowing his. I nodded sheepishly, glancing at my apparel that I had changed before I came down.

Shu huffed," You didn't ask, but of course I'll play." His brown eyes were lidded sarcastically and Takinoue stuck his hand out shrugging. They both stood and my friend found himself double taking at Shu's height, they were almost the same though Takinoue still held the crown. "I'm pretty but I don't swing that way, bud."

Shu's curls surrounded his face, his eyes squinting as he smirked at each of us who found nothing about his comment funny. He was very easily identified as a first year and it showed.

I wanted to know what they learned at Wakutani, I wanted to know why he chose track over volleyball which both me and Takeru constantly played with him when he was in middle school. It didn't make sense. He loved it and always volunteered to play so why didn't he just try out? He was an amazing libero, his runner's body was able to endure the intense falling out for the ball. He could be so much.

Takinoue looked at me, lending his hand to help me up from the table and I felt Takeru staring at us for it. It was sort of awkward between us right now since the other night and we haven't truly spoken the way we usually have yet but it warmed my heart that he still was able to help me like this.

We made sure to tell my mom we were leaving, washing our dishes so she didn't have to, then heading out and toward the field near my house.

Shu was by my side as Takinoue and Takeru spoke in quiet in front of us.

Shu glanced at me," They're not gonna notice are they?"

I kept my eyes ahead watching them, humming in question.

"Your knee's killing you."

I shuffled from foot to foot, balancing the volleyball I had brought in my palm. I focused more so on the scratchy fabric it had against the callouses of my hands. "I just landed weird a few days ago while spiking. It's happened before."

He tutted quietly, slipping past me," Put yourself in a wheelchair, Tenshi. Maybe then you'll learn that you're not invincible like you think you are." his tone wasn't aggressive, but he did shake his head annoyed. "You've made your body into an endurance machine but I refuse to walk you to the bathroom every time you need to go pee ever again." He smiled back at me and I felt my skin burn with embarrassment.

There was no difference in his usual carefree attitude and I could tell it was his way of telling me not to push myself. We weren't the type of siblings to encourage each other or love each other like friends so this was probably the most I'd get out of him.

The net that me and Shimada set up when he was training me to put force with my control over my serves came into view, Takeru already shaking some leaves off of it. It had been too much of a hassle finding an actual court so we used this instead.

Takinoue whizzed past me snatching the volleyball from my hand, laughing when I stumbled forward falling onto my hands. It felt so normal.

Nakashima hurried over helping me off of the damp grass. "The damsel in distress never fails does it?" His short hair brushed my cheek when I glanced up, his brown eyes so close I jumped in his grasp.

What in hell was he doing?

I genuinely did like him when we talked awhile back, and we had kissed a few times, but he was the one to end it so I wasn't entirely sure what he was doing.

I shot up, twisting from his fingers," Uh- Ha, yeah sure."

If he tried to get back together with me I'm not sure I could resist. There will always be the plain attraction I had toward him. I just never thought about it but now it was scaring me.

He watched me frantically trying to decide how I felt, smiling. "Calm down," He inched toward the court, Shu on his team while I played with Takinoue. "Always so flustered."

I grew pale. What is this?

When I approached Takinoue, his hand brushed my shoulder, making me hunch over. His naturally scowled face, similar to Ukai's, heaved a sigh. "You're my setter and blocker. I'll receive and spike. They might qualify for semi-finals every year but they're nothing against me."

I stared at him for a moment, and he caught himself.

"And you." He let out sheepishly, ruffling my spilled out brown hair.

I really need to hangout with him separately from practice and volleyball. We haven't done it awhile and it was killing me that I could only talk to him minutes at a time before running off to do something else.

I positioned myself by the grass line, digging my sneakers into the dirt court that took maybe a week for me and Shimada to furnish. Of course, Shu was their blocker and setter, leaving Takeru as defense and spiker.

It was a perfect pair.

But me and Takinoue were also a perfect pair. We had never played all together before so this was bound to be good.

It was Shu's serve.

He had pulled his curls back with hair tie he must've grabbed before he left. Despite the levels of twirls on his head, he looked like Yamaguchi when he served, though without the timid shaking of his hands as he held the ball.

Shu didn't have control like me. I think he just hit it hoping it would land inside the lines, which was something to respect.

I received the ball sending it as high as I could so it was good enough as a set, watching Takinoue lift up off the ground. A spike was always a fascinating thing to watch, no matter how many times I've seen it. It was such a simple way of showing your athletic skills by jumping high, hitting it hard, and having control. Takinoue had all three, even though I couldn't say he had all three while he was in highschool. At least he developed them at all.

It landed harshly into the dirt beside Shu, who breathed out a laugh sending Takinoue a thumbs up.

It was like that until it got completely dark outside, and we couldn't depend on the street lights anymore. The volleyball almost never touched the ground and when it did, it always ended in hysterical laughter. It was nice that I didn't dwell on what happened at the store all day, and I was able to focus on having fun. It was nice to smile.

Maybe I'll sleep good enough, that I can work up the nerve to actually talk to Daichi tomorrow.

My mind traced back to Ukai again, and there wasn't a single burn of shame as I thought about him. I could only think of his mouth as he spoke slow and cockily, and the way his eyebrows arched when I said something questionable to him. Not to mention the way his body leaned with authority. I disliked him when he opened his mouth, and he embarrassed me to my fullest extent today but I still guiltily thought about him and his body as though he hadn't.

I watched Takinoue and Shu wrestle each other as we all walked home, the warmth of being with friends sending me into a smiley mood. I liked walking at night. I've never done it alone due to Shimada's persistence to the others that I was to never be alone after dark, but I nonetheless felt comfort with it.

Nakashima's shoulder brushed mine as we veered a turn down onto my street, his short buzzcut like hair was frizzed with humidity and the simple gray shirt he wore clung to his sides showing his figure well.

It reminded me of Daichi, who wore much more revealing clothes than the rest of the team.

His eyes were the same color as mine and they rested on me. I could feel the tension that he gave off. Ever since Shu mentioned our old relationship, it seemed like it lit a spark in him.

He didn't advance toward me any further but his gaze never left me. "I'm glad that you've gotten better, Tenshi." His jaw jerked and I didn't respond. "There's a clear difference with how you came to me practicing a year ago compared to now. It's impressive. Too bad you've got a jerk off coach."

It sounded like he was trying to joke, but I only shifted the angle of my head so my hair fell in front of me. I really wanted to say something in return but I couldn't find myself doing so. It's been so long since I've felt this way but I felt guilty because I had just been thinking about Ukai.

He slowed us down a bit so we were a further behind the two bickering boys up front. He watched me closely, his eyes washing over my face kindly. It made my heart pound.

Was this how this story was gonna go?

Was Takeru gonna be the one to listen and heal me?

"I'm not gonna lie," He mumbled softly, rubbing the back of his neck. "When I heard you were playing school ball again with the boys. It was sort of," A red dust flitted across his cheeks. "Hot, I guess."

My eyebrows shot to my hairline and I coughed. " Such little things impress you."

Out the corner of my eye I saw Takinoue turn back, glancing at us and I started forward so he didn't bother. I wanted to know where this was going.

Nakashima smirked at that, nodding ahead at my brother. "I'm staying the night and leaving in the morning with Shu."

The intention behind his smile was clear and I frowned. Would it bad to have fun? Or would this ruin me by the time I woke up for practice.

I had no time to answer myself as Takinoue's large hands engulfed my shoulders, pushing me forward toward my front door. "You are the gatekeeper, you must let us pass." His deep voice was filled with tease and I forced myself to ignore what Nakashima had said.

I retreated to my room again, slinging off my day clothes to slip into some pajamas. I looked at my phone on my nightstand, surrounded by a sea of books and sighed.

I had his number and I could always text him if I agreed to whatever dirty thing he had in mind. There wasn't a single thing that I had to worry about when it came to this. Did I really want to?

My lockscreen flashed with a notification and I rolled my eyes. Was he that eager?

**276-(***)-***:**

_I've texted like three different numbers if this isn't Tenshi Ito I give up._

It took me a moment to comprehend the unknown text.

**Me:**

_This is she_

_Um who's this?_

**276-(***)-***:**

_Daichi_

_We need to talk tomorrow_

~

My hand flew to my chest, pressing my nails into my collarbone. So he was thinking the same thing. Having a problem with each other was exhausting, I'm sure he wanted it to stop too.

~

**Me:**

_I'll come early_

**Daichi:**

_Good._

_~_

Another notification slid down my screen, easily noticing it was Nakashima.

~

**Naki:**

_Are you asleep?_

~

I'm gonna do it.

~

**Me:**

_Come up_

_~_

I slid under my covers, trembling as I waited for the third year to walk into my room. I wasn't gonna let anything go too far. This day had turned out better than expected and I wanted something to occupy myself with even if he was just using me. I wanted something to think about while I played with a group of boys that had no interest in me tomorrow and this was it.

My door creaked open and Takeru's happy face smiled at me, whisking over to the edge of my bed. He looked different in the dim light that my shitty lamp gave off. He looked hotter.

I heaved out a hello, pulling my sheets up to my mouth as I burned red. His hands came around mine softly, tugging away the blanket.

I stared at him. There was a dip in his lip and a little beauty mark rested just below it. His top lashes were longer than his bottom ones. And most drastically, his collarbone was lean and prominent from underneath his grey shirt. I reached forward as if my body had its own thoughts, and ran my finger over his lip, pressing my thumb into it until it met my other finger on the other side of his skin.

He sighed into my touch, running his tongue over my finger lightly, and I gasped pulling away but he caught me. His arms came around my waist pulling me up to him, but he didn't kiss me. He simply took the time to properly sit me on his lap so he could dig his thumbs into my hipbones.

He was a short guy, but the strength he had to hold me seemed effortless. I looked down at him and he was already breathless, his brown eyes washing over me shamelessly.

His mouth came down on my neck leaving harsh, hot kisses along the sensitive tissue, having no regard that I might not be able to handle marks.

So warm.

I whimpered, pressing whatever I could against him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He was giving whatever feverish body heat he had to me but I truly didn't mind. I couldn't think of a single reason why this couldn't happen. The only major thing that was happening right now were his hands traveling the length of my thighs.

The pajama shorts I was wearing weren't modest at all, and it was easy for him to slip his hands through the pant holes to grip my ass. He somehow pushed me closer and I couldn't help the moan that left me.

"Kiss me." He demanded, pulling my chin between his fingers. "I wanna feel you moaning on my tongue." His hooded brown eyes were enough for me to fall against him.

His words didn't turn me on. It wasn't even Nakashima himself turning me on. It was the fact that I was doing this at all that sent a fire through me. I felt good, which was rare. I felt like I finally had the upperhand on my emotions.

This was my choice. It was finally my choice.

My mouth slanted on his, our teeth chaffing against each other. He squeezed my skin, his fingernails sure to make crescent shapes on my sides.

Nakashima leaned us back onto my pillows, reaching down to bring my legs around his waist.

My skimpy shorts rested into the creases of my thighs, making it look like I was just wearing underwear. I flushed in embarrassment.

Maybe I should've lost enough weight so they'd stop riding up before I agreed to this.

I pulled away from his mouth, frowning down at my legs in distaste. Would this make him want to stop, seeing me like this?

He followed my gaze down my body, and took a deep breath. "That's so hot." He mumbled, and shifted his torso so he could wiggle his thumb between the roll of skin of my thigh and hipbone. The pressure made me inhale sharply. "Don't worry. I'll take care of you."

I froze.

Uh oh.

_I stared at him as his short choppy hands spread over my thighs, plucking the velcro of my kneepads making them fall to my ankles._

_The empty, brisk air of the locker room making the sweat I had worked up during my practice slide down my skin in cold droplets. I was so afraid. So afraid to lose this._

_So I kept quiet while his chapped lips connected to my legs, licking my sweat._

_I wanted to cry and kick until he was gone forever but I still just stared at him as he defiled me, his hands touching ever nook and cranny of my body._

_My shirt lifted and I whined out, too weak and scared to push him away. "Coach, please."_

_He smiled up at me, still caressing my thighs, his yellow, crooked teeth glaring in the light. "Begging already, Tenshi?"_

_He thought I was aroused by him._

_"I'll take care of that knot, don't you worry. My star player deserves to be relieved."_

¤

"Tenshi? Tenshi, what's wrong?" Takeru's voice peeked it's way into my memory and I suddenly felt his hands on me, not coach's. I was breathing heavily and my hands were twisted into his shirt, holding on for dear life.

My head ticked," Don't-" I blurted, and despite how much I was freaking out, I shoved his face into my neck, letting him kiss me more. "Don't call me that."

He pushed against my hold on his and when I didn't allow him to come up, his firm grip forced my hands to my sides. It was clear that he was still in the mood and I tried my best to give him the same look but it just didn't feel the same.

I thought I was better. It's been a year.

He pushed my thin shirt up, placing kisses where his hands missed. I watched in terror as his fingers pressed a bit too far into my skin. Like I was afraid he'd find out I was big.

I wanted this to stop. I shouldn't have done this.

"Take..ru." I breathed out, lifting his head with the push of my thumbs against his cheeks. He hummed, his eyes still fixated on the spot just below my breasts. "We should stop."

I knew he wasn't gonna understand why I wanted to pause, but I didn't even understand why I had to think of that in the middle of this.

He shot up, frowning, "Why?" He threw his hand over his face. "Wait- This- You didn't want this?" His now wrinkled shirt, moved with his frantic movements. He tugged my shirt down, pulling me up roughly, so I could fix my appearance. "I thought I was clear. Was I not?"

I forced myself to laugh. "You were fine, Naki." I murmured halfheartedly. "It's late and I have to leave extra early." It wasn't an entire lie, but I couldn't just outright say that I had a flashback about my old coach.

His eyes fell over my face a couple times, "Yes," He slid off my bed, composing himself. "Yeah." His firm, irritated tone swirled in the air for a moment, and then his shoulders eased. He leaned down slowly, it was enough time for me to protest but I couldn't bring myself too. His lips landed on mine one last time before he fully detached himself from my body. "I'm sure I won't see you for awhile, so maybe- text me sometime."

I smiled tightly and nodded. If Shu had seen him like this, it would be over for the Wakutani Captain. "We text all the time, Noroma." I snickered.

His cheeks burned red and he cocked an eyebrow before finally exiting my room.

When his footsteps were out earshot, I almost fell out of my bed trying to take a normal breath of air.

It was so vivid.

I could see the veins in his hands and how they splintered off into more lines of DNA, and the salt and pepper hair that brushed my inner thighs, and his startling green eyes as the looked at me with disgusting hunger.

I could see it all so clearly, but there was something even more unsettling about it than just seeing him like that. It was the fact that I could remember his exact words, they weren't blurred like how a person would normally recall a memory. I could hear the misunderstanding of my whines in his voice, the manipulative tone that kept me from screaming out against his hold. It was like I was actually there again. I couldn't feel Nakashima's body pressed into mine. I only felt my coach's filthy hands attack me.

I wanted to have fun and it started out perfect. Why was it that those words he said triggered that? I've had things trigger a certain line or phrase my former coach has said to me, but nothing that large or long. Nothing so certain.

I can't do that to Takeru again. He might think I'm leading him along even though it's just my mind reminding me that I had gone through that.

I looked down at my hands, not realizing that I had curled my nails into my skin, leaving thick red lines across my knees. It was like what I had a few days ago and I didn't feel it then either.

How could I feel pity for myself? I leave visible marks on my body, making it look like I'm asking for a reassuring question seeing if I'm okay.

I grimaced, soothing the burns by rubbing my fingertips over the raised lines.

If I could get whatever was going on with my distaste for my body and the foolish memories I keep remembering out of my head. Perhaps, I could get through to this school team and at least have them under my arm instead of just Takinoue and Shu.

We'll just have to see how this talk goes with Daichi, and hopefully avoid Ukai enough that I can make it through afternoon practice as well.

******

**Manuke (まぬけ): Clueless, loser**

**Noroma (のろま): Twit, dunce, slowpoke**

I'm finally slowly getting into the plot now thank god, stick with me guys these take a long time to come up with. Comment and vote thank youuu!!!


	6. Six

"Serves you right, you idiot." Shimada mumbled, offering his arm as we walked to school.

I had just told him what happened before bed last night.

"I hope Daichi gives you enough shit to scare you for a couple years," His glass covered eyes stayed on the asphalt that passed under our feet.

Thinking of Daichi chewing me up and spitting me out after our talk filled me with anxiety and Shimada certainly wasn't helping.

I breathed out, annoyed. "You really are a douche, Shimmy." I irked, looping my arm through his just to flick his hand with annoyance. "I only said I got a bad feeling. I stopped him before anything happened."

His gray eyes fell to me with an unconvinced look, his dark hair framing his face. He looked young compared to how he usually looked. "Liar. That shit won't work on me."

I almost forgot how much more insensitive he was compared to Takinoue as well.

Takinoue wasn't able to walk me to school today because of a client's fuse blowing in their house in the middle of the night. So much to my joy, Shimada volunteered to be my arm candy with the excuse saying that he had errands to run even though it was 4:30 in the morning and absolutely nothing was open yet. He could've just said that he wanted to see Coach Ukai and me, but I knew the words would never come out of his mouth.

The highschool peaked over the hill we ascended, and we were bickering at each other back and forth, eventually ending on the subject of how to say 'oil' correctly in English.

"Would you like to go back to my house and ask my _American_ mother?" I snapped, sticking my foot out in front of him so he'd stumble.

He grabbed me, pushing my head down, jabbing his fingers into my scalp, causing me to yelp. "Don't talk to me like that!" He laughed out, seizing my arms when I started to flail. "Not with Wakutani spit in your mouth!"

I couldn't help blurt out a laugh, pushing him away, taking the time to sprint to the gym behind the school.

Both him and Takinoue were so similar in humor, that when the two were together they could easily bring out the smiles in people. Shimada was very obviously the foundation of the friendship.

There wasn't anyone at the school yet so I was able to run through the courtyard with ease, zipping through bushes to successfully make it to the clubroom. My knee burned with a morning ache and I could feel every creak of my joints as they moved but I ignored it.

I caught Daichi sipping on a thermos of tea, crouched under the walkway into the gym. He was warming up his legs, pushing himself up and down in halfhearted squats. He wore his usual practice clothes, a white fitting shirt and black shorts that hugged his thighs. How was he drinking that and preparing himself at the same time?

I had no intention of stopping just to greet him with Shimada on my trail so I took off past him toward the clubroom. I felt his brown eyes watch after me with a grimace, the alumni nodding at him as he chased after me.

I could hear his heavy breathy laughs and I could feel his body heat as he neared me.

I slid to a stop by the stairs leading up to the room, giving up, mostly because I couldn't stop laughing. He playfully scowled at me, leaning over, knocking my knees out from under me so he could throw me over his shoulder.

I gasped out, twisting a hand into his shirt and another into his ear length hair, "Hey what do you think your doing, Old man?" I freaked, kicking my feet out. "Stop! You'll drop me!"

I could feel his glasses press into my hips as he refrained from laughing. "Me? Drop you?" He teased, finding a good place to rest his hands without touching anything inappropriate.

I couldn't help but focus on the way the rolls of my stomach adjusted to the shape of his shoulder and I let out a weak sound. I caressed his head tightly, I didn't want him to feel the weakness of my body.

"Shimmy, please! I've gotta go!" I pleaded, too afraid to whine out the real reason I was afraid to be held like this. Daichi was still staring at the two of us and I burned red when he rolled his eyes, huffing, turning to stalk into the gym.

Oh no.

I've made him mad, this talk isn't gonna go well.

Shimada slowly released me, smiling evilly, reaching over to poke me on the forehead, which he often did. " I'm gonna head to Keishin's mart, alright? I'll probably come back with him." His warm, happy eyes slotted when he saw my blanched expression. "He's a highschooler too, you know? He's only got a year on ya." He reassured me, ruffling my already messed up hair and veering me toward the entrance.

I crept closer, feeling all the weight in my shoulders sink to my fingertips. It felt so heavy. I'm not sure if I had the strength to do this. That kid was terrifying.

"Oi!" Shimada called out again. "And try not to suck face with this one, alright? We can't just keep switching teams."

My face burst with heat, flourishing my hands to excuse the thought from passing through my head. He laughed, walking off toward the courtyard, his dark hair fluttering with the brisk morning air.

I really hope this talk is about resolving whatever bad blood we had, because I wasn't prepared for anything else. I just wanted to apologize and move on for practice.

When I entered the gym, I easily located Daichi from the rustle in the storage room, tugging out the net to set it up. His shoulders were hunched beneath his volleyball jacket, his disheveled short hair spiking at the edges, grunting at the heavy equipment in his arms.

I mumbled an apology, stepping up in front of him to grab the poles that were wobbling against the mats, but he pushed away from me letting the poles fall to the floor.

He glared at me," I don't need your help." His ill-tempered tone made me roll my eyes, picking them up despite his protest, but when I came back up he was already out of the room.

I sighed, following after him desperately. "Daichi, what is your problem? You couldn't have carried that all by yourself!" I reasoned.

He didn't bother to look at me, clicking his tongue, laying out the tangled net in his hands. "I asked you to come so we could talk but you brought that sleazy store owner."

I audibly spluttered at that, " _Sleazy?_ " I squeezed my hands into fists. "You can't just say that about someone!"

He stood up and even though he was only a few inches taller than me he still towered over me. His cheeks were flushed with annoyance, scowling," You shouldn't be on this team." He said lowly. "That attention session you had this week only proved it."

I couldn't believe that I was hearing this from his own mouth.

"You can't just walk onto this court with a decent serve and baggage that'll bring the rest of us down." He moved closer to me. I could feel the waver of his hands as he curled them in and out at his sides. "And it seriously doesn't help that you're a girl. You could've at least come with technique." He scoffed out a laugh. "You might've sweet talked Coach into this but I will make sure all these boys know your weaknesses and why it just won't work with you here."

My mouth opened and closed searching for something to say, but what was there to say? He only said the things I had been thinking. My body was tense with shame and it quite literally caused me pain.

I let my ponytail fall forward, so I had something small to hide behind. "This isn't much of a talk is it, Cap? You're just yelling at me."

"You call me Captain but don't treat me as a superior with that attitude of yours." He nicked my chin with his thumb forcing me to look up. "And can still crack a joke even though you're on the verge of tears." He rolled his eyes, stepping away from me, crossing his arms. "If you're that sensitive just set up the net, I don't care for it."

His skin felt like fire against mine and I couldn't help but cup my face where he had touched me. I stared up him, hoping my gaze was even. The silence was terribly loud as we glared at each other, the feeling of his presence felt like the gym was overcrowding with people, suffocating me.

_"If I wasn't your coach, do you really think you'd be in the starting line up?"_

I started to wonder if I looked like how I felt- scared and breathless. "Do you even comprehend the words you've just said?" I suddenly asked, squinting up at him through my lashes. "What a thing to say! How about you continue? Do you have more, because I'm all ears."

I pushed past him, setting up the poles in the middle of the court, ignoring another click of his tongue. "Might as well say everything before you explode during practice, since I _inconvenience_ you so much." I dragged out sarcastically.

This was all an act. My heart was pounding against my chest painfully and every time I inhaled I took as much air as I could.

He watched me incredulously, the collar of his jacket flailing at how heavy he was breathing as well. I know I've made him even angrier and it terrified me. "Don't test me, Tenshi."

I twirled around, snarling. "And while we're at it, stop calling me that. I've told you what to call me."

"Oh, you _told_ me?" He seethed, he reached over, aggressively tying the net to the pole I successfully put up. I was almost positive that we looked like fools, yelling back and forth and somehow getting enough work done that by the time the boys show up, we could start practice almost immediately. "I don't think I'll take it too lightly next time you _tell_ me something."

I blew a raspberry," This is you taking it lightly? You should really work on it then, Man."

His eyes widened," Man? I'm your upperclassman!"

"You just called an Alumni a sleazy store owner and now you want to talk about seniority?"

I wanted this to end. This was not what I was hoping for and I couldn't help but respond smarmily each time he said something. Was this how he would spend his last season of volleyball? Angry and conspiring against me?

I took a deep breath.

It didn't matter if he didn't like me and vice versa. I didn't have the heart to let him do that to himself.

"Captain." I said quietly. "Think of me what you will, but don't use what you have left of this team, hating me. I don't want to ruin your last year."

I looked up at him and watched his shoulders ease, rivulets of sweat trailing down his throat from our argument and how hot the gym was. He stared at me with his cold brown eyes, searching for a joke in my expression.

He rolled his eyes," I don't hate you, Angel."

I sucked in a breath. Why did my name sound good coming from him?

He snatched the other pole from my hand, heading to the other side of the court to set it up. " Go grab the penny's. Coach should be arriving soon." He muttered, nodding his head at the storage room. "And you've got clean up duty this week." A ghost of a smirk graced his features and my blood boiled.

I could only assume that he was purposely avoiding the news so he could disappoint me.

That's why I got that spike past you, I thought immaturely.

I'm not sure if this solved anything. My bad attempt at trying to console his anger with the excuse that it was his last year seemed to work. Maybe it was reassuring to him that I was worried about the ending of his time in highschool career because I truly was. If I was burdened by someone like me during my third year I'd be pretty bitter too.

I returned with the see through material, bouncing on my heels trying to ignore the pounding in my chest and the aching in my knee. It was really starting to hurt.

Daichi glanced up at me, "Sit down." He demanded as he finished up the net. The benches weren't out yet so I carefully sat down in the middle of the court. He reached down for the penny's, counting each of them to make sure their was enough. "I can't kick you off this team," He started. "So as your Captain.. I have to know what's wrong with you."

I wiped my eyes of the water that crowded them earlier, and watched him fight with himself. "You're gonna have to be more specific, Daichi."

He ran a stressed hand through his hair, glaring down at me. "Coach told me about your knee." My eyes widened and I started but he threw a hand up. "Don't worry it's between us. I won't tell anyone."

I'm not sure why I was so surprised. He was literally the leader of the team without Ukai here.

"It was really annoying what happened Tuesday," He slid down, crossing his legs under himself, sitting in front of me. "But I am a little curious." He said, obviously too caught up in his pride to properly ask me anything.

I tilted my head, "I just had trouble that morning is all." My ponytail fell from my shoulder and he zeroed in on my neck. I flushed, tucking in on myself. Nakashima took the liberty of leaving one too many marks.

He didn't say anything about it and stood up just as Ukai trudged in with his head low. "Nothing's changed. I don't want you on this team," He paused, closing his mouth. "But if it takes being decent to you to figure out what your problem is, so be it."

I'm not sure what that meant, because he could've asked me about it now. Though, I probably wouldn't have answered him just like I had to Ukai. Was he embarrassed to be seen talking to me?

I watched him, wipe off his clothing before grunting an irritated look my way.

I'm so confused. What did that mean? Being decent? Why was the way he looked at me when he said it making my heart burn?

****

Morning practice was normal, though everyone wasn't really feeling it and that made Ukai mad so he made us run for the remainder of the time until even Hinata was begging to stop.

Now I was in the library with Kinoshita whom I shared study hall with, flipping through old history books to finish up a paper. It wasn't my favorite thing in the world and him and I weren't any kinds of close but he certainly wasn't a stranger. He was easy to joke with and he often spoke about road work, specifically trains.

I was never bored when he spoke about them, but I was never really interested either so of course I'd ask him questions about them out of curiosity because it was always nice to see him get excited.

"I heard you had a talk with Daichi this morning from Suga." He whispered, pushing away one of the textbooks to give me his full attention. "He really doesn't like you."

I glared at him past my pencil, "Wow, thanks so much for the intel." My sarcastic response made him smile, allowing me to continue talking. "Nothing really happened, he just told me that he didn't want me on the team-"

"No way."

His surprised eyes made me furrow my eyebrows. "Yeah? That's all he really wanted to say, he didn't even let me talk that much." I mumbled, slumping my head down onto my arm. "He's weird."

Kinoshita's fair skin brushed against mine as he adjusted so he could whisper more efficiently. " You know, the guys haven't really known how to talk to you." He said. "I mean, it was so much easier to play with you knowing that you were just there for fun but now," He paused, pressing his thumb into his chin. "I'm not sure it's a bad thing but we're all just... surprised."

My head ticked. No that wasn't it. I was messing up their groove that they had from knowing each other longer than I have. It couldn't have been more clearer than that.

"Maybe," I murmured, doodling little stickmen into the margins of my notebooks. "I didn't even really want to join the school team. I was happy with the team I had."

He snorted," You sound like you want a compliment but I'm not gonna give you one."

I sat up alarmed," No, that's not-"

"I'm kidding, Ito." He laughed. "Try putting yourself into the hands of some of the guys during drills, they're just acting brand new because you're our teammate now." He nudged me, making me look up. "Make them treat you like one."

I hummed, bowing my head. "Easy for you to say, Kino. You have a penis."

He tucked his head into his elbow, laughing quietly, "Yes, but I'm not in the starting lineup."

I closed the textbook that I was reading before this came up, giving up on the useless sentences that started to blur after awhile. "I don't even know if I am either, man."

I watched him glance past me at an arriving Narita," You think you got on the team during the middle of the season just to sit out?" He narrowed his eyes at me jokingly. "You're stupider than I thought."

I giggled, opening my mouth to say something when Narita sat down in front of me saying my name softly.

"The VP wants to talk to you." He said.

I frowned," How do you know that?"

He sighed," I work in the office with Takeda sometimes, but you should go now. He seemed kind of upset."

I looked to Kinoshita, but he just nodded, agreeing he'd be able to finish his assignment alone. I really didn't want to leave. I liked sitting with him.

I hurried down the hall, trying to slow my pace sometimes, but my anxiety made me basically sprint to the front of the school.

At the doors, I tugged down the back of my skirt, which has always bothered me because I rather liked the trousers that the boys uniform had.

If this is about my grades then I'm hopeless.

I reluctantly pushed into the room, burning red when I saw the VP waiting for me by the front desk. He looked the same, pushed over, and an almost too noticeable toupee on his head that I could only assume was supposed to make up for the way his face scrunched up with ugly pride.

"Ah, Miss Ito," He hummed. " I'm so very glad you could join us. Why don't we go to my office?"

Us?

We weaved through tiny desk areas, and it was nearly suffocating. Teachers barely had room to write, who's bright idea was this?

I spotted Takeda on the phone in his little area, he smiled when he saw me throwing up a hand then immediately turned around as if the person on the other line said something offensive.

My heart was beating really fast and I couldn't help but grab at my collarbone. I really wanted this to be about something good but there was an unending doubt that this was about how badly I was doing in Japanese.

I was a second year, fluent in both English and Japanese, but still found it difficult to form a sentence for an essay. I had this coming.

We slipped into his rudely large office compared to the slivers of desk that the others teachers and advisors had in the main room. There were plenty of pictures on the walls and one too many plants that surrounded his windowsills. He was absolutely not a minimalist. Though, in one of the chairs in front of his desk was Ukai, his blonde head slumped to the side, annoyed.

Actually, now that I think about it. Maybe, I'd rather this be about my poor Japanese structure.

He turned around at the sound of the door closing, watching me closely as I bowed for him. He grunted, "Come on now, sir. I've gotta store to run." He didn't stop looking at me though, his eyes falling to my knee, which I knew was significantly red because I still haven't iced it since landing wrong last week.

I took the chair beside him, noticing that he had his apron draped over his jeans, his hands twisted into the material. What was his problem?

The VP smiled at the both of us, " It's exciting having our first girl ever to join the boys team." He mused, twirling a finger over a vine of one of his plants. " And it's was a great surprise for Keishin to vouch for someone as he did for you, Tenshi."

I curled in on myself so I wasn't forced to look at my coach, nodding my head weakly.

The older man continued, pretending not to see my discomfort. " It's gonna cause great stress on our Karasuno name so I can safely incline that you will put that stress at ease, right, Tenshi?"

Why was he saying my name like that?

Ukai cleared his throat, sitting up straight. "If I'm here so you can encourage me on my choice then I think you chose the wrong time to do it, Sir." He said lowly.

VP only nodded, looking to me. "That's not why I called you here. I wanted to make sure you knew just as well as I do about Tenshi's situation, Coach." I froze, glancing at Ukai who ignored me and leaned forward. "Her mother came to me a couple days ago after her brother expressed concern for her knee."

I crossed my arms," I'm right here, Sir." I mumbled.

Of course that little rat had to say something. He knew mom would go nuts over this.

"I know about her knee, she knocked it out her first year." Ukai hummed, reaching up to tug on one of his earrings.

VP made a surprised noise," Yes, yes, that's true." He looked at me with eyebrows furrowed. "This is more so about how her old coach handled it. It would be foolish of me to assume you didn't know your players disabilities."

This can't be happening. No one knew about what Coach Usami had done except for him and myself. Could one of the girls had seen and reported it?

Oh god, I can't let Ukai know about this, not even Takinoue knew.

Ukai chuckled," If that knee is a disability, I'm not sure you know what a disability is, Sir." He stood up. "I don't care for however the girl's coach treated her because it obviously wasn't right if she's here now playing for _my_ team." He opened the door, finally looking at me, and he smirked. "And for future reference, Vice Principal. Her name is Angel."

He left without another word and I was left with a dropped jaw, waiting for VP to say something else so I could hopefully catch up to him. He might have said what he said just now but that didn't mean that was how he felt.

"I'm sorry for him, Sir, please excuse him. He didn't have a good practice this morning." I squeezed out a smile, crossing my legs.

He didn't dwell on it and just sat down. "Would it be alright if we discussed the report you put out last year?"

I pulled at the end of my skirt, contemplating whether or not I even wanted to stay in this office.

"You said Mr. Usami was cruel to you compared to the other players, correct?" He pressed, even though I hadn't agreed to talk about it yet.

I scowled," I only filed that because of my mother, I think you can understand that it was all an over reaction."

No, it wasn't. The man you hired to coach vulnerable girls, abused his power and took me to the locker room after every practice and put his disgusting hands all over my body.

His eyes were level and he sighed," But I suspect that it's not all lies. He verbally insulted you after your injury." He looked down at the paper in his hand, washing over it like he was actually reading it. " And it very much took a toll on you if you wanted to get on the boy's team so badly. I just don't want to create a scandal, you understand, don't you?"

I squeezed my fists, gripping at my thighs so I didn't scream in frustration. He only wanted to talk about it to protect his title, which was typical but it still angered me. "Yes, I understand, Vice Principal. May I take my leave?"

He finally looked irritated and closed my file. "I'm letting you on this team because I wouldn't have liked a fight with a parent." He zipped. "When we investigated Mr. Usami, we found nothing that could show in your favor. So, you are more than welcome to join his team once again if you and Keishin wish to treat me as if I am not in control of your position in this club." He gestured me toward the door, but I was frozen.

He could've easily turned Ukai down and persisted that I join the girl's team once again, but he hadn't. He was right. I was disrespecting him.

I bowed my head," Yes, sir. I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking." I finally stood. "I'll make sure to talk to Coach Ukai about it."

He only nodded and I fled the office, not bothering to smooth out my clothes, shooting across the main room and out of the front of the school.

If I ever had to see Usami's face again, I'm not even sure what I would do. I don't think I could gut an encounter with him. So, I have to play nice with the VP.

I looked around the court yard, watching third year's exit the gates, some sticking around to talk to friends. They were lucky to have a free period everyday.

I would do anything to be able to sit around before going to practice, and that reminded me that I had to go back to the Library because I told Kinoshita I'd walk to the clubroom with him.

I tugged at my skirt one more time and veered on my heel, but not without a puff of smoke being blown in my face.

Scowling, I swatted it away. "Have you no regard for being in front of a school?" I snapped. Ukai just stared at me. "I don't care that you had a bad morning. I just almost got sent back to the girl's team because of your attitude!"

He tilted his head to the side, angling his smoke a different way this time. " Well, I'm not really liking yours right now either," He shifted so the sleeve of his sweatshirt fell down to cover the palm of his hand. "And if you're sent back, Little Crow, I will still have a national winning team." He muttered.

I clenched my jaw, taking a deep breath. " You make no sense, Keishin Ukai! Do you like me or not? You want me on the team or not?" I crossed my arms.

He smirked, flicking the little death stick away," I'd advise you not to call me that." He whispered, leaning close.

"So, you can call me Little Crow but I can't call you by your _given_ name?"

He pushed past me, throwing his apron over his head. "I'm your coach, and I'd rather not hear that name come out of my player's mouth." He glanced over his shoulder. "Two extra laps, understand?" He rose an eyebrow, waiting for my answer.

My mouth fell," Are you serious-"

" _Understand?_ "

I fell silent, staring at his smug look. He seriously was a jerk, but he seriously looked good being one too.

"Yes, sir."

He chuckled," And be a little modest, will you?" He pointed at his neck, and then turned on his heel, exiting the gates of the school.

****

Narita pulled off his shirt, laughing quietly. "You got yelled at by Daichi _and_ Coach caught you with hickeys?"

This made me blush and Kinoshita snicker.

"Shutup, you act like I meant for him to see them." I shot back, sliding my kneepads up my legs, making sure the right one was nice and tight against my scar.

Kinoshita tossed me a rag, which was wet to my dismay," I also heard you got cleaning duty this week." He teased.

Tanaka was watching us from the clubroom door, and this made him start laughing. "Wow, it's only your second week and you have to smell our ball sweat!" He cried out, grabbing at his stomach.

The others in the room began laughing as well and I stood up, knocking Kinoshita on the head for giving Tanaka the thought. "Dirtbag." I mumbled, which only encouraged his giggles more.

When everything died down for a moment Narita spoke up again," I mean, what in the world made you think you should have done stuff with that kid before a practice?"

"Who even was it?" Tanaka added.

I looked down, my hand flying to my collarbone. "A friend of mine."

We all headed out but the second years trailed behind me, "Yeah, that's some friend." Tanaka scoffed and ran away when I turned to hit him.

Kinoshita shook his head, opening the gym door for me, "Better hope that puny makeup you have on, stays on."

I scowled," Such kind words, Kino."

He hummed, smiling. I could tell this was gonna be better than this morning, or rather better than last week. The fact that I was talking to Kinoshita made the other boys talk to me and it was good start.

After Ukai had pointed out that he had seen my neck, I ran back to the library with no regard to the teachers who called after me not too. I hadn't been thinking about the fact that I had even seen Nakashima yesterday, so I was flourishing my hair every which way, forgetting about the deep red marks.

It was embarrassing enough for Ukai to have commented on my body yesterday, but the fact that he had seen me without the hickeys was more sickening. He probably knew that it was Takeru and was most likely gonna shove it in my face later.

And to worsen the situation. Ukai always stays back with the players that have cleanup duty, and to what extent does my bad juju go that I have to go through that as well?

Hopefully Shimada or Takinoue show up so I'm not left alone with that cocky bastard.

And again, making it worse. Practice flew by like it was in a rush to ruin the rest of night, even Daichi's off-brand glares and insults seemed like only milliseconds with how fast it went by.

I was also mistaken about the boys talking to me, because I struggled communicating with half of them minus the second years that I was with today.

So, all of that wrapped in one little ball put me in a really bad mood while I folded penny's and the volleyball net in the storage room, grumbling under my breath.

It's been a whole entire week, and I still longed for the neighborhood association team. I was miserable playing with these boys who couldn't handle me being there. It made playing not fun, it made me want to sit out until there was a good reason to get up.

Daichi had confirmed my fears that I was bad for this team and wasn't gentle when he did. He was a third year, just a couple months away from graduation, and was concerned with a hopeless second year who wanted nothing than to quit the team myself. If anything, me and him were on the same side which made his attitude so much worse to deal with.

I slid myself into a squat, sorting through dirty practice clothes, hoping that separating and rolling them would cut the process at home. The tags on the shirts and shorts all had the boy's individual initials so it'd be easy to return to them once I was finished.

It made me laugh noticing how Nishinoya's clothes were so much smaller than Asahi's, and how much longer Tsukishima's shirts were compared to everyone else's.

I even found some trinkets in the pockets of some of their shorts. They were small useless things, so I just dumped them in a container on one of the storage shelves, vowing to return them tomorrow.

I came across Daichi's iconic black shorts, which as I had assumed correctly were smaller at the waist than the actual pant holes because of his overly massive thighs.

"The way you're looking at those is scaring me."

I looked up at the bleach blonde with a bored look, throwing the captain's shorts with the other ones.

"Is there something you need?" I mumbled, standing up with the trash bags of dirty clothes that I wasn't too happy to haul home.

He hummed, pulling at piece of loose hair that fell from his headband," Seems you took all my grumpiness from this morning."

My blood boiled as I thought of his façade from when the VP called us up.

"And more."

He huffed, taking a bag from my hand," You have such a way of talking to your Sensei." He mused. "It makes me wonder how you treat my friends."

I glared up at him, snaking past his smug expression and out of the gym. I had finished, there was no reason to stay and work up a conversation that would end in me yelling at him and then skittering out for feeling bad.

But he followed.

"Well, not how you treat them, more so," He was beside me now, walking with me to the gate. " How close you are."

I felt the underlying accusation that was in his voice and I scoffed," Dear god, Coach, how dense can you be?"

He smirked," Extremely."

I snatched the bag back from him, rushing forward hoping I could lose him before we had to part ways, but he easily kept up.

His track jacket fell down his shoulders, and stuffed his hands into his pockets, looking down at me as I attempted to speed walk past him.

I hadn't even looked at him closely today, too afraid to think of the lewd thoughts I had thought of yesterday while I was with Nakashima. But I couldn't help it now, with him purposefully close to me.

His exposed skin past his long sleeves were littered with tiny scratches which matched mine from sliding across a volleyball court way too many times and earning a few burns. Though, unlike me, he looked beautiful with them twirling over the extent of his wrists.

I found myself wanting to reach out and touch them but refrained when he cleared his throat.

"Brownie-"

"That's not my name."

This made him laugh, but he stopped and shot me a look. "Speaking of names. I don't think I ever received my two extra laps."

I froze.

He took all the bags from my hands this time and perked an eyebrow at me. "And you look more than adequate to run in those clothes you've got on right now. How about you give me my spin down the street and back."

I rose my hand to hit him but he shot another eyebrow at my gesture and my arm fell. "Coach, please, can't I just do this tomorrow? _I'm sorry_." I pleaded, bowing my head hoping that feigning innocence would help get my way.

He remained stoic to his request. "If you're so sorry, Little Crow," He leaned down, his lips dangerously close to my ear. "Start running." He whispered.

It took me less than a second to take off, seeking to escape the rut my thoughts started to process the moment that he had bent down.

He looked so good with his jacket drooped over his bare shoulders, and his sweatpants fallen lazily against his hips, and I felt so dirty for finding it that way. He irritated me to no end but could do the simplest things and I'd start thinking about them for long periods of time. It made no sense to me. When did I start seeing him like this?

The jog wasn't as long as I had hoped, I wasn't even heaving for air when I landed in front of my coach again. My legs burned from practice but there was nothing to show how bothered I was that he made me do this. It was embarrassing.

I took the laundry from his grip, saying nothing. My face was burning, either from the wind blowing across my face as I ran or the internal shame I felt.

I continued down my path to my house, not too worried about him following me anymore. I just wanted to go to bed. It was almost 11 at night and sorting through the clothes took longer than expected and I still had to wash and dry them before tomorrow. There was too much to do to worry about an immature 26 year old who happened to be my coach.

Though, the sound of his footfall never ceased, and it somehow comforted me. Which, was strange because Shimada and Takinoue did the same thing almost every night until I was past the threshold of my front door. I suppose, this meant that Ukai was staying true to his friend's wishes and wasn't letting me walk home alone, and that meant that this would be happening for a week unless one of the others showed up.

A chill traveled down my spine at the thought, and I hunched my shoulders protecting my side profile from his view. He couldn't see how distressed this was making me.

"Are you upset with me?" He asked mockingly, startling me.

I glanced at him and shrugged, hoping that my short gestured answers would make him shutup. It was bad enough that I wanted to stare at him so bad.

The side of his mouth quirked up," Oh, I see. I get to do the talking now." He hummed. " That sounds like heaven given that you never keep that mouth shut."

I sputtered but still said nothing. Jerk. Jerk. Jerk.

He never talked like that around the boys or Takinoue. Why did he sound so...proper and authoritive.

"You're so timid most of the time and then...you're not." He said, finally slipping his jacket off his body. "I can never tell which mood you'll be in, so inconsistent."

I knew I wasn't deviating but the fact that he noticed sent a jolt of panic through me. This wasn't something I wanted to get into. I've only known him for a week and didn't even know he existed before that. What made him think he could meddle with something like this?

I glanced at him, washing over his shoulders quickly before looking away again. " I don't think we should-"

"And of course, I do have to apologize for my behavior yesterday." He huffed out a laugh. "Perhaps I contribute to your bad moods."

Finally, something he's says is wholeheartedly true.

"That's an understatement." I scoffed.

When I saw my front porch, I hurried up the steps as quickly as I could. Ukai came to a stop at the bottom of them, staring up at me with a smile.

His eyes glinted in the porch light and it was hard to look away. "You have a good night now." He murmured. "We've gotta work hard to get you in gear with the rest of the boys." He threw his jacket over his shoulder like it was a rag and I sucked in a breath. He was so pretty. " There's a training camp coming up in a month and we need to work you into some attacks so you're not standing on the court looking stupid."

I rolled my eyes, shifting the trash bags on my back to the side, opening my door.

I looked back," Get home safe, Coach."

I'm not sure what the angle of bringing up how I act and how yesterday was, but he was obviously holding back on saying things. Which, I was grateful for and I really hoped it stayed that way.

"Don't worry about it, Brownie Scout."

****

I can't tell if I'm liking this story but I'll keep going just incase you guys like it. I'm thinking lots of thingssss. Comment and vote and stuff alike. Thanks for reading this far.


	7. Seven

**(Two weeks later)**

Throughout my whole week of cleaning duty, Ukai walked me home. Nothing really happened after that first day. He had actually grown quiet and only spoke when he needed too. We would even stop by his store sometimes when he forgot something or had to finish closing up and I was never uncomfortable. I found myself waiting for him after I was done sorting clothes and even now after regular practices, after I was relieved of the chores, I waited for him. It had become a comfort having him silently walking behind me as I heaved home a satchel full of homework and a kit filled with empty water bottles that I forget to take out of my bag after practice.

And we always said the same thing when we parted ways at my door.

"Get home safe."

"Don't worry about it, Brownie Scout."

He would vary between that and Little Crow, but started leaving it out after awhile. He still never called me Angel though. He was never gonna call me Angel.

I weaved through a couple of people trying to keep up with Kinoshita, who was mindlessly wandering throughout the mall we came to since we had break from practice today. He was overly excited, admitting that he had never been to the mall since it was toward the northern part of Miyagi and it was already a very large prefecture.

"Oh my gosh! They sell pretzel bites here?" He shouted out, turning to look me as I struggled to push toward him. " With cheese!"

I rolled my eyes, gripping onto his arm so I didn't fall behind again, but he didn't even stop to think if he even wanted the bread bites. He just continued on, gawking at every store like it was some different universe to him. A few of the other second year and first years were all in groups somewhere and I wasn't entirely sure how I had ended up with Kinoshita but I couldn't leave him now or I'd be lost.

"Kino!" I called out, when he yanked me into a small store. Much to my surprise Tsukishima and Hinata were browsing together, the ginger actually talking quietly with the reserved blonde.

It was a video game store, not something I would've thought either of them liked.

Kinoshita separated from me, trailing to the back of the aisles. Tsukishima noticed me before Hinata did and walked over, holding a zombie game.

I smiled," Never took you one for zombies, Kei."

He shot me a look when his first name left my mouth but didn't say anything. It was better than 'Tsukki'.

He shrugged, spreading his hand across the case so it looked much smaller in his hand. I guess he didn't want anyone to know.

We stood there waiting for our teammates and we ended up leaving together, eventually finding the rest of the team.

Kinoshita was more than pleased with the mall and had more bags than he could handle, often handing me things because he thought I'd like it and wouldn't take no for an answer. So, I had a couple bags myself.

"Do you guys want meat buns?" Ennoshita asked as we neared the infamous Sakanoshita market, but I had already planned to make the walk to Shimada's.

Tanaka let out a disgruntled chuckle," You have no choice but to pay now."

Everyone else gratefully agreed, but I slipped away before they forced me to go and made my way toward the mart.

It was hard to figure out why I was avoiding the market. I had been going there with the coach himself after practices but I never wanted to go there without a reason. Not to say that eating meat buns with the guys wasn't a reason but it just made me uneasy.

Ukai and his mother were the only employees, save for the times that Takinoue would take some shifts, but I was always bound to see Ukai if I walked in. He hasn't been as bizarre as he was the first two weeks I'd known him, but I could never predict what subject he could possibly bring up. And it didn't help that he was as handsome as he was, and I had no fight against my want to stare at him all the time.

I peaked into a bag of mine, one that Kinoshita had gotten me. It was a head tie for cleaning. It was small and unimportant, and I vaguely remembering him saying that I could wear it to practice since my hair always got in my face. He was too hyped on adrenaline to think rationally about the stuff he was getting but it was nonetheless sweet of him to get it for me. I noted that I should probably wear it tomorrow afternoon, so it didn't seem like he got it for nothing.

I also had to take back what I said about me and Kinoshita not being close except for being in study hall together. It might've been true then, but I didn't even realize how much I started hanging out with him and Narita after the hickey accident. I suppose, I used that opportunity to squeeze my way into a lighthearted friendship between the three of us.

"And to what do I owe the pleasure?" Shimada was, as usual, sarcastic, leaning over his counter with a raised eyebrow.

I set my bags down, falling into one of the chairs that lined his windows. "Do you always have to be so mean?"

He smirked," Answering the question with another question?"

"You just did the same thing."

"Shutup." He rolled his eyes, tossing me one the tarts he just finished making. " Why are you here? I thought you were out with the team."

I contemplated several of the excuses I had made up on the way here but my mind was completely blank and I sighed. "Would you rather me buy from Ukai instead of you?"

His gray eyes squinted at me and pushed his glasses up his nose. "I mean, no, but I'm a full twenty minute walk from your house-"

"Sorry, Shimmy. I've gotta go, the boys want meat buns."

My mouth fell open. The one person I was avoiding today really had to be here right now.

"Coach!" I blurted out in shock, not too sure why I had in the first place.

Everything about him was normal. He was wearing jeans and brown a sweatshirt that was large enough to reach his mid-thighs which made him appear smaller than he was. There was no visible difference about his face but he did have slight stubble that sprinkled the sides of his jaw and chin. Not to mention, Fall colors really did look good on him.

His dark eyes snapped to me, and he smiled. "Hey there," Then he frowned. " I thought you were with them."

Shimada laughed," Seems you've been caught red-handed, Tenshi." He rounded the counter, stopping next to his friend.

Ukai's eyes narrowed and he tossed his chin over his shoulder," Why don't we go there? My treat, sound good?"

I shook my head in protest but Shimada was already picking up my things, shoving them into my hands. " That'd be so sweet!" His gray eyes were amused. "I've had company all day. A little peace and quiet would be amazing!"

The both of us glared at him, offended that he didn't want us around.

I didn't get another word in before we were both pushed out.

It was quiet as we walked, just like on our way home after practices, but something about it being daylight out made it somewhat awkward. It felt better to feel his body heat in the cold of night, not in the warmth of the sunset. It was easier to make out the shadows the moon cast on his cheek bones, and not the glare-like highlight the sun cast viciously against his russet skin. It was unfamiliar.

"So-"

"Why-"

My face burned up and I gestured for him to go.

He smiled and nodded his head to excuse himself. "Why did you come all the way over here? Mine is so much closer to your house."

It was such a casual thing for him to say, that he knew where I lived, but it still made my stomach flip.

I also couldn't just tell him that I was avoiding him so I chuckled out a nervous breathe. "Just wanted to see Shimada."

He huffed," That guys a real piece of work, you know? He was trying to get me out of there before you even came. He's lucky the guys wanted some food." He shoved his hands into his hoodie pocket, rolling his eyes.

I looked at him and nearly stopped in my tracks. Maybe that was why I was uncomfortable with the daylight. He looked beautiful.

He gave me a look when I didn't respond and moved toward me," Let me help you. I should've offered earlier." I was helplessly aware of the way his fingers looped around mine, grabbing the weak stringed bags from my grip. I could only stare. "By the way," He paused, choosing what to say. "He called you Tenshi and you didn't say anything."

The observation was insignificant and I truly hadn't even noticed and I audibly sputtered.

"Did he?"

"Yes."

I watched him watch me, his eyes following the lines of my face, the expressions I was making, the way I was reacting to this and I hated to admit that it made me feel warm that he was focused entirely on me.

I acted nonchalant. "I suppose him and Takinoue are exceptions. They really only say it to mess with me." I shrugged, hiding behind my shoulder.

He hummed, and it was quiet for a moment.

"What if I wanted to say it to mess with you?"

My eyes widened and I quickly looked away so he couldn't see how red I was getting. And then I thought about what he said two weeks ago, and the cockiness that radiated from him when he had said it.

The Sakanoshita market came into view and I knew this was my chance to give him the same answer he had given me.

"I'd rather not have my coach calling me that." I smiled sweetly. "People might get the wrong idea since everyone else calls me Angel."

He glared at me, opening the door so I could step inside first, the boys cheering when we did but that didn't make him waver. "I'm never calling you that, kid."

I knew that already.

"Well, you might at some point. Looks like you're running out of names."

He ignored Hinata when the small boy ran up to him, a ghost of a smirk finding his lips. "I've got a lot more than that. Trust me."

I didn't know what that meant, but it sent a chill down my spine and I couldn't help but smile.

I looked at the tables that the boys occupied and only found a free one between Suga and Asahi so I quickly settled down, throwing Daichi a curt nod which he ignored and continued listening to whatever his friends had to say.

Daichi was less rough with me after we worked on attacks together as a team. We were able to work myself into a quick attack and I was also able to show Asahi how to jump serve until he leaned off me a little. There were a couple of other combos I was in but they were minor and situational attacks, but they nonetheless made the captain ease up on me.

He started slowly complimenting me on little stuff, not indulging long enough for me to say thank you or anything. But it was a start.

Suga clapped his hands together," Angel! It's been so long."

"It's only been a day." Asahi noted, which made the silver haired boy irk.

I rested my hand on Asahi's arm," It's not a crime to miss someone, Old Man."

He deadpanned and turned away from me," That's so mean."

This made Suga smile softly," Whatta baby. Anyway, we missed you at the mall. We showed up a bit later and stayed a little longer, so we were on completely different paths. What'd you get?"

Suga always had a knack of explaining himself even when it wasn't needed. Like when I wasn't able to take a set off of him when we first started practicing. He always told me what he was doing wrong when the ball came to him, and it was a little sad that this had become a habit.

I grinned at him," Don't worry about it! We're here now. I'm glad I was able to see you on an off day anyway." His shoulders relaxed a bit. "But I'm not too sure what I got. Kinoshita bought most of it. I did get more finger tape! We were running low and I've been nicking my nails on everything."

Daichi grunted at that and I looked at him, he didn't look irritated." That's nice of you. I kept forgetting to add it to the list of supplies."

Suga was surprised by the praise he paid me and nudged my shoulder discreetly, a close eyed smile gracing his features. He was so precious.

"Anything else?"

"I still have to check the other bags but I mostly got stuff that I've been needing for practice." I brightened up a little bit. "Hey, I actually got you all something." I reached down, scruffling between my bags. "It's a little silly but I thought at least Asahi would like it."

I pulled out three little keychains, each with their own number on it. They were easy to get since they all had jerseys that were consecutive to each other, and I had found them in a little department store separate from the mall.

"You guys already have lanyards for your keys so I thought this might be nice to have." I handed them to each of the third years and shrank back into my chair. "It's nothing special but I know how... weird it is having to leave something after loving it for so long."

They said nothing for a moment and I hadn't even realized that the rest of the boys were watching their upperclassmen admire their gifts, until Tanaka cried out.

Asahi looked down at me, his cheeks pink. "This," He flushed. "This is really sweet, Angel. Thank you so much." His long, muscled arm which was concealed beneath a beige sweater wrapped around my shoulders lightly, pulling me against him. It was the first time that me and him had done such a thing. We weren't really that close but we were always polite and kind to each other when we did talk.

This didn't feel awkward like I might've assumed it would, but it rather felt relieving, like he hadn't been able to express the stress he had for graduating.

I peeked over his sleeve, embarrassed. "Please, Asahi, it's no big deal."

He let go of me and I looked at the other two. Suga's ears were red and Daichi was just staring at his number one trinket. It was hard to tell what they were thinking.

"Meat buns are done." Ukai called.

I shot up from my chair, not wanting to force them to say something and rushed to the counter where coach was.

He was watching the table I left and then he looked at me. "That's very thoughtful. Didn't think you had a nice bone in your body." He taunted, holding out the tray of buns.

I rolled my eyes," It malfunctions when I'm around you." And then I retreated back to my seat, the buns disappearing as I past through the tables back to my chair.

Daichi had finally looked up, reaching over for the snack, then leaned back. He flipped his gift between his fingers easily like it was a coin, then he sheepishly looked away.

"Thank you." He muttered, to which Suga hit him for but his answer didn't change.

Suga turned to me," I'll make sure to put this with my keys right when I get home! I promise." He slid his thin fingers over mine. They were much rougher than one would've imagined his hands would be, and a lot colder too.

The touching between both him and Asahi was overwhelming me, so I blushed and pulled away. 

Daichi cleared his throat," Who's paying for these? I'm tired of you guys weeding out my money like it's yours." He grumbled and tucked his number one into his pocket.

****

Short little chapter to keep up with the timeline and plot. Thanks so much for reading this far.


	8. Eight

Just one more week until the Fukurodani training camp.

One more week to practice and perfect our already existing attacks so when we go, we're able to pick up new ones.

I held onto Tsukishima's shoulders, swinging my legs back and forth, leaning my forehead onto his back for support.

He grunted," Do you really have to use me to stretch?" He shot his fingers behind him, poking me. "It hurts my feelings."

I dug my fingers into his shoulder blades causing him to hiss and I smiled. "If I was hurting your feelings you could easily ask me to stop, Kei."

He glanced over his shoulder and smirked. " What a tease."

I rose my eyebrows," Not teasing, just stretching." I let go of him, laying my arms across my chest, pulling on my upper muscles. He turned around, doing the same.

His hazel eyes narrowed at me, but he didn't say anything else. He ended up using my shoulders as well, but complained that I was too short for it to work. Even though I really wasn't that short.

We were stretching for serving and I was really trying to get better. Every time I've served this past month, it hasn't felt special and I was really looking for the serve that would put me back in groove. It seemed like I couldn't get high enough for me to see over the net properly, but today that had to change.

I pushed back on my heels, bending down, so my hands reached past my toes. And despite his constant griping and mocking, Tsukishima held my shoulders the whole time and stayed as my post.

He really was a softie.

After awhile I popped up," Thanks, Kei!"

"Sure, whatever."

I was the first one on the court, ready to serve and I took the time to bounce from foot to foot, preparing. I've been writing down possible slight of hand techniques and I was really excited to try them out and weed out which ones wouldn't work. I just needed to focus on how high I get at first, then I can work into the attacks.

I backed up to the serving line, glancing at the way my calves adjusted to my starting position. Maybe if I focused on those more than the weight in my feet, it would feel better.

I imagined Noya on the other side of the court, his excellent observing skills washing over my movement. I had to remember that I couldn't just run up. I had to hide what I was doing. If Noya wasn't already the best libero there ever was then I needed to get better as well. Sometimes, I got sloppy and he would get it just as easily as I had thrown the ball up.

But now, I didn't have a ball. I just have to run, that all I have to hide right now.

I took a deep breathe, holding my left arm out to 'aim' my serve, my right held at an angle behind my head. I just have to imagine the weight of the ball.

I took off, feeling the impact of each step travel up to my calves and I jumped up.

That didn't feel too good.

My legs wobbled as I pretended to serve. I could barely see over the net. I made sure to land on my left leg as I came down and I huffed.

Maybe the calves aren't the answer.

I positioned on the line again, wavering side to side, trying to get a feel for my body.

Just jump. It's not that hard.

There's no point in my being here if I can't earn my keep. One more time before we start.

I ran forward, digging my heels into the court and launching off of the energy that ended in my toes. The jump was perfectly fine and the wheel of my arm felt invigorating, but as I came down I realized I was leaned the wrong way. If I didn't move, I would land right on core of my right foot and I'd be out of practice for sure.

I yelped, pulling my leg up so I could completely fall on my side. My elbow and hip were the first to meet the cool wood of the floor, and then it was the side of knees and my ankles.

I didn't even feel the pain as I peered down at my knee, checking to see if it was worth the fall. How did I already hurt myself without even doing a real serve?

I huffed sitting up, curling my fingers into my thighs to keep from shouting in frustration. I slowly released the velcro of my right kneepad, sliding it down my leg. I had to make sure it was okay before Ukai saw.

The light of the gym haloed the perimeter of my scar, making it gleam up at me. It didn't look anymore pink than it usually was, but there was a bruise below it making it look worse than it was. I moved my fingertips over the damaged skin, wincing when I pushed on the purple spot.

I looked around to see if anyone was watching and to my luck there wasn't. I wrapped my pad around my knee again and soothed the red lines that were on my thighs and stood up. A shot of pain ran up my leg when the weight of my body rested in my heel, and eased off of it a little.

If I could make it to the clubroom without anyone noticing, I could ice my leg and be back before serving started. I looked down at my knee one more time, hoping that it would hold me for just a little while longer.

I began to jog to the gym doors, successfully passing most of the second years.

"Hey, Ito!" Suga called out, sprinting up to me. I stopped to wave at him and then continued my journey. "Wait! I wanted to show you my keychain." He dug around in his pocket, pulling out the black lanyard, that sure enough had his number hanging at the bottom with the rest of his keys.

I smiled," It looks really good. I'm glad you kept your word." I said, looking past him at the entrance.

He ran his fingers through his light hair," Well, of course I did. I didn't want you to think I forgot."

I suddenly became aware of the fact that he was explaining himself again and I bowed my head guiltily. I should've given him my full attention.

I ignored my knee and looked up at him. "I would never think that, Suga, don't be silly." I teased, poking him in the shoulder.

His eyes closed and he grinned, squeezing his keychain into his fist. He looked like a little kid. It was so cute. "Thank you again! It really does mean a lot."

It always seemed like Suga was the most confident and precise with everything he did. He was confident in Kageyama and sure that he was the most efficient setter for the team. He gave up his very last year just so he could attend one more volleyball game. It was a very mature decision but I'm sure that it wrecked how he saw himself as a player. And though he was super sweet and kind, I bet he didn't feel good about a girl waltzing in here and getting an automatic spot on the starting line up.

I frowned, reaching down to finalize the wrapping of my padding. I had no time to go to the clubroom. I would just have to ice it when I go home.

"Toss me a few?" I asked, stepping past him, pointing a thumb where I had just left.

He rose his eyebrows in confusion," But Kageyama's right over there."

I shook my head, laughing. "I asked _you_ , Stupid."

He followed me onto the colored court, rubbing his hands against his shorts to make his hands a little rougher. He had much different tactics than Kageyama did, it showed what he thought would make him play better. It was really cool.

Suga lulled his head back, his hair falling from his eyes. "So, you just want regular sets? Or did you have new stuff you wanted to try?"

I stood on the back line, narrowing my eyes at him. "I just want to play with you." He turned to look at me. "Now, throw the damn ball will you?"

I took off, rounding the right corner and toward the very edge of the net. If I could get Suga to give me a set for a cut shot, that would singlehandedly show that he was more precise than Kageyama.

Kageyama had raw, natural talent, but he could never give me a good enough set for a discreet cut shot. We kept messing up until he told me to give up on it, even though I had been in the right position the whole time. It didn't matter that he was the official setter. Suga would always have two years on him.

You've got it, Suga.

I squatted into my jump, my arms flying behind me for the aim. My knee ached as the impact of my push of the floor sent me above the net. My eyes fell to the silver haired boy below me and he didn't look afraid of my attempt. He looked like he could do it.

He pushed the ball off of his fingers, his eyebrows furrowing with his aim. I watched the ball spin just beside me and I wheeled my arm around, my palm meeting perfectly with his set. My shoulder blade bent further into my spin as I aimed for the opposite upper front corner of the other side of the court.

It didn't land where I had been aiming but it still stayed inside the lines. I fell to the floor, watching my spike bounce several times before slowing to a roll.

I put my hands on my hips," Well, would you look at that." I said breathlessly.

It was only one set, just one set, and he had done in perfectly. I wouldn't expect anything less.

He grinned, then his eyes fell behind me," Daichi! Did you see that?" He rushed forward, laying his hand's on the captain's shoulders. "She did so well don't you think?"

Daichi looked at me, squinting. "Yeah, that was a good set." He rubbed off his friends touch which made Suga frown. He tossed his chin over his shoulder. "Coach, wants to talk to you and Asahi about an attack so you should probably go over there." He nudged him behind him, giving him a small smile before turning to me.

I watched Suga jog over to Ukai, very obviously happy with himself. I smiled," He's been getting down on himself lately." I murmured, assuming Daichi was listening as I collected the ball I had spiked. "Have you noticed?"

I looked over the natural blush just below his eyes and he took a breath and nodded. "Perceptive as always." He slid his hands under his shirt, pulling at it. I watched the expanse of his chest get bigger and I looked away.

"Do you need something?" I hadn't meant for the question to come out as cold as it did but I didn't waver.

He rolled his eyes," Go to the clubroom and ice your knee." He didn't wait for my eyes to widen in shock and held up a hand.

I slid past him, half expecting him to snap something else at me but I just continued to the gym doors. Like I had planned earlier, I arrived at the clubroom, dazed from the fact that he knew that I had fallen earlier. I was so sure no one saw.

I pulled a rag from a shelve and grabbed an ice pack from the small cooler that Coach brought everyday, sliding the cool compressant down the red lines of my thighs. I released my kneepad again, grimacing at the bruise that was just below my scar.

I didn't know when I had acquired the bruise but it must've been when I was playing without padding with one of the guys. It wasn't even in association with my scar but if anyone looked at it right now they would assume it was.

I laid the pack on my knee, hissing at the brisk of it. Practice just started so nobody was gonna come up here so I should be fine.

Then, the door opened, Daichi glancing behind him before closing it. He crossed his arms over his chest. " I saw you fall."

I frowned, furrowing my eyebrows. "You did?"

"You think I'd tell you to ice your leg for the hell of it?" He irked, wandering over in front of me, taking a seat.

I didn't respond. I couldn't play dumb with him, especially when I knew he had the power over if I played or not today, and I really wanted to play.

He watched me pat and secure the sides of my knee so I could sit while it healed. "It was smart." I mumbled. "I'd rather have new pain anywhere else than have more in my knee." I glanced at him and his eyes didn't waver from my leg. I frowned. What could he be thinking right now? "It's frustrating."

He scoffed," I would assume so-"

"No, not my leg. You." I tutted, rolling my eyes. "I can never tell what you're thinking."

I don't think I've ever said anything bold to him since our fight a month ago and I rarely ever spoke to him. He was a very unapproachable person for me compared to how the rest of the team saw him. He was consistently snapping at me to improve, but when I did something right he would very reluctantly compliment me. It was almost exhausting dealing with how curt he was with me. He smiled and laughed with everyone else and I knew it was because he thought I didn't belong, but it's been a month. What was fueling this act?

My confession made him look up, but he wasn't startled like I secretly wished he'd be. "Is it necessary?" He murmured, reaching over to place the icepack back on my leg when it began to slide off. His dark eyes followed mine as I avoided him.

I bowed my head," Nevermind." I let out a breathy laugh, excusing myself. "You're not gonna tell Ukai about this right? I don't know how I'll explain this to Takinoue."

He shook his head," I won't, but isn't that guy like nine years older than you?" He inquired quietly. "He's always hanging on you in some way."

I smiled softly," He's my bestfriend, and it doesn't matter how old he is, he acts like a five year old." I said.

He nodded as if the question had been stupid and looked away. His messy black hair was lazily strewn across his forehead and his cheeks were flushed like he had just been running. He looked innocent if that was something you could imagine on someone so cold.

"I have to ask something of you that you can't question, alright?" He suddenly said lowly, his eyes never finding mine.

I chuckled nervously, shrugging my shoulders at the odd request, watching as his hand slowly lifted the icepack from my knee.

And like he was avoiding his own question, he reached for the cooler to grab another compressant. He ignored my protest, wiping off the condensed water on my leg. My knee had just been so cold but the second he touched it, it was like he lit my skin on fire. I squirmed and my hand shot out, holding his away from me. It was such an instinctive commotion that I didn't even realize when he laid the new icepack on me.

When he was done, his eyes fell to the hand that was gripping his, silently observing the fear that encased it. Then he flipped it, plucking my fingers off slowly, taking his time to look at each of them. He looked so calm and collected that I almost dismissed the way his chest was rising and falling rapidly like mine. I could only assume that treating me nicely was a lot for him.

"Daichi." I breathed out quietly which made his eyes shoot up to mine.

It sounded like he clicked his tongue, but the expression on his face didn't match. "Do you remember when I said that I'd find out what's wrong with you?" He inquired, his hand finally securing around my wrist.

His skin was so hot, it seared through any type of cooling I had gotten from the icepack. I could feel each individual finger of his, and the curves of his knuckles. It was so hard to focus so I just nodded, dazed.

"I still don't know what it is," He murmured. "But I know that you unintentionally scratch yourself." The blunt observation made me gasp and I attempted to pull away but his grip tightened. "Each time I see you there's new ones." His other hand dropped to my thighs, tracing the current ones I had made when I fell.

I shivered, seeking to twist away from his calloused fingers. "Captain, what did you want to ask of me?" I whispered. This was too intense for me and he was too close.

The pad of his thumb inched up hand, sliding over my nails slowly. "I want you to file your nails." He finally said.

The space between us had been filled with hot, intimate air but the request was so innocent and helpless that I couldn't held the laugh that escaped me.

He looked at me, a question in his eyes of why I had begun to laugh, so he shook his head, tearing away from me. "You're unbelievable." He snapped and stood up.

The new icepack fell from my knee and I jumped and I suddenly felt cold without him right there in front of me. I realized what I had done was rude and I moved to stand up as well, but staying off my knee had certainly took it's toll and I stumbled forward.

He didn't move to help me, only took it as my hands wrapped around him to balance myself. I pushed off of him and looked up. He was angry.

He rolled his eyes and opened the clubroom door, but before he could close it behind himself, I held onto it. "Wait!" I cried, limping out into the cool summer air. It felt odd standing in the outside hallway with him. And it definitely felt odd when my heart began to pound when he veered on his heel to look at me. "I'll- I'll do it. I'll file them." I stammered, my hand tucking under my shirt to scratch at my collarbone.

He stared at me for moment before nodding. "I'll check them tomorrow." He muttered and then heavily trailed down the stairs without another glance.

I watched him disappear as he rounded the corner of the gymnasium, letting out a breath I hadn't been aware I'd been holding.

What the hell was that? Not once had Daichi ever shown a concern like that around me, especially about me. It was obvious that it was something that had been weighing on him. His breathing had been so shallow and his russet skin had grown darker. Now that I think about it, he was much closer to me than I had realized.

I looked down at my leg, cursing it. If I could land like I used to maybe I wouldn't be so confused right now. And maybe if I wasn't so self-centered maybe I could control the way I used my nails. I was basically begging for attention just like he had said so long ago.

Nothing Daichi said that time was wrong. He been completely correct and I was just surprised that he had called me out on it.

I had already thrown his team off and took any potential spots for the people who usually sat bench to work their way up. The least I could do was obey him on this one.

*****

I ended up serving like I had planned, convincing Nishinoya to let me receive some when my knee began to ache again. Not that throwing my legs out from under me countless times to return a ball was any better, but I still tried to respect my limits.

Daichi had avoided me the rest of practice as well, and I assumed it was because he had realized just how bizarre the interaction between us had been.

"Hey, do you mind going ahead?" Ukai asked as we exited the gate. It was already dark outside and I couldn't make out the expression on his face. "I have to grab my apron from my house. I forgot it this morning."

I didn't have the energy to protest against the blonde and I nodded wistfully, turning back to the road, watching my feet pass me over and over again. It was odd not hearing his footsteps from behind me but I continued on for a few more steps before he called out.

He jogged up to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and veering me in the opposite direction. "I see," He murmured. "A little down in the dumps. I got you working hard today didn't I?" Yet again, I didn't respond, only grew red at the feeling of his arm around me. "Why don't you come with me, yeah? I'll bring you straight home after."

I nodded. I really wanted to tell him that my leg was killing me, and what had happened with Daichi, but I couldn't describe the feeling that had come over me after practice ended.

I felt empty and heavy at the same time and my heart wouldn't stop pounding against my chest. It had begun to hurt. I knew that if I told coach about my knee, he wouldn't have a choice but to tell Takinoue and I knew that wouldn't end well for either of us. So, I kept my mouth shut, sighing into his touch.

I wanted to trust Ukai like I did with our mutual friends but my unsteady attraction that I had toward him had grown so much bigger since we started walking together. The things he said were always teasing and I had taken it to heart when I first met him but now realized that that was just how he talked. He was cool and cocky and often made it seem like he was annoyed with me when I knew he wasn't. He would also play into my moods accordingly. Resigning from his jokes when I genuinely didn't want to deal with him and I had started to respect that about him. Though, we still didn't know anything about each other and usually only spoke of the team.

I looked down at my nails, studying the way they were shaped. I scowled, they had made someone who didn't even like me worry. How pathetic.

I leaned off of Ukai, too disgusted with myself to be held like that. When I did, my exhausted knee clicked and I stumbled just like I had earlier. Except it wasn't so dire that I needed someone to hold me up and I quickly composed myself. I threw a glance at Ukai who was staring at me suspiciously.

"Just got a little dizzy." I lied quietly, forcing my brown hair to spill over the shoulder facing him so he couldn't tell.

He hummed," We can sit for a moment when we get there." He suggested, but the hushed tone he had held that I didn't have a choice.

My mind wandered back to Daichi, remembering the way his hand felt squeezed within mine and the way he almost seemed fond of the contact. He looked at ease with the way I held him and it was seriously messing with me. Once I had laughed it seemed like he broke out of the trance he was in, but what had happened in the first place?

I found it weird that he had sat so close to me in the first place since he always kept his distance whenever I saw him at all. Was he planning on touching me the way he did the whole time?

It wasn't long until we reached a small house. There was a heavy smoke smell on the porch and it was easy to assume that it was from his nasty habit but I didn't say anything. In fact, I didn't really process that we had even stepped into his house until he nicked my chin with his thumb forcing me to look at him.

"You're certainly letting that mind of yours go elsewhere." He mumbled, then let me go.

The entry way was small but I could easily see his living room and kitchen from where I stood. He didn't have a lot, not even any pictures up. It almost seemed like he only slept here, which could be the case, but the over abundance of books and papers that littered his tea tables made up for it.

"Sorry to impose." I whispered, slipping off my shoes and into a pair of slippers that he graciously slid toward me.

He watched me for a moment as I tried not to fall, sliding my feet into each comfort shoe. When I was done I looked up at him and my face began to burn up. He was so handsome and he didn't even have to try.

His mouth curled and he disappeared into his house, reassuring me to take a seat on the couch. I did as he said but got distracted as the unsteady piles of books that were basically everywhere. I wondered if he read them all or just had them there. I crouched, glancing over one stack. They were all fantasy or poetry. It was hard to imagine him reading stuff like this but what did I know?

A particular one caught my eye and I eased it out of it's home, trying my best not to knock the others over. It looked old, old like it had been read so many times that it aged a couple years faster than intended.

It had a simple Japanese title. _Consumption._ But when I opened it, it was all clear English.

He could read English?

"Ukai." I called out meekly, wandering around his house until I found the entrance to the kitchen. He stood over his sink, his hands pushed against the counter. He had taken his jacket off and was just in a tank top now, and I almost yelped from the surprise.

He looked over his shoulder," What is it?" He asked, then his eyes fell to the book in my hand, then met mine again. "Snooping?"

I sputtered," Oh no. Well, maybe- I just-"

He laughed, holding his hand out," Alright, Little Crow, calm down." He teased, flipping over the cover of the book.

I watched him read over the first few lines, his smile steadily leaving his face, though it wasn't from sadness, more so from reminisce. He looked nicer without his usual scowl or cocky smirk and it was refreshing seeing him find pleasure in something that I wouldn't have expected him to like.

"Have you read all of those books?" I inquired, making him look up.

He gave me back the book, cocking an eyebrow. "Not all but most." He murmured, turning back around. He was quiet for a moment. "Could you go sit back down for me?"

"But I could help you make tea or if you're hungry I can-"

He shot me a look which made me jump. "I'm not stupid. I know your knee gave out earlier so go sit down." He sighed.

I wasn't surprised. It was a stupid lie so I nodded even though he wasn't looking at me and settled for sitting at his dining table.

Unlike his living room, the table was clear except for a magazine that sat in a place where I assumed he sat regularly. The house was much bigger on the inside than it looked, and from where I sat I recognized a set of stairs that trailed up just behind Ukai.

I leaned forward trying my best to peek up them, but nearly fell over when I tried too.

He ended up bringing me a cup of tea, sliding into the chair with the magazine. He stared at me for a moment, his regular smirk gracing his face when I couldn't find a place to rest my hands. I settle for just leaving them wrapped around the mug.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, bringing his own cup to his lips. I watched them wrapped around the edge of the glass, his teeth clinking against it and I bowed my head guiltily.

I shrugged," It happens sometimes." I said. I couldn't deny that I felt overwhelmed being so alone with Ukai especially with what had happened with Daichi. I was scared of how I presented myself without an witnesses around except for him. "If I'm being honest-"

"I hope you are," He cut me off. "I don't like it when you lie to me. You really should know you're bad at it." He looked at me over his tea, smiling.

I scowled," _If I'm being honest_ ," I started again. "I haven't been feeling my serves lately. So, I tried to jump differently and I just lost track of how I was coming back down." My eyes wandered to the way he sat listening to me. He was very distracting despite not doing anything. "You shouldn't worry though, Daichi helped me take care of it."

His eyebrows shot up at that and he sat his cup down. "Is that why the two of you were gone for so long?" He leaned to the side, glancing at my leg under the table. "It was only an icepack what more could he have done?"

I wasn't sure if I could read into the question more than him being a concerned superior but I couldn't help the flutter of my eyes and the way my hand reached for my collarbone.

"Ah- Well-" I stammered. "It wasn't that he helped me with my leg." I didn't want to tell him about my thighs. I knew he knew something was wrong with me but I didn't have the strength to bring it up. "He helped with something else that's all." I scratched the back of my neck.

His dark eyes narrowed and he stood, grabbing my cup even though I hadn't even touched my tea. He started to rinse the cups," Go change into your shorts I want to look."

I threw my hands up, waving them frantically. "No that's not necessary. It's really okay."

He hunched his shoulders, sticking his hands further into his sink. "Does it ever cross your mind that you should just listen to your Sensei?"

I couldn't tell if it was my defiance making him so mad or the fact that I had mentioned Daichi but he looked scary. He didn't have his scowl or smirk, his face was completely void of emotion and the visible skin of his neck was tinted red.

I didn't answer, too afraid that I might blurt something foolish out and make the situation worse. I retreated back to the living room, digging through my kit for my shorts.

When I came back to the kitchen, he was sitting again, his hand pressed to his cheek, annoyed. My eyes immediately cast to the floor," Where's the restroom?"

He didn't bother to look up from where he was studying the table. "Upstairs, second door on the left." He mumbled.

I didn't waste any time, almost tripping up the stairs into the room he had instructed me to go to. It was a small and comfortable room. It smelled like him, and he had clothes strewn all over the floor so I had to kick a couple of his shirts away.

I changed quickly, slipping back into the singular hallway that led back to the stairs. The door of the room across from me was halfway open, showing the start of a bed that had blankets messily thrown across it in halfhearted gesture of tidiness. I inched forward, intrigued. It was obviously his room. This too had clothes all over the place and I could smell the scent of cigarettes from where I stood at the doorway.

There weren't any pictures up or anything just like downstairs. It was just a bedside table, a lamp, his bed, and the laundry that was scattered everywhere. For somewhere that was his personal space, there weren't any personal things.

Personal space.

My eyes widened, realizing that I was seriously invading his privacy but I couldn't seem to look away from his living area. For such a seemingly normal person, he certainly was a minimalist. I took another step forward, finally entering the room.

He had two large shelves on either side of the door but they were almost completely barren and I assumed that was where his clothes went if they weren't all over the upstairs floor. I also noticed an ashtray on the night stand, filled to the top with cigarette buds. He must smoke in here a lot, but it didn't even look like he didn't stay in here longer than he needed too.

All of his sheets were black and sat rumpled upon his futon. It really was a simple room.

"Anything interesting?" His voice was mocking. I jumped but didn't have the will to turn around and face him. "A couple of loose shirts is all I see." He hummed. "So, I can't figure out why you would possibly be in here."

I curled my hands into the ends of my shorts, bowing my head so my hair spilled across my face. "I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I got ahead of myself."

It was a poor excuse and I was right to incline that he wouldn't take it. He grabbed my shoulder, forcing me to look at him.

He didn't look as angry as he sounded, in fact, the corners of his mouth were curled into a barely there smile. But I still couldn't seem to look him in the eye.

He chuckled and shook his head. "I really work up a nerve in you, don't I?" He mused. "Go on, sit on my bed so we can be on our way."

I froze," Your bed?"

He cocked an eyebrow, "Have other intentions than me checking your knee, Brownie Scout?"

My jaw dropped," No! You-"

He rolled his eyes," Sit." He demanded.

I did as I was told and was immediately consumed by his scent. The usual smoke and soot mixed with his natural masculine cologne type smell. It took everything not to fall back and wrap myself in his sheets.

He kneeled in front of me, looking at the gauze that I twisted around my knee just after practice before looking up at me. "So that's why you wore sweats." He tsked, flicking the wrap away with a click of his tongue. "Clever girl."

I turned away from him, hoping to hide my knee before he could see the nasty bruise that overexaggerated the way it looked, but his fingers looped onto the underside of my calve holding me still.

"I thought it was okay." He taunted. "Nothing for me to worry about, right?"

Then his eyes landed on it, and he fell silent, barely reacting to the way I attempted to escape him. Unlike Daichi's touch that set fire to my skin, Ukai's was brisk and airy making me shiver.

His hand that was gripping my leg, let go skidding up to the purple splotch of healing skin. I didn't feel as alarmed as I had been when I was with Daichi. In fact, I almost leaned into him but refrained when I saw that he was being completely appropriate with the way he was handling this.

"That doesn't have anything to do with it." I said, reaching down to wiggle my fingers under his to hide it.

He pushed my hand away, scowling. "You played without pads? When?"

This made me scowl myself," Why do you always assume stuff?"

He pressed his thumb down causing me to jolt forward. "Am I wrong?" He asked sarcastically, smirking.

"No." I irked, shoving his shoulder. He raised his eyebrows in question. " I played with Narita and Takinoue a couple days ago." I mumbled.

He nodded distantly, bending down further to inspect my scar. The movement caused the pushed back hair from his headband to fall forward, covering the tips of his ears, but he paid no attention to it.

He looked so good in just his sweats and tank top and I never got tired of it even though he wore it almost everyday, save for the times he wore t-shirts.

It was quiet for a moment.

"So what was it Daichi was helping with?" He didn't look up.

I shrugged," Just helped me switch between icepacks," I looked at my thighs, which still had tiny red scratches, and remembered the way his fingertips had danced across my skin. "And we just talked."

Ukai's lips frowned into a thin line and his washed his palm over my knee, rubbing it. "Something feels off." He muttered quietly.

"I'm sorry, what?" I said, leaning forward.

He let go of me, standing up," Let's go before this pisses me off more than it already has, alright?" He turned his back on me, shaking his head. "And I don't appreciate you wandering around my house like it's yours. So, next time stay out of here." He snapped.

Why was he suddenly so angry? He was just fine.

Next time?

"Coach, did I do something?" I whispered, reaching down for my gauze to wrap it around my leg again.

He cast a look over his shoulder," Did I not just explain it to you, Little Crow?" He scoffed.

I shivered, holding my arms around myself. "Do you mind if I change back into my sweatpants?"

He stalked out of the door, "I don't care what you do as long as you get off my bed and you're downstairs in 5 minutes." He grumbled. His footsteps down the stairs were heavy and I almost flinched with every thud.

Was it that I didn't tell him about my knee when it happened? I could understand that. I was being dishonest, but this feels a little heavier than a forgive and forget betrayal. It was when I had mentioned the switching of the icepacks that made his expression deepen into an angry snarl. Like that was his job to do such a thing and it almost made my heart soften. But then I remembered that he was angry with _me_.

After I was done changing I hurried downstairs, and b-lined for the door, seeking to put my shoes on so we could just leave without going into hysterics.

I heard him shuffling in the kitchen, pots and pans banging together. Though I wasn't sure why. We hadn't eaten anything.

I called out softly that I was ready to go and slung my satchel and kit over my shoulder, barely paying attention to the way they hung, because I was too scared to look anywhere but the door. The feeling of unwelcomeness shifted its way into my chest, causing me to breath heavily. This was my fault that he was so angry and I wanted nothing but to get out of his hair before I ruined anything else.

Ukai appeared around the corner from the kitchen, slipping past me to his shoes. He now had a t-shirt on with a pair of lightwashed jeans and his apron was wrung out over his neck, which I assumed he changed into while I changed.

The thought of him in just his boxers, changing crossed my mind and I couldn't help the click of my tongue that left me as I cursed myself for thinking it.

I had no shame. He was right here in front of me, upset, and still walking me home despite that. But still, I was thinking of the way he'd peer over his shoulder at me as I caught him changing shirts and the way he would comfortably ask if there was something I needed in that cocky tone of his. It was completely sidetracking my train of thought and no matter what I did, I couldn't think of anything else.

"Ukai, I'm sorry." I murmured, lifting a hand to his shoulder. "You can be mad at me all you want tomorrow but please don't be mad at me now."

He stared at me, his dark eyes disabling me to look away. Then he shoved my hand off, opening the door, pushing me out. "If I don't stay mad at you now, I don't think you'll be able to make it to practice tomorrow at all." He said.

He still seemed cross.

I furrowed my brows, watching as he slammed his door shut, walking past me to the main road we had started out on when we arrived. "What does that mean?"

He shoved his hands into his jean's pockets and huffed. "That innocent mind will be your downfall, Little Girl." He tutted.

I felt myself tense, and I cowered my gaze away from him and onto the road beneath us.

_Coach Usami ran his finger past my ear, slipping a piece of my hair behind it. He smirked," It's like your mother raised this innocent mind just for me." He said giddily._

_I tilted my head," I'm not sure what you mean, Sir." I responded politely, smiling with him. I assumed it was a compliment._

_I felt safe under his care. He had taught me so much about volleyball and made me what I am as a player, there was no way I couldn't just not smile._

_His green eyes creased and his hand landed on my cheek caressing it. "Of course not, Sweetheart, and that's very special." He tapped my nose with his thumb and I grinned which made him smile as well. "I've got something to talk to you about. Why don't we go to the locker room, yeah?" He suggested, easing his other hand onto the small of my back._

_I frowned," But we're about to start receives." I said, throwing a finger over my shoulder at the rest of the team._

_He chuckled, "It will only be a moment, Dear."_

My heart retracted from my chest. It happened again. I saw him so clearly, and I could literally feel the trust I had had in him.

I suddenly lost all the breath I had and I coughed, tossing my head over my shoulder to hide myself from Ukai. It's not his fault that I remembered such a thing. I had no right to force whatever was happening onto him. All I had to do was calm down and let it out when I get home. 

But then I coughed again. And again.

"Hey, are you alright?" His angry façade wasn't gone but he still circled around me to have a look.

I nodded my head, still coughing and I covered my face with arms, turning away.

My eyes burned with tears that I withheld and my head was screaming at me to curl up right in the middle of the road. I felt like I was about to fully burst into whatever panic that was controlling me right now.

"The house is right there. Do you need water?" He asked, curling his hand into my shoulder.

I jumped and shoved him away, taking into liberty that I could use his insult as an excuse to blame him. I didn't want to but it was the only way to make him let me be.

"Shutup," I heaved. "Don't act like you care when you just had that look on your face." I rolled my eyes, shooting a hand out to push him further away so he couldn't see the lie in my eyes. "Just go back. I'll walk by myself."

I'm not sure how I got the words out or how I was able to say it so steadily, but I was so focused on it that I didn't feel the droplets of water spill from the corners of my eyes.

I'm glad he couldn't see it from where he stood, and if he did he didn't acknowledge it.

"You know I can't do that." He said lowly and he attempted to take a step forward but I stomped my foot heavily, stopping him.

"I don't care about the obligation you have to Takinoue just leave me alone!" I walked past him, seething into the night air. I lowered my hands to my thighs, holding onto them for dear life. I needed to get away from him before I started going crazy.

I heard him call out but I was already halfway down the street, almost jogging to get around the corner. I hiccupped and my throat felt heavy from the way I was repressing whatever that was yearning to come out.

Just a little further and I'll be free to do whatever I wanted.

I didn't even realize how close he lived to me. It was almost uncomfortable.

When I got to my house, I booked it upstairs, a sob leaving my mouth right before I hit my pillow.

Why was it that I had to suffer from this? Why did I have to take the pain from something that Usami should be aching from? He was so shameless. How dare he continue to coach at that school after what he did? He made me realize just how disgusting my body was. He didn't only show me that no one could love it. He told me and made sure it stuck. Constantly telling me that it was unfortunate that none of the other girls on my team got injured and that it could've been anyone else but I would make due.

I hiccuped uncontrollably into the plush and comfort of the material, sighing into my questions. I needed this to stop. It was bad enough that Daichi caught onto my bad habit of scratching my thighs. It was only a matter of time before I was forced into the spotlight of this issue.

If I couldn't get a hold of myself. Events like what just happened would happen again, and I don't think I would have any chance of hiding it next time.

I made sure to cry quietly and keep my face shoved into my pillow so I didn't wake my mother but it grew harder as I thought about my first year. It truly was such an insignificant thing, but it felt like my world was collapsing in on itself. Was this what it was for everyone else? Have they ever felt like this?

Maybe if I had just been careful during that one game. If I hadn't of gotten so worked up over their ace challenging me like she did. Maybe I wouldn't have to feel this way. Maybe I could still be on the team.

But that wouldn't of changed the way Usami saw the girls. How he watched us every single day. I would only be mindless to his perverted thoughts. I wouldn't know that he was preying on us every second of the day, waiting for one of our downfalls to strike. So, that was the only thing I was grateful for.

That I wasn't still stuck under a monsters thumb.

*****

Oh jeez. I'm not even sure if this is cringey or not but here we are. This took me forever to write and figure out, but I'm finding it easier to ease into how both Daichi and Ukai are supposed to star in this so be prepared. I'll be back soon! Ily! Comment and vote if you'd like.


	9. Nine

***Pov changes***

_Suga's Pov_

"I wish I was the official setter sometimes." I murmured, watching as Daichi furrowed his eyebrows, glancing at me.

The corners of his lips upturned and he shook his head. "I do, too, but I hope you trust in Kageyama like the rest of us do. It wasn't an easy decision." He tutted.

We walked down the familiar hill toward his house, which stood simple and cute among a field of wild tall grass. It was almost time for the harvest of grain, then we'd have to watch the grass grow all over again. I've been here countless times, but the farm house was always such a nice view no matter what the season was.

We neared his front gate and I huffed, "What's got you looking so stoic?" I questioned, purposely walking in the entrance of the gate to bump into him.

He grunted, smiling and shoved me away. "Nothing, you Idiot."

"I've never seen my captain willingly smile." I teased, poking his sides, jogging down the hallway to his room. It was a small family so the house didn't have a second floor. " Could it be that Yui has finally confessed her love for you?"

He rolled his eyes, tossing his satchel and kit to the side of his door. "Her name is Michimiya since you have trouble remembering names, Toroi." He said, smiling when I flourished my hands sarcastically.

I fell back on his bed, shoving his pillow over my face. "Do you find it weird that she joined the girl's team right after Angel dropped out?" I asked, staring up into the darkness of the plush.

I heard him shuffle, sliding onto the bed next to me. "No, it might've been that Tenshi opened a spot for her." His voice quieted when he said her name, almost rolling it over his tongue in practice. "Do you know why she goes by Angel?" He said suddenly.

I lifted the pillow, flipping over on my side to look at him. His usual hard expression was gone due to not being surrounded by his chaotic teammates, but his eyebrows were furrowed despite the ease of finally being home.

I shrugged," It's English that's for sure. You'd think she was a foreigner with the name, but it's her choice and I respect it." I answered, jabbing my chin in thought. "I don't know though. Why don't you ask her? You have her number right?"

He shot me a look, "Are you dumb, Suga? I'm not asking her that."

I sighed in defeat, kicking my feet in a childish manner. "Come on, Daichi," I groaned. "You're such a jerk to her. Plus, you were the one asking questions about her."

He clicked his tongue, sitting up. "You know why I don't like her. Don't act brand new." He snapped, but gave me a sympathetic look right after the cross attitude left him.

I excused him with my hand and smiled. "Yes, yes, I know." I said, lifting from the bed toward my satchel to grab my homework. "Sharing the court with a pretty girl is quite the distraction."

He sputtered behind me," What the hell are you saying?"

I laughed, seizing my papers and turning to look at him. "I'm playing, but look at you, all flustered."

It was true. The tips of his ears were red, and the skin beneath his eyes was darker than usual. It was so easy to get him like this, but no one dared to talk to him the way I did. Which was his doing because he was often yelling at the team and that by itself caused them to behave accordingly. They had fun with him but also treated him like he was a decade older than them.

I handed him a pencil, watching as he immediately brought the lead to his paper, already writing down some answers. We stayed like that for awhile, only speaking to each other when we became confused about a subject, but it was quiet.

"Why did you say what you did earlier?" He asked, not looking up, still gliding his pencil every which way.

I hummed, peeking up at him over the textbook I held. "Say what?"

He tilted his head to the side, his black hair falling with his movement. "About you being the official setter." He responded quietly. "You've said you were fine about Kageyama if it meant we went farther as a team. What happened?"

It was a relief when Daichi strayed from his dad-like attitude and asked unexpected questions like right now. It showed that he wasn't caught up in his own head, which often happened because he's too stubborn to express himself.

I shifted in my spot on the bed," I suppose, if you wanted the truth I'd say it was entirely because of Angel." I murmured, scribbling down an answer. He looked up in surprise, but I ignored him, continuing on. "I know my flaws. I'm not clueless. I feel thrown to the side by the first years and when I make mistakes I take it to heart." I looked him looking at me, smiling. "I don't care how much you dislike her because I do. She's very different from how she arrived and she's built that into how she plays now. She's built that into how she treats the others who aren't in the starting lineup. She makes me want to be better and take us to nationals using my skills."

He scowled, pushing his papers away from him," Don't you think that's the problem, Suga? She's being cruel. Constantly, hanging out with you and Hisashi, shoving it your face that she's on a higher pedestal than you all."

I shook my head," Then aren't you as well?"

His whole expression changed and he pushed himself off his bed. "How dare you say that? You know exactly how hard all three of us have worked to be where we are now." He snapped. "She came baring nothing and still got in on the starting lineup. Why aren't you mad?"

"I'm not mad because she's talented, Daichi." I answered evenly, finally setting down my textbook. "She has the same exact serve style as Oikawa and if anything she has more control. And almost everyday she focuses her free practice time working with everyone on the bench instead of using it for herself." I stood up as well. "Do you do that?"

His mouth shut and his dark skin grew a little darker. "You're taking her side?"

"Yes, actually I am, because for once this season I feel useful." I clicked my tongue, turning away from him. "You even got a thoughtful gift from the pretty girl and where is it now? Sitting on your desk because you're too much of an asshole to give her credit." I ticked out in frustration.

He shuffled on his heels, letting out a breath. "You think she's pretty?"

I rolled my eyes," Yes and you do too. Now stop acting like she's ruining your last year because you're doing it to yourself, understand?" I huffed, sitting back down to gather my homework materials. "I'm going home and you can text me anytime you want once you stop being like this. It makes it hard to talk to you."

_Ukai's Pov_

I walked back into my house, frowning.

I wasn't sure why she had run off like that. There was nothing truly aggressive in what I said and I assumed she would catch on, but I definitely didn't expect her to do that.

I peered into my kitchen, the clothes I had taken off scattered on the floor, just like the rest of house. Then I looked in the living room, washing over the continuous stack of books that I had everywhere. The book she picked up, sitting on the table in front of the couch, shining in the light of the lamp as if to mock me.

It'd been so long since I had looked at the book and it was a surprise that she had chosen that exact one out of all these stacks. And it disturbed me not knowing if she had opened the book or read it at all. There were too many things I had written in the margins of the printed paper. Too many thoughts that were so close to being shared. It was a relief when she willingly let me take the book from her.

I rounded the couch and fell back on it, considering the scrap of pages in front of me. I stared at the cover, the gold glint of the title causing me to squint.

Not wasting another second, I flipped it open to a random page and of course it was almost all blackened out with highlighter. Pen, nearly filling the entirety of what used to be blank space that surrounded the paragraphs of words. It was sloppy Japanese mixed with the occasional English word because I had spent so long studying the book. But what was there to study? It was all just lovesick poems.

I spent months careening through each word searching for anything that meant something. I wanted to figure out things that still stood as mysteries to me, but to my misfortune, nothing came.

I glazed over the poem before me barely comprehending the words, but understanding them at the same time.

_I always try my best around you._

_That is the one trait that I will always foolheartedly rely on from you._

I never understood what that meant. Even with the scribbles in the margins. It all seemed so idiotic and childish to me so I stopped myself from reading more into it, but it was always only this poem that I came back to in confusion.

I ran my fingers over it lightly as if afraid it would crumble into dust if I added even a little bit of weight. The spine was flattened out from me coming to the page so often, and the corners of each side were frayed from wear. If anyone looked at it right now they would think that this was my most beloved poem, but it wasn't. It was just something that caused frustrated confusion and eased anger.

Why was it foolhardy to depend on someone you love?

The question made me itch for a pen, to write it down before it left my mind.

Then, I realized that I was being sucked in and stood up suddenly, tripping over something at my feet. I assumed it was just more books so I bent down to fix the pile, but was met with a rather feminine pair of shorts.

I picked them up, examining the pink and black design of it. The pant holes of the shorts were frayed toward the inner thigh from what I inclined were Tenshi's nails. She was always tugging on her pantwear, even that time I saw her in school uniform, she was tugging on her skirt relentlessly.

I frowned. How could she be so careless? Now, I'm gonna look weird if I return them to her. I went to set them back down but noticed the weight they held and brought them back up. Digging a hand into each of the pockets, I pulled out the one thing that I dreaded even touching.

Her phone.

I held it between two fingers, somehow embarrassed to be holding both my female player's shorts and her private device. I was alone but still ducked my head to allow the burning in my cheeks to subside.

What was I supposed to do now? I could just set it down and return them tomorrow morning but she was just so upset with me, I'm not sure she would even come tomorrow.

There was the option of leaving now and returning them at her house, but still, she was upset with me.

I warily looked at the two items, deciding what to do with them. Then, her phone lightened, a small ding leaving the speaker.

I willed myself not to look at the notification but then it dinged again and I couldn't help but bring the rectangle to my face to get a better look.

**Naki:**

_me and shu are coming to your practice tmm!_

**Naki:**

_ik its last minute but maybe we can ;) in the storage room_

_~_

So that's the guy who left those marks on her. I had to admit that it was foolish of her to do such a thing knowing she had practice with a bunch of filterless boys.

It dinged again.

~

**Naki:**

_srry about last time tho_

~

That's right. You should be sorry.

~

**Naki:**

_but maybe I can convince ur coach for a practice game!_

_~_

I squinted at the last text, furrowing my eyebrows. Practice game? I glanced at the name again. I didn't know anyone named Naki and I've done my research on everyone we had a possibility of playing in the tournament.

Was it short for something?

Then, I released the phone letting it drop to the couch where I had just laid Tenshi's shorts.

This was Nakashima Takeru. The captain of the Wakutani Minami boy's volleyball team. He was the guy who was with her that day I had accidentally insulted her. I could still remember the way he wrapped his arm around her waist putting space between me and her even though her brother already had.

I scowled at the thought. Then the actual thought of Tenshi crossed my mind and my frown deepened.

Why was she always so vague with the way she explained things?

I had teased her about her hickeys in hopes that she would explain herself but she never did. Same thing happened today when I asked her about Daichi. Of course, I was being petty and pushing to know why she had been alone with him for nearly twenty minutes, but even then she gave me the bare minimum.

It was the most frustrating thing about her. She was not only withholding from answering those things but she was holding back telling me about stuff I actually had to know about. If she hadn't of stumbled on the way here I wouldn't even know about her knee and she probably would've continued playing on it without judgement. And even that day when she first joined the team, if she hadn't of freaked out I wouldn't know she had a problem. Though, I still don't know what that is either.

I shook my head, trudging up the stairs toward my room, ignoring the nagging voice in my head telling me to go back and check if the Wakutani captain had texted again. I already felt uncomfortable finding her shorts here. I'm not sure why I made it worse by reading those texts. They were none of my business but as I laid down on my bed they were all I could think about.

No matter what. I couldn't let her out of my sight tomorrow with those guys around.

_Takinoue's Pov_

I shoved another pack of empty bento boxes onto the shelf, groaning quietly because I still had a lot more to stock around the store.

"Shimada! I'm tired!" I whined, lifting to my tippy toes to look at him over the aisle I was on. He was leaned back in his chair behind the counter, smirking as he read his newspaper.

He chuckled," You shouldn't have tossed our game yesterday then." He mused. "You reap what you sow."

I rolled my eyes, lazily shoving the rest of the boxes in place. "You can't get mad at me for the other team being better, you dick." I called, rounding the corner to confront him. "You just don't want to work."

He peered over the paper, hiding a smile. "That's completely true." He said, his gray eyes squinting with delight.

I promised him that if we lost our game yesterday, I would take the stocks for his store and of course he's taking it out of hand and making me do his entire shift. It wasn't unusual for him to go back on his word and make up something extreme so I wasn't as upset as someone else would be.

I reached over snatching the newspaper from him, exposing his mischievous look and laughed. "Come on, help me so we can close a little earlier."

He rose his eyebrows," Is this you offering to buy dinner?"

"Hey! I know how that works! Just shut your trap and help me." I irked, tipping his chair over so he fell out of it.

It was already too late to go to Angel's practice and I'm sure Keishin's walking her home, so the thought of some free time sounded so blissful right now.

We bickered for a moment, but still stacked his new products on the appropriate shelves.

"So, how's coaching that Tadashi kid?" I asked, watching as he froze what he was doing and stared at his hands.

He shrugged," He's an excellent student for sure." He replied, adjusting his glasses. " I just wish I could transfer whatever confidence I have into him. He's always second guessing himself and it effects how he remembers the techniques I've taught him."

I smiled, flicking a bag of candy at him. "Are you blushing, Shimmy?" I teased and he dodged it shooting me a look. "I wouldn't worry about it right now."

He furrowed his eyebrows," Why?"

I tossed my chin over my shoulder, the sound of the doorbell ringing in the front. "Just wait until he serves in a real game." I past him, patting his shoulder. "He'll mess up pretty badly, but it's gonna be then that he'll be ready to let everything stick."

I heard him sputter behind me but I was already focused on the customer that came in, and found my place behind the cash register. It was an older man, with salt and pepper hair and a squatty muscular build. He didn't look too friendly so I only nodded my head at him in greeting.

Shimada's good with people, I should've let him handle this one, but I stayed where I was waiting for him to finish.

I watched him browse the shelves, his hands gliding over almost everything there was, but his stone expression never changed. He was being so gentle so what was with that look?

I frowned. This guy's giving me off vibes. I feel like I've seen him before...but from where?

There weren't any reasons that I would know him though which was making me uncomfortable. Was he a client of mine? I looked at him again. He was rather in good shape for the age he looked and he was wearing a track suit which looked worn from constant use.

Oh. He was one of Old Coach Ukai's friends. He came with the middle schoolers one time to play with us one time before Keishin left the team.

I grinned and waved my hand out. "Hey! Coach Usami!" I cried, which made him jump, nearly dropping his things. " It's me Takinoue! From the Neighborhood Association!"

He gave me a wary look before approaching the counter, setting his armful of items down. "Why hello." He politely said, bowing his head. "I remember you just fine, Son. I watched your game yesterday." His mouth curled with the confession and he lulled his head back making his wiry hair fall from his face.

I closed my eyes, smiling. "What a waste of money, right?" I joked, sliding a hand under my chin to exaggerate my mockery.

He didn't crack and shrugged. "Of course not, it was a close match."

I scratched the back of my neck, teetering from foot to foot. He was really making this uncomfortable. All I was trying to do was make niceties.

I started packing his things, choosing not to respond, hoping that if I just got this over with it might make things a little better.

But he didn't let the silence settle like I had planned and shot his hand out letting it land on mine. I jumped back, startled, but he paid no attention to it.

"I have a question, mister." He said, his voice suddenly becoming just a tad bit rougher than it was a moment ago.

There was movement to the right and I looked behind him at Shimada who was peeking past the corner of the aisle he had being preparing. His gray eyes narrowed and gestured for me not to make a big deal.

I nodded, trying to play off how freaked out I was. "Well, what is it, Sir?" I cheesed, tying his bags carefully by their straps.

His hand recoiled and his eyes shot up to mine. They were so scarily green. It was hard to keep eye contact. I don't remember him looking so aggressive. "There was this girl I used to coach." He admitted, waving his hand about. "She used to play with you. Tenshi Ito?"

I straightened my stance out and my eyebrows dropped with a frown. "Yes. What about her?" I questioned, crossing my arms over my chest.

What kind of business did he have with her? She's never even mentioned this guys name before.

Shimada waved a hand, and I looked at him over Usami's shoulder. His glasses were slopped down his nose and he was flailing his arms around.

Pointing at his knee.

My eyes widened and I looked back at the older gentleman, who was still watching me. "You're the girl's volleyball coach." I breathed out. I never thought I'd see him in person.

He nodded, a proud crooked grin appeared on his face, pointing at the logo on his track jacket. And there it was, the footprint with the small Karasuno signature below it. "I was just wondering if she stopped playing all together?" He said. "She stopped showing up to your games so suddenly. Can you blame me for being curious?" He laughed, running his choppy hands through his hair.

Angel didn't tell me a lot about him, she never even said his name, but she did tell me that he was a heavy influence on her drop out. That was enough to make me dislike him and having him right here in front of me was making me more angry than upset on her behalf.

I set my shoulders, huffing. "She's moved on to better things."

What a perfectly vague answer. If only I could applaud myself.

I examined his reaction but his smile didn't falter. "How wonderful!" He answered happily. "I think I've heard a few things here and there at the school. I suppose, I'll just have to ask around else where."

I smiled back, almost grimacing. "Sure thing, Coach Usami." I exclaimed, throwing a thumbs up at him. "But maybe you should stray from that! I'm sure she would've kept in touch if that was what she wanted." I tried to surpass my passive aggressive tone but couldn't as I stared at him longer.

He had some nerve asking such things.

His jaw ticked and if I didn't know any better, his eyes grew considerably darker. " My ace would never do that, Young Man." He nodded his head, the faux smile never leaving his face.

That was seriously pissing me off.

He opened the door, the store bell ringing as if to break the tension but unfortunately it didn't work and he looked over his shoulder. His hair brushed against his cheek bones and his green eyes stood startlingly against it. "I'll thank you not to express such rude thoughts to an elder." He said, his gruff voice no longer holding that held back fake sincerity. "You'll find that telling me about her was a much better option than leaving me to find out on my own."

I sputtered, starting around the counter. "Excuse me-"

Then the bell rang again with the close of the door and he was gone, disappearing into the evening light. The only evidence that he was there at all being the anger that resided in me and the soft uneven breathing that came from Shimada.

I squeezed my hands into fists, shaking my head. "What...the fuck...was that?" I breathed out, quickly whipping around to look at my friend.

His glasses were fogged and he stepped forward, his hands landing on my shoulders. "Takinoue," He said lowly. "If you mention this to Angel I will literally rip your throat out, you understand me?" His hushed tone made me tense.

"What do you mean don't mention it? Did you even hear what the hell he just said?" I snapped. "That shit was so sketchy!"

His fingers were quick to flick me in the nose, scowling. "If you curse like a child one more time I won't explain shit to you."

How ironic.

I couldn't underestimate his word though so I pushed his hands away, shutting my mouth. If Shimada was asking something so big of me as to keep something from her, it was for the best. It had to be.

His gray eyes flicked behind me as if to make sure no one else was in the store and he sighed. "You can't tell her until I tell Keishin." He ordered. "If we tell her, she'll back out of her spot on the team. We need to keep this quiet."

I furrowed my eyebrows, crossing my arms over my chest. I really don't like the thought of keeping a secret from her. "Why are we telling Keishin?"

"He can keep that guy away from her. That's all that matters right now."

This sounded like he was going out on a limb to make an affective plan and I'm not sure if he knew that there were several holes in it. Still, I had nothing better so I nodded, slapping his shoulder with approval.

I just have to be a little careful about what I say around her.

******

**Toroi (とろい): Slow to catch on, doesn't "get it"**


	10. Ten

_"If you press your middle and ring finger together, you can use the other two to completely caress the ball. Like this." Nakashima flitted his fingers across mine carefully, shamelessly pushing his chest against my shoulder. His brown eyes were hurried like he knew what he was saying but wasn't truly paying attention and his lips were curled into a suggestive smirk._

_I peered at my hand and the way it mimicked the shape of a 'w'. What an odd way to block a ball. I looked at him," Are you making things up or have you actually shut down a spike this way?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow at him._

_I had to be back at the Center in an hour for a game against a team from around the Ubugawa Highschool area and I was growing rather annoyed with Nakashima for trying to do stuff knowing that._

_His sweat soaked practice shirt rubbed across my back and he latched onto my waist, gathering me against him. "Of course I have." He chuckled softly, his nose skimming the skin of my neck. My brown hair fell over my shoulder with a simple flick of his finger and he pressed his lips to my ear, humming softly. "You can only use it if it's a regular quick or broad shot, but it lets you choose where you want the ball to land."_

_I paid no attention to his butterfly kisses across the back of my neck and bent my hands back and forth, my fingers aching from holding the 'w' hand sign. It was an easy thing to block both Shimada and Mori's spikes but it wasn't a crime to have a backup plan like this for teams that were obviously stronger than us. I mean even the Wakutani Highschool team was stronger than us and half the team members were barely even my age yet._

_"Takeru," I whined, finally shoving my elbows into his stomach lightly to get him off. "Come on, get real." His hands tightened around my sides and I flinched. "Hey! I'm serious!"_

_I twisted in his grip to look at him, my nose nearly ramming into the stubble of a beard. The faint scent of rubber and summer air that Nakashima usually carried around was gone and I was met with the sickening smell of fruity candy and the stale aroma of the front offices of Karasuno._

_Coach Usami smirked, nuzzling into the thick waves of my hair. "We were just getting started, Tenshi." He crooned._

_I'm not sure what shot through me but terror was something that came with it, paralyzing me in his grasp. I tried my best to look at him but the more I stared at him the more charming he became. Just like how he looked before everything happened and it was terrifying me. I already knew what he had done. So, why was it that my mind was trying to glorify him in my eyes again?_

_My knees wobbled and I slipped through his hands to the floor. "You- You're-"_

_He knelt down in front of me, sliding his short stubby hands over my ankles, tugging me toward him. "Don't tell me you don't know why I'm here, Sweetheart." He pouted, puffing his cheeks. "After everything we've been through?"_

_He was suddenly very beautiful. His hands didn't feel gross and calloused. The blemishes that scattered his face didn't look revolting. And what really did it for me was that his eyes didn't look scary. If anything, I could've fallen prey to them all over again. Because he looked exactly like he had when I had trusted him wholeheartedly. Through and through I had been oblivious to the way he calculated and strategized not only for the court but also for the perfect moment to catch one of the girl's on a weakness. It only made me sad looking at him now._

_His grizzled hair fell to the side as he tilted his head and he began to grin. "See? Even the people you trust the most can be so terribly evil." He sighed out sarcastically. "Although, I feel that this is all an overreaction-"_

I jumped up in my chair, slamming my desk forward with a gasp. My hair flew over my shoulder and I frantically pieced through each strand, holding it to my face making sure the fruit like smell was gone. I had to make sure he really wasn't there. I didn't pay attention to my surroundings or even when Tanaka and Noya twisted in their seats to look at me, murmuring out quiet questions of concern.

I threw a look over my shoulder, coming into full eye contact with my teacher and let out a breath of relief. They were wide and hazel, completely different from Usami's slitted green ones.

"Miss Ito." She let out softly, carefully stopping at my chair. "Are you alright? Did you want me to go over the subject again?" She was obviously freaked out with the way I had disrupted the class and was staring at me as if I had suddenly grown a third eye. It wasn't only her though, it was almost all the students that surrounded me as well.

I took a deep breath and spread my hands out on my desk, gathering the things that scattered when I jumped. "I'm quite alright." I mumbled, bowing my head. "My apologies, Miss. Please, continue."

I hadn't even realized I had fallen asleep. So, I'm sure I already missed half the lesson and with that in mind I sighed.

Noya handed me a pencil, frowning. "Bad mimi's?"

Tanaka saw my confused look and hiccupped out a chuckle. "He means bad dreams." He said, throwing his knuckle against Noya's skull. "He's convinced that he's Hispanic."

Noya flourished his hands across his chest," I never said that! I'm simply exploring culture." He assured us. "I could never offend Angel that way!"

I smiled, easing back into my chair. "You do know I'm half white and not Hispanic right?"

Noya wide eyes narrowed at me and then he threw a suspicious glance at Tanaka, who was also giving me the same look. "Is there a difference?"

I lifted my chin, huffing. "Is there a difference between Korean and Japanese?"

This made Noya shoot up and point a finger at me. "Suck a bag of dicks." He hissed through his teeth, plopping back down into his chair when the teacher gave him a pointed look. "Holy shit, I'm sorry." He suddenly panted. "Can't believe you just said that to my face." His blonde streak fell into his eyes making him look all the more childish.

I laughed, twisting around in my seat to look at our teacher who was watching us with narrowed eyes. "Such sophisticated words, Senpai." I murmured, leaning forward.

It was always Kinoshita's pride and joy to remind me of the weird names the sillier two of the five second years got cheesed on. Even going through the lengths to tell them that I was a few months younger than them. (I wasn't.) Which of course, set them off on a rampage telling me which honorifics I should use in the right situations.

I almost never used them, but when I did I made sure I hit them where it hurts.

Tanaka's eyes widened and he looked at Noya, who returned his astonished expression.

The libero curled into his chair and covered his burning cheeks. "How did we get from bad mimi's to this." He whimpered, peering over his arm at me.

Tanaka reached forward, curling his hands into mine. "It's okay to call me that too!" He cried, bowing his head in expectance. "It's totally okay! It won't hurt my feelings at all!"

I plucked his hand off of mine, grimacing. Leave it up to Tanaka to rip out the manipulative crying.

Though, with the best timing. The bell rang, making the lovesick second years jump out of their seats. They both bumped into each other because they were both trying to take second glances at me while also trying to leave the classroom, taking down a few other students on the way.

Once they were gone I finally began to pack my things. I only had about ten minutes until I needed to be in the clubroom and I really needed the time to think.

After leaving Ukai's house last night, it took me until morning to find out I had left my phone and practice shorts there. It didn't register panic into my chest like I assumed it might have because I was sure that he'd just return them to me. But that ease didn't last long due to the disturbance of Nakashima's constant texting.

He's been texting me everyday and every chance he got since our little rendezvous. It would've been endearing if his texts weren't about how much he wanted to touch me like he had a couple weeks ago. So, with that fact, it struck fear in my heart that Coach has definitely seen one if not more texts regarding the situation.

And if that wasn't enough. I still have to explain myself for running off the way I did. Ukai was sure to be upset with me for causing such drama around his somewhat calm life and there was nothing scarier than him being angry.

Maybe him being mad at me will disrupt all these morbid dreams I'm having about Coach Usami. Maybe I'll get one good thing out of all this.

When I entered the clubroom the boys were barely phased with the approach of a girl and continued to change, muttering out a few greetings.

I peered into the corner where Daichi was speaking in hushed tones with Kinoshita. He was smiling softly with my friend, which wasn't a rare sight when he spoke with the others. He seemed more gentle with the way he looked right now. I wouldn't have assumed he'd be strict with the boys like he was with me but it was still nice to see.

I slid to the floor beside the door and pulled up my kneepads, quick to cover my actual knees before anyone could say anything.

In the gym I retreated to the far wall of the court where Narita and Suga sat, rolling a volleyball back and forth to each other.

Suga straightened up at my appearance and accidentally thrusted the ball back at Narita a little too hard, knocking the skinhead backwards. "Angel- oh no! I'm so sorry!" He yelped, reaching forward to help his teammate.

I smiled at the two of them as they tried reassuring each other that they were okay, but essentially just speaking over on another repetitively. I ended up having to step between them, seizing both of their frantic hands.

Narita started to laugh and used the grip I had on him to pull himself up. "That was so stupid." He chuckled softly.

Suga's silver hair brushed my cheek as he regained his balance, standing up as well. His pale brown eyes ceasing when he smiled. "Don't be so dramatic, You Idiot." He playfully said, slipping his hand from mine to throw a hand at him.

He looked so well today. I'm glad it was going good for him.

When he missed Narita, he rolled his eyes and slung an arm around my shoulders and tugged me close. "It doesn't matter!" He declared, making Narita's eyebrows raise in mock surprise. "I'll warm up with her since you hate me so much."

I grinned, teasingly leaning into his touch. "We don't need him." I huffed, sleazing a look at the buzzcut. "Let's go, Suga."

He nodded in finality and brought his hand to his mouth to cover the smile that threatened his face. I don't know why he was acting the way he was. Or what could've happened since yesterday that was making him express himself so brightly but I certainly couldn't complain.

We crossed the gym and I grabbed a volleyball, easing it over my shoulder toward the third year. I wish I had something to be that happy about right now, but it felt like I had fifty different problems circulating this gym.

Daichi, Ukai, my phone, my shorts, and whatever Nakashima has possibly texted.

It was an unnerving situation.

Suga frowned," You look tired, Angel." He murmured. "Do you need to stretch? Because we can."

I shook my head and rubbed my eyes. I just need to procrastinate until one of them confronts me. Maybe if I do that I can make it through today without making anything worse than it already is.

The two of us spent our time before the official start of practice wrapping our fingers with tape and wearing it out into a comfortable fitting. Then warmed up our wrists by setting a ball to each other repeatedly.

It would've been boring with anyone else but Suga was such an unpredictable and chaotic character that it was an enjoyable.

"Suga, stop doing that!" I whined and returned the ball to him. He was purposefully beaming the ball at my stomach so when I would try to receive it, it would go somewhere completely different.

He jumped up and down, grabbing at his stomach. "You look so stupid!" He cackled.

So weird how just fifteen minutes ago he was worried if I was tired or not. These are not the same men.

I snarled, tossing my hair over my shoulder. "I've been too nice to you, Koushi." I heaved out and scowled when he laughed again.

Then he did it again and the ball whipped toward my lower half. Way too fast might I add. I threw my hands over my face to protect myself, hoping that it wouldn't hit anywhere important.

But it never hit me at all.

"Hey! That was a perfect shot!" Suga exclaimed, stomping up to me. I peaked through my fingers at the silver haired boy who was frowning up at Daichi. He looked silly trying to look mad and the Captain smiled softly, reaching up to ruffle his hair.

"It's bad form to hit a woman." He said calmly and swiftly dodged when Suga tried to slap him, casually dumping the ball to the side. "Go get the team started. I have to talk to her for a second." He glanced at me but it was so brief that I wasn't sure if it had even happened.

Suga's eyebrows raised and he jutted his hip out," Hmm," He hummed. "Good to hear you've come to your senses. Even if they aren't that keen."

He skipped away but not without glaring at Daichi once more for interrupting the two of us.

So much for procrastinating.

"Wait, Suga!" I called.

He turned around with a sly smile. " Don't worry." He said. " I'll save you a spot in line-ups."

My shoulders eased as he walked off again, a small pep in his step. What he had said was vague and didn't make sense, but somehow it comforted me to know he sort of understood that I was unsettled.

I peered down at my taped fingers, the ones that were brandished with wood burns and scratches from the used volleyballs. The ones with the nails cut short to his liking. It had taken me all night to perfect especially with the sobs that wracked through my body the whole time as well. I had been so shaken up about what had happened with Ukai that I was scared out of my mind that if I didn't accomplish the task Daichi had sent out for me, I wouldn't be able to handle the mere thought of practicing today.

This fear and offset was also the reason I skipped practice this morning. I'm sure both him and Ukai weren't too happy about that either.

I approached him hesitantly and kept my eyes low, too afraid to meet his cold gaze.

"This shouldn't take long. Let's step outside." He said roughly. He didn't wait for me as he left the building, just barely holding the door for me to step outside myself.

I tugged down at the ends of shorts and adjusted my shirt sleeves suddenly feeling all of the sweat I had worked up from warming up. If it wasn't gonna take long why was he pulling me outside? He just had to check my hands and go.

"This was a good idea." I tried to make the atmosphere lighter. " Would've been a waste of tape this weekend if you didn't suggest it." I smiled up at him but it was short-lived when I saw the frown that enveloped his face.

He looked conflicted.

"You plan to go? You've passed your exams?" He said and adjusted his shoulder before grabbing the both of my hands.

I could tell that he was trying make niceties as well especially since the mere thought of us touching right now was rather foreign.

I nodded," Yeah, training camp sounds pretty neat, doesn't it?" I said, craning my neck to watch his fingers expertly unwrap my own. "I'm very grateful to be able to practice against other guys."

I felt my mouth go dry. That came out wrong.

Daichi's eyes flicked up to mine for a moment, an eyebrow coming up with it.

"No- wait-" I stammered. "That's not- I mean-"

His mouth curled and he rubbed off the final pieces of tape on the edges on my hands. "I get it. I can't say that the Neighborhood Association is quite on the level of the teams we're going against this year." He murmured.

I watched him thoughtfully. He didn't seem as upset as he I thought he would be. If anything he looked as though yesterday hadn't happened at all.

Perhaps that was what was for the best.

"What teams are gonna be there again?"

He sighed. "You know, Nekoma, Fukurodani, Shinzen, uh, and I think Ubugawa. Very powerful groups." Then he let out a breathy laugh. "Can't imagine how scared Yachi will be once we get there."

I smiled, finally relaxing my hands inside his. "She's not built to be surrounded by such massive people." I replied, my eyelashes fluttering when the pads of his fingers pressed into the skin around my nails.

He hummed and looked at me. "You didn't come this morning. Why's that?"

The subject change was sudden. I didn't expect it or the spur of words that left my mouth out of surprise.

"I was sick!" I said quickly and tucked my chin into my shoulder to hide my face. "Runny nose."

He said nothing for a moment, finishing his examination of my nails.

He slid his fingers from my own and stood up. "Selfish of you to show up if you're sick then." He mumbled softly. "But they look good." He nodded at my hands. "Keep them that way."

And with that he disappeared back into the gym, not bothering to hold open the door this time. The way he had said it wasn't cruel. It was more so an observation to say the least. That's why I sat there speechless for a few moments contemplating why I had come up with such a dumb lie.

Daichi a week ago would've gone on a rant about how oblivious I am to other people's matters and suggest I go home straight away.

Did our interaction yesterday somehow help my situation with him?

I looked down at my nails. The skin around them was red and irritated where he had pushed at it to look for possible fly away pieces and the very tips of my nails were numb from when he checked the smoothness of the job I had done. I had been too focused on the way he was reacting to the things I was saying to notice or feel what he was doing. It almost surprised me because his touch always seared my skin and I wasn't sure why it had done the same thing now.

I wandered back inside and like Suga had promised, there was a spot for me in the line-up for receiving just in front of him.

He smiled when he saw me," Sorry, I meant to get better spots but the boys all piled in front of me before I could say anything." He scratched the back of his head hesitantly.

I shrugged," Don't worry." I looked over my shoulder at Kinoshita who was shaking his head, annoyed. "Looks like you didn't snooze as bad as he did." I chuckled.

Kinoshita's mouth dropped and he flicked my shoulder. "I haven't said a single word to you and you wanna treat me this way?" He snapped, making Suga start to laugh.

"That's why you're the caboose." I snickered.

I heard Suga grunt behind me in confusion. "Caboose?" He said, his silver hair falling to the side with the childlike frown that stole his mouth.

Kinoshita shoved me aside," You didn't hear?" He exclaimed. "Angel here is a nasty foreigner."

I began to laugh, reaching up to tug on his hair. "Such a _nasty_ attitude from someone who's dead last in the line up."

Suga chuckled," That wasn't very nice, Ito."

Kinoshita scoffed but not without breaking off into a smile. "She's alright." He replied, then his eyebrows furrowed. "What does caboose mean?"

I rolled my eyes," Like the very end of a train, you know. The last car."

He hummed," That must be an English term. Cuz I know a lot-"

Suga groaned and turned around. "Yes, we know you know anything and everything about trains. Blah blah blah. Shut up." He dragged out, nodding his head from side to side.

Kinoshita didn't get to say anything else as both Suga and I stepped up to the net. Ukai was on the high platform that he used to produce mock spikes. His mean eyes immediately narrowed on me, considering me where I stood.

I looked at Kiyoko on the other side of the net, her usual clipboard was vacant and she stood ready to catch our receives. Also like usual, she looked stunning. Her thin black hair was pulled back into a ponytail and her glasses hugged her nose perfectly without even shadowing her blue eyes. I'm not sure how the boys didn't actively try and date her. Save for Noya and Tanaka.

Suga flicked my ear," Did you hear him?"

I jumped and shook my head, reaching up to rub where he had hit me. I looked to Ukai again and if his eyes didn't look mean a second ago they looked mean now.

"You spent all that time outside getting a nice breath of air but still have the nerve to dally, huh?" He said, tossing the volleyball he had from one hand to the other. This made the rest of the team behind me and Suga go silent, listening.

I was just looking at Kiyoko. It's not like I purposefully ignored him.

I bowed my head, concealing the way I rolled my eyes with the hair that fell over my shoulder. "That was not my intention."

He scoffed," Now we're making up excuses."

Suga lifted a hand to my shoulder and pushed me up. "This was her first mistake. Maybe we can let this one slide. Right, Coach?" He said unevenly, glancing between the two of us.

He was probably being so uptight because of the way I left things last night. It seemed deserved but I really didn't feel taking this right now. I already felt guilty and out of place but perhaps instead of this petty attitude right now, he could express it after practice. He was being childish, but if that's what he wants, then that's what he'll get.

I lifted my head and shrugged off Suga. "No, there's no need. If there's a first mistake that always call for another, doesn't it?" I hung my head to the side sarcastically.

It seemed the rolls of how Daichi treats me and how Ukai treats me have switched for the time being.

Ukai's eyes slotted and he held up the ball. "If you don't receive this perfectly to Kiyoko," He pondered for a moment. "Laps for the rest of practice."

Are you serious?

Hinata sputtered from behind me, his obvious whiny voice interrupting the eerie tension. "That's no fair! Shouldn't we all have to do that!"

Tsukishima was quick to hit him, his bored voice also very easy to identify. "Shut up, you psychopath." He snapped.

Suga frowned at Ukai," Are you okay, Sir?"

I smiled," He's fine. Look at him."

He was very angry.

I nudged Suga out of the way and bent to fasten my kneepads a little tighter around my legs. It seemed like a given that he was gonna hit it as hard as he could so I took my time preparing myself for it.

I looked at Kiyoko again. He had brought her into it without thinking and was forcing her to decide whether or not this would go well. He could've done this literally any other way but he chose to do it in a way that would probably affect the atmosphere of the court for the rest of practice. He was foolish for that.

I finally finished and looked at him again, raising an eyebrow. He lulled his head back, his tongue finding the hollow of his cheek and he positioned himself to spike.

I remembered the way Mori and Uchizawa taught me how to receive when I played the Libero spot at The Center. To always split step when the spiker's hand meets the ball. It gives you new footing.

As predicted he wound his arm back a lot more aggressively than he had with the others and the ball followed his movements. It beamed to right side of the court which was much farther than what he had done with others as well.

I skipped onto the tips of my toes and used the strength in them to launch myself across the wood floor. I knew my forearms weren't gonna make it to the ball but as long as I got it up, it would be a receive. I stole a glance at where Kiyoko was standing again and how I was supposed to angle my hands to get it to her.

I dug the base of my wrists into the floor and slid my body forward, then threw my hands forward just under the ball. I leaned them toward the net and to the left where my manager stood in center court.

My palms and thumbs embraced the impact and I secretly wished I had thought to put more tape on my fingers before I had joined the line-up because the ache it caused made me wince into the floor. It was more powerful than a regular spike since he was still in air and didn't have the few seconds spikers usually had but rather as much time as he needed to put all his strength into it. Such a petty man.

I looked over my shoulder as the ball flew over the net and to Kiyoko, landing safely in her arms. I didn't doubt that I was gonna be able to get it. In fact, receiving was the only thing nowadays that I was most confident in. My serves were wobbly right now but training camp was sure to improve them, so I'm glad this drill wasn't about that.

I didn't even look at Ukai as I stood and walked off the court, nor did I stay to watch Suga and Kinoshita go. I just retreated to storage room and pulled off the penny I had on, tossing it in the clothes bin. I never burdened the person that had cleaning duty with my dirty practice clothes like the others did, but the pennies were another story.

I stuck my aching hands into the powder that served to ease the friction of the floor and watched the small white particles flourish into a tiny cloud in front of me.

I sighed. Did he really have to do that? We had been getting along well all this month and he chose now to get upset with me. Now. Before I had to spend a weekend with him and then another week with him after the next. Hopefully, I could resolve this before then.

The door creaked open and I peered over my shoulder at Kinoshita.

He attempted a smile," That was pretty fucking sick." He said, throwing a thumb over his shoulder. "Haven't seen anyone but Nishinoya do that."

I didn't respond and just looked at him expectantly. I was too annoyed to listen to meaningless compliments that were only being spewed for comfort.

He let out a breath and dropped his act. "Coach wants you out there." He mumbled, his dark blue eyes dropping to the floor.

I didn't waste my time asking why and stalked out of the room and back into the gym. The boys were paired up and tossing back and forth to each other. My eyes scanned the court for my coach but found he was nowhere to be seen.

I walked up to Suga and Daichi," Where did Coach go?"

"Outside." Suga said quietly. His light eyes were glossy with worry and his eyebrows were creased. It made me want to reassure him but I didn't have the will too.

Daichi grunted and I glanced at him. "Watch your attitude."

That was all he said before continuing his drill with Suga.

I scoffed and stepped outside where Ukai was said to be. He was leaned lazily against the wall of the gym, his arms crossed over his chest.

The way the setting sun was hitting him right now highlighted how angry he looked and the scowl that rested on his lips. He sent me a hooded look, the rays that found his eyes making them look like hazel pools.

If it had been any other time I would've thought he looked beautiful, but the only thing that was crossing my mind was the way he had spiked the ball to me.

I looked away," I'll take my shorts and phone now." I irked, catching my lip between my teeth. He didn't respond. "That's why you called me out here wasn't it? You sent Kinoshita as your mail boy and everything."

The smarmy words were leaving my mouth without my mind as a filter and it didn't surprise me one bit.

"Or did you wanna chew me out about embarrassing you in front of the whole team? Or perhaps about challenging you at all?" I inquired aggressively and shrugged my shoulders.

He lifted off the wall slowly, pulling one of his nasty little habits from his pant pocket and bringing it to his lips. His eyes never left mine even as he lit it, the sound of him inhaling the tobacco startlingly loud.

I noticed that his blonde hair dripped sweat onto the base of his neck making it glisten in the natural light. I watched the droplets trail his skin until they disappeared under the collar of his track jacket.

Something escaped his throat as the smoke finally left him,. Something low. Something that I could feel. "It sounds like you're giving me suggestions." He replied evenly.

I rolled my eyes," Isn't that what you were gonna do anyway?"

He looked at his cigarette," No." He said. "I'm showing great restraint right now." His eyes flicked up to me again. "If that eases your mind." He didn't wait for my answer. Just brought the stick up to his mouth, taking another long drag.

I tossed my chin," The only thing that's easing my mind right now is the fact that Daichi told me to watch myself before coming out here." I snapped. "You'll find that I'm showing great restraint as well."

His eyebrows shot up," Daichi said that, did he? How generous of him to tell you to act like a civilized human being." He stepped forward. "You'll tell me he told you that but you'll act like a stranger if I ask about what he said to you yesterday? Again, Little Crow, how inconsistent of you."

My blood boiled as he stepped closer, his cloud of smoke relentless.

I narrowed my eyes," Is that what had you so vague last night?" What left my mouth next was probably the worst thing I could possibly say. "Even though you had me right there on your bed with your hands on my legs. You were more worried about Daichi asking me to file my nails?"

I held my fingers up to his face barely acknowledging that I had just basically confessed that I had been more focused on being alone with him in his room and not that he had been checking my knee. 

I showed him my shortened nails and to be more dramatic I made sure to show him my thumbs as well.

His lips parted," What did you just say-"

"Angel!"

The interruption made the both of us jump. Ukai dropped his death stick.

Shu skipped up to me, Nakashima not far behind and lifted me up from under my arms. "Helloooo!" He sang and tickled me.

I hope they didn't hear any of what I just said. That wouldn't go down easy for me.

I grunted and shoved him away. "What the hell are you doing here?" I asked, looking behind him at Nakashima who had his eyes trained on, not me, but the lower half of my body.

Shu furrowed his eyebrows in confusion," What do you mean? We both told you we were coming. Did you not get our texts?" His brown curls fell into his eyes as he looked down at me and it somehow reminded me that I wasn't angry at him. I was angry at Ukai.

I took a deep breath," No, I guess I didn't. I'm sorry." I murmured and reached up to give my brother a halfhearted hug. He whined but didn't deny the embrace. "You guys can sit on the bench for the rest of practice if you'd like. Or you could go home and wait for me."

Ukai cleared his throat at that. "So insistent on them to leave." He tutted. "They just got here." He moved past Shu until he was next to me. "At least today I don't have to waste my time walking you home right? What a blessed day for you, Brownie Scout."

I felt my face relax with reserved anger and with Ukai seeing this, he smirked. Then he dug into his pocket again but didn't pull out a cigarette this time but rather my phone.

He tossed it to me," Storage room is off limits." He chided roughly and, just like Daichi had, disappeared back into the gym without a regard if someone followed him or not.

I frowned. What does that mean? I blinked down at my screen and the several messages that took up my wallpaper.

I read through the texts and the names that they were sent from.

Kinoshita, Takinoue, Noya, and.....Nakashima.

One text from him in particular stood out and matched what Ukai had tauntingly said.

**Naki:**

_ik its last minute but maybe we can ;) in the storage room._

_~_

I looked up at Takeru with a scowl. Of course he had to say something so grade school-like the night that I happened to forget my phone at my coach's house. Of course he did.

I grabbed the both of them by the sleeves of their shirts and pushed them inside the building. Nakashima was more than happy that I laid my hands on him and caressed my fist with his own hand.

I plucked them off and made sure they were on the bench before I said anything else.

"I'm sorry I can't really get you guys involved today. We have a camp in two days so we need all the practice we can get." I glanced over my shoulder. Hinata was waving frantically at me because the group he was in had only Kageyama and needed one more person. "Uh, please be good. Takinoue should be coming soon so don't do anything stupid unless he says you can." I rambled quickly and tugged on one of Shu's curls despite his protest before jogging over to Hinata.

Kageyama awkwardly nodded behind me. "Who are they?"

Hinata huffed in agreement, sticking his nose up in the air as if to make him look more intimidating.

I smiled softly. I was sort of glad that I was a group with them and not the usual people I had. It was refreshing. "That's my brother and the captain of the boy's volleyball team at Wakutani. Don't worry they're not here for the team."

Kageyama's eyes narrowed," Sure hope not. Thought word got out about you being on the team." He grumbled, turning away to gather a volleyball.

My lips parted. Was he embarrassed?

"He's just worried about you but he's too much of an idiot to say it." Hinata whispered and nudged my arm. "Kageyama is a sucker for his upperclassman." He laughed. That part, Kageyama heard and he whipped around, quick to send his foot out with a kick at the ginger.

I didn't like to think of Kageyama as the caring type. It didn't sit right with me to think that someone as prideful as him was ready to defend someone like me. So I ignored Hinata and snatched the volleyball that Kageyama had picked up, slipping past the two of them to form a triangle. 

There were more things I needed to talk to Ukai about even though I knew he'd be stubborn about it from what I just saw. 

I didn't fully understand the reason he was being that way or if it had been purely out of anger of me yelling at him last night. Perhaps I was just missing the point and I had acted selfishly but I had done it to somewhat protect him if that made sense. My knee was already a problem to him as well as Daichi. If there was even a mere mention of Coach Usami and even a small hint that he had done something bad while I was on his team, I would never be off the hook about it. 

That's why things needed to stay as they were between me and Ukai. If we got any closer, I would have no control over what he sees.

So, I just need to resolve this problem and quick before it get worse and Takinoue finds out. He won't be happy hearing that two of his friends are on edge with each other. 

*****

"What are you doing?" Yamaguchi questioned as I adjusted the poles of the volleyball set up against the wall of the storage room. 

I sucked in a breath. 

Yes.

I was avoiding Nakashima right now with cleaning up with Yamaguchi even though it was his cleaning week. But did he have to know that? No.

I smiled," Just wanted to help out today." I replied, and pouted. "Don't tell me you don't want it. That would make me very sad, Tadashi." 

I knew messing with him was mean and I knew that he wouldn't know how to take it which is why I do it. 

His face went red and he whipped around to continue what he was doing. "You're a bitch." He muttered, throwing an uncertain grin over his shoulder. 

I laughed, furrowing my eyebrows confused. "Throwing profanities around and what have I done?" I feigned innocence, sliding my hand across my forehead. "Tsukki has not rubbed off on you in a good way."

He sent me a bewildered glance," Have you met him? There is no good way with him." He exclaimed, encouraging my laughter. 

I was more than happy to know that Yamaguchi was much more than the timid-self he presented himself to be. In more ways than one, he was actually much wittier than most of his teammates, often slinging a few well-versed insults at Tsukishima from time to time. He was a lot like Suga in that sense.

I slid past him to the door, admitting that I really had nothing else to do so I could no longer avoid my guests. "Good luck with the laundry!" I called. "Hinata was basically rolling in the dirt today!" 

Outside the door, I heard him groan, and I grinned. I loved talking to him. 

But before I could even gather my things, Shu was by my side, nicking away at my sweaty practice clothes. 

"It's kind of disgusting that a girl can sweat this much." He observed, grimacing down at me. 

I reached up and pulled my hair down so it could air out. "Well, at least I don't look like that." I said, barely comprehending the offended sound he sputtered. 

"I'll have you know, the girls on my track team find me irresistible."

I huffed," Yeah, on the _track_ team."

"What's that supposed to mean-"

"Are you guys done here? It'll be a pain if I get in trouble for having outsiders on school grounds." The voice was curt, and if I hadn't of recognized the gruff backside of it from years of smoking I would've thought it was Daichi. 

I looked at Ukai by the storage room door, his jacket folded over his shoulder like a rag and his tanktop fitting a little too snug to his muscular build. His natural scowl was much more aggressive with the annoyance that hoarded his shoulders and it made me squint. I was right to think that he was too childish for his own good because he always proved it so.

"You encouraged them to stay remember?" I inquired, running a hand down my side to my hip. I pressed the pads into my skin roughly. I don't think I've ever felt so nervous before. Not even with Daichi, whom I argue with all the time. Ukai has never actually been upset with me before. Minus the times that I've annoyed him, but that was always in a joking matter. 

This was actually revolting seeing the scrunched up frown and the furrow of his dark eyebrows knowing that he only looked like that because of me. It made me want to apologize for every mean thing I've ever said and cry for forgiveness. But that was all very dramatic so I held his gaze with my own. Hoping to fake fearlessness. 

Ukai looked at Shu, then his eyes wandered around the gym. "Yes, I might have, but I wasn't in charge of keeping track of them." He replied blandly. "I believe you were and it seems like you already lost one."

His little observation caused me to hurriedly glance around the room for Nakashima who, as Ukai had said, wasn't here. 

I sighed and nudged Shu out of the way. If I knew enough about Takeru, he'd have to be outside talking to literally anyone that crosses his path. 

I didn't bother to bid Ukai farewell already knowing the response I'd probably get and grabbed my handhelds from the bench then exited the gym. 

"Isn't that the guy from that store? Your coach or something?" Shu said , flailing after me to keep up. 

I scowled," Yeah, he's my coach. Doesn't look like much does he?" I snapped, though it wasn't a question meant for him. " Always has a high and mighty attitude but once you correct him he becomes a hopeless child." 

Shu didn't bother to question what I was ranting about. He more so pretended to know what was going on. "Well what did you correct him on?" He asked, passing me, running backwards. 

I didn't have the will to tell him to run the right way and a part of me hoped to see him run into something. 

"What is there not to correct?" I grumbled. "He treats me so much differently than the rest of the team."

His curls bounced with each backwards stride, floating around his almond shaped face. "There must be a reason though right? Aren't you closer than the rest of team? I mean, it shouldn't be too surprising if he goes a little harder on you. He must think of you as a friend."

Me? A friend? Yeah, right.

I shot him a look, clicking my tongue. "Where did you hear that from?"

"Mom told me you guys walk home together everyday because Takinoue is always at work." He squinted at me. "Why? Got something to hide?"

If there was just one encounter that I've had with Shu where he didn't piss me off within ten minutes of talking to him, I sure didn't remember it. 

"Do you always have to say weird stuff like that?" I replied harshly, wrapping my arms around myself. 

He threw his hands up, smirking. "You're the one asking sketchy questions."

I raised my hand to hit him but ended up stopping when I saw Nakashima casually leaned up against one of the poles that lead to the inside of the school, talking to Daichi. 

Takeru glanced up at me upon my arrival, Daichi following his action. I looked to my captain just barely nodding at him, too embarrassed for some reason to perform a proper greeting. 

"Tenshi!" Nakashima called, waving me closer to him. His lengthy hands wrapped around my should and hugged me to his side. It happened too quickly for me to react. 

I froze. Not only was he touching me out of place, he also said the wrong name. I don't know how many times I've stopped and told him what to call me but it was getting annoying. 

I watched Daichi's eyebrows raise, his eyes following the stretch of Nakashima's arm around my body. Then they snapped back up to me. It didn't take a genius to figure out that he had just put two and two together. 

I tensely squeezed away from Takeru," I think it's time to go now, Naki. I bet Mom's waiting for us at home." 

He grinned," Don't worry, she's working late tonight." He exclaimed happily. "Also we were just talking about you!"

Daichi shifted with this confession and the skin under his eyes burned red. "I wouldn't say that." He interjected roughly.

Nakashima ignored him, still completely focused on me. "Yeah, we were talking about the last time I saw you."

The last time he saw me..

He watched my face tighten," Oh, not about that." He reassured me.

I stared at him. What the hell was he saying? Why the hell was he saying this?

Both Shu and Daichi visibly straightened at Nakashima's words. "Not about what?" Shu took the liberty of asking. 

I slid my hands down the front of my shorts, running my hands over my thighs. This all escalated very quickly for no reason. I looked at my brother and then back to a very smug looking Takeru, unsure of what to say. 

"I- We- I mean we played some volleyball the last time I saw you. I don't remember anything else." I stammered, sneaking a glance at Daichi, who was looking somewhere else, more specifically at where my hands were.

I suddenly became aware of the fact that I had curled the tips of my fingers into my thighs. Something that he had implied for me to stop doing and I quickly let go, scared of anymore interaction with him other than our usual bickering. 

Shu laughed," You are such a bad liar, Angel." He smacked his knee, making me cringe. 

Daichi looked to Nakashima and adjusted his shoulders, making his volleyball kit more comfortable around his arm. "Be a little more careful about what you brag about." He said, then threw on a polite smile, walking a little ways away from where the other three of us stood. "Well, I hope to see you in the prelims. My boy's are always working hard to play some new teams." And then he turned to Shu, a more genuine grin washing over his face. "Our track team is very good. I assume you run as fast as you look."

Shu had been offended that Daichi was speaking to his friend the way he did but the moment he said that, he eased into a cocky smirk, appreciating the compliment. He was such a small minded person. 

"You wouldn't believe it." He responded slyly, pushing a brown lock from his forehead. 

I probably would've snapped at him to shut up if I had not been trained on the fact that Daichi had just told Nakashima to watch himself. It reminded me of the argument that I had with Ukai and how Daichi was the main topic. 

Did I really dwell on demands that were given by him as much as Ukai made it sound like? 

Nakashima tilted his head and watched as Daichi finally left," Brag? Does he mean my team?"

I let out a breath of relief. I'm so glad that him and Shu had the same mind set or else this situation could've been much worse.

"Yes, he means your team." I sighed. "Now, can we please go home? I've been out all day." 

Shu agreed to this, the compliment he just received still going to his head. "Yes! Gotta eat an ass ton of food to maintain this god-given body." He pulled the sleeves of his shirt up his arms, showing them off. 

I grimaced," I should starve you." 

Takeru laughed at my comment and did what he had earlier, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. "Why don't we stop by that store we went to last time? I can whip something tasty up." He suggested. 

My eyes widened," Oh no! We have plenty of ingredients at home, that won't be necessary."

Shu rolled his eyes," Oh my god," he groaned. "Don't you know how to have fun? All you do is wake up, go to school, and go back home. Don't you have friends? Or a guy you like? Like, come on, you were all about being out last year." 

For some reason, Ukai popped into my mind as he said that. But what disturbed me is that I didn't know if was about the friend or liking someone part. 

I crossed my arms over my chest. "I have lots of friends, Asshole." I defended not too believably. 

Shu smirked," You're hopeless." He chuckled.

"I'm hopeless? You just said you had a god-given body."

****

Two weeks later and this chapter is still boring no matter what I do with itttttt


	11. Eleven

***pov change***

I peeked inside the door of the Sakanoshita market, checking to see if Ukai was at the counter and to my luck it was just his mother.

It's been about an hour since Takeru, Shu, and I finally left the gym, taking our time making our way to the convenience store like my brother had wanted us too. Mostly, because he kept stopping to make fun of random things or myself which wasn't abnormal for him to do but still a pain. 

"What are you doing?" Nakashima asked, pushing me forward, forcing me to enter the store.

I stumbled and whipped around to hit him when Ukai's mother called out to me.

"Angel, it's so good to see ya! Ya haven't been here in so long." She cried, and pushed her white hair out of her face to look at me more clearly. She rounded the table, offering me a hug. "My Keishin is always whining about ya ditching when the boys come here. I was starting to worry ya dropped off the team!"

I didn't have a chance to respond or to protest the hug before she embraced me, smoothing out my hair.

"Uh, I'm sorry. I just like getting home to make some food for my mom before she gets back from work." I excused myself, scratching the back of my head. "You know, since my dad's been gone so long. Gotta do something to contribute, right?"

She grinned," That's so sweet! Such a good daughter! If only ya were a few years older. I'd basically force Keishin to make ya my own daughter in law." She covered her mouth. "Oh dear, perhaps I shouldn't have gone so far, but ya know what I mean!"

I flushed red against her shoulder and I backed away. I'll just have to ignore that.

"I'll be around for one more year if Coach doesn't get tired of me by then, so don't worry." I glanced around the store, spotting Shu and Nakashima together on an aisle. "Actually he's not happy with me right now. I kind of wanted to apologize if he's around."

I didn't want to apologize. I was still angry but looking at his mom and the excitement she had on her face was forcing me too. He's lucky that she was much cuter than him.

She brushed off her clothes," No wonder he showed up with such an ugly frown on his face. I never thought ya would make him so angry." She paused for a second then scoffed. "Well, I'm sure he got upset over nothing. He takes after his father in that way. Damned bastard." She tugged a rag from her apron and wrung it between both of her hands. "He's in the back room, feel free to go in, Sweetheart. I'm sorry for the trouble he's caused."

I covered my mouth. She made him sound like a trouble child. I'm glad she saw what I saw.

I kept myself from laughing and bowed, thanking her for such a warm greeting.

Maybe I should actually apologize though. I don't expect this feud to end by his bidding.

I slipped past Nakashima and Shu making up an excuse of having to use the bathroom and retreated to the back room where I was told to go.

The door was already halfway open but I still knocked on the frame before entering. It was a very small room, very obviously built to be a break area with a TV in the corner and a couch pushed up against the wall closest to the door. In the other far corner was a wood table, where Ukai himself sat looking a book. It was actually quite cozy.

"Sulking in the dark is kind of creepy." I spoke up, my hand crawling to scratch at my collarbone.

He didn't react to my quip, just continued to flip through the pages of the hardback he held.

"The silent treatment feels a little familiar but aren't I the one supposed to be doing it?" I attempted to joke again and this made him shoot me a pointed look. "Coach-"

"Don't call me that." He said lowly. "Not right now. I'm tired."

It was an odd request. 

"Alright then, Ukai."

He huffed at the name but didn't protest. "Did my mother let you back here?" He inquired quietly, flipping his book closed. As I looked closer, I recognized that it was the one I had picked up when I was snooping through his books yesterday. It made me burn remembering that the book was the start of a very intense series of mood changes with Ukai that night. 

I nodded, sneaking a few steps forward. "Yes, she was very enthusiastic about it too."

He cocked an eyebrow in mock interest and I sighed. He really was mad at me and for good reason it seemed but I still couldn't help the strike of annoyance that went through my chest. I wish he'd just tell me what was wrong instead of going through the trouble coming up with sarcastic comebacks. Knowing exactly what I had to apologize for would be nice instead of just knowing the gist of it as well. 

"Do you remember what you said earlier?" He asked suddenly, easing a cigarette from the pocket of his apron. Watching him press it in between his lips felt too familiar and I looked away.

I couldn't remember specifically what I had said during practice due to it being a spur of the moment but I remembered that we made immature quips with each other before my brother showed up. 

"Look, I didn't mean any of that. I was just angry." I said and thumbed at the sensitive of my neck with my cut nails. It hurt but it still distracted me enough that I could look at Ukai without bursting into a million pieces of shame.

He fell back against his chair, resting his hands between his legs and examined me for a second. "You didn't mean _any_ of it?"

I squinted at him," I don't understand, did I say something wrong?"

He nodded his head back and forth, a wheel turning in his mind. " Oh, you said plenty things that were wrong but I was hoping you could enlighten me on one sentence in particular." He replied, staring down at his cigarette fondly. "But it seems you've forgotten. So, do me a favor and close the door on your way out."

Right as he said that, the door creaked open a bit more behind me and I half expected it to be his mother but as I turned and looked at Nakashima, I deadpanned. 

"Hey, I figured I'd make bean sprout soup if that sounds good." He paused and looked over my shoulder at Ukai, narrowing his eyes slightly. "We should get going if you want the leftovers still hot for your mom." 

I looked back at my coach but he held up a hand, excusing himself. "Of course, sorry to keep you from her." He muttered and took a drag from his cigarette, eyeing my reaction as he let the smoke sift into the air. "She does have a knack for making people worry, doesn't she, Captain?"

Nakashima ventured further into the room and slid a hand down my back, in a position he knew Ukai couldn't fully see. "She sure does!" He exclaimed and glanced down at me. "You heard your coach, Tenshi." He pressed his fingers further into my skin. " Let's not worry me anymore."

I felt my skin start to boil and my mind went blank as I tried to register the aggressiveness he was starting to suddenly express. This was different from how he had mindlessly taken Daichi's insult and how he gazed at Ukai. This seemed planned and disgustingly suggestive. It felt too much like _him_. But not a single memory popped into my head of my former coach. So, my full and utter attention was completely trained on Nakashima. 

I watched him smile, his dark skin glinting in the break room light. It made me sick. 

Why was he being so much different from how we used to be? Was it how I stopped him right in the middle of us making out? Or perhaps how we both have changed over this past year? This was not the Takeru that practiced with me all day every day before I joined the Neighborhood Association. This seemed like neglected feelings that he was still trying to suppress.

He wasn't a bad guy. I know he wasn't. So, what's this sudden change of pace? 

Now that I think about it. He's been calling me Tenshi all day and I know he's not totally oblivious to the fact that I don't like that name. He's also been touching me out of place all day too. All in all, he's been acting weird all day. That meant he definitely understood what Daichi meant about bragging. 

This couldn't be good.

I glanced at Ukai, hoping that I was concealing my frightened expression as well as I thought I was. "Yeah, it's kind of late. Let's talk tomorrow, Coach. I'm sorry for today." I curtly let out on a breath, nodding my head in his direction. 

I looked at Takeru one more time to make sure my ruse was working on him too, but he wasn't even looking at me anymore. He was looking lower, down at my legs, sizing them up. Of course he was. 

In an attempt to free myself from his preying eyes I turned around abruptly, seeking to leave the room as quick as possible so I could go home. 

"Hey, Brownie Scout." Ukai called, the final resting place for his cigarette being his lips so his words sounded mumbled and quiet. 

My eyes flicked to him, eager and hurried and I suppose he noticed because he looked to Nakashima again. But despite his correct suspicion, he shook his head and turned to me again, pointing at Takeru's hand on my back. "What did I say about modesty?"

I could work with that. Maybe if I said something a little troubling Ukai would take notice that this isn't what I want. I don't want to go home with him. Nakashima's scaring me. 

Takeru didn't notice what Ukai had said, his eyes still on the lower parts of me. "It shouldn't be a problem, Coach." He said. "We were just leaving."

Perfect.

"We should listen to him, Naki. Don't be so dense."

This made him finally look at me, a small irritated twitch of his jaw telling me all that I needed to know. He was planning on clinging to me around Ukai to shove it in his face because he knew that he'd be upset about it. 

I grimaced and pushed his hand off, exiting the room before either of them could protest, looking for Shu around the aisles. 

"Was it dense to send Shu home while I looked for you as well?" Nakashima asked, leaning against a shelf, watching as I frantically looked for my brother. 

I whipped around to look at him again," You did what?" I fumed and didn't wait for him to answer when I gripped the bottom of his shirt, pulling him forward. "He doesn't live around here anymore, Takeru! You can't leave him alone, you don't know what people might do!" 

He laughed," Calm down, Tenshi. He's a boy, he'll be fine." 

"Exactly! He's a _boy_. What was going through your head?" I looked at his hands and noticed they were empty. "You made him take the food? Are you actually stupid-"

He grabbed the hand I had curled into his shirt and closed the remaining distance between us, pressing what he could against my body. "You're pissing me off, Tenshi-"

"Stop calling me that!" I snapped, forcefully pulling away. "I've told you so many times." My voice caught and I paused, hoping to regain my posture. "We aren't together, Nakashima. You shouldn't have been touching me like that. I didn't like it."

He shrugged his shoulders, veering on his heel to finally leave the store. "So this isn't about your brother?" He replied nonchalantly.

I followed him on quick feet. "Hey! Are you listening to me?"

"I can hear you just fine."

"Then why won't you stop-"

His feet screeched across the rock of the pavement as he came to a stop, shaking his head. "I don't care. That's the thing, Angel." He sneered. "You think I'm doing this because I'm interested in you?"

My mouth fell," I never said that-"

"Yeah, but everything's about you, isn't it? 'I don't like this. I don't like that.' Haven't you read a single one of my texts? I only care about getting you in bed, but of course, you're still too much of a priss for that." He snapped. "I don't care about your name or your preferences. I literally just want your shirt off." 

"Wait, you what-"

He stalked toward me and I almost stumbled as I fell back against a wall. One I hadn't even noticed we were near. I looked around. It was the alley I had run into Ukai in after my first week of practice. A sliver of me hoped he would come out the side door just like he had then. 

"Takeru, please. I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't think- I'm- I'm sorry I lead you on." I stammered as I searched for away to escaped his boxed arms that he now had mounted on the wall. I didn't really hear what I was saying and the only thing I was focused on was the way he was staring at me. Like no matter what I said, this would go the way he wanted it too. It scared me.

He chuckled, leaning down to nudge his cheek against mine. "That's right. You lead _me_ on." He murmured. "Which means this shouldn't be a problem at all." His teeth caught my ear harshly causing me to gasp and lurch forward against him. I suppose, he took this as consent and continued with sloppy kisses down the side of my neck.

I whined, pushing his shoulders to maintain the distance between us again. "No, please don't do this." I pleaded. "What about Shu? He's-he's your best friend. We can still-" he pulled the skin of my neck between his lips roughly and pulled his hands from the wall to press me harder to him. 

Perhaps Coach Usami was right about me being unlovable. He had told me countless times that I had a body made for only athleticism and being used. A body that was made for nothing else but that.

I had thought numerous times that what I had done with Nakashima was wrong and that I had lead him on. So I never responded to his dirty texts or his implying touches and I had thought I'd done the right thing. I thought I played into the situation well and handled it but I was still wrong. 

It's insane how wonderful something can feel until you dislike it and suddenly notice all the problems it had in the first place. 

Like his hands that were stretched disregardingly across my collarbone to keep me still had felt careful and patient that day we had made out. Or his lips that had once felt soft now felt like they hadn't been cared for and chapped sliding down my neck. 

How disgusting and careless of me. I feel like I deserved this. 

My hands fell from his chest and I laid my head on the wall not finding the will to protest anymore. Nakashima was just doing what I thought I could handle. Something I had convinced myself I was ready for when I had texted him to come upstairs that night.

He was right. This shouldn't be a problem.

"See? You like it now, don't you?" He hummed into my neck. "I guess I'll just do this then." He skimmed his fingers under the hem of my shirt, not hesitating to link them together over the outside of my sports bra and grope my chest.

I didn't respond. Only caught my lip between my teeth to keep from crying and watched his own lips trail lower to the collar of my practice shirt. 

Couldn't anyone at least enter the store so I could call out? Why can't something just work out in my favor?

"I have a bad temper when I see kids out past curfew."

It was a simple carefree comment laced with subtle anger, something that even startled Takeru's hands to leave my body entirely.

I didn't care who it was who had caught us or even if it was a mere passerby. I just bent over hugging my arms around myself. You would've thought that I'd have suddenly felt cold but a stream of warmth swept through me at the absence of Nakashima's hands. 

I looked up seeking to thank the person but was only met with the cold gaze of Ukai staring down at me. 

His eyes widened and he looked to Nakashima, squinting due to the lack of light in the area. I watched his face wash over with realization and he scowled. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" He snapped at the Wakutani captain. 

Takeru crossed his arms over his chest. "That's none of your business, Old Man." He said back almost too quickly. 

This made Ukai look down at me again but I was so hunched over that I couldn't return the favor. It was a warm night. A good night for a walk maybe, but being exposed in nothing but my meek practice clothes made me tremble. I forgot just how sickening it felt to have something done to me that I didn't want. It was sending the shame in my heart into overdrive and making me blow out puffs of air to keep from panicking. 

"Hey," Ukai mumbled, not too sure what to take of me slung over. "Hey." He said again, more alarmed. 

"Look, Man, we'll just leave if that's your problem." Nakashima irked, holding a hand out between me and my coach to keep him from inspecting further. 

Ukai attempted to push his arm out of the way. "What are you doing? Let me see her." 

"We were kissing. She's probably just catching her breath. I got this. You can go."

The weak excuse made me choke. He's always been good with lying. I should've predicted this sooner. 

I recognized Takeru's hand slide down my back and I flinched away. I wouldn't put it past him now to try something even with Ukai there. 

Ukai noticed this and he took a step forward. "Take your hand off her. I think I'll see her home myself if you don't mind." His voice was restrained and fogged from the cigarette he had smoked when I had left but was still firm. 

Nakashima huffed and stepped forward around me as well. "Don't you get it, you fucking creep? We were kissing. Two _teenagers._ " He emphasized and nudged my head up with the tip of his fingers. "Besides, she wanted it anyway."

I watched him smile to himself, a satisfied smile to be exact and I shuddered. This feels like a dream. Only in dreams would Ukai be the one to save me from this.

"No," I whispered but caught myself, covering my mouth with my shaking fingers. "I'm sorry. I-I need to get home- Shu- m-my mom."

The fear tainted stutters left my mouth against my will despite trying my hardest to keep it from going astray. I needed to leave just so I could calm down. It would be selfish to make the attention flutter to me right now. 

I stood and braced my weight against the wall. I finally looked at Ukai and the way his apron was wrinkled under the clench of his fist. My heart lurched. I was making him worry. That just made me feel worse. 

Nakashima smoothed his shirt out and found his way between Ukai and me again, blocking him from my view. "Let's get going before your mom gets home-"

"You aren't going anywhere with her, you understand? Now I suggest you leave and go back to your own side of Miyagi before I take you there myself." Ukai snapped, side stepping him until he was by my side. 

Takeru sputtered with anger. "What do you know?"

Ukai glanced at me. It was a short lingering look. One that could've been only a split second but it was enough time to see the anger and concern it held. It made my eyes well up with confused tears because no where in mind could I fathom any other person being here right now. And that alone scared me. 

I had been too stubborn to think further about my relationship with my coach. Too stubborn to consider him a friend but here I was considering him nothing but. 

_Ukai's Pov_

I stared down with this foolish child trying to make up something that could keep me from getting in trouble. Perhaps, something that would make him just leave without returning to her house at all. If I knew anything, it was that neither Tenshi or her brother needed this guy around them. 

I sent a quick look to her blood rushed face, her exasperated eyes watching me despite not having looked at her for so long. It struck me that she was scared out of her mind right now and that, to put it simply, did not make me happy. 

It was my turn to block her from his vision, hoping with everything that I had that I could conceal her fear. "I know that what your saying is dog shit compared to the way she looks right now." I replied.

It was quiet for moment save for Tenshi's breathing and then Nakashima began to chuckle. "And you just threatened me? You? You aren't even a real coach. All you are is a low life chain-smoker who runs a convenience store." He quipped back, raising a hand to rub at the back of his neck. He was very obviously nervous. What was the point in acting tough?

His insults slid in through one ear and out the other. "That's funny because if you think about it. I basically fucking own your spot on that puny volleyball team of yours." The curse word fell out of my mouth without my control. I guess there's no turning back now. "So don't make me repeat myself and let me make this loud and clear for you since the word 'no' or 'stop' didn't register in that small brain the first time." I took one last step forward. "Get the hell out of here and don't even think about staying at her house tonight. Just take your shit and leave."

I didn't recognize my own voice nor the small sound that left Tenshi with surprise. I was just so pissed off that this pea brained idiot was wasting my time. Wasting time that I needed to take care of Tenshi with.

Wait. What am I even thinking? 

The third year made his final huff and veered on his heel. "Fine, do what ever you want. This was nothing anyway."

I didn't believe the boyish pout that resonated with those words, especially with the childish flourish of his hands as he exited the alleyway. 

He was finally gone.

_ Tenshi's Pov _

Ukai followed Nakashima a distance away to ensure his leave, his blonde hair blowing back against the nape of his neck once the wind of the more open space hit him. He stood there for second then his hands found a place on his hips and he bent over letting out a frustrated groan. 

I froze. I had to leave. He was already so upset with me and this only made it a million times worse. _I had to leave._

I pushed off the wall, my legs feeling weak with sheer suppressed panic but I couldn't let that hold me back. There was a practice that I needed to get to tomorrow. Only two more days of regular training before we're off to drill with the Fukurodani group and I couldn't make up excuses. Not now. 

I attempted to wobble past him but he was quick to notice my movement and shot his hands out, catching me by the shoulders. "What are you doing? You shouldn't be going anywhere, you could barely stand." Ukai said hurriedly.

I kept my eyes low, too afraid to spar with the disappointment that probably clouded his eyes but didn't seek to leave anymore. "I-I'm sorry, Coach. He made- no I shouldn't blame him. I provoked-"

He nicked my chin," Don't say that. Don't defend him." He muttered.

His thumb found the underside of my jaw and pushed on it to tilt my head to the side. I complied easily, completely weak to his gentle and cool touch. This made me look up at him a soft sigh leaving my lips as I watched him furrow his eyebrows down at my neck. 

There was sure to be marks since Nakashima held no regard to how he treated me only that he got off himself. I wanted to know what I looked like right now and if I looked how I felt-battered and guilty.

Thinking about it made my throat close up and my voice caught. "I'm so sorry. Y-you've been so angry w-with me. I had no right to y-yell at you the way I did. I didn't mean it I-I swear I didn't." The wind blew against the tears that began to slide down the corner of my eyes as I struggled to get my words out. 

His face fell and he grimaced. "What-Angel, what are you saying? I'm not worried about that. I was being stupid." His fingers slid from my jaw to the back of my ear, rubbing at the delicate skin. "Don't worry about that right now. Just please stop crying." He whispered.

His request didn't do anything except make my lip quiver with a much needed whimper but then my eyes flicked up to his in surprise. 

I ran the back of my hand across my eyes," You j-just called me Angel, Coach." I let out a breathy triumphant laugh to cover all the other emotions that were overwhelming me. If I cried too long I'm sure he would get annoyed. 

He smiled," Hmm, and I've only heard you call me Ukai all but a few times. Does that seem fair?"

But even though I was trying my hardest to stop, I continued to cry, hiccuping into the security of his hand. 

I felt ashamed letting him see this side of me. Ashamed that there even was this side of me at all. It was weak and entitling. 

Like usual I bowed my head to allow my hair to fall over my shoulder, covering my face. If I could convince him that I could make it home on my own I would but I knew that his pride was already on the line. 

He pushed back my hair, his long fingers that smelled of cloves like that of a cigarette gliding into the long brown locks. Unlike Nakashima's, Ukai's touch was brisk and gentle, careful to untangle the knots without hurting me. 

Any anger that was left in me trying to decide if making up with Ukai was even worth it resided. There was no need to be angry with him if he had just been concerned about me this whole time. Though, he had a terrible way of showing it. 

He didn't say anything as I silently cried only held that unreadable frown on his face, watching me. His strokes never ceased along the edge of my scalp, his thumbs circling unpredictable patterns as well. 

My eyes drooped and I hadn't noticed the way the peak of my head was almost completely against his chest. The stress of having Nakashima see me the way he did was more a shock to me than I would've thought.

He had always been a nice person to me and it surprised me that he had spoke so carelessly about Shu. They've been best friends since before anything I could remember. They were always together and never missed a moment without each other by their side. 

I didn't know how I was gonna tell my brother about this or even if I was going too. 

"I have a car in the back. Do you think you can wait here so I can bring it around?" He murmured softly, pulling away from me hesitantly. 

In truth, I didn't think I could wait, but I nodded anyway moving to compose myself. I had to get myself together. I couldn't ask him to stay with me all night long. I still had to cook Shu dinner and figure out how I'm supposed to officially deal with Nakashima. It wasn't like he was gone for good. 

Ukai sprinted back into the alley, disappearing into his store once more. 

I pulled my phone out of my pocket, hoping to find any texts from Shu. I'm sure Nakashima had told him we would be right behind him. I was also hoping he was alright. He was only fifteen and being out alone at night is never safe for people so young. 

It seems I finally understood why Takinoue never let me anywhere without knowing someone was by my side. 

The thought of him made me feel better.

Of course there was questionable messages from both Tanaka and Noya both asking me the same question about how love lives work. And about four different ones from Suga, Takinoue, and Daichi. 

But none were from Shu. I frowned. He was always one for texting. Why didn't he send anything? 

I quickly pressed the call button on his contact. It rang two times before he picked up. 

"Shu?"

"Hey, whats up? Did you guys get lost or something?" His voice was mellow and calm, then he laughed. "You probably let Naki lead the way didn't you? The guy doesn't even live here, Stupid."

I felt my eyes well up again and I sniffed. "Everything's okay." I said. This was for the best. I didn't have the strength to tell him right now. "Takeru had something come up at home. Something about his mom so he left for the night."

He chuckled again," Fucking jerk. Now mom's gonna have to take me to school in the morning and you know how that goes."

The unaware way he was speaking made my shoulders hunch. I felt guilty. So guilty. 

"Sorry, Dude." I paused. "I'll be home soon to make something so don't even think about touching my ramen. Eat some fruit."

I heard him groan and curse under his breath. "I'm so hungry I could die. Please hurry up." 

He didn't wait for my answer and just hung up leaving me to stare at the screen of my phone for a hot minute. I don't think that even if he knew that I was worried about him he would act any different. Spoiled brat.

****

"I won't mention it or bring it up, Little Crow, if that's what you want." Ukai glanced at me and gripped the steering wheel when I didn't return the look. 

I watched my cut nails scrape at one another almost like I wasn't even the one doing it and sighed. "You don't need to do all of that. It's not your fault it happened." I murmured. 

A sound escaped his throat, an unconvinced one. "Then you'd rather talk about it? No offense but you're not one for sharing." He scoffed and shook his head. 

It made me shrink into the passenger seat. He already seen so much. Would it be a problem if he knew more? Would Takinoue be angry with me for it? 

"Ask me what you want." I said and faced him. "I-I promise I'll answer everything. It's the least I can do."

His eyes widened and he let out a breathy laugh. "You make it real hard to be mean to you, you know that?" He chuckled, reaching up to run his hand over the back of his head. I eyed his earrings for a moment. He always took them out during practice but I never would've thought he had the memory to put them back in everyday. 

I felt the corners of my mouth curl. "I think everyone knows that you favor torture over niceties." I replied, and watched as his smile enlarged. 

"I should be the one making you feel better. You flatter me." His tone was forced like he was holding back. It made me fidget. He noticed this and his shoulders dropped. "I don't even know where to begin asking questions. There's so many things I know I don't have the place to ask but I....I want too." 

I shifted."Well, of any person I can think of except for Takinoue, I think that you have a more of a rightful place of taking those liberties than anyone else. It might not have been like that a month ago but you know you're a very unlikable person." I said teasingly causing him to shoot me a pointed look.

"You mean that?"

I nodded. "Yes, I do."

He was quiet for a few seconds and then he took a deep breath. "What happened yesterday?" 

I expected the question. "Um, well," I hummed. "I don't know how to say it really. I've never had to explain it to anyone." I tucked my hands under my thighs, folding over to hide my tinted cheeks. "Uh, it's like sometimes when people say certain things I remember specific stuff from my first year, I suppose. It just surprises me at the worst times and it gets scary. It's all very detailed and I can remember everything that happened like it was happening for the very first time."

"What do you remember?"

I tensed. I couldn't tell him about Coach Usami. No one could ever know about that. So what do I say? I said I would answer everything.

"Mostly what happened after my knee gave out. People weren't very nice once I had nothing to offer anymore." I chuckled. I looked out the window of his small car and at my house which we were parked outside of. I had to go in soon before Shu chewed my head off. Then I peered at the time on his stereo. It was nearly midnight. Practice had run long and the thing with Nakashima had taken awhile as well. Today had been so long. 

Ukai shook his head and ran a hand along his jaw roughly almost scratching at it. "It must be childish of me to think that I'm somewhat grateful for that then."

My face quickly scrunched up in confusion. "What do you mean?"

He leaned forward, peeking out the windshield at the sky. He looked pretty in the pale light. It made the lines on his face from his constant frown more evident but for some reason it didn't look bad. It showed his age. His age. Which was closer to thirty than eighteen. That still baffled me. That someone as quick witted and sly as him was that old.

Well, it wasn't that old but even then. 

I didn't think someone could look at peace even though the troubles of me were consuming him. I wanted to understand him. I wanted to know what he was thinking. If he thought I was as pretty as I thought he was. Or if he worried about me as much as I worried about him.

But that was all apart of an impossible wish list. Something that was way out of arms length. 

"Without those cruel people you wouldn't be here right now." He murmured into the leather, pressing his pursed lips into the grooves of the wheel. "And I know. _I know_ that's such a selfish thing to be grateful for but I guess this is me saying I care."

I gripped my fingers and a shot of acid clogged my throat. "Ukai-"

"You're brave, Brownie Scout. A lot braver than I could say for myself. You're sitting here without a single tear in your eye even though that boy just touched you the way he did." He caught himself, groaning softly. "I shouldn't have let you walk out with him. I saw the way you looked at me and everything but I was being _so stupid_. I was being a child."

My eyes brimmed again despite his observation of me lacking tears and I tossed my head over my shoulder to wipe them away. "It's okay. I promise it is. I'm just lucky that you came out when you did-"

His long cool fingers wrapped around my wrist and he pulled me toward him. It was too fast to comprehend so my other hand flew out, slamming into the top of his shoulder closest to his neck. My breathing quickened and a endless number of profuse apologies left my mouth in a hurry though I never pulled my hand away. I didn't think I could. At least willingly. 

Two of my fingers slipped under the collar of his shirt, brushing the warm skin of his neck. I shivered.

I wanted to know if it was only his hands that were cold and if the rest of his body felt like where my fingers were pressed. 

A smile played his lips but it didn't reach his eyes. "You can't cry, Kid. I just called you brave." He said and reached up to rub the wet skin under my eyes. 

It made me flinch, the feeling of being touched so suddenly still an disgustingly familiar feeling even though it was just Ukai. 

I didn't think I would feel that way with anyone other that Coach Usami, but Nakashima had proved me wrong. It was a shame that I knew such people.

Ukai closed his eyes and pulled away from my face. "It's not okay and it'll never be okay. " After he said that he looked at me and a grimace enveloped his mouth. "He didn't have the right to leave those fucking marks. It's so hard-"

My phone dinged. It was Shu. Cursing up a storm without a doubt but I didn't stare at the screen for too long. Becoming helplessly aware of the way his hand was still wrapped around my wrist and my fingers were still looped into his shirt. His breathing matched mine. Ragged and filled with quiet barely there concern.

"Ukai-"

"I think you can call me Keishin now." He whispered. 

I sighed breathlessly," Why is that?"

His eyes washed over me," Because then I might not feel as bad for thinking what I'm thinking right now." He whispered again. 

My phone went off again and it made me jump, peeling my hand from his collarbone. I needed to go before Shu came out. It would be a lot trying to convince him Ukai just gave me a ride home.

"I need to go. Shu's gonna kill me." I said quietly, bowing my head.

He inhaled and pushed back, releasing me. Then he brought his hand up to his chin turning away from me. "Yes," He cleared his throat. "Yes, that would be wise. I'll see you in a couple hours."

I watched him for a moment. He was probably realizing what he said. Truth was. I didn't have a single problem with it but there was no room for anything more to happen in my heart. I needed to think. I needed time. 

I stepped out of the car, my head still bent to excuse myself. "Goodnight, Ukai. Get home safely. I'm so sorry for the trouble. None of it was my intention, forgive me." Then I closed the door and hurried up my porch steps. 

I couldn't see him anymore due to the glare of the headlights but I could only assume he was looking at me.

It made me burn. 

It was gonna be impossible to hold myself together these next few days. It was gonna be more time that I needed away from certain people. It was a frustrating thought so I quickly disappeared into my house like I was supposed to do hours before. 

Time to finally make some dinner.

****

Hope you like it!!! Took foreverrrr


	12. Twelve

"You want to do what to my back?" I questioned aggressively, pushing Tanaka's pervy hands away from the hem of my sweatshirt.

He sputtered, offended. "Not me. Daichi has to do it." He threw a thumb over his shoulder at our captain who talking quietly to Suga. Then he smirked, inching forward. "Unless you want me too." He badgered. 

My mouth fell and I pulled him by the neck, locking his head between my arms tightly. 

He choked and tried to pull away frantically. "Oh, Angel!" He cried. "You're so _dirty_."

This made my hold tighten but I wasn't able to actually kill him due to Suga's demand for us to stop.

I squinted and let go, glaring at my classmate. "You're so annoying." I muttered.

He rubbed his neck with smile and wide eyes. "I mean, maybe but fuck your strong." He coughed. 

Today was the day we were leaving for the Fukurodani training camp and we were taking measurements before hand to see how much we progress afterwards. 

On that note, it's also been two days since what happened with Nakashima and I haven't seen Ukai since. He just didn't show up for practice after he had told he would see me in a few minutes. Takeda's excuse for his absence being that he had family matters to attend to but that didn't see plausible especially since Ukai made it a point to avoid family at all costs. 

I even went to see him at the Sakanoshita market after the first day but as expected he wasn't there. His mother had told me he was out in the fields picking vegetables for stock and I didn't seek him out anymore after that.

If his reason for being gone and what he was actually doing were different then he was certainly gone on purpose.

Although, I couldn't really blame him for it. It was probably because of what happened that night that was keeping him at bay. We had said some things due to the heat of some moments that obviously couldn't be forgotten just because we're avoiding them. So if I could skip a few days I would but I can't afford that with where my serve technique is. 

I also couldn't get upset over something that couldn't have grown more than what it already was. That would be entitled and childish of me. I was a little pissed off though because of how much he was building for this camp and now he's not even here to show for the work.

So, him choosing himself over what the boy's have been preparing for for a month was selfish on his part but I was trying to look beyond that and patiently wait for his return. 

But he had to show up today. He _had_ to.

Suga set a mat down in front of me, smoothing out the bumps on it. "Daichi does this thing where he pops our backs before taking our heights. He's done it every year and it works well." He smiled at me. "You feel really relaxed after too."

Tanaka nodded. "I promise, dude." He said obnoxiously as usual. "You won't even know where you are for ten minutes."

I sighed and knelt down onto the foam. "Seems risky."

Suga shrugged. "It's probably a safety hazard but none of us have died yet so take off your shirt." He laughed. 

My eyebrows shot to my hairline. "Uh, what- what has Tanaka done to you?"

This made the both of them start laughing. 

Tanaka grabbed his stomach. "No, you idiot. He can't do it with that sweatshirt on." He cackled mockingly. 

I went red and bowed my head.

That would be a problem since I only have a sports bra on under this but nonetheless I pulled it up. 

Of course, I knew how I would look to them. Gross with the way my body looked and how the straps of my bra might dig into my skin a little too much. Or how the waistline of my sweats dug into my hips but after much teasing from both of them I knew I didn't really need to worry about comments on it. They had the decency of keeping those to themselves. 

I felt the cold air of the storage room hit my stomach almost immediately with the lack of fabric that left my shoulders. Then, I suddenly realized what I had just done and felt myself flush more.

Tanaka's eyes went wide and he cheered. "We got her stripping, Ya'll!" 

And just as quick as he had said that Suga hit him. "Shutup, you're so disgusting." He snapped at his friend, then sent me a friendly smile. "Here, I'll hold that." He reached forward and gently eased my sweater from my hands. 

I sighed in relief. Suga was such a good guy. He didn't even react to it. 

I peered over my shoulder at Daichi, wondering why he wasn't getting this over with but he was already falling down behind me with a scowl. That alone made me scowl as well. 

It wasn't a surprise that he ridiculed my decision to pull my shirt off in front of three teenage boys. One of the boys being a very obvious pervert but it wasn't like I'd done it to tease them or anything of that sort.

It was more so that I was confident in their protectiveness as a team. I have seen them more than once go crazy over the safety of Kiyoko and even Yachi. It would be stupid and oblivious of me to assume that I was excluded just because I actually played with them.

Daichi latched his hands around my legs, pushing them apart and resting his own between them. I stiffened. "Are you sure he's the only one that can do it?"

Daichi clicked his tongue and jabbed his thumbs into my shoulder blades sarcastically. "I'm the one in charge of what happens to your spine. You still wanna talk like that?"

Suga reached forward chopping his hand into the Captain's side," Act like a senior." He whispered aggressively causing his friend to sigh dramatically across my neck.

It was odd having Daichi's fingers touching the bare skin of my shoulders although it didn't feel as uncomfortable as I would've assumed. We haven't spoken since my encounter with him just outside the gym doors and he hasn't had a hostile attitude with me either. We've just been coexisting up until this point so the only tension I felt was from those one on one moments with him during this past week. But it was still weird.

He spread his hands across the sensitive crook of my neck, his knee pressing into the bottom of my back gently. I flinched. 

I was scared that he was gonna purposefully hurt me but with Suga and Tanaka present I knew it wouldn't happen. Still the fear lingered. "You're not wearing a shirt so this might hurt a little bit more than it usually would." He said quietly, his calloused fingers less than hesitantly flitting across my skin. "Are you ready?"

I took a deep breath, focusing on releasing any oxygen from where his knee was pressed. Then I nodded quickly, and he reluctantly started pulling on my shoulders so several pops coursed through my body. 

"Ha!" I gasped, my hands falling back behind me, bracing themselves onto the toughness of his thighs. "What the fuck."

Daichi let out a triumphant huff, pushing a little rougher causing more spinal relieving pops to sound. 

I didn't know I was even harboring so much stress in my back and I couldn't help but melt into the consolation, my body completely easing into his touch.

"Jesus, do you sleep on the floor or something." Daichi muttered incredulously. His chest pushed up against my back to hold me and I jolted in realization. 

I'm sure I was meant to focus on the knots leaving my body but I suddenly became aware of his fingers groping my sides and the upper parts of my arms. Even the way his legs held mine apart as I leaned up into him. It was making feverish heat transpire between the two of us.

This was all too much for a Saturday morning.

I snapped a delirious look at Tanaka who had his arms crossed over his chest, smiling at my reaction.

"Good, right?" Suga said and my gaze flicked to him. "Almost made me gay."

Daichi grunted. "Do you have to talk like that?"

Suga rolled his eyes. "But it's okay if Tanaka says something like that?"

Daichi's grip tightened and I sucked in a breath. "You just told me to act like a senior. How about you act like one too." He irked. 

I paid no attention to what Suga said after that and zeroed in on Daichi's hand that inched forward slipping around half of my neck. It was an action I was sure he calculated to do just then and a choked sound left my mouth. It was quiet. Quiet enough that I was positive only I heard but the bobbing of my adams apple against his fingers gave rise to him adjusting them just a bit rougher.

A flash of what happened in the clubroom ran through my head and the way the heat of his hand seared my wrist and how the cold of the icepack I had had placed on my knee felt like nothing compared to the fever he passed onto me. It made me shiver thinking about it.

The energy was just like then at the moment.

Was he really doing this with the other two here? Even after he took the liberty of judging me for a possible 'implication' after I took my sweatshirt off?

He pushed his knee into my back again and when no pops vibrated through my body, he let go. Almost carelessly and I fell forward. 

My chest ached as I flattened against the mat below me and I groaned in frustration. 

What a charming man. 

In addition to that though, I couldn't feel anything. 

And not to praise that douche but I felt so relaxed. 

Tanaka laughed, laying down next to me. "See, now you'll be ready to go to Fukurodani today." He prided. "Because nothing blesses the soul more than the Captain's horse thighs breaking your spine."

Suga sputtered audibly. "Don't say those things around her."

Huh, it's almost as if he didn't just say that he had almost gone gay from a back pop.

Daichi walked up next to the silver haired boy, casting a look down at me. There was no evidence on his face that he had just held me the way he did or even a drop of blush that I presumed would've plagued the skin under his eyes. He looked calm.

Then with a shrill slam against the wall, the door opened and the entertainer of the obnoxious act stood in the door way, glancing at all four of us. 

His bleached hair was wet from what seemed to be a shower and the hairband that held it back left clear crystal straight lines from the hairline to where it it sat on the base of his scalp. The clean look did not match the expression on his face as he drank in the sight of me shirtless on the floor with Tanaka. 

"What the hell are you doing?" Ukai snapped at the buzzcut, taking a step forward into the storage room. 

Tanaka scrambled up and rested his hands on his hips, pretending as if he hadn't been there in the first place. "I don't even know what you're talking about." He lied childishly. 

I sat up and stared at him. It felt like it was the first time I've seen him in weeks and it somehow made my heart sink with sadness. Waiting for him to come back, as it turned out, hadn't been the problem. It had been the painful wait to find out how he was gonna act when he finally returned. 

There was either an angry Ukai or a sarcastic and smug Ukai.

Right now, it didn't even look like either. He just looked so...so tired. 

Suga smiled. "You're finally back! We were just taking measurements." He said despite the way our coach had entered the room.

Leave it up to Suga to clear the air. Thank god.

Ukai gave the third year a brief glance before looking at me again. I suddenly remembered that I was without a shirt and snagged my sweatshirt from Suga, quickly pulling the soft fabric over my shoulders. 

I looked to Daichi but he was already looking at me and I jumped. "Let's get this over with, yeah?"

He nodded resiliently, offering his hand to help me up. He seemed to notice the soft tenseness of my hand and sent a quick look to my nails before letting go as if to make sure that even if I was nervous, I couldn't just go and scratch up my thighs. It made me furrow my eyebrows with shame.

I hated that even with someone who didn't like me. I still made them worry about something as childish as that. 

Avoiding Ukai's watchful eyes, I made my place on the stadiometer that stood old and nearly broken in the corner of the storage room. 

The calculation of my height didn't take long and I was off the scale before Daichi even gave me the clear to get off. 

I just wanted to leave the room. It was suffocating being in there with both Daichi and Ukai trailing my every movement. 

Tanaka was quick to jog up to me. "Let's serve before we go!" He sang, slipping an arm around my shoulder to fasten our exit. "It's been so long since I've seen you do it." He sent me a mischievous look. "I'm starting to doubt you still got it."

I scowled. "I'm gonna kick your ass."

He laughed," Are you threatened?"

We brushed by Ukai and I didn't so much as give him a glance before finalizing my walk out of the disastrous tension filled room. 

Was I chickening out or something? 

I thought my decision to leave him be was a rational one but I found myself sinking with the thought of even talking to him at this point. I was scared that I would somehow be turned down without an inch of implied friendship.

I suppose, I really just wanted to maintain what we had. 

Tanaka heaved out a breath," Damn, I thought Coach was gonna fucking body me if I stayed in there any longer."

I forced a smile, nudging him toward the basket of balls by the gym wall. " That's because your obsessed with me." I teased causing him to gasp.

"You make me feel like I'm betraying Kiyoko."

My eyebrow raised questioningly," Are you?"

He launched a volleyball at me with a snarl," Never, you witch."

I laughed and moved toward the net to find my position on the serving line. 

The rest of the guys sat on the sidelines conversing with each other, none of them paying attention to me and Tanaka. 

It really has felt like I haven't served in awhile so the challenge with him might end with him taking the win but I truly didn't mind. As long as I was out of the path of our finally returned coach I would be fine. 

Although, an intense longing to go back to him to see if he was okay still loitered it's way into my chest. 

I shook my head. There's no need to worry. He's a grown man. I'll just wait until he decides to see me. 

I thrust my arms out, getting a feel for the weighted sphere in my hands. It felt heavier than usual like something within it was purposely reacting to my touch. It made me sigh. I knew it was only because of my heavy conscious. 

"I wonder why he was gone so long." Tanaka hummed. "Family doesn't seem like a believable lie."

This caused me to halt what I was doing and shoot him a stare. "Does it matter?"

He shrugged, slipping a hand under his shirt to scratch his stomach. "It's just weird that he was gone for two days. He was at the store when we stopped to get meat buns." He rolled his eyes. "But you wouldn't know that since you ditch on us all the time."

I pulled at the muscles in my calves for a moment as I thought. "I just have other things to do other than hang out with you guys. I literally see you all day everyday need you forget that we have classes together as well."

He squinted and bent over, stretching toward his feet. "Do you hate me that much? I thought I was pretty handsome."

I watched him smile to himself, my own mouth breaking into a smirk. "You're so handsome I can hardly _stand it_ , Tanaka. Please have mercy." I said slowly and mockingly. When he didn't respond I rolled my eyes and finally became level with my serving position. "You're not one for dissing a compliment."

When I looked at him again he was sat straight up, staring at Ukai who had, without my noticing, sauntered over to where we were. 

My mouth fell and I whipped around to continue what I was doing.

Did he hear me? Why did he have the worse timing known to man kind? Was he doing it on purpose?

"Go on, Tanaka. A pretty girl just complimented you. What are you gonna say?" His gruff voice was low and deriding. I barely recognized it. It also sounded clear like he hadn't smoked in awhile. 

My classmate sputtered at the peer pressure his coach was enforcing and let out a weak sound. "Pretty girl? Pretty _girl_?" He laughed nervously. "You must be seeing things, Coach. Oh shit- I mean- of course she's _pretty-_ "

I veered on my heel," Tanaka," I hissed. "Shut up." He did as he was told and slid his teetering hands to cover his mouth. "Let's just serve."

Ignoring Ukai was much harder than I thought it was gonna be. That incessant yearning to pull him outside to talk things out finding its way into my heart again. 

There was no need to be nervous but having him right behind me as I warmed up had me nearly gasping for air. Did he need to be right there?

I bounced the ball for a moment and glanced at the other side of the net. It was harder to navigate an attack point with no one over there. "Hey, go stand on over there." I commanded, flicking a finger to center court.

When Tanaka pivoted onto his heels, balancing himself to receive I felt all the air leave my body. It didn't matter who was around me right now. There was only a half hour until we leave and I'm not gonna spend it fretting over Ukai.

Suga and Daichi made their way out of the storage room, watching the practice between Tanaka and I and sending meek looks at Ukai. I guess he chewed them out for something.

Daichi held up a hand," Wait, let me receive you'll hurt yourself with those sweats on." He said, jogging up to the second year. He found his comfort spot just as quickly as he ran on and nodded at me. 

It was a strange transaction. One that didn't hold any curtness or anything of that vicinity. He felt like a teammate. 

I smiled," Okay, if you get this one I got your dinner tonight, Captain." 

He cocked an eyebrow," Yeah, if you can even get it over the net."

This made Suga holler," That's too damn cold, Daichi! Give the girl a chance!"

I blew out a breathy laugh, then dipped my heels into the floor and tossed the ball up. 

I watched it spin. The bright hues of the ball not granting me at least one good look at each individual color. But that was what I loved. The not knowing what color it would land on or if I would even find out after being blinded by a service ace. It's exhilarating. 

That's what I want. I think that I just want to play volleyball today. A day with just the game and none of the other drama that fulfilled my life right now. Though I knew I wasn't going to get that so I could at least bath in it now. 

I grinned and took off toward my serve, my legs feeling like nothing but mere collateral damage toward my victory. There was no particular attack I was going for. I only wanted to get it past Daichi or as I should put it, my component. 

I peered over the net excitedly. It felt like I had been restrained from the sight for years. It felt like I could finally take a good, hardy deep breath. 

I zeroed in on Daichi's non dominant foot knowing that he wouldn't be able to readjust his skip step in time make himself compatible with my serve. At least not with what I could do compared to the others. 

Then my fingers wrapped around the ball, my cut fingernails still somehow catching on the rough fabric and securing a hefty place to choose my spot. 

I shoved it off my palm and left it to do it damage as it flew over the flimsy criss-crossed net. 

It whorled toward the Captain's feet, exactly to the place I had intended it to go but as expected Daichi was quick to fall, leaving his crouched position. 

I shouted out, hoping that I would get what I wanted with everything that I had but his arms found a place under it and sent it back up. 

I landed swiftly and short jolt coursed up into my knee, like it always did, and I sighed. "Anyone but the Captain and I could've kept my money in my pocket." I panted. 

Tanaka cheered," Yes, sir! Run her bankrupt! Take all that shmoney!" He clapped his hands, bending over with a cackle. 

Daichi sat up and wiped off his face with a smile. " I like Shoyu ramen by the way." 

Woah.

His smile.

I've never seen it like that. Directed at me, I mean. 

It was pretty. 

I blinked and looked away. So that's what the boys saw on a daily bases? Why did that make me somewhat envious?

****

"Thank you all for doing measurements swiftly." Takeda praised, his spot in the front of the bus making him look more like a child than a teacher. "It's my pride as your advisor that you are able to attend this camp and I really hope it all makes you go grow into stronger as players than what you already are." He slid his hand over his heart, his eyes closing with a grin. "Please do not let these things go to your head! Of course we still need _a lot_ of improvement! So, do your best! We'll be there in about an hour so get your rest while you can."

Yachi deadpanned beside me," I don't think he knows what he's saying most of the time." She said quietly, ducking a head when Kiyoko turned to look at her from across the aisle.

I shrugged," He's not wrong. Kageyama and Hinata have been acting weird, don't you think?"

She shuddered and hugged herself. "Ever since they fought they haven't been playing right. I'm scared it'll stay like that." 

I vaguely remembered Noya's loud mouth talking about had happened a few days ago and the rough tension I felt between the two players that day I did a drill with them when Nakashima and Shu showed up, but I never commented on it.

Kageyama was already a brute to begin with.

I looked down at the smaller girl, taking in her appearance. She was cute with her hair tied back and was completely engulfed in the over sized track suit that Kiyoko gave her just before we left. It was a shame I didn't know her on deeper terms other than her being our new manager for next year. She seemed so sweet. Someone good to have at your side.

"Well, we have this weekend and next week for them to figure out themselves. Seeing each other so often won't do them any worse." I murmured, glancing over the seats in front of me at the back of Ukai's head.

I really hoped that applied to us as well. Our clash was inevitable and I was prepared for an argument to be the only thing to transact next time we did talk.

There was plenty of things, as I've thought about, that I've done that might've confused him. Like things I've said and times I was more vague than I needed to be which probably led to his transitions in moods so often. Though I often used Coach Usami as an excuse for my behavior inside my head it still didn't excuse how I presented myself to others that didn't know about my situation. Not that anyone even did at all.

I frowned. I didn't like that I had to hide things because of Coach Usami or shudder when I heard any of my former teammates from my classes say his name. It was unfair that I was the only one who knew about the vile things that man thought even during work hours. 

My heart contracted. Could he have found someone new to defile? I knew how it was to trudge your way through school and even practice completely dreading what would happen once you stepped foot in the locker room. It filled my heart with fear and sadness thinking that someone I go to school with might be going through what I went through, unable to say something because no one else would understand. 

Do I have to make a visit just to make sure? No. That would mean I see Coach Usami. 

But I can't prioritize my feelings over someone else that might be suffering. If my pain lasted even after a year from when it happened. I can't imagine what a full year of his nauseating assaults would do to someone else. 

I shook my head. I can't worry about that right now. I'll think about it on Monday. 

My phone buzzed softly in my pocket and I reached down to fish it out of my pocket.

**Suga:**

_why didn't you sit back here with us?_

_girl talk?_

~

I smiled. I didn't think any of them wanted to sit with me.

**Me:**

_yeah sooo much girl talk._

~

**Suga:**

_hope it's about me._

~

**Me:**

_of course it is_.

~

**Suga:**

_i knew you were in love with me. it's written all over your face._

~

I giggled and twisted around to look at him a few seats behind me. He looked up, his silver hair bouncing with his movement and smiled, his fingers peeking up over the seat gesturing me over. I glanced at Daichi beside him who was also watching his friend grin goofily at me, the corners of his mouth upturned. 

I'm glad he was in a good mood today. It would be rough moving back there just for him to be a jerk.

I looked to Yachi once more, her eyes already on me. She smiled and shifted her legs to make room for my exit. "Don't worry. I've got Kiyoko." She whispered. I glanced at the third year who had a book open in her lap, her glasses sloped away from her blue eyes with focus. I almost sat back down knowing that Kiyoko wouldn't be all that much company but nonetheless slipped past her and to where Suga sat.

He moved his book bag from the seat in front of him, allowing me to sit with a comfortable view of him. "Daichi told me not to call you back here," He leaned forward. "But he's only the captain on the court." He whispered.

Daichi reached forward tugging on one of Suga's silver locks. "Seems like _you_ only have brains on the court, Koushi." He irked quietly, his eyes never leaving where he had them placed on the window. There was only trees where we were passing, the occasional house slipping it's way into the abyss and the brightening of the morning light cast pale patches over his cheekbones. It made him look more intimidating than he already was. 

Suga rolled his eyes, slapping away his hand. "You only got grumpy when she came and like....for what?"

I felt my eyes widen. He noticed that to then.

Daichi scoffed and rested his hand under his chin, leaning his temple on the window. "It's not that, you prick. You just need some sleep. We'll be practicing all day." He eyes slid to the corners of eyes, glancing at me. "You should sleep too, you already worked up a sweat this morning and I won't be happy if you opt out in the middle of a practice game. Your new, no less a girl. We have to show them just how strong we are even without our winning lineup."

I scowled. "Not so much a winning lineup with me, a girl, now is it, Captain?"

Just when I thought he was easing up on me more.

Suga sputtered and waved his hands frantically. "Hey, now-"

Daichi finally turned his head to give me his full attention, "What I said a month ago still applies to now. Plus what are we gonna go do since you owe me ramen? " He said lowly.

I could tell that he was trying to keep it light for the sake of Suga but his tone was too aggressive to pass up.

My gaze narrowed and my hands curled into my sweatpants, completely ignoring his mention of dinner. "I can't even remember a word you said back then now that I think about it."

I could. Every word. As if it was ingrained into the backs of my eyelids. 

"Hmm, in case you forgot what I said then, here's a brief reteaching." He leaned forward, his eyes squinting sarcastically. "We don't need you here. You bring a mere serve that only miraculously shows up when that knee of yours isn't blacked out with bruises. So, don't think that just because I'm being nice that it means that I accept you." He snapped.

Suga turned to me," Knee?" Then he sputtered, turning to Daichi. "What's going on? Wait, what did you say to her?"

My stomach flipped and acid caught my voice. No one but Daichi and Ukai knew about my knee. How did I know he would somehow use it against me? 

Daichi furrowed his eyebrows. "It happened awhile ago." He held my eyes for a moment, before finding the place on the window he had been looking before. "Sorry, I didn't mean to say that." 

That was a lie. It was all over his face. He knew his obligation to me. The one thing I wished to keep from the rest of them. The one and only thing I've ever asked of him to hold between me, him and the coach. And it _accidentally_ slipped up, even without a sincere apology.

A sharp hand came down on my shoulder causing me to jump and twirl around in my seat, but the culprit was looking past me at Daichi.

"Is there a problem?" Kiyoko asked politely even though it very obviously didn't reach her eyes.

Daichi looked up at his classmate, his eyes easing into a kind stare. How fake. "Nothing!" His eye twitched. "We were just talking about how trash shouldn't be tossed with the rest of recycling!" Then his mouth quirked up at his hidden metaphor.

My mouth fell. What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

At least my call was the right one.

Kiyoko nodded and pushed her glasses up her nose, sliding a piece of hair behind her ear with the action. "That's good." Her blue eyes fell to me. "Why don't you come sit with me and Yachi again? You know, it was nice with just us _girls_." The hinted deride that dripped off her tongue made me shudder. Her tone could've been easily dismissed if it was said out of context, but with the conversation me and Daichi had there was no possible way it could be taken that way. 

I blinked. Did I hear that right? Was this really Kiyoko in front of me? I've never seen her with any other emotion except for the void stare she always held. No. It wasn't even her expression. It was her _voice_. It was sharp. Authoritative. 

I stood up barely comprehending my movement, too dazed to protest or come up with an excuse to maybe clear the situation. Was she angry? Could she be angry over something like this? Did she hear everything?

I've been asking too many questions. Questions that I didn't even have the guts to ask aloud. I had barely been there ten minutes and an argument had already sprouted between me and the captain. Perhaps she had heard from where she sat then?

But that would mean the whole bus heard.

I stood up straight, alarmed. My eyes buzzed across the aisles looking into each seat but the only eyes that seemed to be trained on us were Yachi's and Ukai's.

Yachi was holding onto the tips of her hair, hardly paying attention to the roughness of her tugs and Ukai simply held his chin between two fingers, his stare bored and ready to interfere if anything got worse.

I doubt they could actually hear anything that was being said. I don't think Ukai would've stayed up front if he did. 

When he saw my staring he perked up slightly, his headband falling a little bit through his damp hair. Then as if realizing what he did, he frowned and twisted back around.

My eyebrows curled inward but I didn't have time to think as Daichi spoke up again. "Are you alright, Kiyoko?"

She slipped her hands into her pockets. "I'm fine." She turned and lightly nudged on my back to ease me to the front again. I complied, only have a second to glance at Suga who sat confused and worried, his hand holding the back of his neck. That was bad.

I shouldn't have let Daichi work me up like that. I came over for the soul purpose of talking to him but shot back when Daichi had said just one little demeaning thing. That was my own folly.

I skipped over the seat that Yachi was in and found my own two vacant ones just behind Ukai. It was my choice that he happened to be right there but I wanted to sit by myself. I didn't deserve the kindness of others at the moment after what I just did.

"I'm sorry if I acted irrationally." Kiyoko murmured quietly, piecing through her book to find her page. "It's just," She paused, finding an appropriate sentence. "I've never heard Daichi speak of someone that way." Her blue eyes drooped to her lap. "It was very disappointing."

My lips parted, a wave of guilt crumbling deep within my skin. "Don't apologize." I whispered. "I provoked him. So, please don't be upset with him. At least be disappointed with me."

Her lids fluttered, startled. "Why are you saying that?" She questioned, her voice raising a half level higher. 

I slid a hand up to my collarbone, my mind suddenly going blank at the inquiry and scratched at my skin from over my sweatshirt. Why was I saying that? When the words had left Daichi's mouth I was quick to know what was right from what was wrong, but now as I thought about it I couldn't fathom the blame being shifted onto him. 

I shook my head at my upperclassman and curled back into my seat, resting my head into my now crossed arms. 

Why did I say that? Why did I say a lot of things?

_Emica pulled the gauze tightly around my knee, sending me a sympathetic smile when I hissed at her rough action. "Sorry." She grimaced and placed a hand on my shoulder as she stood up from her kneeling position in front of me. "You should hurry to Coach's office before he makes us do like a million serves."_

_I sighed. The Coach's office. I really didn't want to go there. "What do you mean 'us'? I'm critically injured." I laid a sarcastic hand across my heart. "Only a few weeks left they said!" I cried._

_Emica rolled her eyes but played along. "Then I suppose this is my only chance to confess my undying love for you, Tenshi!" She grabbed the sides of my face. "Kiss me!"_

_I held my breath, my mouth twitching with a threatening smile. Though to my joy, she broke first, falling down and laughing into my shoulder._

_I pushed her away," You're so dumb." I chuckled, slowly lifting of the bench. My eyes shot to the lonely office that sat in the corner of the main gym, a dim light shining out of it's cracked door. "I should go. I'll see you tomorrow. Don't be late this time! I had to warm up with the wall today." I scolded jokingly causing her to smile widely._

_The short libero shot me a thumbs up and jogged away before tossing her chin over her shoulder. "You better get a brace on that knee soon or I'll kill you personally." She opened the large gym doors. "Okay, bye!"_

_My head drooped once the door slammed shut and I trudged my way to the small room that I knew my coach was waiting for me in with great disincline._

_I knew what was awaiting me. Short, rough, stubby hands that were itching to do something about the clothing that enclosed my body right now. Green sharp eyes that drank in every reaction I gave even though all I ever gave him were meager disgust filled grimaces and whines asking him to stop. Whines that never affected him in the slightest._

_I slid into the room quietly, my eyes hung down low. Hopefully this would be over quickly so I could go home to see my dad before he leaves for work and cook Shu some dinner._

_"Ah, my favorite ace." Usami's eyes gleamed as he spread his hands out over his desktop. I looked down at the old, veiny digits, a simple gold ring holding snug to his right annular finger. My mouth shaped a scoff and I looked away. Have you no shame, Old Man?_

_I nodded in response and dropped my shoulder, my kit falling to the floor._

_He frowned," Not a good practice today?"_

_No, I just don't want to be fucking assaulted. I'm so sorry for the inconvenience, Asshole._

_"Yeah, my knee's still acting up." I lied and my tongue hit the roof of my mouth with a soft click. "Did you need something?"_

_He tilted his head, his green slits watching me with an amused look. "I love that you feign innocence every time we meet, Tenshi. It makes me feel a lot better."_ _He remarked and stood up. "Now, I'd love for you to lose the attitude and sit down before I lose my temper." He smiled and clapped his hands together. "And you know how short my temper is don't you, Tenshi?"_

_It wasn't an actual question. It was more so a threat. Something that often came from him more frequently than actual questions, but still he would always make me answer._

_"Yes, Sir." I let out on a whisper, sinking to my knees. The way he preferred it. "I'm sorry."_

_Usami huffed and placed a hand on my head. "Your sensei has taught you so well. I love hearing those words come from your mouth." His other hand slid to my face, his fruit scented fingers thumbing their way past my lips and nuzzled themselves into the inner part of my cheek. "Now, please refrain from any noises. It would be a pain if someone heard you at this time of night." He leaned down, his wiry hair dusting across my eyes causing me to squint. "Don't disappoint me today, Tenshi. I will be very unhappy if that comes to pass."_

Tenshi.

I used to like my name. Loved it actually. It even made me happy when people used to give me nicknames that related to it. Like Messenger or Birdie. 

It was heart warming at some point, that that just so happened to be my designation but I slowly but surely started hating the mere sound of it. Coach Usami's disgruntled voice murmuring it too much of a nauseating thing to think of each time it was said. 

So, after I dropped out I started asking everyone I knew to call me by the name my mom used often because of her American origins.

Angel.

The easy translation of Tenshi in English.

It comforted me that I could leave behind my given name and ease into a new one without it actually being a new one. My mother encouraged it greatly saying something along the lines of _'I've always wanted that to be your always name but you're father is a very stubborn man.'_

That was enough to encourage me on my tour of correcting people and furthermore resigning myself from 'Tenshi'. 

'She' felt like a whole different person and with my name now I felt like I had met Takinoue out of it. My absolute best friend.

Without him I wouldn't have grown even if it was just a little bit. It was all because of him.

I blew out a breath. 

I really miss Takinoue.

*****

Some not so happy Daichi content because the king deserves screen time AND a reason to be angry at our poor Tenshi. Love it. Also I'm ready to beat Ukai tf up, he better have a speedy quick fade.


	13. Thirteen

_(One day earlier to the training camp.)_

_Ukai's pov_

Was there a way for me to avoid all that happened? Was Tenshi thinking what I had been thinking as she trembled against that wall of the alley? Did Nakashima care that he had caused her to flinch as I wiped away her tears? Did Takinoue know that she was fragile despite her front? 

Why was I denying the incessant, deep, rotten shoots of disgust that crawled around under my skin when I looked at Tenshi? Not disgust directed at her but at myself for wanting to make sure she was secure as she walked into her house without a single parent in there to comfort her.

Disgust for not feeling bad when I tease her or enjoying the quick and witty responses she had to mine. It was repulsive that I considered myself a close friend of hers just as she considered Takinoue and Shimada as one but still wanted more. 

That was it. I wanted more and that by itself is one of my greatest sins. 

She was an excellent volleyball player and was always swift when it came to moving with an attack that was presented to her by her teammates. Always barely paying attention to how her shirt would flutter up her build allowing her the least bit of weight to raise higher into the air and how her shorts would shift lazily onto her hips as she landed with a heaving sigh. Any timidness she would show to how much she obscured her figure surely leaving her body as she flew toward the ball and nothing bothering her except for where she would destroy the blow of the attack. 

It baffled me. That that was something that was held within her. Potential at it finest. 

And I wanted _more_.

I wanted to see her fired up during a game, caring about nothing but how she would work with her teammates. Her long brown hair cascading down the sides of her neck with sweat that no matter how many times she'd wipe it away, it still remained. Her large light brown eyes searching for mine so she could obtain more advice about what to do. 

Furthermore, I wanted to teach her everything that I knew just so I could see her work it into her own personal techniques. Like how she always blew air out onto a volleyball just as she's about to serve or how she almost always looked to her setter as she spiked just to reassure them that everything that they were doing was the right thing. 

She was an amazing teammate. One that the boys took for granted just as often as they took Takeda's hard work for granted. Just in view of the fact that without her I'm almost sure I would've lost all my second years. Kinoshita being the one that stood out the most. 

He was never included in anything except being a tag-along of Narita's but Tenshi wasted no time befriending him and even using her extra practice time to show him some serving moves. 

That was what incited me to walk her home that night of her first cleaning duty. Need I forget that my main motive was to work her nerve and tease her about who she had been with so I could report it to Takinoue but I hadn't even done that. I simple liked how her velvet skin had blown red at my request to have her run the two laps she had failed to complete after she called me by my name. 

Was that a good enough reason for not questioning her at all? 

My head bowed heavily down onto the counter of Shimada's front cash register and I sighed. "Are you gonna make me sit here all day or are you idiots gonna tell me what the hell you want?"

I looked to my former teammates, watching as they looked to one another with hurried glances. They looked as they always did, young with the hint of age that lined their forehead's. It annoyed me. 

Takinoue ran a hand through his air and mimicked my sigh. "I think we've gotta problem." 

I rolled my eyes," I forgot just how stupidly dramatic you are." I grumbled, taking the time that he obnoxiously gasped to readjust my earrings. 

But he didn't gasp. 

"Keishin, this is serious, you know. It's about Tenshi." Shimada replied, his voice falling low with a hint of irritation. 

I looked back up at the sound of her name, quickly finding my posture with a tilt of my head. "What? You guys want her back?" I quipped and squinted at Takinoue who was holding his hands behind his back almost anxiously. "You do know that I have a training camp tomorrow-"

"No, no, it's not that." Shimada said quickly. "It's her old coach. We're kind of worried about him. He came in here the other day asking about her and he was really aggressive about it too." His gray eyes slotted as he thought about it. "I think he's trying to see her." 

I furrowed my eyebrows and held up a hand. "Wait, what-what are you talking about? I mean the guys a jerk, yeah, but what's the problem with him seeing her? He's a senior isn't he? I'm sure he was a valued mentor of hers before she left." I was beginning to feel a bit piqued about being dragged here just for them to tell me this.

Takinoue leaned forward, tapping a foot impatiently. "No, he's the reason she left in the first place." He murmured, rubbing at his forehead. "She hasn't told me anything but if it was bad enough to make her join your team, I don't want him near her. You're the only one that can ensure that."

If there was anything that I didn't know about Takinoue, it was that he had a much too large of a soft spot for Tenshi. He was always the type to goof off and make jokes during serious situations so this was enlightening to see him this concerned. 

My mind moved to Tenshi, just barely remembering how upset she'd been when the both of us had left the vice principle's office. An over abundance of worry being the only thing that she was focused on that she didn't even realize how much the marks on her neck had flaunted themselves in the afternoon sunlight. 

Now that I thought about it I can't forgive myself for being so cruel to her situation. 

"I don't know if I should get involved, Guys." I said lowly. "She's already been through a lot recently. I don't want to start something by being apart of this, you know?"

Takinoue's eyes, the same shade as mine, flicked up to me. "What?" His voice was obscure. "What do you mean? What happened?" The tips of ears turned pink as he approached the counter. 

"No, I mean-It's just- It's nothing, but if what you want is to keep an eye on her that's fine, Takinoue. Don't get worked up, Man." I threw my hands up, hoping to hide the obvious string of lies that just left my mouth. The lie that what had happened a day ago was something that didn't involve me even though it did almost to it's full extent. I had been a primary factor in how things turned out after I found Nakashima and Tenshi in the alley _and_ how the atmosphere when I get back to Karasuno is gonna end up. 

Moreover, I couldn't just stand up and tell Takinoue that anything like how intimate it was that night happened at all but there's absolutely no way to avoid it if he asks.

My friend squinted at me and placed his hand onto the marble of the counter. "If Usami hasn't gone to seen her yet, he'll be doing it soon. So, when you get back from camp both you and I are gonna be taking turns walking her home. I would do it everyday but I have work so I'm depending on you, Keishin. Tenshi only needs to focus on volleyball right now."

He was right. Everything that's happened this week shouldn't be burdening her at the moment. Her attention needed to be solely on going to Nationals...but why did I want her to focus on me?

I want all the words I've said that night in my car to wrack her mind with questions and longing to talk to me. Which is why I skipped these past two days of practice, because I knew how I felt was wrong. So, completely wrong. 

I nodded, sucking in a quick breath. "If that's what you want I can do that."

Shimada's eyebrows shot to his hairline. "Wow, that was easier than I thought it was gonna be." He exclaimed, clapping his hands together with a smile.

I scowled," What does that mean?"

He pushed his glasses up further on his nose. "You're just a difficult man to reason with, Keishin. Simple as that. So, why don't we go get some drinks? It's been awhile, huh?" His hand came down on Takinoue's shoulder who was still frowning with a conflicted a expression. 

I stood up, shaking my head. "I'll join you guys later. I still gotta shop to look after." I excused myself quietly, unable to look at Takinoue any longer. I was starting to feel bad for withholding information about his best friend from him. 

I ducked out of the shop before any protests or further information could be spread, hopefully just the intel I just received about her coach wasn't major enough to bother me all day. Though, as it turned out, anything that could involve Tenshi always sparked a bit of my interest no matter how much restraint I tried to express. 

Coach Usami, as I had met him, was a strict man. He had heavy set ways that were really similar to my infamous grandfather and that Shiratorizawa coach ,Tanji Washijō. All three of them being old men over the age of fifty-five, which only contributed to their old school methods and profuse training techniques. 

I could only imagine how hard he went on Tenshi especially if she had the power and aim of a boy and was timid as she was. It seemed almost given that he'd focus on his ace like he must have. 

Tenshi probably couldn't handle the antagonizing and dropped out. I see why that would make someone like Takinoue angry but perhaps he should get the whole story before he tries something like using me to keep Coach Usami away from her. 

I think we should let her speak for herself honestly. She's almost an adult and it's been a year since her time with him. 

If anything I should invite him over to watch a practice just so he can see how much better she is with me than she was with him. 

That sounded like a good idea. I could try it out next week if things went okay with Tenshi since I'm sure she's still not recovered from what happened with Nakashima.

Speaking of that Wakutani Captain, he was in less of a place to start a commotion with what he knows of how the situation went. He had provoked the setting to make me as mad as he did. I don't feel bad for saying what I did, no matter how inappropriate it was as a superior. Because it was appropriate in my mind that what I said was the most effective way to get Tenshi away from him. 

So, I'm almost sure no commotion will stir out of this.

"Mom!" I groaned, throwing open the door of my shop. Then, she didn't answer. "Mom!" I cried again.

"What?" She responded exasperatedly. "What, Keishin? What do ya want?" I couldn't see her past all of the aisles but smiled softly at her broken grammar. "Look, now yur' not even responding. I swear to whatever is greatest in this world, that ya will be the death of me." Her scoff was mocking, just as it usually was. 

"Mom!" I called one last time just to see how she'd respond.

"Oh my- I'm gonna kill ya." Her stomps sounded from the back of the store. "Ya can't even be mad that I kill ya. Yur' so goddamn annoying- I-ya got that from your father! No son of mine would treat yur' poor mother this way." She came off the produce aisle with her old wooden feather duster in hand, waving it up high, a bothered scowl resting on her lips.

I cowered away from her, laughing. "Mom, wait!" I threw my hands over my face. "I was- I was joking, Lady! Calm down!" 

The duster came down on my shoulder, and might I add...hard. "Who are ya calling lady, Boy?" She snapped, but she broke off in a giggle and leaned forward grasping at my chin. "Address me properly, Kenny, or I'm taking ya house keys and ya sleep on the streets tonight."

I grinned and held onto her tender hand that caressed my face. "You know, I love you so much-"

Another laugh threatened to break through her lips but she suppressed it by hitting me with the duster again. "Do it!" 

"Okay!' I cried. "Mother! You're my mother! My beautiful mother!" 

She suddenly let go and smoothed out her dress and apron. "Hmm, I am beautiful, aren't I?" She hummed with a small triumphant smile, looking up at me. "Too bad yur' ugly." She shook her head. "Ugly like that grandfather of yur's." 

I blinked at her," Really?" I sighed. 

She regarded me with judgement filled eyes. "I could've killed ya just now. Be happy that being called ugly is the only thing yur' getting." She waved her wooden paddle again before slipping back into the produce aisle she had emerged from. "And what the hell is this skipping practice shit, huh, Keishin?" 

I frowned and slid behind the counter, picking up the newspaper that my mom brought in everyday. "What do you mean? I'm just taking a break before the camp." I muttered.

She huffed," I hope it's not because of that little girl you've got on your team." She said, the sounding of wrappers being rearranged drowning out her frail voice. "She didn't look very happy walking out with that boy the other night."

My movements stopped as the thought of how stubborn I'd been even though I had seen how uncomfortable she was with leaving with Nakashima ran through my head. "It's not." I irked, my eyes scanning over the small print of the paper even though I wasn't even reading it. "She just apologized to me because she felt like she had to." 

"Well, did ya accept it? She's been avoiding this place because of ya, ya know. I want her around more she makes yur' team laugh like it's nothing. It really is nice to see." She hummed. 

Geez, my mother always had a way of making me feel bad without knowing a single thing about what's going on. It was like her secret mom power. 

"Mooom," I groaned. "Can't you ever take my side? She said some nasty things and you want me to just forget about it?" 

She peeked around the corner of the shelf with a stern look. "Seeing that girl worked up about even stepping foot in my store makes me sad, Keishin." She said pointedly. "She obviously didn't mean any of it or whatever happened. How would ya feel being the only guy on a girl's team, huh?" 

"Oh, come on, it wasn't even about that, Woman." 

She stared at me, "Then as her friend ya need be more aware." She shot an accusing finger at me. "Not just anybody normal holds themselves the way she does. Ya got that passive eye from yur' father." 

I was used to her blaming every bad trait about me on my father because more times often than not, it was true. She was a very good, observing woman and always had keen eye for something she likes. 

It seemed that thing she liked was Tenshi. 

Though, I couldn't blame her. Tenshi had a knack for unintentional charm. 

I sighed, "Look, I already apologized for being mean. You don't have to treat me like a kid." I leaned onto the counter, staring at my content mother.

She cocked an eyebrow. "Well, the fact that ya were mean to a girl ten years younger than ya makes you look like a kid." She retorted then went back to where she had been on the aisle.

"It's a nine year difference!" I called. 

She snorted," That doesn't make it any better, Kenny."

I huffed at the nickname and slouched into the desk chair, convinced that I was in the right even though deep down we all know my mother that my mother was. I was still having trouble with forgetting Tenshi's words even though I had already assured her there was no need to talk about it. 

But how was I supposed to refrain from remembering the way she had snapped at me and told me that she had been solely focused on being alone with me in my room and not what Daichi had asked of her?

She had said it in such a way that it seemed it had been weighing on her. It truly surprised me especially since my main focus had been on how she had pushed me away on the street. 

Something about having an obligation to Takinoue being the thing that pissed me off the most, like I was doing him some sort of favor by walking her home. I thought it was just human decency to see a girl home at night but apparently not for her and I had been angry that she had challenged me in the gym, though I had no right because I had been the one being immature. 

Ugh, it's so confusing. The back and forth stuff we pull with each other constantly. I had never been angry at her like I was then and it was all over meaningless words and couped up jealously that slaved over when Daichi was brought up.

Jesus Christ, the jealously was the worst part. Jealously that I had no right to feel but ended up taking that liberty anyway. I didn't like the thought of someone else caring for her enough to tell her to file her nails. Not someone like Daichi at least since he made it clear that he didn't like her in the slightest all the time.

I shook my head quickly, finally focusing on the newspaper in front of me. 

This was annoying me. 

***** 

I just want to get to juicy parts but that's not how it workssssssss this is so dumb. lol hope you like stressed out Ukai.


	14. Fourteen

I don't think there was a single thing Tanaka could keep to himself if his even more perverted counterpart was beside him, his never ending babbling of words always somehow coaxing everything Tanaka knew out of him.

That seemed to be Nishinoya's super power now as we sat in the Shinzen Highschool gymnasium, stretching to our heart's content. That he was so feedbly the buzzcut's best friend that nothing whatsoever stood between them. Including love. Kiyoko's love, of course, but it was still the most annoying thing I've ever experienced.

So, listening to Tanaka explain the event of me getting my back popped by Daichi, in more detail than I would've liked, was so tiring that I wasn't even sure how I was gonna make it through more than one practice game with the two of them.

"Wait." Noya said, pouting as he stretched across Tanaka's back. "Angel had her shirt off?" His usual up-put hair was mushed against his forehead from the sleep he had gotten on the bus and the rims of his eyes were still red from the rubbing of fatigue. He looked like a sleepy puppy, though if anyone knew the feral child in front of me, they'd know he was anything but puppy-like.

I blinked at the small libero, "Of course that's what you got from that."

Tanaka laughed from under the weight of his friend and reached for his toes, "Yeah, man. Knockers out the freaking wazoo."

Noya pretended to cry, "But," He trembled, looking at me, or should I say at my boobs. "But, that's not fair!" He wailed which caused a scoff to leak out of Kinoshita who was beside me stretching his arms.

"Do you ever get tired of trying to sneak a peak, Noya?" Kino asked and stood up, tugging me with him so he could use me as a foundation for his stretching. "Like has respect ever crossed your mind...like ever.....at all?"

Noya groaned, slivering to the floor limply, using the hardwood to wipe his runny nose. "Daichi had the most luckiest perv in the whole wide world but he didn't even _take it_! If I can't have Kiyoko, I could've had Angel!"

I grimaced and Kinoshita caught it, patting the top of my head lightly. "That's not nice to say." He said defensively, earning a cackle from Tanaka.

The wing spiker stood, bringing Nishinoya with him. "He didn't mean that you were second to Kiyoko." He chuckled.

But Noya's head snapped up, "That's exactly what I meant."

That made me laugh. I knew I wasn't even close to having the honor of being compared to such a beautiful girl like Kiyoko and I had made my peace with that a long, long time ago. She was what you thought of when you heard the word slim or, if you wanted the full of it, perfect. It made sense and she deserved how the boys treated her. She cared a lot, almost too much for them though she never showed it and they knew that.

So, there wasn't an ounce of me that neglected their care for her that overcame their care for me. Even if Noya was just talking about looks. Kiyoko's vibrate colors definitely contrasted against my dull ones and what was there to argue about when it was laid out so unsubtle like that?

My pity party was reasonable if you thought about it but what wasn't reasonable was the twisting and turning of my chest that reeked of unexplained shame. The things that she had that I lacked would always make me feel helpless knowing that my body wasn't a curvy temple like hers and was only blessed with the demons of pudge that overlapped my waistbands constantly without fail. Being over the average weight was always a troubling matter that, of course, only troubled me. But I would never....ever voice that. It was bad enough that I had let it work me up on the first day of practice that I ever fucking had.

I looked at the libero for a moment and then smiled. "I don't blame you." I chuckled, and watched as Noya let out a triumphant sniff.

"I'm still hurt, Angel. I don't think I can forgive you. Blessing Tanaka, Suga, and Daichi but not me is simply out of line." He looked to Kinoshita behind me who was still swinging his legs back and forth. "Neither can Kino."

"Not true." Kino added.

I shrugged, "I can live with that."

And still with the theatrics, "I can't!" Noya cried.

I was making it a point to completely focus on my team right now. My mind was still juggling the knowledge that I was in the same room as four other groups. Maybe that was why I didn't mention it beforehand that Nekoma was literally behind me in their own portion of gym for warm ups. I had also been hyper-focusing on how Tanaka had told my back popping story so that he didn't exaggerate anything.

Or mention the split moment that I had completely melted into Daichi's searing touch when his hand had slipped around my neck. Even the thought of me being worried about that made me shudder because it was so sensual compared to his _undying_ hatred for me.

So I paid a glance behind me, hoping to playoff the look like it was for Kinoshita. My eyes glazed over the entourage of red jackets, only one white and gold one among the bunch. I couldn't make out faces but I could tell from the hair and height differences from the Nekoma research videos that Suga had basically forced me to watch that Tetsurō Kuroo was the one letting out a hefty laugh right now, bending over, slapping at Kenma Kozume's back.

They were the heart and brain of their team as I had observed countless times from Suga's relentless hounding and they were so utterly dynamic that it hurt to even see them in person. Kenma was quiet and always had his nose basically glued to whatever screen that was granted to him by his teammates. Kuroo was the snarky opposite of him and was more social than what he could help. Which was probably why the two were almost always in the same place at the same time.

It was like that with every team to be exact. There was no Hinata without Kageyama, no Kenma without Kuroo, no Suga without Daichi or Asahi. It simply made sense. Not to forget that absurdly strong group Fukurodani with Koutarou Bokuto and Keiji Akaashi who were both more dynamic than Nekoma all together.

It was heartwarming and creepy at the same time but whatever.

"See something you like?" Kinoshita whispered to me, following my gaze.

I sighed, "No, I'm just," My head was still wrapping around the fact that I had to play against those teams. "Fucking terrified."

"Hmm," Was his response and I had thought that was all but he gave my hair a good ruffle. "Noya, that Yaku guy from Nekoma, and Oikawa are the best players I've ever seen in my whole life." He said, warily watching Noya do flips off of Tanaka's very supported hands. " To some extent. And somehow, you're a mix of all three." He pulled me toward him and I couldn't help but think he sounded like Takinoue at this exact moment and it made me miss that stupid middle aged man more. "I don't care that you're a girl. Although seeing your boobs bounce every time you jump is all very exciting. It's incredible that you hone more than one skill unlike most of us."

I had already stilled when the words 'you're a mix of all three' had left my friend's mouth, the compliment swirling in thick coils in front of my eyes. Kinoshita never compliments me. He had made it clear that he would never play into my self-pitying since the moment we had clicked as friends. So, this payment was a little more than what I had expected.

The dilapidation I've been receiving from everyone in Takinoue's absence was beginning to take it's toll. In heavy and persistent waves it seemed.

Nakashima's percarious, lust thirsty mind.

Ukai's imprudence and rejection.

Daichi's cruel dislike for me and everything I did.

My brother's boyish, youthful ignorance.

And for fuck's sake, Coach Usami's disgusting, defiling touch that could be the problem of another girl's right now for all I knew.

So, could I be forgiven for feeling a little more hurt than usual? Was taking Kinoshita's hug with the widest open arms I could offer something to be scolded for?

Who actually knew?

I hesitantly sunk into his hold, letting out a breathy laugh. "I knew I've seen you looking at my tits, You Bastard." I buried my nose into his shoulder, trying my hardest to suppress the stinging on the backs of my eyelids. "Thank you."

He pulled away, glancing around to make sure no one had seen. "Can't help it, you know? If I had wonks like yours you would stare too." He retorted. My jaw clenched and I stared at him for a moment, to which he sheepishly laughed. "I'm joking. It's just fucking weird complimenting you so don't expect anything else ever again, alright?"

My emotional train ride had come to an end and I nodded, "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

"You should go get a snack. I know you didn't eat this morning." His gentle hand which had been placed on my head quickly reeled back, hitting me square on my peak.

I parted from him once and for all with a scowl, rubbing at the spot he had hit me. I glanced at the Nekoma team one more time and cowered away out of the gym, my knee aching at the mere thought of playing against the National qualifying team. Fukurodani climbing that fear as well.

Seeing how dysfunctional my school was compared to theirs was wracking me. These boys, including myself, didn't know what it was like so high up. Anyone who wasn't at least nervous to play this weekend were liars. It was a competition to see who was better. Who was weakest. But this was also a very good opportunity to grow. I just hope the boys don't get down if we lose a few. It was bound to happen. We just had to learn how to adapt to teams that were better than us and then show that we could become even better than _that_.

I wandered my way around the Shinzen hallways in search of the cafeteria to snag a treat before all the practice games started. Kinoshita was right to think I hadn't eaten this morning because I hadn't even remembered to put a undershirt on under my sweater. Which was why four different men had basically seen my breasts in the storage room. Regrettably one of them being my goddamned coach, who seemed rather angry when he spotted Tanaka laying next to me and Suga holding my jacket.

I was scared he was actually gonna start something because of how he had entered the room but when I drank in his tired appearance it was hard to even stay in there with him. It would've been different if he had been mad because I would've been able to figure out what was wrong but trying to decipher the exhausted attitude after two days of skipping practice was much harder.

I hadn't even talked to Takinoue or Shimada in that time too. This was why I was convinced that they were all together during that time. It wasn't an out of pocket assumption, in fact, it was most probable. I just didn't have anyone to go to to confirm it.

"Hey, you." A voice called down the hallway I was on but there was so many boys here that I just ignored it and kept walking. "You! Tiny girl in the blue shorts!"

What? I looked down at my shorts and sure enough, as if I hadn't known. they were blue. Veering on my heel, I looked at the person who had called out to me and paused. "Do you need something?" I asked and immediately threw a hand over my mouth. "I'm so sorry! Excuse me!"

Ogano Daiki and Tetsurō Kuroo stood before me, my ears had barely comprehended the second pair of footsteps enough to identify them in time to excuse my informal manner.

"Whoa," Ogano stepped forward, a surprised chuckle leaving him. "We just wanted to talk to you."

The Shinzen native made me frown, raising a sarcastic eyebrow, "Do you often call your juniors 'tiny girl' when you want to talk to them?" I barbed, trying not to lift my chin to adjust to their height but without much restraint, I did. It was an understatement to say that they were much larger than my own teammates. Minus, Tsukishima and Asahi.

Kuroo held up a hand, "That was me." He butted, with no doubt, a snarky tone. "And I only say what's true," He mimicked my height with a chop of his hand. "You're itty bitty."

Daiki laughed," Come on, we just wanted to introduce ourselves to Karasuno's new manager."

I blinked, "New manager?"

"Don't tell me the captains are ganging up on an innocent girl now." A new voice sounded from behind the two of them and I instantly pinpointed it as Ukai's.

Of course he had to show up right now. How melodramatic.

"Not at all, Coach." Kuroo replied, glancing over me with a smirk. "We're simply angels."

I looked at Ukai as he pushed past the two of them, a lazy smile gracing his face, unconvinced of Kuroo's statement. His hair was finally dry and was silkily gliding down past his ears and neck and I noticed that it had gotten a lot longer. I suppose that's what I gain from not seeing him for two whole days.

And for some unknown reason, Kuroo's derisive comment made me want to make one of my own. "Say, you really live up to your mascot, don't you, Tetsurō?"

Ogano snorted," You could say that."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kuroo asked with squinted eyes, his lips parting as he observed me further. His antagonizing character bended down to my height.

I smiled," Nothing, it's just, you do know cats are just lazy and pretty, right? Fits well if you think about it."

"Oh, so you think I'm pretty?" When I didn't respond he fanned a purposeful breath across my face. "Those crows have talked about me it seems. I guess they just can't handle Nekoma being better than them."

"Better is hardly the word. I think what you're looking for is _inferior_." I said slyly, not too sure if my joke would get across but still standing by it.

His dark eyes glinted with interest, "You're vocabulary certainly demeans me." His back straightened, his chin lowering so he could see more efficiently. "I like that." He looked to Ukai, reaching out to shake his hand. "She'll make a great manager. Too bad she's a second year. Better savor your last year with her."

Ukai yawned, "I'll thank you not to assume someone's roll on my team, Tetsurō. She's actually one of my many valued wing spikers." He said gruffly, pulling away from him.

Kuroo's whole expression changed and he looked to me, shocked. I only laughed. "Like I said. _Lazy_."

"Huu," He breathed, his head lulling back. "You better get your crow, Coach."

Ukai shrugged, "She's only little. A lot of punch though so, you're on your own."

Every inch of oxygen left me as I processed those words. Jesus, did he even know how he sounded?

Ogano whacked Kuroo gently on the shoulder, "Let's go. I'm hungry." But before he turned and left, he looked to me. "I never caught you're name."

"I'm-" I paused. I shouldn't say Tenshi right? "I'm Angel."

He turned my name over in his head for a second and then grinned. "Cool. I'm Daiki." Then the two captains turned and retreated back from where they came from. "I'll be seeing you later!"

When they were out of sight, I turned to Ukai, grimacing at the awkward silence that shifted the air. "Ukai-"

"Don't," He sighed. "I don't have time to talk. The coaches want to meet you."

My eyes drooped to the tile floor and my heart was basically pumping out of my chest as I ached to just tell him that I wished for everything to be okay. Since his disappearance I had been focused on drowning those stupid feelings I had for him. He was older than me, by a lot might I add. There was no room or legality for me with him.

But having him here with me had those sinister feelings returning.

"Okay." I whispered, reaching down to tug on the ends of my shorts and felt my dull nails scritch the skin of my thighs. A wave of what I thought was relief washed over me at that small burn that erupted off my irritated flesh but I quickly buried it with the fear of Daichi's words.

_"I know you scratch yourself unintentionally."_

Ukai regarded me for a moment and then turned. "Come on."

****

If I could go home right now. I'd do it without a second thought. Being in the same room as all five coaches of this camp was suffocating. Not to mention that one in particular was expressing his distaste for a girl even being introduced to him.

"You would have your ass handed to you if your grandfather could seen what you've done." Coach Sasagawa snapped and stepped forward appraising me with judgement filled eyes.

His manager, who I hadn't learned the name of, laid his hand on his shoulder. "Sir, we were warned in advance of her addition."

The stubborn old man scoffed, "But look at her." He said, flourishing a hand out as if I wasn't already on display for all the coaches.

My hands hadn't uncurled from where they were gripping at my blue track shorts and hearing the Shinzen mentor talk about me as if I wasn't there, wasn't helping to ease them at all. Ukai wasn't saying anything as they spoke amongst themselves, his back almost completely turned away from me and it caused short spurts of acid to crawl in the back of my throat.

I was scared. Tears burned my eyes and the pain in my chest was so relentless that I had to keep gulping to somewhat keep my stance in front of them.

Nekomata coughed, "Yoshiki, if you had been the first to bring a girl to a boy's team you wouldn't shut up about it. So, don't you think you're being a little too harsh?"

Sasagawa rolled his eyes," I wouldn't do that in the first place. At least our school's vice principle would never allow that. There's a girl's team and a boy's team. Of course a Ukai would try to change that." He said the name like it was acid on his tongue and grimaced at me again. "And if you were gonna do that, Keishin, why didn't you get a thin one? I've seen Usami's girls and there's plenty with more capability."

That seemed to snap Ukai out of his defiance of not looking at me and he stepped forward, blocking me from Sasagawa. "You dare bring up a girl's body in front of her." He said lowly. "Shows a lot about what you teach your kids. All those cheap combos."

The Fukurodani coach, Yamiji decided to answer for Yoshiki this time and glanced at me around Ukai. "What he said wasn't right, Keishin but that doesn't give you the right to insult his players."

"I wasn't insulting them. I was insulting his mentoring. There's a difference need you forget that he just called mine unfit for even playing." He snapped.

From where I was behind him, I could that his face was flushed and his jaw was twitching, seemingly restraining himself. I reached forward and laid my hand on his back. "Coach, it's okay." I murmured.

He shrugged me off, "No it's not. Sasagawa's just scared that you might earn your place here." Then he zeroed back in on him. " You don't know what she's been through and how she came to be a crow so you'll find that you should keep that Wakutani worshiping mouth shut."

Sasagawa smiled, "Don't make me laugh, Ikkei's Grandson. This is about Wakutani now?"

Ukai paused and I could see the cogs in his head turning, realizing what he had just said. Everything had turned negative so fast and it was causing tremors to dance around my skin, as if laughing at me. At this point the threatening tears that had been hiding with my eyelids, pooled around my bottom lashes. Just blinks away from falling. "No," He said quickly, turning to take hold of my arm. " She's one of the strongest players on my team so underestimating her is your mistake."

Sasagawa barked out a laugh, "If she's one of your strongest, I can't wait to bury you in loses, Keishin."

Ukai stared off with him a moment, his lips pursed shut to keep from saying anything else and then he bowed to the other three coaches, his hold on me unwavering. "Thank you for your time. I'm sorry you had to see me like this. I hope to have some great matches between the four of you." He mumbled, obviously only meaning the other three.

Then we exited the room but I could still hear Nekomata as he spoke up. "You haven't even seen her play." He irked. "You crossed the line, Yoshiki. Just know that none of us are with you on that."

Ukai was silent and walked faster than what I could muster and his grip on my arm was beginning to chafe against my skin, pinching at it. His pin straight hair flowed crazily with his speed and the melanin tone of his neck was darker with a blush.

I winced, attempting to pull away but only failed. "Ukai," I said but he didn't seem to hear me. "Ukai," Again but still nothing. "Keishin!" He finally stopped and turned to look at me but it seemed like he was looking through me rather than at. My chest shuddered. He was really upset.

"What?" He ticked, unblinking. I struggled to find my voice and his lip curled. "What!"

"You're hurting me!" I snapped. My heels were still digging into the floor, seeking to rid his touch and he finally noticed and let go.

His eyes fluttered and closed. I could see his rapid chest falls past his wife beater and the wood burns that littered his wrists that I had noticed so long ago on our first walk. What happened then, the irritation that I had with Ukai compared to now was nothing but foolish dislike for a guy because I couldn't handle a couple jokes.

"Sorry." Was all he had in response and as if I was nothing and his fingernail prints weren't cresented into my skin, yearning for relief. He left, stalking down the hallway away from me, the flapping of his jacket gracing me with a view of his back but this time I didn't have strength to swoon over it. I just literally didn't know what the fuck just happened.

I looked behind me at the now closed conference room we had just been in, the shadows of talking mouths still able to be seen behind the glass door. They were no doubt they still talking about what just happened between the two coaches, the one at fault probably still trying to defend his statements about me.

I knew Ukai had an obligation to defend me after what Sasagawa said and it must have been embarrassing for him to hear what just so happened to be true. That Usami did have more capable people that could've easily replaced my spot on Ukai's team.

I was just terrified that Ukai was gonna finally figure that out. That there were girl's out there that were better than me.

****

"I cannot fucking _believe_ this." Bokuto sighed, digging his palms into his eyelids dramatically. "Who would put a nozzle on the water fountain? It got my favorite knee pad cover wet!"

It didn't take long for me to become acquainted with the members of different teams. The main group that was in front of me deciding where to go for dinner being Kuroo, Bokuto and Ogano Daiki from Shinzen.

They were odd people. Too happy to not get along with and too weird to understand. It was actually a lot to take in especially since this was my first time meeting other teams, not to mention Daichi's massive understatement that they were 'just strong groups'.

They beat all of our practice games with too much of a large point difference that it even made Takeda quiver in disturbance. Though Ukai was probably the calmest he's ever been, completely trusting in his team despite us using this time to somehow create a tension between some of our players.

Hinata and Kageyama's feud was beginning to slip it's way into the simple attacks that we've already mastered. My favorite ginger even pissing me off to an extent when he kept shoving me out of the way to get my receives, my patience for him growing thin when he ignored my clenched teethed warnings that I wouldn't be happy if he did it again.

Then when he collided with Asahi in midair that was the final straw for that game and there was a quick time-out so Suga, Kageyama and Hinata could talk but only two of the three returned.

The one person who was left out being the red head. I had never seen my cheery mood bringer-uper look so conflicted or so upset while he was in a place that he loved. It mostly affected Tanaka and Suga. Both of them uncomfortable with idea of a sad Hinata as well.

That didn't round back to where I am now, of course, but being slung along with Kuroo and the two others wasn't exactly all that bad.

The 'rooster head' as Tsukishima had called him was pleasantly surprised when I showed up on the court. His impressed smirk more focused on interrogating my proficiency as a player than me being a girl. Which made me feel less worried about how antagonizing I thought these teams might be.

_It was finally time for my serve. I had been doing pretty good despite Hinata's absentmindedness and was starting to gain up on Tanaka with spike points which was putting his head more in the game. I could feel Sasagawa's eyes on me, watching every move I was making while Ogano stood idly by completely unaware of the unkind words his coach had said._

_I looked at Kuroo through the net. He was in the front on the far right and Yaku was in the back directly in the middle. I had to applaud Nekomata for him making up the most brilliant line-up known to man. He made sure to have at least one on the front and back rows at all times so it didn't matter how the formation changed. The defense would never break but that didn't mean that middle blocker, Lev Haiba, was apart of that defense. He might be tall but that only came into affect when I was spiking and he often only got blocks out of luck. Nor has he played against Aoba Johsai to see that Oikawa's serve._

_I've never played them either but I've been told my serve matched his if not exactly then certainly close. I watched their game against Karasuno during the interhigh preliminaries and noticed that Oikawa only got his precision from nearly throwing out his shoulder and made where he was aiming disgustingly obvious because he'd mess up if he wasn't looking in the spot he was attacking._

_So that was where we differentiated. I didn't need to look exactly where, I just needed to_ _ know _ _exactly where and what I wanted to do. That was how I got almost every attack past all of my team. Minus Daichi._

_I turned to Lev Haiba one last time, highlighting how his lanky body was set and hoped that maybe I could get it just behind him out of Yaku's reach._

_I'll just use the cut curve I used on Asahi and get him in front. Yaku was no fool. He would get anything that passed Lev because that was his duty as an upperclassman and libero._

_"Hey, Genius." Kuroo called with a smirk. "He blew the whistle. You need help over there?"_

_"Watch it, Rooster Head." Tsukishima snickered, his spot just in front of Kuroo on the other side of the net allowing the two to face off. "She's just trying to go easy on you."_

_I shook my head, ignoring the both of them and threw the ball up. I understand that Lev just got here and that it's his first season playing volleyball ever but I just wanted a point. It didn't matter to me whether we won or lost. I just liked the feeling of gaining a point and now that I'm finally able to play with a full court of six. I was thriving._

_I've been longing for this feeling ever since I left the Neighborhood Association. Maybe that was why my serves had gone wonky. I didn't regularly experience practice games like the rest of my team so I was growing used to the four on four's we did._

_"Noya," I called as I ran toward my throw. "If he manages to get this it's coming to you!" My pool of words was nothing but buzzing to my ears because I was only focused on my attack but I knew Noya would listen._

_My maximum height was high enough that I could see the other practice game between Fukurodani and Ubugawa and I almost got distracted but Lev's light grey hair was enough to pull me back in._

_My hand connected with the fabric of the ball and I caressed it like it was a baseball just as I had done all those weeks ago. There was no doubt in me like there had been that time too, completely confident in my deceiving of the first year._

_It traveled almost in slow motion and Lev panicked, not sure what to do. Not sure if he could fall that low. Even if he could, he wouldn't catch the curve._

_"Lev!" Yaku shouted. "Fucking move, you moron!"_

_But his warning was not enough for Lev's juggled mind and my serve hooked away from where Lev should've received it and pounded into the floor just beside him._

_I landed and looked to Asahi who was in the front row on the right, but he was already staring at me with a wide grin._

_"You're a goddamn jerk, Tsukki." Kuroo irked playfully. "You never said she had a jump serve." He then looked at me. "Hey, Little Crow! Did you mean to do that?"_

_I paused at the name. It felt like I had reserved that name for only Ukai so hearing it from someone else felt wrong so I meekly nodded at the middle blocker._

_"Of course she meant do that, You Moose." Noya boasted, stepping forward, protectively throwing an arm around my shoulder, though he had to jump to do so. "The short ones always have the most power. I would know." He eyed Tsukishima's height as well. "Shrink, perhaps."_

Kuroo glanced at me with a smirk, discreetly pointing a finger at himself. "I have no idea!" He exclaimed, shaking his head in faux shock. "How inhumane!"

The owl like boy pouted, genuine tears crowding his golden eyes and he looked at his soaked knee covers that were glittered with smiley faces. "I was really excited to use those." He sniffled.

Ogano grimaced at both the bully and the victim, reaching over to snatch the phone that Kuroo had that displayed all the nearby places that we could go to.

I frowned," Don't you live here? You should know where everything is right?" I asked, peering over his shoulder to look at the pubs as well.

His brown hair tickled my nose as he looked at me. "Probably." He muttered. "Hey, I've been meaning to ask but my coach wasn't letting my team near yours but, uh," He pondered his words. "Did you really mean to do that?"

I blinked," What?"

"Those serves. Well, the ones I saw. Did you really aim those?" He adjusted his purple penny over his white shirt, watching me with curious eyes.

I shrugged, " I mean, yeah." I said, my fingers crawling under the hem of my shirt to scratch at my collarbone. "It took a long time to learn to do that."

He chuckled, dodging Bokuto when he stumbled toward him for a hug. "That's honestly fucking insane. I've never seen such accuracy before and it was fast too." The Shinzen student leaned over Kuroo, pointing at a location on the low-battery device he held. "Hey, maybe next week you can teach me a thing or two. A week is long enough to learn something like that, right?"

"Yeah, teach me too!" Bokuto cheered. "Maybe I can teach you something in exchange." His eyelid fell with a wink but his flirtatious action was cut off by Kuroo.

"Don't listen to him." He said, running a hand through his sweaty black hair. "He acts up during camp. He would never say something like that in school."

Bokuto gasped, "Dude, what the fuck!"

I discreetly turned back to Ogano," I don't know if you want to, Daiki. Isn't Ubugawa known for their serves? Why don't you ask them?"

He waved a hand, "Asking Fishlips is like asking a wall to show me how to play guitar. Plus their serves aren't about exactness. They're about strength. Who knows where they might land?" He abandoned the phone and grabbed my shoulders. "Like please, Man. My coach is a fucking monster about our serves. If I could bring in at least a jump float I'll feel better as a captain."

Kuroo reached over and slapped Ogano on the back, which I noticed was something he did often with people around him. "Where's your pride, Ogano? You need a tissue?"

I rolled my eyes, "Look, we'll talk about it next week." I said, glancing around in search for my own group of Karasuno boys and only spotted a fidgety Tadashi and a stoic looking Daichi who were talking in hushed tones.

Ogano paid me one last look, his arched eyebrows somehow raising higher at my 'almost yes'. "Cool!" He let a out a relieved chuckle. "Cool. Um, also, I don't know what my coach said to your coach. I'm sure it was something misogynistic or some fucked up shit like that but you did really good today." He pushed Kuroo away. "Come to me if you need anything, okay?"

"Me too." Kuroo said invitingly and Bokuto, behind him, blew a kiss my way but Kuroo caught it and whipped around to give the Fukurodani player a stern talking to.

They reminded me of Tanaka and Noya. So helplessly best friends that it annoyed each other.

I flushed away from Ogano, tossing my chin over my shoulder to hide how welcomed I felt now that I spoke with him. "Thanks so much, Daiki. I'll keep it in mind."

He nodded and turned to leave, taking the other two under both his arms. "Sorry again! See you tomorrow morning!"

"You make friends quick." Daichi's voice made me jump and I twisted to look at him.

"What do you want?" I grumbled and passed him, snatching up my jacket from the gym bench.

I could smell the boyish musk that came from all day's training and the natural cologne like scent that usually wafted off of Daichi and it felt intoxicating. Like I had been deprived from it even though I don't think I've even acknowledged it before. It was like home sickness. So, it seemed being away from my own group of boys had taken it's tariff if I was finding Daichi's scent comforting.

"I'm hungry and you were taking your time." He replied, following me as I exited the room and started down the path to the front of the school.

I hummed, rolling my eyes in annoyance. "So, you still expect dinner?"

He looked ahead, his mouth twitching with annoyance as well. "I expect you to keep a deal." He said, his tongue sharp with distaste.

I stared at him. My mind was twirling with endless possibilities of how a dinner might end up with him. There was one that ended in us getting nowhere and somehow hating each other more. One where we made up and decided to coexist without any further interrogation. And finally the one where I find out exactly what he thinks of me and we work together to become friends.

But I didn't find the last two happening. That was only a wish list.

"Fine," I quipped, shoving my hands in my pockets. "There's pub east of the grade school park a couple blocks away. I wanna go there."

He shrugged, "Whatever."

~~~~~~~~~~~

Woah, this took me forever lmao sorry. My wattpad kept erasing my work and not letting me revision it so I had to start over a couple times. I'll be back as soon as I can <3


	15. Fifteen

"So, tell me again why I have to buy you dinner after what you pulled on the bus?" I asked as we passed a couple groups of boys that were mingling amongst themselves. Practice games were over and there was a little over thirteen pubs in the area that all five teams could split and go to. It was just a shame that I was stuck with Daichi when I could be with Kinoshita or even Noya having fun but no. Mister Captain wanted to be a smartass and _disclose_ what I owed him.

We were finally outside of the school and were walking along a rode, toward the grade school the pub I had chosen was near. His tongue ran over his lip as he began to speak. "It would piss me off more if you owed me something. I'm just getting it out of the way." He mumbled and his arm brushed against mine as he avoided someone walking down the same side of the street as us.

I took a deep breath, his vague and stoic attitude fueling my already chagrin filled chest. "You could've invited Suga or something. It doesn't excite me to be alone with you."

I looked along the scenery of the Tokyo prefecture that was only an hour away from Miyagi. It was weird how different the terrain was with only a sixty minute time difference. Miyagi was just fields and hills until you saw a random school among a spread of wild grass. It was a plot for someone that wanted to raise a family and have a kid who grew up respectable without the urge to look up girl's skirts. Tokyo was just convenience stores, pubs, and popup t-shirt sale tables. It was how I wanted to live at some point. Just to be surrounded by people all the time. Constantly being in a group was certainly better than being alone. 

"Yeah, well Suga's not very happy with the both of us. Something about how powerful it is to be apart of the team and get along or whatever divinity shit that means." He rolled his eyes and scratched at his chin, shaking his head. 

I wasn't sure why or when my head had started to emphasize on the little things. Like how Daichi's adams apple would bob anytime his jaw clenched or how the skin under his eyes would flush every time he would get angry. So with me that was almost all of the time.

My nose flared and I felt my chin tremble. "Don't talk about him like that. He's only trying to help." I irked quietly.

We approached the small restaurant and Daichi said nothing else. Probably agreeing with my suggestion because we honestly had no place to criticize Suga when we didn't even explain what our whole argument meant. 

The pub was obviously an aged one. Old shipped shudders struggled to hang on to the windows, the welcome mat that sat on soot covered concrete steps, and vine covered brick walls invited us with open arms.

Daichi, with the decency of a caveman, opened the door for me allowing me to slip inside with the least bit of space.

"Hello! How many will it be?" The hostess immediately greeted us, stepping away from her podium. She scanned our attire. "Ah, more volleyball players. We have a couple of Shinzen in the far corner would you like to join them?" She turned to lead us but Daichi held up a hand.

"No, it'll just be us two, thank you, Miss." He murmured politely, nudging me forward with aggressively hidden fingers.

My eyes widened and I stared straight ahead at the rather curvy girl who was tucked within her little uniform, her short bob of blonde hair hiding the blush of her cheeks when Daichi smiled at her.

Well, I'm glad she didn't know what Daichi was really like. That saved me a lot of time or whatever the fuck.

"Of course, just this way." She cheesed and settled us in a booth that sat a little ways away from the bar that stunk of soju mixed drinks. "Our special today is the two portioned ramen platter with octopus shaped sausages. Would you like to try it out?" Her focus was on Daichi, flirtatious pheromones basically oozing out of her.

He grinned," Does that come in Shoyu?" He reached up pointing at the ramen types on her mini menu. "Because that would be lovely."

Her lips parted at the close proximity of his hand and she nodded quickly. "Yes, it does." She swooned.

Oh what the hell is this?

"Um and two waters, if that's alright." I coughed, twiddling my fingers under the table.

The girl jumped and she looked at me. "Oh, I'm sorry." She rambled, bowing at me. "I'll be right back with your drinks."

I uncomfortably shifted and followed her as she scrambled around, checking on other tables. "Well, she's divine." I said and slid my chopsticks out of their paper hold to poke at the packets of yakisoba that were neatly stacked beside a bottle of soy sauce.

"She's just doing her job." He responded with a glare, sliding his elbows onto the table as he watched me procrastinate an actual conversation.

The light of the fixture above us, hung low and cast shadows across out our two person booth. The burgundy of the seats contrasted against his velvet skin and the flimsy zip up he wore. 

"Hmm, I guess that's it. It would be a luxury to flirt with the Daichi Sawamura all the while getting paid." I raised an absent drink at him and smiled. 

He blinked slowly, "It would be." 

"Hey!" The hostess cheered. "So we've got two iced waters and her are the sausages." She set a tray down and sent me a wink. "When the skillet comes out it's best to cook those for about three minutes unless you like char and I got _you_ two lemons, Miss. I didn't know what you preferred."

I looked down at the two sloppily cut lemons that sat beside raw, as promised, octopus shaped meat cuts and for some reason I wanted to smile up at the sweet girl in front of me. "Um, thank you so much." I whispered.

She giggled, "Of course! I know I didn't give you much time to decide." She exclaimed and looked at Daichi once more, flushing when he smiled again. "The Shoyu powder and vegetables should be ready to come out in a minute. Also the ramen pot that I'm bringing out is kind of tricky so just jiggle the knob a couple times, okay? Okay!" Her blonde hair bounced like her pay wasn't below average and she didn't have to work on a Saturday that could've been used for a relaxing night of being off school. It made me envy her. If my only worries could be when my next shift was, I would have a hell of a lot more fun prancing around with twelve volleyball boys twenty-four seven.

When she left again, Daichi snagged one of my lemons. "Divine, isn't she?" He snickered.

"Alright, alright, shut up." I laughed and took the remaining lemon to squeeze into my water. 

He huffed," You're words, not mine."

The curling of his lips encouraged my smile. "You know, Cap, it would make it a lot easier-"

"No," He threw up a finger. "Don't ruin it."

I sighed and laid my head on my arm. "Fine, but we're gonna have to talk about it at some point." I retorted but not without dismissing the way he had genuinely smiled at me. It reminded me of when he had dug my serve. 

"We can talk about it later. I want my Shoyu first." He rubbed his hands together as the girl came back. She set everything down without the flirting and retreated to her podium.

"Oh no," I covered my mouth. "Did she lose interest?"

He stuck our squares of ramen in the water, flicking me a look. "When you say it like that it almost sounds like you're jealous." 

My mouth shut and I looked away. 

When I first saw Daichi I didn't think much. He was handsome and had the stance of a leader but once I had caught his antagonizing stare, trying to decipher if I was good enough for the team even if I had been doubting myself too. It made me angry. He just didn't know. So, there was nothing to justify my anger. But even as he knew I had a problem, he continued to be a jerk and what did he have to justify that? Me ruining his last year when I really wasn't?

Was I jealous of her? Or jealous that if she got to know Daichi, she would be on good terms with him?

"If I am, why would I tell you that?" I barbed and moved my poking chopstick to the ramen. 

He paused, his black hair falling to the side as he lulled his head. "One of my perks as captain is knowing all." His dark eyes wandered me. "And I'm nice if you just come forward and say it."

"Yeah right. I'll need a few drinks for that."

"Ooo," He added. "So you're a drinker?"

I blew a raspberry," You'll catch me in front of a blunt laced with coke before you see me with alcohol."

His eyebrow cocked and he smirked. "Talking to me is that bad, huh?"

I hummed, ignoring the way my chest jumped with his inviting smirk. "Worse if you can imagine it."

"Okay," His hand thumped to the table. "Say it."

I blinked," That I'm jealous?"

"No," He groaned. "Say what you want to say. You know.. about this." He waved a finger between the both of us. "Might as well."

My shoulders shuddered. Was I talking to Daichi right now? There was no way he would've said that thirty minutes ago or like..ever. 

I let go everything in my hands and crossed my arms. "This? The fuck does that mean? If you want to hear that your an asshole and what makes you an asshole on a loop that's a shitty way of asking. "

He rolled his eyes, "I'm giving you a chance. Aren't you gonna take it?"

Huu, he was begging to be punched.

Now that I had free reign I wasn't going to just stop. I just didn't understand what this feeling I had meant. If it was anger or admiration for him throwing away his pride to hear what I had to say. It's been an entire month of on and off niceties and despite how much I knew that everything Daichi would spout was true. It has always been. I wasn't supposed to be on a boy's team. My knee was such a burden that, yes, I had to ice it every other day just so the swelling would go down. 

He asked and the only thing I could think of was a singular question. 

"Why did you ask me to file my nails?" My voice shook. I was scared. "You have these manic mood swings and its never made sense to me. One moment I think you care and the other you want to out me to the whole team." Now everything was coming to me. "And-and I know I'm not good enough for this team. _I know that_ and it sucks that you remind me every five seconds. I can barely keep up with you guys during runs." I reached forward to slide the sausages of the skillet before they burned in an attempt to hide my trembling freedom. "Just this morning Coach Sasagawa said the things you have, just harsher and I'm afraid Ukai might add it all up." I looked at him looking at me, his expression unreadable. "If I don't have this team, Daichi. I have nothing. Volleyball is something that is _mine_. I really need it to stay that way. I don't have anything mean to say. I've never thought of you as an ill fit for a captain but I need you to understand that this is beyond what you think you know." I picked at the meat, my insecure rant coming to end because nothing else seemed to flow through my head. That was good enough for now. It just depended on how he would take it.

Unless I should ask him why his skin was so hot on mine. Or ask what he was doing this morning in the storage room.

I should shouldn't I? It would be best to get everything out of the way so this doesn't stir up again. I opened my mouth to speak again but he interrupted.

"Wow-"

"I'm not finished-"

"Neither am I." He snapped. "You got your turn now it's mine." He leaned back, adjusting for his speech. He was conflicted, the only emotion I had weeded out of him being reserved frustration. If it was toward a thought of me being right or me having it all wrong. I didn't know. "I don't like you, as you know. " He said, the curl of his lips twisting but not in cynical way as I had expected. "But don't get bratty about me not wanting you to hurt yourself, you understand? It made me sick seeing you with new scars everyday. I'm not a monster for wanting it to end." He sipped on his water before going on. "Also you _shouldn't_ be in the starting line-up, Suga should. I'll admit now that you are more than capable to handle a full court of six all by yourself, but Suga worked his ass off for this team."

I bowed my head, "I didn't take the setter position."

He ignored me, " And you want to say I have mood swings? You literally showed up to your first practice crying your eyes out and then showed up later packing a National level serve. You're unpredictable and it pisses me off." He pointed at my chest. " You constantly pull your shorts down to cover yourself then pull your shirt off in front of teenage boys. Did you even know you have hickeys all over your shoulders? Who's the asshole then? It was foolish and absentminded of you to do that."

My lips parted, "That's why-"

"Yes, that's why I grabbed you like that." His tongue was quick and insensitive. He was holding no restraint just as I had. "Who did it? Some rando?"

I knew he wasn't going to let me finish but my yearn for redemption was heavy and I sputtered. "N-no, I-It wasn't my choice-"

"Twice. It's happened twice." Then he stood, fishing something out of his pocket. "Whoever it was I hope you feel better about yourself, because I shouldn't have had to hold you that close while another guy already had his way with you." He threw a couple bills on the table. " _That's_ what I can't stand, Angel. _That's_ why nothing will change. So, your wanting to talk was a waste of time. Its always been." He washed over me, grimacing when he saw my hands which were, without my noticing, twisted into my shorts. Then he stalked away, nodding at the hostess on his way out.

I barely paid our untouched food a glance as I chase after him. There was no way he was just gonna say that without knowing a goddamned thing. 

"Hey!" I shouted, sprinting out the front door, catching his turned back as he walked. "That's not fair! You-you don't even know what happened!"

The night was humid compared to the comfy inside of the pub. I was sure the hostess was hurt by the disregard of our food. The thin air seemed to spread throughout the distance between us like the disturbance of unremitting lead in a water supply. If it weren't for the welcome sign and the dim lights inside we would've been lost in the scary darkness.

He whipped around," Then explain it." He snapped. "I'm tired of the avoiding everything crap."

I squeezed my eyes shut, his stupid voice too hard for me to handle. "No,no,no, you don't get it. You think you understand everything, Daichi. You think you've got it all right and you stand by it and that's what _I_ can't stand." My voice was raising higher than I would've liked and I could feel myself shaking. "What the fuck is it to you if I messed with someone? Everyone and their moms know you hate me. So what is it to you?"

He moved closer to me on irate feet. I barely noticed it. "How long will you keep saying that I hate you?" He said hoarsely and I could feel his hot, flighty breath fan my eyelashes.

My eyes narrowed, feeling somewhat intrigued by the question. "For as long as you keep making it seem that way."

"Angel," He said. I looked up at him. There was nothing that held the resent full teammate of mine in his expression. His hand zipped out, grabbing my jaw and it felt like five strings of fire on the sides of my face. I struggled against him but the way he was keeping my eyes on his, following me everywhere: I stopped.

I breathed in a breath, a sharp one- shocked. Killed by the drowning sound of my heart but I didn't pull away or remove his hand. I wanted to know the final straws of this facade that the two of us shared. The hate, the hidden care, the bitterness for how we came to be.

He turned my defiant face so that we stood toe to toe, enough that I could smell the citrus tone of his breath that was diluted by water. It felt live a fever encased me now, slivering up from his rough fingers and I didn't know if it was from mine or his lechery. Everything was gone. The profane words I had just shouted. His profane words he had just snapped. Everything was gone and sinking as we stood there. It was swirling and confusing my mind because there was a piece of me that was still displeased with myself now. It had always been a lingering sensation. Usami and Nakashima. So I didn't know if I could go on this time as I had believed countless times. 

It was time to stop lying to myself. I _needed_ closure: and even if I couldn't have it now. I would ensure it later. So, yet again, Daichi was right.

His eyes were dark, closer to black than a welcoming honey and my lips parted to speak. "You're shaking." He interrupted softly, hints of the fight still tracing the back of his throat. "Do you really think I hate you?"

This stranger that was not so much a stranger who had spoken the truth with no regard and spoke it uncompromisingly. Was now concerned that I was trembling in his touch.

I didn't think he hated me. No matter how many times I had said it. I never thought of it to that extent and if I did I was lying...again.

"No," I whispered in reply, wincing at my voice. My hands that were glued to my sides itched to somehow return the favor of how nice his hand felt on me. "I- Never."

He closed his eyes, "Then stop."

"What-"

Books were an odd taste of relief. Relief that someone in the world was able to put something into words what a confused soul couldn't.

Which was why I couldn't exactly explain how Daichi was kissing me at the moment. I had raised my face as he brought his down, slanting against mine intricately, sporting me to freeze in shock. Kissing. Me and Daichi. My teammate. His mouth was rough and I wouldn't say sloppy; It was frantic but without the rushed movements and his hand was still gripping my chin, his fingernails slicing into my skin. It felt familiar and it made me rid my ridged stance. 

His other hand crawled forward, snagging my shirt and pulled me forward. Our chests slammed together through our light weight practice clothes and I found myself drowning in the sensation of his corded muscle. One of his fingers slid over my neck, pressing and digging, feeling my hammering pulse as if seeking to know if I was feeling the way he was. 

Anyone could walk outside, most of the people that were in the restaurant being our camp-mates. They could see me clutching at the fabric of my shorts, greedily wishing for more at any moment. They would laugh and make fun and that would be the gossip of Shinzen High volleyball camp all weekend and probably next week. This was why it was all very exhilarating. Daichi knew this was wrong. He must know that. He must know that nothing was resolved just because his lips felt amazing against mine and that touching me this way wasn't good for what would happen afterward: that he should be pulling away.

But I couldn't fathom pulling away anymore than he could. Even when I knew that this was _Daichi_ that I kissing. Maybe this was what he meant when he caught my wrist and flitted his fingers across my knee that was shivering cold due to the ice pack at the time. So, I drew him closer.

The action caused a deep grunt of surprise to emit from the back of his throat, like he had expected me to push him away the second he had laid hands on me. He took my sudden wandering hands as an opportunity to push his lips harder onto mine, cupping my face with his burning, stroking fingers.

But my sneakers skidded across the pavement and I gasped away from his mouth, desperate for air. This didn't stop my journey though and I brought him down onto me, testing how much of his weight I could take before we got concrete rashes. His body was sculpted from years and years of training, his biceps much bigger compared to ulna bone of his wrist that popped out that was most likely from his wing spiker methods. 

I wanted to touch all of it.

He couldn't seem to stop touching me and traced his way down my body, his breath heavy and ragged in my ear. "Stop," He struggled against the humid air. "I can't stand you." His hand slipped under my zip up jacket and fought with my shirt. "You're whiny." I laid kisses on his clothed shoulders as I listened to him. What could his words possibly mean if he couldn't seem to take his hands off? "You-" He groaned when my mouth came in contact with his neck. "You get hurt then suppress it so much that you don't care what happens to you."

_"I'm going on vacation tomorrow." I admitted, stoically staring ahead to avoid seeing Usami's reaction. I was tucked in the uncomfortable chair of his office. Practice was over and I had worked up the nerve for two days to finally do this._

_He stood causing me to flinch which he laughed at. "The theatrics are a bit overkill, Sweetheart." His chuckle didn't reach his tone and he patted my head. "You leaving for vacation you say? I'm more likely to see you drop dead, Tenshi." He nicked one of the buttons of my shirt open. Lately I couldn't even change into practice clothes because of my brace so I was stuck observing my beloved occupation in my school uniform._

_"I have to. My dad is staying in the states longer than expected. We weren't prepared for a long stay so we're saying goodbye the right way." I lied, twisting away from him but he caught my shirt within a fist._

_"Tsk," He smiled endearingly. "Lookie here." His other hand came up to my face, wiping at my wet skin. Something I hadn't even noticed had begun to sprout. I was so tired. "Haven't seen these in awhile." He observed my tears between two rubbing fingers. "Kind of reminds me of my first week with you. Enjoying everything to tears but now look what we've got. You act as if I've hurt you." He pouted, his green eyes too antagonizing to pass up. "Oof, and the lies, Tenshi. I dislike those the most."_

_My eyes shot up," I-I'm not lying-"_

_"Then what are these tears for? I know they're not for me." He pressed a hand to his chest. "I haven't done a single thing wrong so I can only assume it's from your guilt. Lying to coach makes you feel bad." He bent down in front of me and brushed his chapped lips across my cheek. "I like that. You make so many mistakes because you don't care what happens to you. I can only say I've taught you much more adequately than the rest of those girls." I felt him smile again and peek down the collar of my ridged form. "So this vacation." He popped another button. "Tell me about it."_

I looked up at Daichi, completely out of breath and shook away some hair in my face that had fell forward. The trembling of my body increased and my hands were haggardly coiled into his shirt. "I'm so sorry." I whispered on a sigh. He took into account of my shaking again and his grip wound tighter to hold me still.

Then his mouth pursed, his dark skin glistened with sensuality influenced sweat and he rolled his eyes at himself, scoffing. He dismissed my apology. "Shut up." He pursued his final words with an annoyed tone, flowering heavy pardoning kisses down my jaw. 

I stared up at him, still dazed and heavily disturbed by the memory that showed up uninvited but for some reason I could still breath. Unlike those times I had remembered my first year in front of both Ukai and Nakashima; I couldn't remember exactly how Usami's hands felt. It was like I watched myself take the abuse and I honestly couldn't tell if it was any better but that didn't excuse how much air I could take in. 

What confused me was why it was different with Daichi. What was he doing that distracted me well enough that I wasn't coughing up sobs?

Devastatingly, I trailed a tired finger down his throat and breathed his adulterated breath. His eyelids fell with a flutter, following my movement like a downpour of midnight rain. 

"Okay." I murmured.

His mouth came down to mine once more as he bent over me and the overpowering grief I had felt just moments before sank from my lips to his. I shut my eyes against it, taking what I could now since I knew I wouldn't be able to have it later.

He laid a forceful tug on my jacket, stepping forward, scissoring his leg between mine. I fell back against the wall beside the stairs and my hair caught against the brick but I could barely pay attention due to a string of embarrassment zipping through my chest. I had let out a sound seeing that his quick careful fingers were bringing out a different, sensitive, side of me. 

He only a had a moment to savor my whimper and rested his hand on my jaw again just so he could thumb open my bottom lip. He responded to me by actually trying for another sound. His rough fingers flitted up the final layer of shirt that I wore, grasping at my waist. 

"Hah!" I gasped, struggling into his grip. I kissed him again. "You," His tongue ran over mine. "Keep burning me."

He laughed into my mouth. "I keep burning _you_?" He circled my body and pressed his hands into my back, flattening me against his stomach. "You feel like a furnace."

If being hugged to his radiating body wasn't overwhelming enough, the feeling of his hard muscle submerged me me in a depth I couldn't even figure out how to describe. I still didn't know what would happen after he found his senses. I was still lost in his touch but what would happen if I succumbed to my senses? What impulsive act would I make? 

Would I realize that I actually _could_ feel Usami through my memory?

What was more likely was that I would rethink all my feelings for the captain. Unlike all of our arguments, we couldn't just ignore this.

Daichi reached down, grabbing my hand and rammed it into his torso, seeking my warmth. I complied for a split second until I realized that I could feel _him_ where his leg was wedged between mine. He looked at me when he noticed my pause, urging me with desolate touches. His black hair was strewn about from the way my fingers had pieced through it and his collarbone and cheeks were flushed. Lastly his lips were parted trying to control his breathing like he was afraid that he was the only one without it.

Then in the distance I could hear footsteps against gravel and I hurriedly pushed him away, seeking to redeem myself by being the one to stop first. I didn't want to know what this kiss made of us now and I certainly didn't want to find out.

My hair had fallen out of the cheap ponytail I had thrown it in and was tumbled around my shoulders in what I assumed were ugly, unpredictable waves. My clothes were wrinkled in more places than I could smooth out.

I could only imagine how foolish I looked- battered and bruised. There was no way that with Daichi looking the way he did and me the way I did, we would pass as just two people talking. 

We _looked_ like we had stolen each other's breath. 

His eyebrows furrowed and his gaze guarded. "What?"

Daichi was obviously burying himself in physical touch, trying to suppress that there was a life out there after this. I understood it. A little too much if I was allowed to add. Our troubles as two people didn't end just because he had lost control and there was absolutely no way I would just lose my mind convincing myself that what I had felt for him all this time were subdued feelings of affection. 

I knew what I had felt before.

I didn't take exception just because I liked the way he looked or the minor nice things he would do in his mean time. He never had a valid reason for his hostility and declared his justification for it all was that I simply held the same inconsistency as him. 

He didn't like that I was like him. That we were so similar but had different causes for it. 

I didn't respond to him and slunk my fingers into my hair. There was no point in saying anything else. No point in trying to resolve everything right now. Nothing would work.

"Oh, hey guys." A soft, bored voice saved me from Daichi. 

Kenma was huddled in two different jackets and his rather long socks were overlapping his sweats. It was already so hot out, I didn't know how he wasn't heaving for air. 

Akaashi was beside him, staring at his phone with his usual fatigued eyes as well. They were the calm counterparts of their chaotic partners and seeing them together was more funny than it was right. They had to get their break at some point.

I managed a smile," What's up, guys?" I exclaimed and slid my hands into my jacket pockets, looking for something to grip on to."

Kenma shrugged, glancing at the pub sign. "This place any good? We heard it's the only place without our team members."

That made Akaashi's eyes shoot up. "Don't make stuff up, Kozume." He murmured and stepped forward, taking the spotlight. "This is the only place that's not jam packed."

I saw the glint of green his gaze reflected off the welcome sign light, which made me squint and look away. I didn't need an Usami reminder at the moment.

Sorry, Akaashi. It's not you.

"It's good." I muttered. "Hostess is really nice." My head dinged and I quickly fumbled a few dollars out of my pocket. "Could you give this to her? I forgot to tip."

Akaashi took the money with his thin setter hands and barely smiled. "That's nice of you. I'll make sure to." He replied.

Kenma pointed to Daichi behind me," Is he alright?"

I followed his finger almost reluctantly. Daichi was stone faced and staring at the pavement. "Uh, yeah." I answered unevenly. "Too much lemon water, you know? Goes straight to the heart."

Kenma gave me an unconvinced look and knowing that he wasn't one to hide his expressions, I couldn't help but helplessly agree. Dumb lies call for people treating you like you're dumb. "Okay." He said and nudged Akaashi. "Come on. See you later, Ito." He waved at me. "Had some good games today."

When they disappeared up the steps, I didn't waste anytime walking away. I needed to go before anything else happened. I was already in deep shit. 

He could surely understand that if he didn't understand anything else.

Daichi didn't protest my leaving nor did he move from his spot to incline that he felt anything at all. He was a statue as he watched me leave.

I didn't look back. I strutted my way back to Shinzen on fake pride covered heels. All I could do now was make sure that my heels were covered in that fake fulfillment for as long as possible. 

I reached up and touched my now sensitive lips, wincing when I felt the sting of soreness that would arise at its peak by morning. We had kissed so perilously that the adrenaline had stifled all the pain he had caused me now as I detected. My waist throbbed, my jaw ached, and my inner thighs twitched with a cramp from squeezing his leg between them. 

I didn't realize just how much strength I had put into adjusting to his grip and movements but now I could sense everything.

Daichi would do anything in his power to avoid me after this. It was finally time that I learn that he would remain the same no matter what. 

As much as that hurt me, it was the truth. He was my captain. He disliked my style and the way I acted. He would neglect me just as usual. 

He didn't hate me but he didn't like me. I was a nuisance. A burden to him and that's how it would remain.

I wasn't stupid to at least that fact.

Frustrated tears stung me with an annoying poke but knowing I was alone made me sigh into them. It would be witless of me not to take the opportunity of a good cry under such absurd dramas that encased me.

Daichi, Ukai, Usami, Nakashima, Sasagawa and lastly me. I attracted unrealistic events like a fucking beacon it was almost laughable. What were the chances that I had like fifteen problems to solve? 

But I guess that was what I got for not listening to Shimada or Takinoue. Their only wishes for me were to play volleyball and enjoy it with a team I could go farther with but here I was having more vivid memories of my old coach, kissing my team's captain, and hopelessly caring for my current coach. They were blatant stabs at me, glittering me with nerve wounds knowing I wouldn't die from it. 

I could've held back on my serve. I could've spent _all_ of my training time focused on the people on the bench instead of my receiving skills. I could've refrained from trying my hardest. 

Then I would be another boring head among others, not worthy of scouting on the upcoming Karasuno Crows. 

Letting Takinoue down just once to remain on the Neighborhood Association would be an offer I would take up without another word. I was happy then but now everything has gone to absolute shit.

Instead of being forgiven for hurting. Could I be forgiven for wishing all of this away? I would miss the boys but nothing was worth the stabbing. 

Salty, heavy droplets slid down my inflamed cheeks, soothing them with their not so soothing heat. It was like they were siding with Daichi and were showing me that with tears the same temperature he had been. It only made me all the more drained.

Here's to stirring up more drama, Takinoue.

I'll give you a good time to say I told you so. Don't you worry.

~~~~~~~~

Oh shoot. I'm bad at writing kissing scenes but yk work with me. Comment and vote!


	16. Sixteen

_*Six days later. One day before returning to camp*_

It didn't take a genius to figure out who Usami might be targeting.

They would be huddled into their desk, watching the clock. Awaiting their doom in small intervals, the gatekeeper of their fate being the ticking hands of the stupid circle that sat on the wall.

If they were smart they'd have tights on underneath their skirt and a thick white tank top under their button up.

But there was never something to hide the kiss marks. So, I hoped dearly that that was something they didn't have to master. Hoped that this wasn't an actual person I had to find.

That's how I spent my time back home in Miyagi. I searched within every year's classes and made sure not to miss a single one.

Teachers were disturbed when I would barge into their classrooms but that didn't matter to me. It wasn't like the possible victim would be paying attention to boring financial lessons in the first place and if there was even a small possibility that I could find someone; I would make sure that the first time they saw me would also be the last time they see Usami.

The problem was that I didn't find anyone. 

I spoke with the quiet girls that had their heads rested on their desks but none of them were on the team nor took gym with the old man.

So, for that, I was glad. There was no one that had to endure what I had to go through but that also meant I was still completely and utterly alone with my traumas as well.

I quietly closed the door of the last third year class I had checked, gratefully empty handed.

My skirt was becoming itchy from the amount of times I had run up and down the stairs and I had to roll up my button up sleeves messily against the sweat. I probably looked like the exact opposite of how a Karasuno lady should look like but if that's what they wanted from me they could just forget it. Spending all my time with a group of boys was bound to take it's fee and if it was by the monstrous wrinkles of my clothes so be it. 

It was better than taking after their menacing bodily aromas. 

When I turned to leave the third year floor, I bumped into someone.

Her skin was soft and she smelled of citrus which circulated around me as she caught the both of us. "Oh!" She cried, straightening herself out. She was taller than me by maybe two inches. "I'm so sorry! I wasn't even paying attention!" 

Her most noticeable feature was the little bob of brown curls that caressed her ears gently. "No, that was all me." I murmured and bowed for my upperclassman. "This isn't even my floor. I'm sorry for being in the way."

She waved a hand, eyeing me for a moment. "You're a second year?" She drank in my appearance more when I nodded. "Hey!" She exclaimed. "You're that girl! From last year! You opened up the spot for me this season when I had to take my second year off! That's so crazy." She looked to my covered knee which Takeda, in Ukai's stead, begged me to wear before the week long training. It was a fair request so I complied with my advisor but now that I was so exposed in front of this girl, the damn brace now felt like a burden.

I suppressed a grimace and teetered from foot to foot. "Yeah, feels like years ago." I mumbled. "I'm Angel Ito-"

"Yeah, I know!" Her happy tone was beginning to tick in the back of my head. "I'm Yui Michimiya. I'm the girl's captain." She said and rested her hands on her hips, proud. "You know, I should like totally hate you!"

I froze. What did that mean? Did she know what her coach used to do? "Uh, I'm not sure what you mean." 

Yui gestured for me to follow her as she began to walk. "Coach Usami is so much harsher on us now." She giggled. "He always talks about how he lost his key to Nationals when you left. I mean, we have Mao as our ace now but he's just not satisfied." She shrugged at the rather sad words but still had a smile on her face. She was nervous which looked like a normal thing for her so I didn't focus on it. She whipped to look at me. "Have you considered coming back?"

I never considered it. Not even once. My life had gone straight into the gutter the moment I had met Usami and the second it had begun to get good again, he started plaguing my memories and dreams. 

So, there was nothing to go back to. Except maybe to say a proper goodbye to my seniors. Emica, my libero, deserved that but I could never work up the nerve.

I let out a breathy laugh, "Oh no." I sighed. "There's no place for me there. I think you all are better off without me." I spared her a glance. "Is Emica alright?"

She hummed at the sound of her name. "She's been better." I started at her words but she laughed, shaking her head. "She's focused on the spring prelims right now. So she barely talks. No one dares mess with her mediation, you know?"

I felt my chest release whatever tightness it had been holding. Relief piling me with sturdy hands.

I vaguely remember Emica coming in everyday with a stone expression, bruises littering her legs and arms from outside practice. She was dedicated to her position like a mother might be to her kid. It was envious, I had always thought. 

A smile stretched across my lips. "That's really good." I murmured. "She's intense as ever." 

We stopped by the stairs that led to my floor and she took the time to grab my hand softly. "I can only imagine what might have made you to join the boys team but just know you're welcome to practice with us anytime you want." Yui's eyes closed with a grin. "Make us girls proud, alright? Seeing you on the same level with Daichi, Suga, and Asahi really makes me happy. They're good people in need of some support so take care of them for me." Her digits patted mine. 

My heart swelled. I didn't deserve how nice she was being.

I was a coward.

I couldn't own up and out Usami the way she probably needed. She didn't know. She was innocent just as I had been and it was heartbreaking to see but I just couldn't muster the courage. 

So I nodded, "Of course." I whispered and slid away from her. I took one step down the stairs then looked to her one more time. "You guys can do it. Mao is just as strong as I had been. Just," I paused. Being indirect was the only option. She wasn't dumb so I'm sure it would get her thinking. "Be careful. Don't let that coach boss you around. He's only as strong as you let him be."

Yui's head tilted," What a strange thing to say." She hummed quietly. "Daichi said something like the before interhigh prelims." She looked at me and I could suddenly see the blush that engrossed her cheeks when she brought up his name. "We talked about our team and stuff but I remember talking about you leaving the team. He didn't know who you were but he defended you." Her hands hovered in the air, unsure.

That didn't sound like the Daichi I knew.

"Defended me?"

"Yeah! A lot of the girls were pretty upset about you dropping out so suddenly and were pretty spiteful when they talked about how much you loved playing with them. I spoke to him about it because it made the girls stop coming to morning practice and you know him, right?" She giggled, tossing her chin over her shoulder to hide.

"Daichi always has something wise to say, so he told me that if you loved the game that it surely had something to do with how you were being taught. He said the same thing happened to the current second years last year with Old Coach Ukai but he was really surprised! He was there at the tournament your first year! Said your communication with the team was amazing!" Her smile drooped. "I know I'm your upperclassman and all but I really wish I could've played with you. You really were the best we've had." 

There was a certain admiration in her body language as she allusively expressed her feelings of inadequacy for her reign on her team and it was nothing short of fear as a leader. 

I knew the short strong reputation the girl's team had disappeared when I left. I often heard students and teachers talking about it in the beginning but I never stopped to think that the weight of that loss would fall on anyone other than Usami.

It was him that I wanted to hurt. Not Yui or the others.

Not to get started on whatever the hell Daichi had said. If he knew who I was and even complimented me back then, what was it that made him so bitter that day we met? 

He was constantly on about my undeserving spot on the team and how my obliviousness annoyed him but what made him see all of that in that way? He knew that loving something and finding a way to somehow fulfill that love was enough reason for doing what someone might do but he completely ignored his own moto because of me. 

I didn't understand it. I didn't want to understand it. 

Me and Yui didn't know the same Daichi Sawamura and that's where she beat me in unawareness as well.

And further my accolades escalated for her.

To live like she did, like the hostess did, was something that I would always yearn for.

A low scoff gurgled from the back of my throat. "Playing with you would've been an honor, Michimiya. I'm sorry that things turned out the way they did." I breathed, shaking my head at myself. "But everything is better the way it is now. Just keep winning, okay? You'll see that you never needed me in the first place." 

She stared at me with wide, brown eyes but I didn't seek her response, too afraid of any questions she might ask and retreated down the steps as quickly as I could.

Jesus Christ, that was terrifying.

She was the perfect representation of what I had been like when I entered high school and it was with much minimization that I was pleased that she would make it out of here without so much as a scratch to her mentality.

That meant all I needed to do was devise a plan to confront Usami. If I didn't, he would seek me out himself as it seemed he was still hung up about my disappearance. 

I had been searching all week for someone that might've been hurting but instead I found someone that was shielded from the truth. It was an easy way to confirm that there wasn't another victim but everything she said was still ringing inside of my head. 

If Usami was taking out his anger through training them harder, it was only a matter of time until he finally broke and the one thing I had never been able to figure out about him in the time I had analyzed him in fear of my own welfare; it was that he was a ticking time bomb and he didn't have me this time to take it out on. It was an option between destroying them with physical exercise or combusting and picking a girl to abuse. 

And I wasn't sure if I could take it on alone. My choices were limited and I had little time but, with the best procrastinating ability in the world, I would figure it out after camp. It wouldn't do Ukai any good if the only girl in that god forsaken school wasn't living up to her full potential. 

My all had to be within volleyball and that meant no distractions. 

Priorities, priorities, priorities.

****

It will always be the strangest thing to me seeing how boys naturally treated each other. 

It was one thing seeing what boys wanted us girls to see but seeing _this_ was equally as ridiculous. 

All of the Karasuno boy's volleyball team were huddled around Hinata's phone, talking over and pushing at each other. Tsukishima, Daichi, Asahi and myself being the only ones standing aside watching the chaos unfold. 

The ultimate maker of the mayhem, to my dismay, was Suga. His silver hair was flowing and messed up as he struggled to push Tanaka away from where he wanted to stand and his mouth was strung into a snarl.

It was oddly satisfying seeing my upperclassman stray from his responsible attitude with the carefree atmosphere of Nishinoya's living room. 

No one ever voiced it but he definitely had the inner soul that the second years held. He was just well mannered in a way they couldn't be and was able to contain it in the right moments. He just didn't need to right now due to the no practice Ukai had issued and was probably living his best life at the moment while joking around with his teammates.

"Guys, guys," Kuroo's voice sounded through Hinata's speaker. "There's enough to go around. Don't worry." I could hear his glass cracking smirk and it made me want to vomit from the mere thought of it.

He was goofy. A little too goofy and was always quick with a comeback. It clashed with how quick I was and I often found myself challenged by him.

It was fun but I'm positive that we both got on each other's nerve just as he did with Bokuto who wasn't as bright as him.

He was a good competition in that way. So, I could see why the boys were so set on having practice games with Nekoma. Kuroo, of all people, was the best at bringing out the desire to win in someone.

I suppose it just irritated me that his charm worked that well on me and it made me want to punch him. 

Tsukishima sniffled from where he was beside me and ran his hand under his nose.

His unkempt curls were a bit more ruffled and the rim of his eyes were perturbed with fatigue. The signs of illness were a bit louder than what I assumed he liked as he was glaring at the floor with his cold honey eyes. 

After learning of Tsukishima's sneezing and small coughs, Tadashi had made it his mission to prepare him porridge in the form of whatever was in Noya's kitchen and he was still in there while his friend suffered from the loudness of the room. 

I nudged him, ignoring the way Daichi glanced up when Tsukishima hummed. "Do you want to sit down?" I asked but it sounded quiet called for the other's yelling. 

He glowered down at where I sat in an armchair. "Don't treat me like I've lost a limb. It's only a small cough." He replied gruffly but didn't protest when I gripped his arm, pulling him over so he could lean on me.

He rolled his eyes, "Don't know why I said anything. You and Yama never listen to me anyway."

The blonde nonetheless rested his weight on me, grumbling softly when he had to move to a more comfortable position in front of me on the floor and rested his soft cheek into the side of my thigh. 

"You say that," I started as I pieced through his hair. "But here you are." His head had begun to lull back into my fingers, his eyes scrunched against it and I smiled. "It's okay to like something, Kei. You don't have to a be big baby about it." I sliced one of my nails across his scalp, causing him to hiss and shoot me a look over the top of his glasses. 

His red nose upturned and he laid his head back into my lap. "That's rich coming from you." He quipped, seizing a loose thread from my knee and curled it around his finger. 

I rolled my eyes and looked to Asahi who was sitting on the arm of the chair beside me but instead of catching his eyes, I unintentionally settled on Daichi.

Since our kiss or rather make-out session, he's been on the quiet side of things with no more than a greeting to his teammates. Sparing me the niceness, of course, but it was still strange. 

I never saw him unless I had to and there was nothing except for Suga standing in the way of absolutely never seeing the captain again. 

Suga made it known that he was upset with us and has often tried to pair us for warm ups which I would decline and frantically look for a different partner.

It made him even more angry but that wasn't something I could deal with right now. I was sure to tell him what all happened at some point but involved Daichi being brought into it somehow. 

Suga would tell him to apologize and then with the decency to his friend, Daichi would. And I really did need that. What I did need was to be away from him.

It was clear that he had only used that kiss to shut me up that time. He had said so himself in the middle of those humidity swirled kisses. 

_"You get hurt then suppress it so much that you don't care what happens to you."_

The phrase has been burned into my eyelids for the past week. 

When had Daichi been around me so much that he just decided that? What made him think he was so deliciously right that he could say it right then?

So, I didn't seek out consolation for this situation. It was bad enough I had already played into it.

Essentially, I was finally owning up to our trend of weird tension one moment then slicing at each other's throats the next. It would be our routine until Daichi figured out what the hell he was thinking and how the hell he felt because I knew how I felt now.

I want to kiss him again. I wanted to do what we did all over again but I still somehow disliked the thought of being near him just as I had before the incident. So whatever feelings of distaste I had before were still there but they were just mixed and absorbed with the strong itch for another kiss. 

So maybe I only missed the feeling of a pair of lips on mine, not particularly his.

Or perhaps that was the feeling of fondness but seriously, fuck that. 

It would be embarrassing to like him now just because of something as little as that.

"Are you deaf?" Tsukishima's annoyed voice slipped through my anger ridden thoughts and he flicked my knee. 

I hummed, working my nails along his scalp again softly causing him to pause his irritated tangent and fall into my hands again. "What'd you say?" I murmured, forcing myself to remove the agitated ruins of what I had just been thinking from my mind.

He slid a pleased look at me, his curls falling around his pale face. "Kuroo wants to see you." He replied, cutting off when my finger slid the peak of his head. 

I scoffed,"Good for him-"

But then there was a flash of orange.

Hinata hurried over to me, flashing me his screen which, with no doubt, held the snarky face of the Nekoma middle blocker.

His hair was down and wet, like he had just gotten out of the shower, and was comfortable in the black sweater he was wearing.

I didn't have any time to react as the ginger greedily pulled my hands from Tsukishima and shoved his device into them, accidentally kicking the sick blonde in the process, igniting Tsukishima to stand up just as quick to retaliate.

I shouted out to him that he shouldn't be moving around like that but the second I realized that he wasn't going to listen to me, I sighed and returned my focus to Kuroo. 

He was smirking, as expected. "Did I just hear you say 'good for him'?" He dragged, twisting a strand of his hair between two fingers.

I couldn't tell where he was but the repetitive sound of men screaming in the background informed me enough to know that he was with Kenma, who probably had his hands wrapped around some sort of entertainment emitter. 

"I did," I said. "What are you gonna do about it?"

He laughed, leaning forward, his hair fuzzing out the camera a moment as he calmed down. "I love how fast you are." He chuckled, shaking his head. "Like I didn't even do anything."

Tsukishima was settling back down between my feet and huffed. "She has a knack for that."

"More than a knack," Hinata added, inching forward to peer at his phone over the arm of the chair, careful to not disturb his taller classmate any further. "Just this morning she told me I looked too short to ride a roller coaster."

I threw up a finger, interrupting him. "To be fair, _he said_ that he looked old enough to buy cigarettes." 

Hinata looked over the hair on his arm and thrust it into my line of vision. "Who wouldn't sell me cigarettes when I look this manly?" He exclaimed defensively.

"I don't know, Man." Kuroo cackled, heaving over when I snapped him a look for encouraging my rather stupid junior. "Could've fooled me." He fell out of the screen with a squeal, clasping at his chest. When he returned, his cheeks were flushed and his eyes were nearly gone with his grin. "Geez, you guys are fun."

I rolled my eyes and started playing with the thread that Tsukishima had been messing with as well. "Okay, whatever. You said you wanted to see me?"

"Don't act so upset. It hurts my feelings." He breathed.

I shooed Hinata away and sighed. "Then I guess it would be fine to pass the phone on, huh?" I moved to give the rectangle to Asahi.

"Wait!" Kuroo cried. 

"Shut up." Came from the background where he was.

I smiled and mentally thanked Kenma for the comment. 

Kuroo glared behind his camera," Anyway, as I was saying." He sneered. "Are you gonna do that thing with Ogano?" 

I vaguely remember the request Daiki had asked of me due to the fact that that whole weekend was just a whole blur in my head. So, being reminded now caused him to have my full attention.

"Oh shoot," I whispered. "I totally forgot about that." My head rocked. "I mean, shit, yeah. There's no reason I can't, I guess."

Kuroo flattened a hand over his beat hair, running over it softly. "Okay, cool. I was gonna ask last weekend but you were kind of out of it after the first day, you know?" He smiled, shrugging. 

I squinted at him," No I wasn't."

He gave me an unsure look," Yeah you were."

"No I wasn't-"

"Yes you were." The not so new voice cut me off from behind me and I jumped. 

Daichi had moved without my noticing and I hadn't even realized that I could feel his body heat from behind. 

" _Shit_ , Sawamura." Kuroo cursed. "You've got frown lines like nobody's business." He brought his screen closer to his face. "The fuck have you been doing to him, Angel?"

I gaped, totally ignoring my upperclassman. "What do you even mean?" I snapped.

He feigned a dramatic sigh. "I've seen enough." He exasperated.

My mouth fell more, " _What_?"

I had no idea what he was talking about and I could tell that he was only messing with me but I could feel my cheeks warm up knowing that Daichi was in on this joke as well. 

Kuroo opened his mouth to say something else but Daichi leaned over, slipping his hand under mine, grabbing the phone gently from my grasp. 

His touch made me jolt and freeze, my whole body rolling over with the sudden heat. I watched his large hands move and twist easing the thing away from me but even as he fully held it, his hand stayed on mine for a lingering second. 

Then it disappeared. 

That was our first time touching since the incident and my breathing hitched. I threw my head back looking at him but he was already staring at me, his dark eyes already expecting the flushed reaction and his mouth hooked. 

"How's it going, Tetsurō?" He said, never bothering to look at the screen, instead more invested in my frazzled huffs of air. 

We stared off as Kuroo replied but I never heard a single thing the third year said. My blood was too busy boiling.

That asshole was doing it on purpose. Interacting with me knowing that someone was watching or even listening. He knew I couldn't do anything about how angry he was making me. 

"Say, Daichi," Kuroo mumbled. "Are you gonna join us?"

Daichi's eyes closed for a brief moment as he blinked. "Join what?"

Kuroo gasped," How dare Angel not tell you!" I could hear him shuffle. "She's gonna teach me and Daiki some of her wicked creepy serve styles."

"Oh, I see," He said. "I never thought you'd ask for assistance. Especially from a girl no less a junior." He grinned at his fellow captain, chuckling softly when he scoffed. "What's wrong with practicing with Bokuto?"

Kuroo groaned," That guy," He exhaled. "Of course I'm going to practice with him but his face annoys me. If I look at him for too long I might punch him without thinking."

A loud ruffle sounded from Hinata's phone and Kuroo cried out.

"Stop talking about your friends like that." Kenma didn't sound all that authoritative while he hit his teammate with something. "It pisses me off."

"I was kidding!" 

Tsukishima ran two fingers under his glasses, rubbing at his eyes, seemingly annoyed with the conversation. He shot my hands a look, too prideful to ask that my digits return to his scruffy curls.

"Dullards. All of them." He muttered with a scowl. "Those fools wouldn't know about half of the practice you put into your serves. They'd be lucky to get it over the net following whatever the hell methods you use." He spoke lowly and displeased, nicking at the fabric of his sweater and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"I can't tell if that was a compliment or not." My voice creaked with a smile and I watched as he grimaced, his eyes rolling.

"Me either."

I giggled and seized his glasses, carefully pulling them off his face so I could massage his temples. To which he grumpily didn't protest. "Besides, thinking your above them just because you don't train outside of practice is very unattractive of you, Kei." 

His eyebrows jumped, unabashed. "Unattractive, attractive, mad genius, dullard. What difference does it make if I, _at least_ , know what I am?"

That was a very Tsukishima response.

He wasn't finished and peeked an eye open, catching me with his honey irises. "What I'm saying is don't let Captain determine what you are if he isn't you." He irked.

My heart sank and instant acid piled along the walls of my throat. "What?"

He shrugged and sat up a little at the sound of Tadashi sprinting into the room, shouting out that he had made semi-edible porridge. "I heard what he said on the bus." He took the bowl from his friend and softly blew on it. "Plus, you guys are painfully obvious. He should just tell you what the fuck he wants. It's getting really annoying."

I startled at his words, whipping a look over my should to see if Daichi was still where he had been taunting me but he wasn't and I blew out a breath. 

This made Tsukishima chuckle. 

"Calm down, you think I would dig my own grave like that?" He slapped away Tadashi's hand as he tried to check the temperature of his forehead and moved to stand up. "Figure it out. The others are starting to notice. Their stupidity only goes to such lengths, you know?"

I looked to Tadashi who wasn't paying attention to our conversation but more so on gathering a blanket for his counterpart so I wasn't worried about what he might have to say.

They left the room together, agreeing to eat in the kitchen and I was left alone with the rest of the guys whom, of course, were causing their own sort of destruction around Noya's house, hardly paying me a glance.

So, I stood, gathering my things.

Hearing Tsukishima say such wise things like that really hit home. I knew he was rather advanced for his age, not to degrade my other underclassmen, but I never expected to him to observe the tiny details that didn't even concern him.

But Kei was always a poke and surprise so in a way I didn't expect anything less.

"Where are you going?" Asahi asked, flopping down into the armchair when I vacated it.

Instead of thinking of Daichi to fix things with, my thoughts had immediately sought Ukai out, tugging with a yearning redemption and I figured that I might as well fix one thing at a time.

Daichi was just out of question right now, but Ukai wasn't.

So that would be my mission for the time being. I just had to tackle it at the right angle.

"I need to go see Old Coach Ukai."  
  


~~~~~

The way I love Kei and Kuroo is beyond me holy crap. Honestly this chp is so trash I kinda want to die thinking about it. Also I meant to double update but chp.17 is taking much longer than I thought it would so I'll be back soon <3  
  



	17. Seventeen

"Look at what we have here." Ikkei appraised me with his scolding dark eyes, slugging a hand onto to my head with a ruffle. "Been awhile, Bird."

It was a well known fact that Ikkei Ukai was a very stone set man and was often feared for that attribute. Though, I never understood the incessant teeters his alumni players would have with him. 

He only spoke the truth and set goals for others that they couldn't set for themselves but sometimes his truth _was_ a little harsh. It usually stuck to the roof my mouth until I could rid it after a few days but I was never actually scared of him.

He was a good mentor. 

He didn't particularly come to mind when I thought of someone who had taught me a lot but I was certainly familiar with his methods and kept them in mind. This was why I was able to smile right now and greet him appropriately.

"You're still calling me bird, Sensei?" I pushed his hand away, making sure not to visibly express how much his shaking hand had startled me. "That's a little old."

He huffed a laugh, " _I'm_ a little old." He replied incredulously. "Didn't I tell you to stop calling that? I'm not a teacher." He turned and picked up a volleyball, expecting me to follow him as he stomped around the back court of The Center. 

It's been so long since I've been here and the nostalgia alone influenced my silent compliance, helping with the lowering of the net for his kids.

"What brings you here?" He asked. 

I tied a tight loop with the string of the criss-crossed barrier and shrugged. "It's my first day off from practice so I wanted to stop by to see Takinoue." 

He shook his head. "Don't treat me like I've got Alzheimers. I'm not dumb. I know you know the Association's schedule like the back of your hand. So tell why your here." He snapped, flicking my temple with a veiny digit. 

Tsukishima and Ikkei were the same person. Both so senile.

That was scary. 

I sighed dramatically, "It's your stupid grandson." I pulled away from the net and sought my own volleyball off the ground. "He's sort angry at me right now. I'm not sure why because the last time we spoke we were fine." 

Ikkei grunted at that, "Stupid is the right word alright." He shook his head, reaching down to scratch at his ankle. "That boy doesn't know anything about anything. Just like his pussy father." He spoke his insults with love...is what I wanted to believe but I wasn't entirely sure. "If he's angry, it's all fake. He's just confused and doesn't want to admit it."

I bumped the ball at him, which he returned with skilled reflexes. "How do you know that?"

He snarled," How do I know? I raised that dimwit with his mother. Christ, his mother has more balls than him." 

I rolled my eyes," Are you even telling the truth or are you venting?"

He sent me a low dig and I crouched, sending it back up. "Both," He grumbled. "If Keishin wanted to take the risk of causing you harm by joining his team, he has no right to be mad about anything else no matter the issue. There are things that he must draw a line for but he was never that bright on that subject. Damn Coward."

I was working up a sweat in my joggers but ignored it and continued to practice with him all the while conversating. "Risk? What does that mean?"

"Of all people, Bird, you really should know." He scoffed. "By the time you get to the Spring preliminaries you'll have heard so many random people mouth off about you to your own face that you'll regret even picking up a volleyball in the first place." His hand was sharp as he spiked the ball to me. "It is no easy thing to accept the change in these prefectures of Japan. Especially if it's a woman infiltrating something that men believed was theirs and theirs alone. It doesn't matter that you have the skills of a professional player. There are things out of your control and your dunce of a coach never thought that through." He caught the sphere when it came back to him. 

"Which is why you must tell that idiot what is what, who is who, what will happen, and when it'll happen. You owe it to yourself and the future embarrassment you will feel that you have a stable coach you can rely on. It is all but inevitable." His long astute speech came to an end and realizing what he said, he let out a long sigh.

I watched him curiously. "You sure had a lot to say." I adjusted my sweatpants, scratching at my phone case inside my pocket. "I thought you might've been mad at him for scouting me."

He scowled, the same scowl Keishin had inherited from him, which sent a chill down my back. "Of course not. It's stupid to dwell on something as lamebrained as my grandson. I'm mad that he's not being an adequate consultant. There is no need to doubt your skill just because he can't get his priorities straight." He flourished a hand, waving me away. "Now will you live me alone? My kids will be here in a few minutes."

I laughed as he shoved me toward the door, muttering profanities. "Oh come on, I just got here, Sensei!" I retorted but didn't object his pardoning. 

"You got the answers to your questions. Just scram." He snapped.

When I was halfway out The Center he called on after me again. "And don't come here with that dog shit ever again! Being a nuisance is much worse than being a racist, so you better keep that in mind, Young Lady!"

I giggled at his halfhearted jibe, knowing full and well that he just didn't like talking about anything else but volleyball. He was stern man with simple likes and until somebody got that, nobody would understand just how gentle he really was despite his coarse vocabulary. 

Just like Tsukishima.

I wasn't entirely sure when I arrived at The Center if Ikkei knew I was apart of Ukai's team but I suppose there was nothing volleyball related that couldn't get past him. For that, at least, I was gracious. It would've been a bother telling Ikkei that I was on the school team again no less the boy's team.

So, now as I triumphantly made my way to the Sakanoshita market, there was a new feeling that resided with my anxiety; determination. 

Ikkei was right when he said that I needed a stable coach. That was something that I had never had the luck of experiencing and if Ukai wasn't my friend then he was my mentor. 

If I could hang on to that, the rest of this season would be much better.

I wasn't happy about losing what I had with him. My heart still beats rapidly when I think of him and the feelings I had for him were that of a person I liked and it burned to think that it was all meaningless. 

But I'm supposed to survive this summer and next year and I can't do that with a relationship like the one we had.

With Daichi it was different. He would be gone in two months at the least but I would be with Ukai for much longer and I wanted to be with him on good terms. Not with our back and forth pulling we did all the time.

Although, a part of me wanted him to fight for our friendship when I finally confronted him.

There was just the small irritating question that laughed at my hopes. 

Would he?

****

"That boy is so frustrating to work with." Hina scowled, brushing off a streak of grime that slivered along her forehead as she hopped down from her step stool. "Always skipping work because he still thinks he's young. Might as well put his mother in her grave already." 

Ukai's mother was doing more than she had to at the moment as she whined about her son not being present. I had waltzed in ready for a conversation but to no avail, Ukai wasn't even there for his shift. 

It saddened me to see her dusting the fans all by herself so I offered to stay to be of some assistance and she had happily obliged. Though, I had a feeling that she just wanted me there for support in her accusations of how bad of a son Ukai was. 

So, for the second time today I listened to his relatives speak lowly of him, with as much love as they could muster I assumed and as entertaining as it was, I really just wanted to get down to business.

My mind was reeling in possible ways of confrontation I could bestow upon Ukai when I finally see him.

Hey, Coach! Got a minute to talk about what's going on? 

Or, Hey, Coach. What the fuck is going on inside that pea brain of yours?

Or even better. Listen here, Coach. I would greatly appreciate it if you laid off the mysterious brooding style you've been going for for the past week and it would help a lot if you could allow me to confront the Nakashima situation head on instead avoiding it with all your will power. Thanks.

But none of those seemed to fit. I was scared and helpless when it came to explaining what I wanted to get across. I never felt like I deserved the spotlight enough for that privilege and my hands usually groped at whatever piece of clothing I happened to have on on my legs, distracting me so much because I curse myself for doing it in the first place. 

The inconsistency that I hear so often from the two men that have been out to get me since day one was as patronizing as it was silly and it kept my mind from settling in one place. So, no, I really didn't know what to say despite my top dog attitude.

Being pathetic was something that wouldn't go away just because I learned to handle a few insults. It took more guts than that. More establishing.

"Pardon, Honey," Hina's voice adjusted from her brutal tone that she only expressed for the bashing of Ukai and resolved to a soft, sweet hum. I looked up at her with a smile. "Do you mind going to the back room and getting the broom? It would be greatly appreciated."

I bowed quickly," Of course."

I left swiftly, choosing the longest route to the back room that I learned of just a week ago.

The last time I had a semi-decent moment with Nakashima was in this room, when he struggled to maintain his 'close friend' act in front of both me and Ukai. I can still remember the way I had grown confused trying to decipher what he was doing, or if he _knew_ what he was doing. I hoped to dismiss his out of place gestures and the soft touches he paid me throughout that day but he left me unable to do so after we exited the shop.

I sometimes play scenarios in my head of butterfly effects. Like if I had done something differently. Things like stopping Daichi before he could utter his low almost harmless threat at Nakashima as he observed his arm around me and not forgetting my phone at Ukai's.

_"Be a little more careful about what you brag about."_

Something about that didn't make sense. It didn't add up with what Daichi had asked me last weekend. 

He had put together that Nakashima was the person to inflict those marks on me but he still acted as though he had no clue. 

My heart churned. 

He did it on purpose. He wanted to hear it from my own mouth; to hear that I had deliberately pushed for the marks on my shoulder. Wielding them as weapon to piss someone off like I had a month ago but the story was all very different now. 

I inspected the damage done to my body when I remembered his distinct agitation with seeing them up close while also having to touch me and he was right; I've been so absentminded that nothing else but Ukai has been trailing my mind. 

Mauve and intricately deep red, splotches littered my collarbone and neck, the outlines of teeth sharpening the already immaturely mature hues, no less encouraging the attraction of eyes. I never realized just how suggestive I looked with them.

Mirrors were a close enemy of mine. They had a bad habit of pointing out the wicked bags under my eyes and other, uglier things that didn't need to be specified right now. So, it was a mistake on my part for not going through the right precautions after experiencing something like I had that day in alley.

To be fair, I was only focused on making sure everyone thought that nothing was wrong. That Ukai could securely let me inside my house without another concern and that Shu had a nice full dinner to brag about to my mother when she returned home from work. That even though I had declared good welfare, the tears I had shed in front of Ukai, only a fraction of what continued to pour out of me after I was finally alone in my room, were the end of my pain.

That I was okay and perfectly dandy after stupidly submitting myself to what felt like desolate hands and lips.

I tried my hardest not to think to hard about it and completely ignore whatever type of monologue that might selfishly knock on my temples, begging for attention like that of someone trapped behind wide, thick bars of a cell. 

I only wanted to allow myself that broken structure in front of the one person who knew why it would happen at all.

Ukai.

But this was reality. He wasn't gonna be where I wanted him to be just because I willed it. 

No one was gonna notice that anything was remotely wrong at all because not everything was about me.

People had _lives_. 

There was no dramatic music to go alongside the vulgar sounds of lips against skin, the invigorating feeling of landing a service ace in the middle of a game, or even the unforgiving words that transpire between the heated chests of two people. 

It was all only the boring sounds that I might hear on the downtime of a main character. Awaiting their drama with open arms because it all really mattered that much it seemed. 

Though, to this, I wasn't clueless. 

There were problems, _large_ problems, but like any other normal human being. I would try my hardest to put it aside until it was thrust into my clammy, wood burned hands, demanding attention.

And because I was normal, however, that meant being constantly unprepared but what else was new if not my stupidity?

Now, where is it? 

The broom should be in here somewhere.

I warily trailed the simple maze of the room, somehow uncomfortably familiar with the fragrance of lowly flared bourbon and soot. The culprit, expectantly, were the lingering overabundance of cigarette buds that littered the small glass ovals on each flat surface, like only having one wasn't enough.

And as for the tickling scent of man. It was right to assume it was due to my absent coach who, as it looked, spent most of his time here outside of volleyball.

I looked to the table he had been settled at, stubbornly denying my request for an apology last week and inched toward it.

Random trinkets stole my eye as I became distracted with the deep undying excitement that I was in a space of Ukai's without him present. 

Pens, candy wrappers, pieces of paper with scribbled writing, a book with incoherent notes blacking out the intended paragraphs with confidence.

It was invading if you wanted to look at it that way but in its own way it was rather welcoming. I had almost forgotten how it felt to be in the space that was only individually his and how the essence of him filled the room entirely to the point of suffocation.

Flipping the ruined book over in front of me, I peered at the English print that stood stark against the uneven lines of highlighter. The coverings of ash laid sprinkled on the frayed edges of paper, distinctly representing Ukai's time spent on the page but the one thing that stood out to me were the messy, out of place notes, completely written in English as well.

I remember having the intention of asking him if he understood the second language I had grown accustomed to but it was all cut off by his unrelenting keen eye, zeroing in on my injured knee.

It felt like a million years ago since it happened but it's only been a little over a week.

_I always try my best around you._

_That is the one trait that I will always foolheartedly rely on from you._

They were simple words, something that could be passed over with a callow eye and it led to the rest of the poem being absolutely barren. It only supported the beginning of the subdivision, continuing with larger words to emphasize the meaning as if unsure the point would get across.

It seemed desperate compared to what I had read the first time I had held the book like the writer had finally broken from their restrained despair, hoping frantically that whoever had the luck of observing their work would know that they weren't publishing for the hell of it.

Did Ukai like this poem that much? 

Did he recognize the anguished feel of the writing just as I had?

I didn't have the will to read his scrambled notes, too afraid of pushing what I was already putting on edge by even looking through his book and pushed the object away.

"Tenshi? Are ya alright, Dear?" Hina popped a head into the back room, the grub from her cleaning duties completely wiped away from her face and her gray hair was fixed into a neater ponytail. 

I jumped away from the table, quickly brushing a piece of hair out of my face, feigning innocence against my snooping. "Ah, I'm sorry. I couldn't find the broom."

She laughed and looked down at the book I had been regarding selfishly. "Keishin leaves anything laying around." She picked it up and looked at the golden lettering of the cover. "It's a good little book." She looked at me and smiled. "Don't worry. I won't tell him but ya better hurry and get on yur' way. He's on his way over from Shimada's. It would only piss me off more if he came in here looking for a fight with ya."

She laid it back down, gently scooting it away to where he usually sat then she rest a soothing hand on my back. "Unless, you'd like to stay. I got some work around here I can pay ya for since that fool is always gone. It'd be nice to put him in his place, right?" She asked mischievously.

Now that I thought about it, Ukai's family members were out to get him more than anyone else in this world and that scared me.

I grinned," I've got nothing better to do."

She badgered me out of the back room with a giggle, "Good. It was that boy's mistake making enemies with the woman who's given him a job."

****

"I can't have ya working register since yur' still seventeen but recently the candy aisle has been getting a lot of attention so I'll have ya back here." Hina dumped a flurry of boxes into my arms, which were only a little bit of the boxes that still remained behind her and smiled. "It's fun once ya get the hang of it. Like the memory game." She looked up as the bell to the door rang. "Well, you have fun. Tell me if yur' hungry and I'll cook something up. It's the least I can do."

When she left I settled in a sitting position along the bottom row of candy bars, deciding how I should start. The tile of the floor was cold against my covered legs and it caused the sweat that had been building up behind my knees to dissipate slowly with the coolant. 

It was nice to be around someone that welcomed me happily, hoping for my stay to be just a bit longer. It made me feel needed and it all reassured me that even if I had to go home to an empty house, I would still have this to come back to the next day.

Just like volleyball.

When I return to the training camp, there will be people there who have grown comfortable with me and it won't be as awkward as it was the first time I had met them. I looked forward to it, especially since I knew that they were big shot players willing enough to teach and learn from someone like me.

It had surprised me that Kuroo and Daiki had wanted to spend their free time leaning off me for serving. They were exceptional players but acted like I was the only one out there with the strength to serve the way I did. 

If Aoba Johsai had joined the group, I would only be a mere competitor to Oikawa and the whole team of Ubugawa. So, there was no room for me to get cocky toward their gracious requests. I can do what I have to.

I began neatly stacking a host of Chiroru chocolates beside one another in their box, humming quietly to busy myself while I worked. 

Ukai would be here soon and there probably would be a limit to what I could take to his newly found attitude, behavior I expected out of Daichi more so than him and I wanted to get as much done before then. 

"Hey, Mom."

Speak of the devil.

Ukai trudged into the shop, his hands shoved into his hoodie and shoes slick with mud. Not to forget that he was also handy with a cigarette placed between his lips blazing silently, waiting to be inhaled once more. He seemed at ease finally being here and didn't even notice me on the floor as he shuffled into some slippers and his apron. 

Hina came into view with the broom I had failed to get and held it up. "I should hit ya, Kenny. Ya didn't even tell me where ya were until ten minutes ago. I had to do all the cleaning by myself, ya hear?" She held the stick up higher when he flinched with a smile. "It's bad enough that yur' always gone at practice and now yur' not even showing up to the place that'll be all yur' responisblity in a couple years?" She brought it down on his head with a whack. "Get yurself' in the kitchen or so god help me, I'll take those house keys."

There was no room for him to talk as she scolded him, patting him roughly with the straw of her broom calling for his amused shouts at her to stop.

My heart stopped at the sight of him though I hadn't even realized my lack of breathing due to the entertainment of the scene going on before me and put my focus back on stocking the candy. 

He would notice me when he noticed me. I just had to do the job I promised I would do in the meantime. 

Ukai disappeared behind the front counter, waving a hand at his mother on the way. "Am I cooking for the two of us or do you want extra for the costumers?" He asked and readjusted his head band so the stray hairs wouldn't bother his attentive eyes. 

Hina rested her head on the hilt of the broom and pondered for moment. "Just us. I doubt anyone will come in this time of day." She replied. "Just make a little more than usual. I've got someone working in the back."

Her vague response made me jolt and thrust my hands into the cardboard box before me, fumbling more chocolate out. Though, I'm not sure why.

I was working for her. It just felt like I was doing something illegal. 

Ukai hummed," Is it Takinoue? That guy's been running around working for everyone." 

"No, it's Miss Ito." She rounded into another aisle, out of my sight as she spoke. "She came around a couple hours ago after seeing yur' grandfather. I thought I'd pay her since she's still gotta cook dinner and all that for her mother." 

The rumbling of pans stopped and I could hear his footsteps as he followed his mother. "She's here?" He said.

I nervously piled candy here and there, listening closely. He didn't sound too happy.

"No, I just said that because I'm bored." Hina dripped sarcastically. "Don't worry about her. Ya got something to do, don't ya?"

I don't think Ukai was aware that I could hear everything since his mother never specified where exactly I was in the back but he cursed under his breath; short, exasperated. "Christ, Mom, why do you always have to do this kinda stuff?" He irked. "I don't need to see that girl any more than I have to. You're just trying to start something." 

She was quick to stomp her foot, the vibration traveling up my legs. "Many thanks to _you_ if ya kept that mouth shut, Keishin Ukai." She snapped back. "Ya need to get that mind straight before ya start talking about her like that. She's in highschool and yur' almost thirty. I can just imagine what yur' grandfather has to say about the way ya been acting toward the poor girl." It was silent for moment before she stomped again. "Get on yur' way, Boy. You'll serve Tenshi the best damn dinner she's ever had and then you'll walk her home like gentleman. Now that's the end of that."

Ukai had nothing else to say to Hina as he made his way back to the kitchen, no doubt hearing the way his mother continued to mutter under her breath. 

I was tense with anxiety, my heart stifling with a deep sort of pain. 

He was so quick to dismiss me. Easily with no hesitation like the thought of being near me was so close to the feeling of dying. 

I held onto the shelf in front of me, my fingers hooking into a box of candies and pulled myself up. There was no reason to explain myself to him if he truly didn't want it. 

"Tenshi?" Hina rounded the corner of the aisle on delayed feet. "I'm sorry, Honey. I didn't know he could speak like that." She said unevenly.

I looked down at her, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth to keep it from trembling out fear. "You did." I murmured. "Just not about me, right?"

She grimaced and looked at the floor. "He's always spoken fondly of ya so don't ya dwell on it. He's just in a bind with Shimada and Takinoue at the moment. It's been on his shoulders for a week. He won't tell me anything either so," She reached forward and eased my hand from the shelf, stroking it softly. 

I shook my head and forced my mouth to curl. "It's all okay." I looked at the rest of the boxes that still remained on the ground. "I should hurry and get this done before dinner." I laughed. "Food makes me tired."

She watched me fake security and frowned. "Ya still want to stay?" She asked.

"Of course I do." I responded quietly. "I've still gotta talk to him even if it's not about what it was before." 

Hina was quiet as she worked my words through her head. "It may be a bit inappropriate of me to say but no girl has ever gotten to him the way ya have." She said and picked up the box I had been working on. "Romantic or not. There is no way my Keishin would just not listen to ya. It was a given the moment he told me that yur' Takinoue's best friend." She settled the cube into my arms once more and turned to leave and continue what she had been doing. "He's grumpy, that one, but he's just confused is all. Be patient."

She left for the second time tonight, casting me with another round of thinking.

Old Coach Ukai had said the same thing. That he was confused.

Could that really be it? 

Was he really that unfamiliar with his emotions that he settled it all with unrequited anger and avoidance?

****

"Thank you for the food." I murmured and slid my chopsticks into chunk of seasoned egg, laying it gently on my bowl of rice.

I stared at Ukai as he fixed his mother's serving, over each dish he made to her. He held the back of her chair, leaned over her, his hair trickling down just barely grazing his jaw. Stoically beautiful despite the stubble that sprinkled his face which, with more glory than one should have, made him look all the more attractive.

I had a feeling that he knew what passed through my mind each time he found me looking at him, or to put it in more truthful words, staring at him. There was no way that he simply cocked an eyebrow and tilted his head at just the right angle without knowing that it sent heavy shoots of arousal to the pits of my stomach. Here I was, concerned for our well being as friends but still couldn't take my eyes of him as he spoke in low hushed tones, accepting my gratitude for the meal.

Have I become a pervert?

His brown irises lifted to me, but only for a split second before washing away to his mother.

He couldn't even look at me. And that was without knowing if I had heard what he had to say about me being here.

Why does he get to be the one upset right now? I'm still eating his food and taking his share of stocking. He could sit back and relax and still somehow become riveted with anger toward me.

Why was it that I was only attracting men who have wanted to slice one of my toes off at some point during their time knowing me?

Hina hummed softly as she dug into her rice, flicking away a grain when it fell from her chopsticks. "Yur' starting to out cook me, Dear. Tastes just like yur' fathers." She exclaimed, reaching across the small table to pat Ukai's hand gently.

So she could be nice to him.

He shrugged, nudging at his pack of cigarettes that he laid there not knowing how much they would torment him as he sat with the two women that were most influencing his mood at the moment. His fingers twitched as he fiddled with the box, his eyes squinting with that familiar irritation I so often saw.

"Thanks." He muttered, the rough underlying urge to smoke flourishing a deep rumbling throughout the elbows I had rested on the table.

His mother smiled," Is Shimada doing well?" The small talk didn't help the impalpable mood her son seemed to be in due to my presence. "Oh! I suppose I could've asked Tenshi that." She turned to me. "Yur' close with that boy too, right?"

She motioned for me to pass the green onion as I began to speak. "I wouldn't call him a boy but yes." I grinned and dismissed the hand that reached for the small pieces of garnish so I could sprinkle it onto her egg myself. "There's no Shimada without Takinoue. I'm sure we all know that by now." I laughed.

"It still is a wonder how ya got wrapped up with those rascals. I've known them boys since their highschool days." She shook her head. "Takinoue's a big bragger so it's weird he never mention ya."

Now that I think about it, how we started off wasn't how a normal friendship would start off.

He found out the most about me than anyone ever has within the first day that I knew him and it was all because I desperately wanted to play volleyball. Though with Takinoue's stupidly perceptive eye, he automatically knew to ask about problems other than my knee.

Of course, I never went into detail about it but even still. Takinoue knows the most about me. 

A year on and off the court, dinners at Shimada Mart, scolding Mori for being mean to me, yelling at Uchizawa for never showing up to practice unless Old Coach Ukai was there, rare days when he'd sit me down to see if I could talk any further about myself.

It was all mine and Takinoue's.

That night Takinoue had walked me home after my official recruitment to the team popped into my head. The way he had held me and tried to tell me that he loved me all because he wasn't going to be my teammate anymore was still a heavy burden to carry. 

We had become each other's rock without even knowing it. We had laughed the hardest around one another and there was nothing that could replace that.

Takinoue probably just wanted to keep it for himself. 

That youthful happiness he squeeze out of our time together. That satisfaction of teaching me how to hide my serving attacks. 

And I absolutely couldn't blame him. I'd like to keep that too.

"He's a forgetful person." I murmured finally.

Hina continued to talk about my friends, some things bad, some things good, but all very happily and lovingly. It looked like they had grown apart of her as well.

Those numbskulls had a knack for that. 

The last spirals of dark, dying rays of sun, dipped behind the building in front of the Sakanoshita Market leaving just the three of us in the warm ambiance of the pale lighting of fan above us and the tasty aroma of the meal Ukai cooked. 

It all would've been nice to if it wasn't for the pack of cigarettes. They were an eyesore, distantly reminding me of all the times Ukai had taunted me with them during our arguments. Blowing his smoke every which way so when he finally blew it in my face it would set another bar of my anger. 

Moreover, the drumming of his fingers on the red and white pattern of the miniature box was driving me insane. It was an indirect sneer at me; snapping at me with insensitive teeth that he didn't want me here and didn't look forward to anything further than seeing me at practice.

I mean, I could've taken the hint when he started using Takeda as his mail boy but I ignored it because I wanted nothing more than to talk to him. I wanted to find comfort in him after foolishly kissing Daichi no matter how wrong it might've been.

Unlike Daichi, I had been sure of my feelings of affection for Ukai and perhaps that was naive of me but he couldn't let me go after allowing me to feel his cool, soothing touch. It drove all parts of despair from my mind and reposed me and I had a feeling that he didn't exactly know that. 

He was gone before I could thank him; to show that I was, without a doubt, knowledgeable of how much he had helped that night. That even despite my wrong doings he had put it all behind him just make sure I was okay. 

There were things that went on around me that were so foolishly teenager-like, Nakashima being one of those foolish things, but Ukai seemed to be the base of it all. He saved me from the torture of having to adjust to kids around me, reassuring me that I could have an adult conversation and settle things the way they should be settled. Though, through recent times he hasn't shown me that and it was beginning to interfere with my need to smooth things over and explain to him whatever I needed to.

So, hearing the fiddling of his fingers pad away at his habit with glossed over eyes that needled into my bowed head, completely unappraising to how our last interaction had gone was ticking me off. 

My hand shot out, ignoring my restraint, and landed on his across the table. "Please, stop doing that." I muttered, the dropping of my chopsticks sounding with a sharp clang onto my dining set. 

Ukai paused, his eyes zeroing in on where we were connected, seemingly calm regardless of the way he had spoken of me. The dark panel of the room starkly expanded the withheld look he was giving, agreeing more with him than it was me. 

Hina's babbling stopped and she stared at the two of us, examining the way my face was twisted into a grimace and she stood up. "Here, I'll go clean up." She said, squeezing underneath my stretched arm to get my dishes as well as Ukai's. "You two get ready to go. Closing up shop early sounds good, yeah?" She teetered for a moment when we didn't respond and then disappeared into the kitchen. 

I watched Ukai watch me, obviously glimpsing for what I would do next but I was still recovering from his antagonizing tapping. 

His lip curled, "What do you think you're doing coming here?" He asked lowly; coldly.

Did he need to start off that way? Fucking jerk.

I sighed and pulled away, rubbing off the cool of his skin from my hand. "I just wanted to talk," I whispered. "But I see you're not open to that so now I don't really know and Hina- I mean- your mother wanted some help so I stayed." I glared at the cigarettes again and then looked away.

He followed my movements carefully, his optics caressing the way I was starting to hug my self, scratching at my collarbone. "I thought you'd figure out that I need time." He swallowed, the knot in his throat, bobbing and he mimicked my action by casting his gaze away.

I felt my cheek spasm," You've could've told me that." I breathed, annoyed. "And you could've had a cigarette before we ate." I added and slid a finger across the table, pointing at the pack. "It wouldn't have been a big deal."

I wasn't sure why but his stare was beginning to feel prudent and heavy, the absence of his mother strongly impacting the way the air swirled between the two of us. 

It had been semi-awkward before but now every breath that I might have had was gone. Again, there's no way that he could just not know the way he came off.

"My mom doesn't like it when I smell like smoke before dinner." He replied and sunk his pinkie into his mug of over-creamed tea, stirring around the coils of brown and caramel. "Was it that obvious?"

I bowed my head again, hiding my scowl. "Yes," I laid another nail across my collarbone. "Though, I'd really like if you'd just tell me what's wrong. I wouldn't say it's a strong suit of mine to have my coach craving a cigarette each time he sees me." 

This made him let out a breathy laugh, one without humor. " Not everything is about you, Brownie Scout." He heedfully opened the small box, easing a stick out of it. "If you knew half of what I've been doing for you though, you'd be dallying on home with a shut mouth." He said and then popped it onto his lips.

I rolled my eyes and leaned back into my chair, heaving an unconvinced sigh. "You say stuff like that but won't explain further. If anything my questions are warranted." I shot, twisting a lock of my boring hair between my fingers. 

Ukai stood as he flicked his lighter in front of his face, cupping the flame. A puff of vapor shooting up past his hand, signaling the life of the cigarette. "You finally understand how I feel then. That's good." He was dripping with sarcasm but it was true. He was retaliating my vague character with patronizing quips but it didn't justify him doing it on purpose as I hadn't. 

He observed me, the dark abyss of his eyes dragging me with him as he wavered in front of me. "You wanted to talk, right?" He asked without really looking for an answer. " You do the talking. I'll walk you home and then," Then his gaze fell to my knee, which was covered by the comfort of my sweats. "You listen to what I have to say, need you forget you promised me answers."

It was happening again. The repetition of promises. How little we would get into conversations and arguments before we were interrupted by some natural matter or even distracted by the presence of the other.

It has grown tiring. So it was necessary to prepare for that now while I can before we progressed into this walk home. 

I didn't respond to him and retreated to the kitchen where Hina was. Might as well let him finish his smoke. 

I stepped through the paint chipped doorway behind the counter, pushing aside a privacy curtain to reveal Ukai's mother humming as she washed dishes. 

She looked up upon my arrival, a wisp of gray hair fluttering around her, what seemed to be, hazel eyes. Hina was very pretty and Ukai seemed to get his side profile from her. 

I could see where they were similar when he was washed over with sunlight, radiating his pointed jaw and bronze cheekbones.

But where he needed the light to be seen that way, his mother didn't and it was rather beautiful that she had that natural sharpness.

I looked to her busied hands and frowned," Why aren't you wearing gloves? You'll catch a cold." I lightly criticized and moved forward to snag a pair from the cubby beneath the sink. 

Hina rolled her eyes," I've been working here since I was sixteen." She huffed and shook off my gesture. "A small little cold is nothing compared to this old immune system, Dear." She looked at me, her playfulness easing. "He still upset? How'd it go?" 

The clanging of pans drowned out any fear that he might hear us but I stilled crouched down to her level. "Being patient is difficult." I whispered to which she laughed.

"Then just go for it." She giggled. "If I know my son like I think I do then he'll just have something smart to say." She ran her delicately aged hands over the silver of a pan, smoothing bubbles off the surface. Then, she slid me a rather pointed look. "But it's not up to me how ya handle him after that. I'm not some advice cupid. Yur' relationship, yur' problem. I've given ya enough Intel so won't ya just let the boy walk ya home? No need to make a fuss." The grumpiness and sternness Old Coach Ukai told me about seemed to be shining through and I could see why he appreciated it. One of us needed to have it and it wasn't gonna be me.

I sighed and laid the gloves I had tried to offer her on the counter next to her which was sporting plenty more dirty dishes. "Fine." I grumbled stubbornly, paying her a childish pout and then turned to leave the stuffy room. "I'll come by soon if Ukai doesn't exile me to the farthest parts of Japan after this." 

Hina laughed once more and pulled one of her soapy hands from the sink, flicking the molecules of water at me. "Don't start becoming an old lady's friend." She said with a grin. "It really shows who ya are."

I smiled and nodded, almost sad to leave her side. She had shown me the sweetest hospitality today and if anything being her friend would be something good.

I left the room quietly and wandered outside the shop, passing the metal shelves that held quick on the go treats and small packs of first aid kits and today's newspapers. 

Ukai was leaned onto the post of the store doors, handily propping his nearly consumed death stick between his pointer and middle finger, ashes falling in unpredictable patterns to the concrete porch. He didn't look welcoming when he spotted me hesitantly leaving his work place, my expression wavering, afraid to set off the bomb he had tucked inside of his chest.

He blew a sport of fumes from the corner of his lips making a strand of his bleached hair flutter against his tanned temple, ignoring the coils as they hooked past his face, his eyes trained on his habit. Though, with the slightest decency, he slid me a look.

"You can walk and talk, right?" He said at last, remnants of the drag he took before I came out hovering through his teeth as he spoke.

I stared at his mouth," I think so." I murmured.

The way he was able to aimlessly ruin the ominous night air with his smoke was something that disgusted me and captivated me at the same time. As if he knew that if it was anyone else with a burning tab, it just wouldn't look as intimidating or humbling and it was dangerous to think so.

He nodded at my dazed reply, a curt, brief nod, signaling his blaze stature. 

I tore my gaze away from him and started my walk toward the road, my mind running blank on words. "I'm not really sure where to begin." I said, hoping that he was following me.

But his confirmation came with a ring of smoke, floating past my hair on either side just behind me. "Wherever you're comfortable." He responded blandly and moved to my side, not granting me a glance as he did.

"Oh," I shivered, brushing off the exhaust. "Okay, then." I ran a cracked nail over my palm, searching for the rant I had been preparing for what felt like a week. The encouragement Old Coach Ukai and Hina had given me, fell into pieces in the back of my mind; completely useless. 

There was time when I knew that any inspiration bestowed upon me to do what I wanted would fall through no matter what; but since I had met Ukai my intuition had started to fail me. I've been beginning to hope everything presented to me would work and I would yearn for it only to be disappointed in the end. Just like I might have before I joined the Neighborhood Association. 

Yet, Ukai's nice words contrasted his grumpy, withheld character and cast aside all that I had grown accustomed to, frustrating and demeaning me; showing that I was so beneath his authority that any attempt at redemption would utterly crush me when it meant the most. And that in itself would determine what would happen next.

That Ukai would be the main benefactor of our outcome, not me. 

It just confused me that he was willing to take that on.

So, I said the only thing that could possibly matter. What could possibly be the attack that put me on the winning side. "I'm sorry." I whispered. 

I saw him glimpse at me past the cascade of my subsided brown hair but only for a second before I continued. "I've been weak and though my admitting that won't make up for how things have been for you, I hope that you know I mean that." I trained my eyes on the houses we passed, houses that I knew from years of memorizing nonchalantly. "From the moment that I pushed you away on that street I've known that nothing will justify how I react to you." Beds of flowers littered the yards, allowing me the sweetest view of them past their patterned gates. " That night," I breathed, you weren't supposed to see that. "You weren't supposed to see that."

He didn't respond, causing me to meekly smile.

A languid stroke of smoke winded against the breeze as he transitioned into another cigarette. "But I'm glad you did," I admitted, ignoring the persistent rush of embarrassment that ran up the side of my neck. "And to take what you said, I'm selfish for that." A huff of unsmiling air sifted from my clenched teeth. " But you should know that I couldn't have imagined it'd be anyone else."

The gravel passed underneath me sickeningly slow, the pace of our walk more resembling a wander without direction than one with a destination and I frowned.

Even though he had said that I was doing the talking it felt like I was just speaking to myself, like he just happened to be here but wasn't taking anything from it. It worried me.

My confession was straining the pride I had left and he was treating it as though it wasn't.

My glare fell down to his cigarette absentmindedly, "I've been trying to weed out the bad in you and used every excuse I had not to trust you for the longest time. I thought it was the only way since I already had Takinoue and Shimada but because I was doing that, I was blind to what Naki was doing." My mind traced the outline of his face, unable to focus on a feature that I might've been charmed by and it disgusted me. "He was kind to me for years and was the basis for how I stand as a volleyball player." I could remember how his hands felt on mine. "My blocks, my receives. They're all thanks to Naki-"

"Stop calling him that," Ukai cut sharply; callously. He examined my shocked stare. "You can make me the bad guy but don't give people something that they haven't earned. It's rash and becomes meaningless." He finalized, whisking his dark eyes away. 

Another flit of ash fell, " Then you should know all about that then," I stammered, bothered by his annoyed claim. " I had no right to think of you that way but you're still here allowing me to explain myself." Why was the only thing keeping me sane the cigarette? " What I'm saying is that I appreciate what you did but you should've let-"

"What are you about to say?" Ukai placed his tab between his lips, crossing his arms over his chest, "That I should've let it happen?" He snapped. " I give you all the time in the world but you still come up with the wrong conclusions. Where does all that thinking you have so much of during practice games go? How could you _say_ that?"

Here it was. He's going to say that I'm a foolish child and then let me go.

_Don't let me go._

Fear seeped unconsolidated up the center of my spine, "But it's true!" I blurted, careening every detail of his cancer stick into my brain. The uneven wrinkles of tobacco poking the paper, the line that signaled the end of the blissful ride, the crackle of searing crop that glowed freely with its vapor. "I've been forcing you into place of caring for me and- and you don't need to! Everything happened because I'm good for nothing else." I shoved my shaking hands into my pockets. "I give you the serves you need, the skills but then I asked for more and that was stupid." My will to justify his help was intangible and it was making my chest jump with a frenzied hurry. 

Ukai stopped walking and he turned to me, pinching his death stick between two fingers enough to make it snap. "I didn't do it so you could appreciate me, Tenshi." His expression was unreadable as he spoke lowly. "And if you say that again, I swear to you, you won't be playing again until you feel no pain in that knee whatsoever." He stepped forward. "You'll also find that deciding what place I have in your life is one of your biggest mistakes." The suffocation of vapor was being to reign its own hell medially. "And I'll say _once more,_ that I care about you, considering you were too distracted having your hand down my shirt to listen." 

My eyes widened and I wobbled. What? 

What?

"What are you talking about?" I choked.

None of this was making sense. 

Then what was he upset about? Was I just focusing on the wrong problem?

His eyes drifted to the gasper whose only duty was to be inhaled and then he flicked back to me. "You've been staring at this the whole time." He said, dismissing me. "Do not like it?" He twirled it with his bronze fingers and held it up, eyebrows raised questioningly.

I blinked with parted lips," What-what? Ukai you just-"

"I _asked_ ," He interrupted. "If you like it or not."

I'm so confused.

"I-" My heartbeat was beginning to betray me. "I guess so. I don't know." I sputtered, completely foreign to the change of subject. 

He hummed and glanced at me, "Come here," He commanded, beckoning me with a quick finger to which I hesitantly fulfilled, stepping forward into his body warmth. 

I shuddered, staring up at him. "I don't understand," I whispered. "You told me to talk. I was trying to tell you what you wanted. Why are you doing this?" 

He shook a piece of his hair out of his face, listening to me unabashed, his earrings glinting in the fallen sunlight. "I heard you loud and clear, Little Crow, but it turns out we were on two different mindsets." He replied, his throat still singing with annoyance. "That's why I did that. To get this thing thinking." He reached up and slid a free finger down my temple, tapping it lightly. "Although, it is true."

I breathed in the smog, following his hand with a flutter of my lashes. "What is?" I sighed.

I didn't want to fall victim to his dismissal nor did I want to give in to his odd ways of telling me what was on his mind but he knew, _he knew_ , that I wouldn't push him away.

If it wasn't my feelings he was aware of, it was my desperation to set things right. He just had his own way of doing it.

"That I care about you." He said. "Also you being distracted with your hands in my shirt." He brought the cigarette to his optics, staring past it at me. "But I'm afraid I might be the only one who remembers that. Unless you're choosing to ignore it." He pulled away. "You see, my problem isn't you not deserving me." He murmured, watching me squint against the smoke. "It's that you focus on the wrong things when it's finally time to speak your part."

And with his pinkie, just inches away from the burning tab, he nudged away a lock of my hair which had been protecting me from the full extent of his gaze. "Part your lips." He said curtly, his finger already doing what he asked of me, pushing at the edge of my mouth.

I flinched away, my tongue watering with taste of tobacco that had found its home on the pad of it. "What are you doing?" I snapped gently and reached up to push him but he quickly caught my eyes, cocking an eyebrow. 

He didn't say anything to my question, contently observing as I pondered his command and took one more small step forward. 

Our limit of space was becoming something I couldn't disregard anymore and I did as I was told with a wavering thought. I held up a hand, my skin brushing against his clothed chest. "Not so close please." I whispered. " I can't think."

His mouth curled," I know." His quick, witty reply neglected the elemental irritation of his tone which hadn't faltered one bit since the moment he found out I was in his store; still stiff as he addressed me, still displeased that I stood so close, still seemingly on edge as he proceeded to slip the nasty little habit he had along the sensitive skin of my lip of his own free will. 

It was agonizingly comical how dysfunctional the two of us were, unable to understand what the other might be thinking. Mistaking expressions for a completely different meaning. Plowing our opinions on one another, not knowing if we are right or wrong. And it didn't matter.

It gave us the excuse to be tense and retained all the while expressing our thoughts of each other, gave us a reason to just barely touch and then bring it up later to fluster the patronizer of the situation.

So, constantly; thoroughly we shared plenty of secrets that were singular and thrilling. Slowly eliminating all examples of formality. Committing what our elders might have scolded us for, lecturing the relationship between a sensei and his student, setting things right without knowing that it would only fall apart again. 

And even though I know I shouldn't, that listening to my superior no matter what my instinct told me has gotten me here in first place; I let him hold the cigarette between my lips, staring down at me through his lashes, his breathes slow and patient as if it were too fast I would blow away.

"Have you ever tried one?" He asked roughly.

All the air I was exhaling was coming from my gut.

"No."

He pinched the orange part of the paper, "Hmm," He responded absently. "It'll sting." The fingers that weren't touching the gasper lightly pressed against my chin. "Go on." He finally commanded.

My eyes fluttered, glimpsing at the crop. "I'm scared."

He squinted momentarily. "There are far more things to be scared of."

Yet he didn't know how right that was and it was almost nauseating to mule over. 

Ukai held my dazed eyes, expectantly examining as my lips just barely wrapped around the tab. The steady breathing pattern he had been practicing fell behind with several steps between him and the goal he had set, the only thing he could focus on being the way I inhaled.

My throat caught against the sharp bitterness of the tobacco and my eyes began to water, trying as hard as I could to keep from coughing. The feeling was way different from smoking weed. A hit off of a blunt coated the esophagus and layered repetitively until you drank enough water to clear it but this; this slid almost silkily down my throat, harshly stabbing at my airway along the way. 

The fumes circulated my lungs, swirling and hooking in all the places it might not have reached when it entered and my chest began to fill with inescapable warmth, almost to the point where it burned.

It closely resembled Daichi's fevered temperature and it found it's way inside of me, kicking at me with its leaf scent and it made me whip my head away from his hand quickly but as if he had expected it; Ukai tugged me back by my shirt.

"Don't let it out." He demanded causing me to freeze and stare up at him hurriedly. "Not until I say so." He held the collar of my shirt, his knuckles tickling my neck and he watched my eyes blur from the humane need for air. "Burns, doesn't it? After awhile you can barely tell if you even inhaled the smoke but recently I've been doing it _so_ much. Do you wanna know why?"

Of course I couldn't answer so he gave me a measly nod, granting me the pass to get rid of the potent air I had been storing and I tossed my chin over my shoulder, my whole body wracking with a few hefty coughs.

I looked at him out of the corners of my teary eyes, my eyebrows furrowed and my face hot. "Tell me." I breathlessly gasped.

There was no point in asking why this was the way he wanted to resolve things. There was also no point in denying that a part of me enjoyed the eccentric stimulation of it. Furthermore, encouraging my played into attitude which shoved it's way to my frontal lobe, demanding attention and it internally shattered me.

I hated that I always gave in to these things, that I never spoke up for myself like a strong woman should, that yet again I have let a man take control of me with tickles of joy making it seem like it was okay. But it wasn't. It wouldn't be. It couldn't be. It won't be.

And unceasing, I proceeded.

Ukai waited until I faced him again, his face stout and expressionless and the hook of his lips was small. But still there. "It's because I can't stop thinking about what you said." He muttered and searched through my eyes for any indication that I might know what he was talking about but to his dismay; I didn't. 

His mouth was on the verge of a snarl as he spoke again. "'Even though you had me right there on your bed with your hands on my legs.' I think were your exact words. Funny enough you don't remember but the fact that you're deliberately excluding it from what you should be apologizing for is beyond me. Must I tell you again that you're a terrible liar." 

I looked around. Most of the lights that filled the windows of the houses were mere candles meant to console the mind as sleep swept in and sent you into a flurry of dreams. Even the usual ruckus of dogs that barked at nothing throughout the day as I walked to and from school were quiet, snoozing happily despite my heavy despair. One of the porch lamps flickered with a tenacious sequence, yawning and then falling out only to awaken again and it could only occupy me for a moment.

And rather outspoken and astonished, my voice cracked and explained that it wasn't my ignoring it but preferably my thoughts of his not caring. 

I wasn't a monster for it. I never thought that he could focus on such a thing or bring it up at all.

"But you remember?" He insisted and adjusted to my height accordingly, making me shrink from the heat of his stare. 

"Of course I do."

"And?"

I offered a wan smile although it felt like my mouth hadn't moved at all. "I think about it just as much as you do."

He regarded me for a moment then his fingers licked up my neck to grasp my chin and pressed the cigarette gently between my lips one last time. "This time," He said. "Savor it and wait for me, okay?" His agitated tone was slowly slipping away as I glossily jutted my lip out, taking more of the bitter stick onto the tip of my tongue for balance. 

He watched me do that with a stare of contentment. "You listen carelessly." He muttered and tilted his head. "If anyone had met you before I did, they'd eat you up."

Someone did.

And I'm sorry they did.

I squeezed my eyes shut to push against the truth and took a drag. This time it wasn't so angry on my throat and slid luxuriously down into my lungs but I stilled couldn't seem to enjoy like he had requested. It just made me realize how wholly he needed a distraction so many times a day and made me wonder, other than me, what made him want to stop and pull one out. 

I let the cigarette fall from my mouth and I held the smoke and my heart beat protested in opposition to it but I continued to wait.

Ukai dropped the tab despite how much more could've been consumed and he watched me, dancing around my reaction, drinking in my exasperation and my clouded spectacles.

"Good," His response was dazed and satisfied. "That's good." He repeated. 

His deep guttural modulation made me fidget and squeeze my legs together in temptation. 

He can't do this to me. Not right now. I can't handle it. 

Then he thumbed my lip open, lulled his head back with a sigh and huffed. "Go on." He permitted, his finger serving as a part when I exhaled meetingly.

I blinked rapidly and rushes of air left my nose exuberantly and I waited for him to say something. Something to dull this excitement that engulfed me so suddenly. 

"Ukai-"

"I think I deserve more than that." 

I swallowed heavily and looked to my feet. "Keishin." I tried again softly. 

"Yes."

There was an odd slang of his tone like he had learned the affects of his authority through the scolding and profuse hounding he earned from his grandfather. It didn't match the jauntiness of his mother and the lank like sweetness she seemed to own no matter what but it suited him so well it was hard to believe that it was me he decided to let run his mind into a rut. 

He was strong and so put into a presence that he could drown me and it enraptured me so greatly that I never wanted to be away from him, no less have a problem with him. 

His hands were cold but his body; his body was so warm and enthralling, holding home to his lean corded muscle and scars that had developed over the years, shaping and making him who he was. 

He as himself was seducing and there was nothing left in me to push it away. 

I had mastered opposing my sick will but as he poked and prodded my everyday life with the requirement of seeing me everyday for practice; I found myself becoming his without my own choice. 

I didn't know if there was room for Daichi and I wasn't sure if what we had was true but I knew that it was with Ukai, or Keishin as my heart told me to call him but there are later times to figure that out.

There's my procrastination popping in again. 

"I'll play for you." I finally stated. "My serve is yours for whatever you choose to do with it. I'll be your secret attack. I don't care," The tobacco tang on my tongue lingered deliciously. "But what I have is yours."

And it was. Whole-fully and thoroughly.

Keishin's lips parted at my insistence and he glinted with interest. "I'm gonna hold you to that, Little Crow." He replied almost lustfully.

Then he regarded me one more time, my hair, my eyes, my lips, and my wrinkled collar flourishedly pleased. "Now let's get you home. I'm training you hard tomorrow with that promise."

Finally, a healthy promise.

"Okay." I breathed. 

A barely there smile found his mouth fondly for a moment and then he turned, glancing over his shoulder at me as he started to walk. 

I took in a deep, much needed sift of air and moved forward but not of my own accord. It just felt natural seeing his back and having the need to follow.

I suppose that's what I get for hopelessly looking forward to his attendance.

****

A single light from the upstairs floor of my house shined dimly through meek curtains signaling my mother's arrival and soon departure into sleep.

It's been awhile since she's been home before twelve. I'm glad she'll be able to get enough rest tonight. 

I smiled softly and twisted back to Keishin who had been silently guiding me to my home, his pack of cigarettes tucked into his pocket; untouched. 

I looked at his shaggy hair, "You ever think of doing a different hairstyle?" I asked jokingly, teetering from foot to foot, not very willing to part from him yet. 

He furrowed his eyebrows and reached up to pinch a lock. "I never really thought of it, why?" He inquired. 

Shrugging, I laughed. "I think you should try something else out." I eyed the black headband that always held his hair so securely. "As good as you look with that thing on, right?"

Keishin caught his lip between his teeth with a smile. "Oh yeah?" He said. "Maybe."

Next he tucked his hands into his sweat pockets, nodding toward the door. "Get going, Kid." His smirk lasting. "It would be a shame if you didn't come in tomorrow morning bright eyed and bushy tailed."

I squinted and turned away just as he had on the way here. "Get home safe, Keishin."

At that, he tilted his head understandingly," Don't worry about it."

My hand was on the knob of my door and I shook my head, grinning. "I won't."

~~~~~~

I'm so sorrryyyyyyyyyyy for taking so longgggg forgive meeeeeeee.

Anyway enjoy!!! Vote and comment as you like!


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